Everybody seems to be looking at this from the usual abroad-vs-naija perspective.

I'm sure this situation plays itself out in some similar way among Nigerians abroad. It seems the Nigerian community overseas is stratified in much the same way that it is back home; people who are doing all right generally avoid people who aren't.

At least that is how I see it back here: These days, I stay away from family and friends who aren't doing so well. Yeah, color me bad. But most Nigerians at home who are doing okay do the same, and nobody can blame them. Problem is, your peeps always seem to need big money, and they always expect you to come good every time. Their problems and issues never end, it is either school fees today, wedding tomorrow, I wanna travel out next week, and all of that.

You always have that nagging feeling that, should the tables turn for any reason, you'll be pretty much on your own. So, to my guys abroad and the OP, I feel you jare.

@hbrednic,   There are 2 cues in life, the givers cue ( very short) and the receivers cue (very long), i enjoy being in the former, although both are blessed, but the receivers have no promise unlike the givers. My brother, God loves a cheerful giver. Most times we give because of God. Don't you forget that.

ordained:


@hbrednic,   There are 2 cues in life, the givers cue ( very short) and the receivers cue (very long), i enjoy being in the former, although both are blessed, but the receivers have no promise unlike the givers. My brother, God loves a cheerful giver. Most times we give because of God. Don't you forget that.

Dude, let the receivers give a little as well.
Why are Africans always so gaddem needy?

@Ajalenkoko, they will when they must have been raised,

^^

The problem is that they think as soon as you leave Nigeria and go abroad, there is a big tree full of money where you can just go and take as much as you can, they don't know its not easy for us abroad too, you know how difficult it is for Nigerians abroad so you just have to learn how to say NO to people who deserve NO and YES to those who deserve YES

l m tired of readin long thread 4rm ppl, but d little advise i hv 4 u guys over there is dat:::::::::::::::: firstly, reveal ur true self 2 them.Secondly accept problems, but pick some ugent once u can confortably solve more xpecially immidiate family once bearly in mind the following: 1 u was once witin dat settin and a part of it. 2 although we dont pray 4 tragedy, but sometimes it do happen and back home here is d only place that can not reject us.

What a very nice topic here. To the author of this topic, let me assure you that you're not the only one experiencing this. 99.9% of those of us abroad experience this on a daily basis. It is so bad that even when i don't have a car of my own in Nigeria, a friend ask me to support him with =N=300,000 to buy a tokunbo car. Another one demanded for a laptop while there are countless of those who requested for money of different sum. The fact is this, many of this dudes asking us for money are even better of at home than we are. For you to know this, you have to go home on vacation and you'll be surprise that while you're still struggling to make ends meet, most of these guys are nearly completing their building project. The belief is that you pick money on street abroad and they're justified to make demands on you. I tell most of them that care to listen that they should do away with the misconception that those abroad are living a life of affluent and consequently they should live their lives like father Xmas. What i do is to do the little i can do when the request seems to be a genuine one and to ignore request when i perceive it to be frivolous. To make things worst, those who are even your family members don't belief you when you tell them the real situation. All they let you realize is how chubby your cheeks are, different from how it was before you left Nigeria. To those who doesn't know how to say no to those friends and relatives, don't be surprise that those same people will make jest of you when you return home with nothing to show for your years abroad. Get wise and plan for your life. Let them abuse and call you names today. They will be the same people who will praise you when you complete that building project of yours.

One has to be careful not to be counting years upon years of been in abroad without anything.

I believe that if you can help those that are close to you and let others people know that things are hard. Why should I send money back to Nigeria so that someone can build there personal house when I am over here struggling to pay my mortgage. I do not think it is right. I may be wrong thou.

Happy Easter to all

We should remember that what ever we have today is to give those who need it most, because the bible says we should work with our hands so we might have to give.
So you see here that you working today is to give and when you give you just helping your own self and not the receivers, so my brother give when you have to give
and say NO when you dont have to give.

True TALK, GIVERS NEVER LACKS

Every month someone comes up with this type of lamentation thread! Blah, blah, blah!!

Are you at gunpoint to provide money?

Ezekiel04:

What a very nice topic here. To the author of this topic, let me assure you that you're not the only one experiencing this. 99.9% of those of us abroad experience this on a daily basis. It is so bad that even when i don't have a car of my own in Nigeria, a friend ask me to support him with =N=300,000 to buy a tokunbo car. Another one demanded for a laptop while there are countless of those who requested for money of different sum. The fact is this, many of this dudes asking us for money are even better of at home than we are. For you to know this, you have to go home on vacation and you'll be surprise that while you're still struggling to make ends meet, most of these guys are nearly completing their building project. The belief is that you pick money on street abroad and they're justified to make demands on you. I tell most of them that care to listen that they should do away with the misconception that those abroad are living a life of affluent and consequently they should live their lives like father Xmas. What i do is to do the little i can do when the request seems to be a genuine one and to ignore request when i perceive it to be frivolous. To make things worst, those who are even your family members don't belief you when you tell them the real situation. All they let you realize is how chubby your cheeks are, different from how it was before you left Nigeria. To those who doesn't know how to say no to those friends and relatives, don't be surprise that those same people will make jest of you when you return home with nothing to show for your years abroad. Get wise and plan for your life. Let them abuse and call you names today. They will be the same people who will praise you when you complete that building project of yours.

Word man! I went to Naija last Christmas and saw how some of them are living, yet they still demand from you - GREED.
I consider my immediate family as been the most important, anyone outside takes second place.

Y'all are talking about people asking for money back home, How about some of us that people over here still demand money from us and pass silly comments? Just because we got good jobs?

I have since learn't how to dodge tactfully without offending anyone, life is challenging for everybody, only the wearer knows where the shoe pinches and these London streets ain't paved with Gold.

Basildon1:

Every month someone comes up with this type of lamentation thread! Blah, blah, blah!!

Are you at gunpoint to provide money?

Shallap, it's therapeutic especially for JJCs

Dis Guy:


Shallap, it's therapeutic especially for JJCs

LOL. fully noted!

>>@OP, Kia, this your thread na wa, lol its not easy, dem say who no go nor know.
Right now i'm thinkinq of making more money here instead of sending money to naija.

Life Abroad is not easy compare to life back home, think about it all Nigerian living in Nigeria.
if you think its easy then TRAVEL AND SEE!!

Friends & families are like fudge,  mostly sweet with a few nuts!!

I remember growing up, Uncles, Aunts usually turn up very early in the morning for this same purpose, so it does not matter how far you live from them, they will always knock on your door as long as you are the most blessed amongst them!!

Its up to you to balance the Yes, No & I need more time!!

What does one do about little cousins and relatives who keep coming to you with requests? Turn them down and look like a meanie or give in and hurt your wallet?

Bawss1:

What does one do about little cousins and relatives who keep coming to you with requests? Turn them down and look like a meanie or give in and hurt your wallet?

Tell them to go ask their parents

I agree with significant numbers of responses which is about sensible giving.
1. Dont give/promise what you dont have
2. Give/make pledges to those that are really [hands on heart] in need.

After all lean on me no be kill me o.

Dont be mr nice, being nice keep you down if not done carefully. prepare for food u eat today and how u make sure your generaltions to never suffer anymore plan for the future.,\

To the OP you being surrounded by opputunists.I live abroad also but i rarely get bothered for money by my family members back home.Maybe its because our family is much educated.

Its soo true but i dnt think nigerians are stingy, Its all in the mindset. Everyone thinks that when a nigerian from nigeria leaves to live abroad that things are very bright on their side!! However what they dont know is that even though we look well to do its at a very annoying price!! I dnt knw about other countries but here in america all we do is work work work and never rest!!! Money no dey!!! I got so mad when one of my friends from the village asked me to pay for her school fees i was like first of all im only 18 and secondly if i pay for you school fee who will pay for mine!!!

Try and lift members of the family either 2 or there about be bold to say either YES nor NO u cant pls everyone
U can change ur contact that will reduce people reaching

yea na only God fe save us o, people back in Nigeria will thought there is tree where you block money in uk, and want you to send them 1 million n in a month after you travelled

*Yawn*

> Abroad Suck, Go Abroad Wen u gat handwork & be focus, cuz dat road is dangerous, and nt for children, So dont go cuz people are going, (hòme sweet home naija!) OMG, i love dis place.

My own case is even worse. I was working in a top company before leaving Naija and was already using a nice Jeep.I left on a negotiated 5yrs study leave because I really needed to get a PhD.People erroneously thought I was still the Bayoooooooooooo that get all the six figures and the demand on me was just unreasonable. In three months, I end up sending over $3200 and I discovered a huge hole in my wallet.

I cut off all my online presence. I don't have Facebook and Twitter accounts.

I have three emails and only give out my real email to the guys in middle class status who are conversant with happenings in US itself. Even at that I have an Auto response specifically configured for some notorious contacts that I promise to reply your mail in less than a week if we have not discussed such an issue before. My voicemail message is in Spanish that made them wondered if I have changed my number.

Then I get an ambitious project in Nigeria that really keep my finances focused and give it a deserved priority.

Bottom line, most of their stories of wretchedness are true. These are dudes we grew up together and at times you really feel for them and deny yourselves of basic necessities to make them happy. But a line has to be drawn otherwise, you ll just live your life for others.

^^^^^Are you single ?

obowunmi:

^^^^^Are you single ?

Yes, my love.

Where are you based?