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One Week To My Wedding, I'm Lost - Family - Nairaland

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One Week To My Wedding, I'm Lost by CSoul(f): 6:29am On May 02
(Created this new account to post for a sister)



Please help advice a sister in confusion.....


Background:


"I reconnected with my old school toaster who always spoke marriage and love.
Got serious in 5 months.
I've met a lot of people from his end within this period.
He shows me off.
Introduction was done and wedding date fixed."

Issues:
Traditional is barely a week away; yet she's bleeding and scared of the future because of her discoveries:

1. The husband to be has anger issues. Ok, he's all nice and good when in good mood. But once something triggers him, all hell is let loose. The trigger can be a simple missing his call(while at work/meeting). No amount of sweet talk or explanations calms him down.

2. The shocker is that he cheats/has a fuckmate living nearby. She discovered this with evidence from their chats and hasn't been herself. The chat is detailed description of their exploits right up to the present and future plans how they'll continue after he's married. (From same chat, the other lady is aware he's getting married.
He tried denying it; when it didn't work he started making excuses/begging he'll change.

3. He doesn't want any third party intervention in their affairs, not even counseling.

She's scared of the future and yet feels stuck as court marriage is done already, most preparations have been done(publicity and most of other physical arrangements), both for the traditional and wedding.


Kindly give your mature advice; she'll be reading every bit of it.
(Admin kindly push to front page)

26 Likes 3 Shares

Re: One Week To My Wedding, I'm Lost by Infrabetatech: 6:34am On May 02
Where is the venue?

I want to eat wedding rice

578 Likes 35 Shares

Re: One Week To My Wedding, I'm Lost by Skyfornia(m): 6:34am On May 02
If your assertion is true then it means your guy is only ready for marriage but not yet ready to settle down.

Ask yourself this question..'Am I ready for marriage or to settle down'?

If your answer is the former then I'll suggest you continue with him but if it is the latter...discard the guy intoto.

You get the point?

119 Likes 6 Shares

Re: One Week To My Wedding, I'm Lost by MejiLoyon(m): 6:45am On May 02
Drop his number and watch others snatch him away from you. Na him go say he no do again.

12 Likes 1 Share

Re: One Week To My Wedding, I'm Lost by lucky999: 6:48am On May 02
no one is perfect,
in this life we have to take a risk,

but if you take a risk and get into trouble, I take God beg you no mention my name grin

Happy married life in advance....

59 Likes 1 Share

Re: One Week To My Wedding, I'm Lost by ojun50(m): 6:50am On May 02
Go away with the marriage
.

Yr new home is blessed

6 Likes 1 Share

Re: One Week To My Wedding, I'm Lost by donbachi(m): 6:50am On May 02
Heart na bag,everybody hang him own..if dem want the wedding to take place and the marriage to work.both of them should pour out their heart now,with all sincerity of purpose and forgive.

9 Likes 1 Share

Re: One Week To My Wedding, I'm Lost by CsRockefeller(m): 6:53am On May 02
Wahala o! shocked

How we go take do am now?

3 Likes 1 Share

Re: One Week To My Wedding, I'm Lost by Ishilove: 6:54am On May 02
This one is hard o...

5 Likes

Re: One Week To My Wedding, I'm Lost by LeeSantos(m): 7:00am On May 02
This is really tough.

but I will advise you as I would to my sister..

It's not too late to call it off, for so many reasons.
but I will list some.
1. you will be deprived of enough finance to run your home. His money will be going to more women.

2. you're at risk of contacting vulnerable diseases. if he contacts HIV you won't know, because married couples don't do this test regularly after marriage.

3. You will be Derain psychologically and emotionally, thinking about so many things from how to keep your family intact, manage your husband's so he doesn't bring disgrace to the family, always thinking of the life you has always wanted.

4. There will always be regrets in you occasionally. "If I had known"

5. You life may be cut short due to his anger issues. most marital death had always being a mistake. it's the devil's work, I didn't mean to.

6 and lastly. just know you can be in a polygamous home knowingly or unknowingly. your husband can get other women pregnant,

7. it's very very hard for a man who commits adultery to change. very hard. in order for more to change there must be a negative encounter.

like a drunkard who was nearly crushed to death by a trailer, would easily quick. but even if you catch a promiscuous man In another woman's house that won't stop him.

Peace of mind is all we need to life long.

But if you think you can always fast and be prayerful. you should go ahead with the marriage, maybe one day God will answer your prayers

290 Likes 20 Shares

Re: One Week To My Wedding, I'm Lost by sisisioge: 7:09am On May 02
Scary stuff...shall we pray?

Dearest Lord, Almight Father, King of the University, Maker of our paths....please help order your daughter's steps. In Jesus Name. Amen.

Dont worry, God has been called, He will get involved.

See, most marriages in Nigeria are based on the guy/girl being obligated to get it done, not because they found soulmates they couldn't live without. That's why companionship, stability, sex and everything inbetween is rated before Love. By the time the marriage commences, there would be a dire need for a missing link which is usually a third party(side chick or side bobo) that acts as the calmer of the union. He or she fills that void that would be there because husband and wife couldn't perfectly sync. These 3rd parties then become the glue that keep the marriage going. Looks like your glue is already defined, question is....do you want to play along to keep everyone happy or you want to keep looking until you meet someone that would tick all your boxes? Sweetheart, it's one hell of a Moraforrkking decision to make. Trust me, I know.


Good luck.

48 Likes 2 Shares

Re: One Week To My Wedding, I'm Lost by SegFault: 7:28am On May 02
All this nonsense self, auntie tell your friend this.
Marriage is a union that is meant to last till death, the worst is thing is when kids come in, separation would be disastrous. Living with someone ain't easy talk more about living with someone for the rest of your life, this man is obviously terrible and is showing early signs of a catastrophic failure, she should call it off and have her peace of mind but it is all her choice after all, our choices will always be regrettable but the weight of such regrets differ and the fruits of such choices different. Living in a polygamous home I'd terrible forget ned nwoko you don't know what they face internally, you only see what people want you to see on social media.

47 Likes 4 Shares

Re: One Week To My Wedding, I'm Lost by ireneidiva(f): 7:31am On May 02
CSoul:
(Created this new account to post for a sister)



Please help advice a sister in confusion.....


Background:


"I reconnected with my old school toaster who always spoke marriage and love.
Got serious in 5 months.
I've met a lot of people from his end within this period.
He shows me off.
Introduction was done and wedding date fixed."

Issues:
Traditional is barely a week away; yet she's bleeding and scared of the future because of her discoveries:

1. The husband to be has anger issues. Ok, he's all nice and good when in good mood. But once something triggers him, all hell is let loose. The trigger can be a simple missing his call(while at work/meeting). No amount of sweet talk or explanations calms him down.

2. The shocker is that he cheats/has a fuckmate living nearby. She discovered this with evidence from their chats and hasn't been herself. The chat is detailed description of their exploits right up to the present and future plans how they'll continue after he's married. (From same chat, the other lady is aware he's getting married.
He tried denying it; when it didn't work he started making excuses/begging he'll change.

3. He doesn't want any third party intervention in their affairs, not even counseling.

She's scared of the future and yet feels stuck as court marriage is done already, most preparations have been done(publicity and most of other physical arrangements), both for the traditional and wedding.


Kindly give your mature advice; she'll be reading every bit of it.
(Admin kindly push to front page)
Too late for all this talk. I read the court wedding has taken place. She is already married. Let her carry her cross.

48 Likes 1 Share

Re: One Week To My Wedding, I'm Lost by ireneidiva(f): 7:32am On May 02
SegFault:
All this nonsense self, auntie tell your friend this.
Marriage is a union that is meant to last till death, the worst is thing is when kids come in, separation would be disastrous. Living with someone ain't easy talk more about living with someone for the rest of your life, this man is obviously terrible and is showing early signs of a catastrophic failure, she should call it off and have her peace of mind but it is all her choice after all, our choices will always be regrettable but the weight of such regrets differ and the fruits of such choices different. Living in a polygamous home I'd terrible forget ned nwoko you don't know what they face internally, you only see what people want you to see on social media.
Am I the only one that read that they already had a court wedding? Doesn't it mean she is married?

21 Likes

Re: One Week To My Wedding, I'm Lost by debbydams(f): 7:32am On May 02
Happy Sunday

1 Like

Re: One Week To My Wedding, I'm Lost by Richy4(m): 7:40am On May 02
Hmmm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

See, I like the fact that your friend wants to answer a married woman by all means throwing cautions to the wind...

But she shouldn't be selfish here...She is an African, I believe there are people that trained her that were hoping she will look after them at old age or even bury them... why did she want to exit the world before them?

But since it's her choice, and it's 21st century and we have started learning how to respect boundaries, so we respect it...I know she doesn't want third party but the third parties will be present in her burial at least I'm 100% sure of that...Since she has already wedded in court, please tell her to prepare for her funeral in details too.... because no one knows when the main fuse in her husband's head will blow...

All the songs on that day from comma to fullstop , Number of guests, the cooks and the dishes that should be prepared because third parties who respected her wishes while alive will like to honour her in death...However, there's still room for a change that is( if the individual people were breaking palm kernel for has teeth)
..

18 Likes

Re: One Week To My Wedding, I'm Lost by bjprodint1: 7:51am On May 02
When i left b otrix,i went into another relationship,even introduction date was fixed.he shows me off too,but wen he is angry he threatens me with knives and cutlasses,den begs later.i even reported him to ogbaku police station.police did nothing.my father insisted i marry him.i got pregnant.let d relationship.had an incomplete miscarriage went in for emergency evacuation.i almost died.i av my peace and freedom now.now d fool is stalking me.cc foodqueen,u ones asked him why i deactivated,was expecting him to give an answer.this is d answer. Marrying a person who has anger management isue is a big mistake.

50 Likes 1 Share

Re: One Week To My Wedding, I'm Lost by harmargedon: 7:53am On May 02
and you didn't notice all these within the 5 months interval that you guys were dating

12 Likes

Re: One Week To My Wedding, I'm Lost by Mindlog: 7:53am On May 02
ireneidiva:

Am I the only one that read that they already had a court wedding? Doesn't it mean she is married?

A court wedding means she is legally married before the law but she still feels not because they are yet to do the traditional and Church, which is erroneous.

7 Likes

Re: One Week To My Wedding, I'm Lost by bjprodint1: 7:55am On May 02
ireneidiva:

Too late for all this talk. I read the court wedding has taken place. She is already married. Let her carry her cross.
Let her divorce him asp,since no kid is involved.

6 Likes

Re: One Week To My Wedding, I'm Lost by incogni2o: 7:55am On May 02
She is in it already in a way.

It's always advicable to marry at least one year after meeting.

She can hold off the consummation of the marraige for some months pending when he changes, it is a negative experience somewhat and will surely calm him down, even the anger sef will vanish

Let it be between her and him and someone trusted between both.

She will def avoid regrets that way.

2 Likes

Re: One Week To My Wedding, I'm Lost by Mindlog: 8:04am On May 02
OP, your sister is already married going by the court wedding and marriage certificate issued.

There were red flags flying very high in the relationship but your sister was obsessed with getting married despite the fact the husband did not hide who he is before they got married.

Since there is no child between them yet, it is easier to make decisions that would be best for both of them. The husband may find someone else who he considers a better woman, a woman who would not nag him over infidelity, a woman who would accept his right to poor anger management, a woman who will be okay with not even seeking the professional help of a marriage therapist when the marriage is in crisis and beyond the resolution of the couple.....but if she can be that woman let her continue with the relationship.

8 Likes

Re: One Week To My Wedding, I'm Lost by madridguy(m): 8:51am On May 02
3. He doesn't want any third party intervention in their affairs, not even counseling.

Congratulations to her, she just married an emperor grin

44 Likes 3 Shares

Re: One Week To My Wedding, I'm Lost by daddytime(m): 8:51am On May 02
Abort mission now....

The reason I posited the above might sound crazy but can only be decoded by the truly matured at heart.

I'm sure to get sticks for this but who cares?

When a man gets caught cheating by his spouse, and she makes it known that she knows, this fact will only intensify/help him upgrade in his ways to keep doing it without getting caught.

The thrill for the most part is in "the doing it and not getting caught" which afterwards transmutes into a feeling of guilt with the realisation/belief that you are hurting an innocent spouse. This, sometimes would keep a cheater in check for a possible repentance/redemption.

However, where a woman catches her spouse cheating and he is aware that she knows, such a man would only get worse in his cheating ways because he wouldn't feel the need to pretend about his ways no more. In his mind, he'd be like "dem don kukuma know say na so I be, wetin to hide again"?

Its a pretty well tricky situation that'd only get trickier.

13 Likes 3 Shares

Re: One Week To My Wedding, I'm Lost by SegFault: 8:52am On May 02
ireneidiva:

Am I the only one that read that they already had a court wedding? Doesn't it mean she is married?
Well, she still has to seal it in the church. So...
Re: One Week To My Wedding, I'm Lost by ireneidiva(f): 9:46am On May 02
SegFault:

Well, she still has to seal it in the church. So...
The registry marriage is the one with the real certificate. The church marriage in this case is just to fulfill all righteousness. She is already married. She can even get a divorce.

11 Likes

Re: One Week To My Wedding, I'm Lost by JeffreyJunior: 10:07am On May 02
It's never too early or too late to back out of marriage as long as a woman is still breathing.

A cheating hubby with anger issues as well na deadly combo, your friend will surely end up being a punching bag in the near future. Advise her to run with her slippers in her hands.

15 Likes

Re: One Week To My Wedding, I'm Lost by AfroKnight: 12:04pm On May 02
For me it’s simple.

Don’t marry anyone you are terrified of. Most often than not, your fear is valid.

Since she’s legally married, it’s a pity she will begin the long process of divorce. The courts make it especially difficult for young marriages to break up. She is in for a long ride.

19 Likes 1 Share

Re: One Week To My Wedding, I'm Lost by CSoul(f): 12:49pm On May 02
LeeSantos:
This is really tough.

but I will advise you as I would to my sister..

It's not too late to call it off, for so many reasons.
but I will list some.
1. you will be deprived of enough finance to run your home. His money will be going to more women.

2. you're at risk of contacting vulnerable diseases. if he contacts HIV you won't know, because married couples don't do this test regularly after marriage.

3. You will be Derain psychologically and emotionally, thinking about so many things from how to keep your family intact, manage your husband's so he doesn't bring disgrace to the family, always thinking of the life you has always wanted.

4. There will always be regrets in you occasionally. "If I had known"

5. You life may be cut short due to his anger issues. most marital death had always being a mistake. it's the devil's work, I didn't mean to.

6 and lastly. just know you can be in a polygamous home knowingly or unknowingly. your husband can get other women pregnant,

7. it's very very hard for a man who commits adultery to change. very hard. in order for more to change there must be a negative encounter.

like a drunkard who was nearly crushed to death by a trailer, would easily quick. but even if you catch a promiscuous man In another woman's house that won't stop him.

Peace of mind is all we need to life long.

But if you think you can always fast and be prayerful. you should go ahead with the marriage, maybe one day God will answer your prayers

Thanks a lot

1 Like

Re: One Week To My Wedding, I'm Lost by CSoul(f): 12:58pm On May 02
Thanks for your pieces of advice; she's reading everyone of them. Pains, tears and fears.

Publicity ("Banns of marriage" is part of the church's requirements). So yes, the shame on how to face the family/friends and everyone else that has been told about the marriage. cry cry cry
Re: One Week To My Wedding, I'm Lost by CSoul(f): 1:06pm On May 02
Admin kindly push to front page; dire help is needed how to proceed from here cry

1 Like

Re: One Week To My Wedding, I'm Lost by femi4: 1:55pm On May 02
CSoul:
(Created this new account to post for a sister)



Please help advice a sister in confusion.....


Background:


"I reconnected with my old school toaster who always spoke marriage and love.
Got serious in 5 months.
I've met a lot of people from his end within this period.
He shows me off.
Introduction was done and wedding date fixed."

Issues:
Traditional is barely a week away; yet she's bleeding and scared of the future because of her discoveries:

1. The husband to be has anger issues. Ok, he's all nice and good when in good mood. But once something triggers him, all hell is let loose. The trigger can be a simple missing his call(while at work/meeting). No amount of sweet talk or explanations calms him down.

2. The shocker is that he cheats/has a fuckmate living nearby. She discovered this with evidence from their chats and hasn't been herself. The chat is detailed description of their exploits right up to the present and future plans how they'll continue after he's married. (From same chat, the other lady is aware he's getting married.
He tried denying it; when it didn't work he started making excuses/begging he'll change.

3. He doesn't want any third party intervention in their affairs, not even counseling.

She's scared of the future and yet feels stuck as court marriage is done already, most preparations have been done(publicity and most of other physical arrangements), both for the traditional and wedding.


Kindly give your mature advice; she'll be reading every bit of it.
(Admin kindly push to front page)
A broken court marriage is better than a sorrowful traditional marriage.

No marriage can survive with no 1&2 in full display

24 Likes

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