"Who was that?" He asked.

"Oh! Him? Just an old friend", she replied.

"An old friend? Hmm!!!...old friend indeed". He continued.

"Funny how your old friend looks at you and touches you, don't you think?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Oh! Nothing just curious that's all".

"Here we go again, everytime you..."



Typical conversation with couples having trust issues. Trust, let's look at the basic meaning of the word first shall we?

1. To believe that you can depend on someone to do something, or that something is right:

Trusting somebody with something (i.e allow someone to look after or deal with someone, because you think you can depend on them). For example - Can I trust her with my secret? I'm not sure if I trust his judgement.


2. I trust (that) spoken formal used to say that you hope something is true:

For example - I trust him, he can't disappoint me. To believe that you can depend on someone.



3. To believe that someone is honest and will not lie to you or harm you. For example - Fiona is the love of my life, I trust her completely...but...

Are we capable of completely trusting anyone else apart from ourselves?

The reason why most people run into problems in a relationship is because they forget to adjust their settings from the "just me" to the "you and i"
It's so much easier when it's just you because you trust yourself and believe in yourself enough to want good things for yourself and you generally do stuff that are in your best interest, it's natural as long as you love yourself. But can you believe in others without actively trying to?

The mistake we normally make going into a relationship is we fail to understand that we need to put in some effort into trusting others as the deceptive notion that once you love someone, you automatically trust them as well, it's this idea mistake that usually gets most couples into trouble along the way when different circumstances and situations begin to test that supposed "TRUST".

The thing is, relationship are usually required to give some sense of security, security that isn't bothered about when it's just you but once your tango partner spills into the mix, it becomes paramount and there are certain things you need your partner to do to keep you feeling secure. This is not a bad thing to want but the mistake we all usually make is that we forget to prepare and give allowances for situations in which your partner fails to meet these needs because human beings will always be human beings; and hence, prone to making mistakes, mistakes that may be as a result of their own shortcomings or sometimes, due to circumstances they feel are beyond their control.

LOVE and TRUST are two very different concepts and as such should be addressed separately, and loving someone does not make it easier for you to trust them; if anything, it makes it harder because you end up expecting so such from them.

I could carry on about the causes of distrust in a relationship for a while but I suspect we all know them and have mostly likely experienced them from being in such situations before, so I'm going to dispatch some free advice.

*Find a friend. Get to know them. Give them the benefit of doubt from time to time. That's what your love for them should guarantee, a benefit of doubt. This way, the two of you can grow at a steady rate TOGETHER and as TIME passes, you'd learn to trust your partner true and through.