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One Week To My Wedding, I'm Lost - Family (4) - Nairaland

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Re: One Week To My Wedding, I'm Lost by jaoh: 5:16pm On May 04
CSoul:
(Created this new account to post for a sister)



Please help advice a sister in confusion.....


Background:


"I reconnected with my old school toaster who always spoke marriage and love.
Got serious in 5 months.
I've met a lot of people from his end within this period.
He shows me off.
Introduction was done and wedding date fixed."

Issues:
Traditional is barely a week away; yet she's bleeding and scared of the future because of her discoveries:

1. The husband to be has anger issues. Ok, he's all nice and good when in good mood. But once something triggers him, all hell is let loose. The trigger can be a simple missing his call(while at work/meeting). No amount of sweet talk or explanations calms him down.

2. The shocker is that he cheats/has a fuckmate living nearby. She discovered this with evidence from their chats and hasn't been herself. The chat is detailed description of their exploits right up to the present and future plans how they'll continue after he's married. (From same chat, the other lady is aware he's getting married.
He tried denying it; when it didn't work he started making excuses/begging he'll change.

3. He doesn't want any third party intervention in their affairs, not even counseling.

She's scared of the future and yet feels stuck as court marriage is done already, most preparations have been done(publicity and most of other physical arrangements), both for the traditional and wedding.


Kindly give your mature advice; she'll be reading every bit of it.
(Admin kindly push to front page)

I will outrightly advise that the relationship is discontinued. You are not born to suffer. Look for another man or keep this and cry hell later. If you are thinking about the disgrace now, it's not up to the one coming.

2 Likes

Re: One Week To My Wedding, I'm Lost by saajus: 5:16pm On May 04
They are already married legally. I would have advised her to back out but I think it's too late. If this was two or three months prior to the traditional wedding, I would advise her to back out.

If she has understanding parents and got their support, she should back out now. But, I really doubt it. My piece of advice, she should carry on with the wedding if her parents don't support her. On the wedding night or the following day, she needs to talk to the husband that he needs to change his ways. She needs to let him know he's not going to get a second chance if he hit one day. After three months of the wedding, if he continues sleeping around and also hitting her, she should not hesitate to separate.

2 Likes

Re: One Week To My Wedding, I'm Lost by ayo2008: 5:16pm On May 04
CSoul:
(Created this new account to post for a sister)



Please help advice a sister in confusion.....


Background:


"I reconnected with my old school toaster who always spoke marriage and love.
Got serious in 5 months.
I've met a lot of people from his end within this period.
He shows me off.
Introduction was done and wedding date fixed."

Issues:
Traditional is barely a week away; yet she's bleeding and scared of the future because of her discoveries:

1. The husband to be has anger issues. Ok, he's all nice and good when in good mood. But once something triggers him, all hell is let loose. The trigger can be a simple missing his call(while at work/meeting). No amount of sweet talk or explanations calms him down.

2. The shocker is that he cheats/has a fuckmate living nearby. She discovered this with evidence from their chats and hasn't been herself. The chat is detailed description of their exploits right up to the present and future plans how they'll continue after he's married. (From same chat, the other lady is aware he's getting married.
He tried denying it; when it didn't work he started making excuses/begging he'll change.

3. He doesn't want any third party intervention in their affairs, not even counseling.

She's scared of the future and yet feels stuck as court marriage is done already, most preparations have been done(publicity and most of other physical arrangements), both for the traditional and wedding.


Kindly give your mature advice; she'll be reading every bit of it.
(Admin kindly push to front page)

You can see the red flags now
A wise woman or lady will break up. A broken relationship is better a broken marriage.

The decision painful but will safe you from unnecessary Marital troubles.

God will help you.
Re: One Week To My Wedding, I'm Lost by CapitanPan: 5:19pm On May 04
But why are you writing in the third person?
Re: One Week To My Wedding, I'm Lost by Dee60: 5:19pm On May 04
ireneidiva:

Too late for all this talk. I read the court wedding has taken place. She is already married. Let her carry her cross.


Where did you read that court wedding has been done?

Lady, speak to your parents or your pastor (if you are a Christian) and get counsel.

If you were my daughter I wont let you run into what looks like a snare.

It only becomes too late after you have taken your vows. before then, use your senses.
Re: One Week To My Wedding, I'm Lost by Sterope(f): 5:19pm On May 04
Having children with that man is a very bad advice
LilMissFavvy:
What is shameful there? If she wants to quit, let her show the world who he is, I believe she saved screenshots of everything. Let her show her parents. Which parents would advise his or her daughter to marry a hot tempered unrepentant cheat who has already told his side chick that he will continue in adultery even after marriage. If the lady is still young, I would advise her to quit. But if she is advanced in age and tired of waiting for the right man, then she can marry him, have one or two kids, and divorce him, if he cheats and stresses her in the marriage.
Re: One Week To My Wedding, I'm Lost by Timothyoj(m): 5:22pm On May 04
Na wa for you o oooo

Infrabetatech:
Where is the venue?

I want to eat wedding rice
Re: One Week To My Wedding, I'm Lost by Genea(f): 5:22pm On May 04
Banter1:
As long as the pastor hasn't join them together, tell her to remove her shoes and pick race far away from him.
lmao, for someone that's married in court. Infact let me school you. Court marriage is the only marriage recognized by developed countries. She better start prepping for divorce or annulment

2 Likes

Re: One Week To My Wedding, I'm Lost by Giftexx: 5:23pm On May 04
Report him to his mom.
Tell them it’s the reason you can’t proceed with the marriage. Watch him beg and if u love him(love knows no bound), make him swear with his life to dump his sxmate before the marriage.
Re: One Week To My Wedding, I'm Lost by kristana(f): 5:23pm On May 04
[quote author=LeeSantos post=101302997]This is really tough.

but I will advise you as I would to my sister..

It's not too late to call it off, for so many reasons.
but I will list some.
1. you will be deprived of enough finance to run your home. His money will be going to more women.

2. you're at risk of contacting vulnerable diseases. if he contacts HIV you won't know, because married couples don't do this test regularly after marriage.

3. You will be Derain psychologically and emotionally, thinking about so many things from how to keep your family intact, manage your husband's so he doesn't bring disgrace to the family, always thinking of the life you has always wanted.

4. There will always be regrets in you occasionally. "If I had known"

5. You life may be cut short due to his anger issues. most marital death had always being a mistake. it's the devil's work, I didn't mean to.

6 and lastly. just know you can be in a polygamous home knowingly or unknowingly. your husband can get other women pregnant,

7. it's very very hard for a man who commits adultery to change. very hard. in order for more to change there must be a negative encounter.

like a drunkard who was nearly crushed to death by a trailer, would easily quick. but even if you catch a promiscuous man In another woman's house that won't stop him.

Peace of mind is all we need to life long.

But if you think you can always fast and be prayerful. you should go ahead with the marriage, maybe one day God will answer.

True
Re: One Week To My Wedding, I'm Lost by Dee60: 5:23pm On May 04
You sound like someone who needs to repent of your sins. Do so now before it is late.
Re: One Week To My Wedding, I'm Lost by Johncuppa(m): 5:24pm On May 04
ireneidiva:

The registry marriage is the one with the real certificate. The church marriage in this case is just to fulfill all righteousness. She is already marriage. She can even get a divorce.
Court marriage is a formality and allows for divorce, only church marriage put covenant into marriage and divorce forbidden as commanded by God.

She can still call it off before putting God as a witness

By the way, I didn't read the court marriage part.
Where is it?
Re: One Week To My Wedding, I'm Lost by Genea(f): 5:24pm On May 04
Dee60:


Where did you read that court wedding has been done?

Lady, speak to your parents or your pastor (if you are a Christian) and get counsel.

If you were my daughter I wont let you run into what looks like a snare.

It only becomes too late after you have taken your vows. before then, use your senses.

go back and read the story.

1 Like

Re: One Week To My Wedding, I'm Lost by Kebbiprince: 5:25pm On May 04
CSoul:
Thanks for your pieces of advice; she's reading everyone of them. Pains, tears and fears.

Publicity ("Banns of marriage" is part of the church's requirements). So yes, the shame on how to face the family/friends and everyone else that has been told about the marriage. cry cry cry
She should relocate, after 1 year everyone will forget about it, no one carries anyone in mind
Re: One Week To My Wedding, I'm Lost by Uniquekriss(m): 5:25pm On May 04
I suspect OP is the person involved, anyways my simple advise is RUN, RUN, RUN. Hold your ears and repeat it, RUN!!! A man who cannot control his anger, even cheats, he just wants you to make babies for him and enslave u by delisting his name from d manchelor's list. He's a monster if all stated here are true, though u also have your own issues.

1 Like

Re: One Week To My Wedding, I'm Lost by Kebbiprince: 5:25pm On May 04
CSoul:
Admin kindly push to front page; dire help is needed how to proceed from here cry
I know you're the one, I will advice u not to go on with this marriage
Re: One Week To My Wedding, I'm Lost by NarcoPolo: 5:26pm On May 04
CSoul:
(Created this new account to post for a sister)



Please help advice a sister in confusion.....


Background:


"I reconnected with my old school toaster who always spoke marriage and love.
Got serious in 5 months.
I've met a lot of people from his end within this period.
He shows me off.
Introduction was done and wedding date fixed."

Issues:
Traditional is barely a week away; yet she's bleeding and scared of the future because of her discoveries:

1. The husband to be has anger issues. Ok, he's all nice and good when in good mood. But once something triggers him, all hell is let loose. The trigger can be a simple missing his call(while at work/meeting). No amount of sweet talk or explanations calms him down.

2. The shocker is that he cheats/has a fuckmate living nearby. She discovered this with evidence from their chats and hasn't been herself. The chat is detailed description of their exploits right up to the present and future plans how they'll continue after he's married. (From same chat, the other lady is aware he's getting married.
He tried denying it; when it didn't work he started making excuses/begging he'll change.

3. He doesn't want any third party intervention in their affairs, not even counseling.

She's scared of the future and yet feels stuck as court marriage is done already, most preparations have been done(publicity and most of other physical arrangements), both for the traditional and wedding.


Kindly give your mature advice; she'll be reading every bit of it.
(Admin kindly push to front page)

Break it off it cannot work

If she marries that dude she'd be separated within a year, either that or she'd be dead. Domestic violence is real
Re: One Week To My Wedding, I'm Lost by victorazy(m): 5:27pm On May 04
CSoul:
(Created this new account to post for a sister)



Please help advice a sister in confusion.....


Background:


"I reconnected with my old school toaster who always spoke marriage and love.
Got serious in 5 months.
I've met a lot of people from his end within this period.
He shows me off.
Introduction was done and wedding date fixed."

Issues:
Traditional is barely a week away; yet she's bleeding and scared of the future because of her discoveries:

1. The husband to be has anger issues. Ok, he's all nice and good when in good mood. But once something triggers him, all hell is let loose. The trigger can be a simple missing his call(while at work/meeting). No amount of sweet talk or explanations calms him down.

2. The shocker is that he cheats/has a fuckmate living nearby. She discovered this with evidence from their chats and hasn't been herself. The chat is detailed description of their exploits right up to the present and future plans how they'll continue after he's married. (From same chat, the other lady is aware he's getting married.
He tried denying it; when it didn't work he started making excuses/begging he'll change.

3. He doesn't want any third party intervention in their affairs, not even counseling.

She's scared of the future and yet feels stuck as court marriage is done already, most preparations have been done(publicity and most of other physical arrangements), both for the traditional and wedding.


Kindly give your mature advice; she'll be reading every bit of it.
(Admin kindly push to front page)

Rita!!!!
Re: One Week To My Wedding, I'm Lost by Spidermon: 5:27pm On May 04
I dey see this Kain scenario plenty

Women won't tell you the entire story. A man that isn't outrightly mad doesn't get angry without reason.

Some women (most of them anyway) don't tow the line unless they know that the man is capable of being crazy

She is already married. If she has sense, she will still enjoy the man. Even wild animals get tamed. It all depends on whether she has the required EQ

1 Like

Re: One Week To My Wedding, I'm Lost by djsjxjfjdisjdjb: 5:28pm On May 04
CSoul:
(Created this new account to post for a sister)



Please help advice a sister in confusion.....


Background:


"I reconnected with my old school toaster who always spoke marriage and love.
Got serious in 5 months.
I've met a lot of people from his end within this period.
He shows me off.
Introduction was done and wedding date fixed."

Issues:
Traditional is barely a week away; yet she's bleeding and scared of the future because of her discoveries:

1. The husband to be has anger issues. Ok, he's all nice and good when in good mood. But once something triggers him, all hell is let loose. The trigger can be a simple missing his call(while at work/meeting). No amount of sweet talk or explanations calms him down.

2. The shocker is that he cheats/has a fuckmate living nearby. She discovered this with evidence from their chats and hasn't been herself. The chat is detailed description of their exploits right up to the present and future plans how they'll continue after he's married. (From same chat, the other lady is aware he's getting married.
He tried denying it; when it didn't work he started making excuses/begging he'll change.

3. He doesn't want any third party intervention in their affairs, not even counseling.

She's scared of the future and yet feels stuck as court marriage is done already, most preparations have been done(publicity and most of other physical arrangements), both for the traditional and wedding.


Kindly give your mature advice; she'll be reading every bit of it.
(Admin kindly push to front page)

have you heard the term before: Nack 440? lol.
Re: One Week To My Wedding, I'm Lost by Annitakome(f): 5:28pm On May 04
Lady, I'm quite sure u know what to do but just too afraid to go ahead because u are afraid of what people will say however, be rest assured that u will be more afraid by the time u finally started living together and probably get infected or die of hbp, it's never too late to walk away. A word is enough.

2 Likes

Re: One Week To My Wedding, I'm Lost by iknopro(m): 5:29pm On May 04
He will change, please don't leave your marriage for anyone, men are no where to be found o, we are all hooked up
Re: One Week To My Wedding, I'm Lost by Lexusgs430: 5:30pm On May 04
CSoul:
(Created this new account to post for a sister)



Please help advice a sister in confusion.....


Background:


"I reconnected with my old school toaster who always spoke marriage and love.
Got serious in 5 months.
I've met a lot of people from his end within this period.
He shows me off.
Introduction was done and wedding date fixed."

Issues:
Traditional is barely a week away; yet she's bleeding and scared of the future because of her discoveries:

1. The husband to be has anger issues. Ok, he's all nice and good when in good mood. But once something triggers him, all hell is let loose. The trigger can be a simple missing his call(while at work/meeting). No amount of sweet talk or explanations calms him down.

2. The shocker is that he cheats/has a fuckmate living nearby. She discovered this with evidence from their chats and hasn't been herself. The chat is detailed description of their exploits right up to the present and future plans how they'll continue after he's married. (From same chat, the other lady is aware he's getting married.
He tried denying it; when it didn't work he started making excuses/begging he'll change.

3. He doesn't want any third party intervention in their affairs, not even counseling.

She's scared of the future and yet feels stuck as court marriage is done already, most preparations have been done(publicity and most of other physical arrangements), both for the traditional and wedding.


Kindly give your mature advice; she'll be reading every bit of it.
(Admin kindly push to front page)



Whilst travelling on the wrong path, do you continually speed up on the wrong path or reevaluate, turn around and chart the right route...........

This marriage in it's present form is leading into a doom zone, by carrying on with this marriage, she is directly handing him a free license to carry on.......

From anger issues, it becomes domestic violence and future dishes of STD's, heartaches and emotional/physical trauma......
Re: One Week To My Wedding, I'm Lost by duni04(m): 5:31pm On May 04
oldtruth:


How old are you? Definitely, you sound like a young dude.

To the OP, every man has his own flaws. Although, you guys need more time to court. You said you met him and in 5 months, you have already picked a wedding date My dear, the guy has a fucking mate before he met you again. All this takes time to let go of those side chicks.

For him not to want an intruder in his marriage speaks volumes about his maturity. He is indeed matured.

Know his weakness and see if you can help him or try to avoid it. That is why you guys need more time.
I hope the OP or her sister doesn't listen to this. You don't beg someone to be in a marriage. He must want you and she must want you, not anybody else. How would you advice someone to start fighting for her marriage even before its started? A man about to marry a woman must want her and nobody else! If before marriage he already wants someone else, the OP or her sister, is clearly not wanted. She should divorce the man and find a man that wants her. That's even apart from the anger and other issues. Makes me wonder exactly what the OP, or her sister, saw in that man to make her accept his proposal.

3 Likes

Re: One Week To My Wedding, I'm Lost by tony0806: 5:31pm On May 04
I am married and I'm a pastor. So I'm speaking From the perspective of a married man. Tell your sister that whatever she's feeling now, both fears, pains, insecurities anger, etc as a result of the things she discovered, SHE'LL GO THROUGH MULTIPLES OF ALL THESE IN MARRIAGE.
Run as your legs can carry you. If anyone is angry about your decision, tell them to take your place and marry the man. If you go ahead with this marriage, you'll look for my contact through my signature to call me a prophet, of which I know I am.

Go back to the court where you did the court wedding and tell the man that gave you the form, that ITS OVER. Analyze the details of what you discovered and show him proves. if he insists on long story, just walk away.

LET THE WORLD SAY WHAT THEY WANT, your joy in marriage is Paramount




CSoul:
(Created this new account to post for a sister)



Please help advice a sister in confusion.....


Background:


"I reconnected with my old school toaster who always spoke marriage and love.
Got serious in 5 months.
I've met a lot of people from his end within this period.
He shows me off.
Introduction was done and wedding date fixed."

Issues:
Traditional is barely a week away; yet she's bleeding and scared of the future because of her discoveries:

1. The husband to be has anger issues. Ok, he's all nice and good when in good mood. But once something triggers him, all hell is let loose. The trigger can be a simple missing his call(while at work/meeting). No amount of sweet talk or explanations calms him down.

2. The shocker is that he cheats/has a fuckmate living nearby. She discovered this with evidence from their chats and hasn't been herself. The chat is detailed description of their exploits right up to the present and future plans how they'll continue after he's married. (From same chat, the other lady is aware he's getting married.
He tried denying it; when it didn't work he started making excuses/begging he'll change.

3. He doesn't want any third party intervention in their affairs, not even counseling.

She's scared of the future and yet feels stuck as court marriage is done already, most preparations have been done(publicity and most of other physical arrangements), both for the traditional and wedding.


Kindly give your mature advice; she'll be reading every bit of it.
(Admin kindly push to front page)

4 Likes

Re: One Week To My Wedding, I'm Lost by mhizv(f): 5:32pm On May 04
Forever is I long to be unhappy. Your peace of mind should be your top priority.

I wonder why you still there.

1 Like

Re: One Week To My Wedding, I'm Lost by abbey621(m): 5:32pm On May 04
We all hear one side of the story and automatically become judge, jury and executioner. Ladies are fond of doing this when they are unsure of themselves, all the guy's bad habits were eloquently detailed yet she failed to mention how they got together. School mates but how did the relationship start? Before discussing marriage surely you must have discussed past relationships, habits, pet peeves and so on. Surely you must have discussed religion, having kids, values and character?

Let nobody deceive you, you've only dated for 5 months, there is no way you can call what you have LOVE, it is simple affection and like. You like the guy enough to marry, the guy likes you enough to want to settle down but for real love to manifest it can only come from battling what life throws at you. It can only come from series of events and decisions. How do you react to his bad habits? How does he react to yours? Are you the type to dabaru everything onced the going gets tough? Is he the type to never forgive?

You can always back out of a marriage, dem no dey arrest person for it but if your reasoning is because you don't like some of his habits and you believe another guy wouldn't do something like this or worse then you're on a long thing! Every human makes mistakes or puts a wrong foot or hand every now and then, what matters is learning from it. If you feel he is hopeless and cannot improve then leave his ass but if you genuinely feel that this guy cares for you and in time will become the man you want him to be then by all means STAY!

1 Like

Re: One Week To My Wedding, I'm Lost by tunwumi: 5:33pm On May 04
CSoul:
(Created this new account to post for a sister)



Please help advice a sister in confusion.....


Background:


"I reconnected with my old school toaster who always spoke marriage and love.
Got serious in 5 months.
I've met a lot of people from his end within this period.
He shows me off.
Introduction was done and wedding date fixed."

Issues:
Traditional is barely a week away; yet she's bleeding and scared of the future because of her discoveries:

1. The husband to be has anger issues. Ok, he's all nice and good when in good mood. But once something triggers him, all hell is let loose. The trigger can be a simple missing his call(while at work/meeting). No amount of sweet talk or explanations calms him down.

2. The shocker is that he cheats/has a fuckmate living nearby. She discovered this with evidence from their chats and hasn't been herself. The chat is detailed description of their exploits right up to the present and future plans how they'll continue after he's married. (From same chat, the other lady is aware he's getting married.
He tried denying it; when it didn't work he started making excuses/begging he'll change.

3. He doesn't want any third party intervention in their affairs, not even counseling.

She's scared of the future and yet feels stuck as court marriage is done already, most preparations have been done(publicity and most of other physical arrangements), both for the traditional and wedding.


Kindly give your mature advice; she'll be reading every bit of it.
(Admin kindly push to front page)


You are already married to him. It's too late to cry of cold when you are already in the water. You see the traditional and church thing are just ceremonies.

2 Likes

Re: One Week To My Wedding, I'm Lost by Volkswagen90: 5:34pm On May 04
Your post makes me remember this film, NO ESCAPE!
Re: One Week To My Wedding, I'm Lost by Olayetan(m): 5:35pm On May 04
ireneidiva:

Too late for all this talk. I read the court wedding has taken place. She is already married. Let her carry her cross.

Exactly
But she can file for divorce anyway,
Lucky for her, there's no child between them
Re: One Week To My Wedding, I'm Lost by tunwumi: 5:35pm On May 04
mhizv:
Forever is I long to be unhappy. Your peace of mind should be your top priority.

I wonder why you still there.

She's married already. Maybe you should be advising her to get a divorce.
Re: One Week To My Wedding, I'm Lost by juman(m): 5:35pm On May 04
The husband is normal guy you will find everywhere.

3 Likes

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