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Should I Adopt My Fiancee's Son Legally? - Family (3) - Nairaland

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Please Kindly Adopt My Daughter / I Did Not Authorize Anybody To Adopt My Son! Pls Help!! / How Can My Husband Adopt My Son Legally? (2) (3) (4)

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Re: Should I Adopt My Fiancee's Son Legally? by Ladyhippolyta88(f): 2:05am On May 08, 2021
Wickedfacts:


He can take care of the child but for him to adopt the child is a no-no.

As for finding love, I don't know where love was hiding before or if she misplaced love. By the time she has 5 kids for 5 men like one old haggard feminist writer on twitter, she will have sense.
There is nothing stopping him from adopting the child judging from the situation the OP painted
You are just talking out of point because if your own father abandoned you from what you are saying I am sure you would have preferred your mother does the same since you want to villify a woman who chose to care for her son as a single mom shame on you if a man does this kind thing to your sister this crap you are saying here about the woman will not suffice here.

4 Likes

Re: Should I Adopt My Fiancee's Son Legally? by Wickedfacts: 2:09am On May 08, 2021
Ladyhippolyta88:

There is nothing stopping him from adopting the child judging from the situation the OP painted
You are just talking out of point because if your own father abandoned you from what you are saying I am sure you would have preferred your mother does the same since you want to villify a woman who chose to care for her son as a single mom shame on you if a man does this kind thing to your sister this crap you are saying here about the woman will not suffice here.

Ladyhippolyta88:

@bold,relate this to the fact on ground what will you hold against the OP as fraudbir misrepresentation of facts when the father us currently not present and it is not a lie.

From the OP case the father is absent and so is his family and if they cannot be reached they will not be factored into anything tell that to adopted children whose parents are alive how they were adopted.
You are the one who doesn't know anything about it because if you did you will realise that the case painted by the OP is a different scenario from the one you were making if you know about adoption process you will consider the fact that the said father was not even legally married to the mother and whatever investigation is carried out is carried out on the would be father and wife not on an absentee father and family so the people in charge of adoption will work with that.

Kindly remove the insults, deploy appropriate punctuations, space your paragraphs appropriately and type like an educated person.
Then, I MAY graciously consider you worthy of a response.

3 Likes

Re: Should I Adopt My Fiancee's Son Legally? by Ladyhippolyta88(f): 2:18am On May 08, 2021
Wickedfacts:




Kindly remove the insults, deploy appropriate punctuations, space your paragraphs appropriately and type like an educated person.
Then, I MAY graciously consider you worthy of a response.
I didn't insult you.And I won't even respond to the bolded I don't remember being in an English class neither am I writing to impress you.If you cannot comprehend my words that is your problem not mine try to be more educated.
I don't need your response it adds nothing or changes my opinion try not to quote me next time and get lost.

4 Likes

Re: Should I Adopt My Fiancee's Son Legally? by Ishilove: 4:32am On May 08, 2021
pocohantas:


It is foolhardy and against natural law and order to do such when the man is still alive, irrespective of how irresponsible she claims he is. I would even be very concerned that she suggested it and you considered it.

Th irresponsible man remains her child's father. She can get (sole) custody, but erasing the man’s name totally is WICKEDNESS.

DON’T DO IT!
Pocohantas, there are fathers and there are sperm donors. A man who abandons a child at age 4 months is a sperm donor. She might as well have gone to a sperm bank to pay for artificial insemination. The only claim he has to that child is his sperm and nothing else.

5 Likes 1 Share

Re: Should I Adopt My Fiancee's Son Legally? by adesile8697: 6:11am On May 08, 2021
Seun, , Dominique, Obinoscopy, , Mukina2, front page please. Urgent matter arising.This brother is about to ruin his life.

1 Like

Re: Should I Adopt My Fiancee's Son Legally? by bdchange(m): 6:55am On May 08, 2021
Ladyhippolyta88:

There is nothing stopping him from adopting the child judging from the situation the OP painted
You are just talking out of point because if your own father abandoned you from what you are saying I am sure you would have preferred your mother does the same since you want to villify a woman who chose to care for her son as a single mom shame on you if a man does this kind thing to your sister this crap you are saying here about the woman will not suffice here.
My sister I understand your point and they are valid. However you need to understand that we dont currently have all facts available at our table. We are yet to hear from the man either responsible or not. I have a relative who is a single mother and I pity her doing the parenting herself. I once dislike the father of the kids been absent in the live of his children until years later I found out what my relative did that pushed the man away. I was so angry at her and blamed her furiously for lying to us by then. Now I wish I can see the man and still apologize to him and tell him to consider his children no matter the ill attitude of their mother. See if I tell you what she did, even me that I claim to be well responsible will vanish from such a woman. So my sister do not conclude until all facts are laid before you. Thanks

1 Like

Re: Should I Adopt My Fiancee's Son Legally? by eyinjuege: 6:59am On May 08, 2021
Before any decision is made, is it in the best interest of the child?
Does he have a father in his life?
Does the child need a father in his life?
What is the implication of the child not having a father in his life?
A child needs both financial and emotional support from a father, in my opinion.
Now where does OP come in? Are you able to afford a child at the moment? Once you adopt that child, you should be ready to support him financially and emotionally. Be ready to treat him like your biological child. Are you able to do that? If you're not able to do that, I would advise not to adopt the child.
Then comes the other question, are you able to live with the fact that your girlfriend has a responsibility towards that child? She has the responsibility to be there for him financially and emotionally.
By marrying her, society expects you to treat that child like your own even if he isn't. I doubt you are mandated to provide for him, though his mother is.
So think deeply about this, and perhaps get legal counsel as suggested up there.
Re: Should I Adopt My Fiancee's Son Legally? by Ladyhippolyta88(f): 7:00am On May 08, 2021
bdchange:

My sister I understand your point and they are valid. However you need to understand that we dont currently have all facts available at our table. We are yet to hear from the man either responsible or not. I have a relative who is a single mother and I pity her doing the parenting herself. I once dislike the father of the kids been absent in the live of his children until years later I found out what my relative did that pushed the man away. I was so angry at her and blamed her furiously for lying to us by then. Now I wish I can see the man and still apologize to him and tell him to consider his children no matter the ill attitude of their mother. See if I tell you what she did, even me that I claim to be well responsible will vanish from such a woman. So my sister do not conclude until all facts are laid before you. Thanks
Hmm,that is true I only judged based on the facts on ground I get you.I have constantly said that I was judging with the facts given by the OP if there is more to it then it is complicated and could become a different scenario and the OP should not go ahead.
Re: Should I Adopt My Fiancee's Son Legally? by JONNYSPUTE(m): 7:05am On May 08, 2021
bdchange:

My sister I understand your point and they are valid. However you need to understand that we dont currently have all facts available at our table. We are yet to hear from the man either responsible or not. I have a relative who is a single mother and I pity her doing the parenting herself. I once dislike the father of the kids been absent in the live of his children until years later I found out what my relative did that pushed the man away. I was so angry at her and blamed her furiously for lying to us by then. Now I wish I can see the man and still apologize to him and tell him to consider his children no matter the ill attitude of their mother. See if I tell you what she did, even me that I claim to be well responsible will vanish from such a woman. So my sister do not conclude until all facts are laid before you. Thanks
.... What you narrated here is one of the reasons the agency or court will always demand to hear from the man.
Re: Should I Adopt My Fiancee's Son Legally? by JONNYSPUTE(m): 7:08am On May 08, 2021
Ladyhippolyta88:

Hmm,that is true I only judged based on the facts on ground I get you.I have constantly said that I was judging with the facts given by the OP if there is more to it then it is complicated and could become a different scenario and the OP should not go ahead.
....This is why I told you earlier that it is not always easy like it seem.
Re: Should I Adopt My Fiancee's Son Legally? by Ladyhippolyta88(f): 7:21am On May 08, 2021
JONNYSPUTE:
....This is why I told you earlier that it is not always easy like it seem.
I only gave my opinion based on the OP's information I did not add or subtract to it.
I also know that if the father is no where available in the child's life it won't be an easy argument to convince the court as to why he wasn't available depending on how it is argued in court.
That said adoption is hectic and not easy to do in Nigeria but he is becoming the legal spouse of the mother and could very well be the legal guardian to the child.It all depends on the facts on ground and how well he can convince the court because there are also other factors they consider before granting adoption.I only gave an opinion based on absentee father which can be argued in the favour of the mother and would be husband.The court considers other issues like what is best for the child and who is responsible to the child before making decisions and none of it may favour the absent father who may be nowhere to be seen unless that is not the full story
Re: Should I Adopt My Fiancee's Son Legally? by JONNYSPUTE(m): 7:39am On May 08, 2021
Ladyhippolyta88:

I only gave my opinion based on the OP's information I did not add or subtract to it.
I also know that if the father is no where available in the child's life it won't be an easy argument to convince the court as to why he wasn't available depending on how it is argued in court.
That said adoption is hectic and not easy to do in Nigeria but he is becoming the legal spouse of the mother and could very well be the legal guardian to the child.It all depends on the facts on ground and how well he can convince the court because there are also other factors they consider before granting adoption.I only gave an opinion based on absentee father which can be argued in the favour of the mother and would be husband.The court considers other issues like what is best for the child and who is responsible to the child before making decisions and none of it may favour the absent father who may be nowhere to be seen unless that is not the full story
....Well. My advice for the op is to do all the necessary search before agreeing to her request.
She can't tell us that the said baby daddy doesn't have a relative that she knows while they were dating.
Re: Should I Adopt My Fiancee's Son Legally? by Ladyhippolyta88(f): 7:45am On May 08, 2021
JONNYSPUTE:
....Well. My advice for the op is to do all the necessary search before agreeing to her request.
She can't tell us that the said baby daddy doesn't have a relative that she knows while they were dating.
If the mother can get across to the relative then she can very well get access to the said father and that will complicate everything.And the father has no excuse to be absent in his child's life if that is the case.I gave that opinion because I assumed that the father or relatives are absent and cannot be reached but if they can it complicates the whole thing and is a different issue but the father must then be involved in the child's life no excuses and no matter how little.
Re: Should I Adopt My Fiancee's Son Legally? by JONNYSPUTE(m): 8:00am On May 08, 2021
Ladyhippolyta88:

If the mother can get across to the relative then she can very well get access to the said father and that will complicate everything.And the father has no excuse to be absent in his child's life if that is the case.I gave that opinion because I assumed that the father or relatives are absent and cannot be reached but if they can it complicates the whole thing and is a different issue but the father must then be involved in the child's life no excuses and no matter how little.
....I have a friend who uptill today cries because he believed all the lies his mum told him about his dad. It was when the man died that he found out that his mum denied his dad every possible means of getting close to him. And like this same story here,he was adopted by the stepdad.
Now he is not in talking terms with both his mum and stepdad because he said he cannot forgive them for what they did to him. He has gone back to the family of his biological dad.

What I'm saying is just for the op to take it upon himself to investigate and findout exactly what happened.

There's a lady in Enugu that even ran away from her matrimonial home with her child and lied to a guy that the husband abandoned them and travelled abroad. The guy got her pregnant and was about to marry her when the whole truth came out. Naso guy man jekpa. Now she is a laughing stock and keep changing from one location to another. She doesn't come out in a public place anymore due to shame. Even her mum who was supporting her then is now a shadow of herself.

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Re: Should I Adopt My Fiancee's Son Legally? by Ladyhippolyta88(f): 8:14am On May 08, 2021
JONNYSPUTE:
....I have a friend who uptill today cries because he believed all the lies his mum told him about his dad. It was when the man died that he found out that his mum denied his dad every possible means of getting close to him. And like this same story here,he was adopted by the stepdad.
Now he is not in talking terms with both his mum and stepdad because he said he cannot forgive them for what they did to him. He has gone back to the family of his biological dad.

What I'm saying is just for the op to take it upon himself to investigate and findout exactly what happened.

There's a lady in Enugu that even ran away from her matrimonial home with her child and lied to a guy that the husband abandoned them and travelled abroad. The guy got her pregnant and was about to marry her when the whole truth came out. Naso guy man jekpa. Now she is a laughing stock and keep changing from one location to another. She doesn't come out in a public place anymore due to shame. Even her mum who was supporting her then is now a shadow of herself.
Hmm,wow
Maybe I see no reason to lie to a child or a spouse about the father.The child and step parent deserve to know the truth if in the OP's case she isn't lying then he is free.

Nobody likes deceit even me would hate to be lied to I have seen children who were genuinely abandoned by one parent or both and whoever became the guardian of the child moved on with the child.But with what you have said I agree with you he should investigate I don't see why people will lie to their kids or spouses about things as sensitive as this but it happens the biological father may not even be aware of the child's existence or the child could be lied to that the parent is dead when infact he/she maybe alive.
Re: Should I Adopt My Fiancee's Son Legally? by ABANGWABOI(m): 8:25am On May 08, 2021
Lol this little men don't learn..
Another is going to bite the dust..
Y'all can continue enabling damaged women..
I would still read your wailing thread here soon..
Stanliwise come and see your member ..
Ndi iberibe
Re: Should I Adopt My Fiancee's Son Legally? by ABANGWABOI(m): 8:31am On May 08, 2021
Ishilove:

Pocohantas, there are fathers and there are sperm donors. A man who abandons a child at age 4 months is a sperm donor. She might as well have gone to a sperm bank to pay for artificial insemination. The only claim he has to that child is his sperm and nothing else.


If the Sperm easy why don't yall females donate it to yourselves..
All this pained Feminist wannabe sef

7 Likes

Re: Should I Adopt My Fiancee's Son Legally? by JONNYSPUTE(m): 8:49am On May 08, 2021
Ladyhippolyta88:

Hmm,wow
Maybe I see no reason to lie to a child or a spouse about the father.The child and step parent deserve to know the truth if in the OP's case she isn't lying then he is free.

Nobody likes deceit even me would hate to be lied to I have seen children who were genuinely abandoned by one parent or both and whoever became the guardian of the child moved on with the child.But with what you have said I agree with you he should investigate I don't see why people will lie to their kids or spouses about things as sensitive as this but it happens the biological father may not even be aware of the child's existence or the child could be lied to that the parent is dead when infact he/she maybe alive.
....My dear see ehee. Is not easy for a man to just wake up and decide to abandon his child totally. It's either he died before the child is birthed or not aware that the said baby mama was pregnant for him. But a man can temporarily abandon his child due to:
1 Not financially stable at the moment.
2 Threat on his life from the baby mama
3 Infidelity on both sides.
4 If he is being denied access to the child by either the baby mama or her entire family.
But in all,he will definitely comes calling one day and what will be her response?
Let us all thread with caution.
Re: Should I Adopt My Fiancee's Son Legally? by crackhaus: 8:53am On May 08, 2021
Akv666:
Good day guys,

so I've been dating a single Mom for almost 4years now and we're ready to tie the knot, but recently she came up with a suggestion of me adopting her son legally. Her baby daddy has actually been irresponsible right from start, nigga last saw his son when he was 4months old and he hasn't even bought ordinary diaper for the boy right from when he was delivered. now I'm being skeptical about taking him up legally, please i need advice from you guys, no insult please
This is what you should be concerned about, NOT whether the child's biological father is irresponsible or hasn't bought diapers before – learn to comot ear from what any woman tells you about their ex/baby daddy.

The important question here is;
Why exactly does she want you to adopt her child legally when both of you are already planning to get married?

Last I checked, men have been getting married to single moms without legally adopting the woman's child/children, simply because by that marriage, her child/children from a previous relationship automatically becomes the man's responsibility.

What is the point of a legal adoption exactly? Ask her, because you have every reason to be skeptical...

And if no one here is going to tell you this, then I will tell you.
Adopting her son legally means that he will be your firstborn son in the eyes of the law, not that it matters much in that respect since you can use wills to alter inheritance rights... BUT what about culturally/traditionally?
It's an error... You don't want bestow the rights of the firstborn on a son you did not father from your loins – he is NOT your blood descendant.

Now I know that some village brought-up people parading themselves as modernists are going to come here to tell you that it doesn't matter... but my brother, it matters a whole lot. Think smart and think of the future.
You don't want to complicate things for yourself, your family (extended too) and your unborn children.

If the situation were reversed, this same woman telling you to adopt her son legally (thus making him your firstborn son), would NEVER agree to allow a son you had with another woman before meeting her, take the position of firstborn son above the one she will birth for you... Never!!!

Marry her, love her and love her son like you would love your own son... but don't legally adopt him. It is unnecessary.

Cheers...

12 Likes 2 Shares

Re: Should I Adopt My Fiancee's Son Legally? by JONNYSPUTE(m): 9:09am On May 08, 2021
crackhaus:

This is what you should be concerned about, NOT whether the child's biological father is irresponsible or hasn't bought diapers before – learn to comot ear from what any woman tells you about their ex/baby daddy.

The important question here is;
Why exactly does she want you to adopt her child legally when both of you are already planning to get married?

Last I checked, men have been getting married to single moms without legally adopting the woman's child/children, simply because by that marriage, her child/children from a previous relationship automatically becomes the man's responsibility.

What is the point of a legal adoption exactly? Ask her, because you have every reason to be skeptical...

And if no one here is going to tell you this, then I will tell you.
Adopting her son legally means that he will be your firstborn son in the eyes of the law, not that it matters much in that respect since you can use wills to alter inheritance rights... BUT what about culturally/traditionally?
It is huge error... You don't want bestow the rights of the firstborn on a son you did not father from your loins – he is NOT your blood descendant.

Now I know that some village brought-up people parading themselves as modernists are going to come here to tell you that it doesn't matter... but my brother, it matters a whole lot. Think smart and think of the future.
You don't want to complicate things for yourself, your family and your children in the future.

If the situation were reversed, this same woman telling you to adopt her son legally (making him your legal firstborn son), would NEVER agree to allow a son you had with another woman before meeting her, take the position of firstborn son above the one she will birth for you.

Marry her, love her and love her son like you would love your own son... but don't legally adopt him. It is unnecessary.

Cheers...
... Nice one. I never thought towards this angle.
Re: Should I Adopt My Fiancee's Son Legally? by stanliwise(m): 9:18am On May 08, 2021
ABANGWABOI:
Lol this little men don't learn..
Another is going to bite the dust..
Y'all can continue enabling damaged women..
I would still read your wailing thread here soon..
Stanliwise come and see your member ..
Ndi iberibe
Is there an end to this marketing technique?
Re: Should I Adopt My Fiancee's Son Legally? by Ishilove: 9:24am On May 08, 2021
ABANGWABOI:



If the Sperm easy why don't yall females donate it to yourselves..
All this pained Feminist wannabe sef
It is too early in the day to write this kind of rubbish. Wait till mid-afternoon.

5 Likes

Re: Should I Adopt My Fiancee's Son Legally? by Vision101(m): 9:31am On May 08, 2021
It's not necessary for any legal adoption. The biological parents are known and alive. If you marry the mother you automatically become the step-father. If you live with him and train him the option becomes his if the biological father comes calling. Hence you are married to the mother if you treat him like your biological child and nothing is done to remind him that he doesn't belong, he will not go to the father.

Adoption is only possible when the parents are not know. The mother (if you marry her) will play a crucial role.

1 Like 1 Share

Re: Should I Adopt My Fiancee's Son Legally? by Nobody: 9:44am On May 08, 2021
Ishilove:

Pocohantas, there are fathers and there are sperm donors. A man who abandons a child at age 4 months is a sperm donor. She might as well have gone to a sperm bank to pay for artificial insemination. The only claim he has to that child is his sperm and nothing else.



Story for the gods, you gurls of nairaland beta relocate to dream land, regardless of all the emotional outburst any father can come @ anytime to claim his child, in as much as DNA proofs paternity.
The worst that might happen is court can deny a deadbeat father custody buh they will creat room for such man in the child's life. even people who go to sperm banks do so anonymously & signed a document which is not the case here. lets be learned

3 Likes 1 Share

Re: Should I Adopt My Fiancee's Son Legally? by Ladyhippolyta88(f): 10:04am On May 08, 2021
JONNYSPUTE:
....My dear see ehee. Is not easy for a man to just wake up and decide to abandon his child totally. It's either he died before the child is birthed or not aware that the said baby mama was pregnant for him. But a man can temporarily abandon his child due to:
1 Not financially stable at the moment.
2 Threat on his life from the baby mama
3 Infidelity on both sides.
4 If he is being denied access to the child by either the baby mama or her entire family.
But in all,he will definitely comes calling one day and what will be her response?
Let us all thread with caution.
Okay.I enjoyed our discussion cheesy do have a blessed day ahead. cool
Re: Should I Adopt My Fiancee's Son Legally? by Nobody: 10:11am On May 08, 2021
And when you give birth to your own son,who would you and your wife regard as your first son, your wife's son or your own son together?......no go start wetin u no go fit finish sir

1 Like

Re: Should I Adopt My Fiancee's Son Legally? by crackhaus: 10:12am On May 08, 2021
JONNYSPUTE:
... Nice one. I never thought towards this angle.
I would not have thought towards that angle either if I hadn't witnessed what situations like this can cause in the future.

I won't want to type too long stories, but hell, there's absolutely no need for a legal adoption here.
I believe I've shared one of such stories a while back here where the man had to send his wife's son from a previous relationship (raised & catered for him since he was 3yrs old) to another country, paid for everything, got him started up with life... and straight up told him to take his eyes off his wealth because he had biological sons from the woman (two for that matter).
All of this was prompted due to issues that were already coming up between the sons while he was still alive... Just imagine what would happen if he were dead. cheesy

Normally, I don't subscribe to marriage between single never-married men and single mothers – it's just too complicated with many moving parts I'd rather these men steer clear off.
Even in cases where there is/was no legal adoption, there have been issues... not to mention when you now want to complicate it further by making a son you did not birth, assume the legitimate firstborn position over the one that came from your sperm. Mbanu...

2 Likes 1 Share

Re: Should I Adopt My Fiancee's Son Legally? by JONNYSPUTE(m): 10:25am On May 08, 2021
crackhaus:

I would not have thought towards that angle either if I hadn't witnessed what situations like this can cause in the future.

I won't want to type too long stories, but hell, there's absolutely no need for a legal adoption here.
I believe I've shared one of such stories a while back here where the man had to send his wife's son from a previous relationship (raised & catered for him since he was 3yrs old) to another country, paid for everything, got him started up with life... and straight up told him to take his eyes off his wealth because he had biological sons from the woman (two for that matter).
All of this was prompted due to issues that were already coming up between the sons while he was still alive... Just imagine what would happen if he were dead. cheesy

Normally, I don't subscribe to marriage between single never-married men and single mothers – it's just too complicated with many moving parts I'd rather these men steer clear off.
Even in cases where there is/was no legal adoption, there have been issues... not to mention when you now want to complicate it further by making a son you did not birth, assume the legitimate firstborn position over the one that came from your sperm. Mbanu...
.... Lol. I doubt the op will still go ahead with his plan after reading this.Thanks alot bro.

1 Like

Re: Should I Adopt My Fiancee's Son Legally? by JONNYSPUTE(m): 10:29am On May 08, 2021
toobusy:
And when you give birth to your own son,who would you and your wife regard as your first son, your wife's son or your own son together?......no go start wetin u no go fit finish sir
... Hahahahaha. And as him dey where him dey call am first son,him real papa just show and the guy follow am, Wetin him go come tell the other of him son?
Ok. Like. Him be my first son before but now you can takeover. Lol

1 Like

Re: Should I Adopt My Fiancee's Son Legally? by Nobody: 11:45am On May 08, 2021
JONNYSPUTE:
... Hahahahaha. And as him dey where him dey call am first son,him real papa just show and the guy follow am, Wetin him go come tell the other of him son?
Ok. Like. Him be my first son before but now you can takeover. Lol
....



Nna m Ike gwuru ooooo

1 Like

Re: Should I Adopt My Fiancee's Son Legally? by ABANGWABOI(m): 12:04pm On May 08, 2021
stanliwise:

Is there an end to this marketing technique?


I know you love this type of thread, I say make I show you your brother

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