people say i am pretty, but i am not really flashy in my looks, more like kelly rolands, genevieve, gabrielle union kind of pretty. i have an okay body( thats what i think anyways), but people say its good. dont have the big booty or big boobs kind of body. everything is kind of proportional. the friends i hang out with are kind of flashier than myself. lighter than me, bigger booty than mine, etc. so they tend to get more attention than myself. on my own, i get complements. but when i am with these girls, they tend to overshadow me in looks. do you think ? is it a good idea to keep on hanging out with them? i also would like guys to pay attention to me. but with them it is kind of impossible. what do you think?

If u base ur self worth on compliments then u might as well kill urself ooo, if those girls are ur true friends then who cares? Confidence goes a long way

It depends! Even if you get any attention dey'll want it. So it's advisable to leave 'em.

Haaa who talk say dark skinned babes are always uglier ehn,e be like say you never meet the michael jackson kind of babe before abi.

@OP as long as you girls are TRUE friends,there's nothing there. Who knows,it could be the way to brighter relationships for you

If you're not okay with that, don't hang around with them because now even I'M curious.

Send me a group photo of you with your friends

Safe

It can be discomforting. But would you rather attract attention from a guy based on only what u look like? U are in a better position to get a guy with character coz he'd come for other reasons like ur wit or sense of humour for instance.

Just make sure u look as good and are confident too. Don't overdo things. Just be urself. There's someone for everyone.

iice:

OP has self worth/beauty issues. All her topics are about that.


And personally i would and do hangout with gorgeous people (subjective). . .saves me time of talking to people i have no energy to talk to.

Yes! I thought I was the only that have noticed because it seem though OP has been rejected multiple times and have been told not beautiful at all. That gotta sucks for those who have low self esteem initially and then someone confirmed it which is a double whammy.

bala3:

people say i am pretty, but i am not really flashy in my looks, more like kelly rolands, genevieve, gabrielle union kind of pretty. i have an okay body( thats what i think anyways), but people say its good. dont have the big booty or big bosoms kind of body. everything is kind of proportional. the friends i hang out with are kind of flashier than myself. lighter than me, bigger booty than mine, etc. so they tend to get more attention than myself. on my own, i get complements. but when i am with these girls, they tend to overshadow me in looks. do you think ? is it a good idea to keep on hanging out with them? i also would like guys to pay attention to me. but with them it is kind of impossible. what do you think?

Despite what a lot of guys say, they love a girl with great personality. Bodies are not everything. If all your friends are dressing up, pouting their lips, and using their bodies to their advantage, then do they opposite to stand out. Talk, socialize, mingle, and flaunt your inner self.

ogugua88:

Despite what a lot of guys say, they love a girl with great personality. Bodies are not everything. If all your friends are dressing up, pouting their lips, and using their bodies to their advantage, then do they opposite to stand out. Talk, socialize, mingle, and flaunt your inner self.

lol-- i find that funny.

@OP, Do you suffer from low self esteem? It sounds like you do.

Anyways it's all about self confidence. You have to work on your esteem. You have to work with what you have. Make the best use of it

@ OP

Let me tell you how this works.  I am one of those so-called beautiful looking chicks you mentioned.  I have several female friends that hang out with me and each of us are beauties in our own right.

You also are a beauty.  I have a few friends who are similar to you in looks and this is what they said to me.  They get more men hanging with me as we get more noticed.  My other female friends, those who are beautiful and have attitudes - run the guys off and those guys run to the other women in our circle(s).  A few of those women are now married to some really, really handsome, hardworking, good guys because they hung out with us.  SO it is a plus from what my friends have told me - hanging with me/us.

Life is exciting - why not enjoy the attention?  Why not enjoy learning from other women and having a comraderie with other women beautiful, plain, not so plain, etc.

Also - beauty is in the eye of the beholder - you would actually be surprised at the number of men that don't like flashy, very noticeable women or who think that you are absolutely beautiful.  Many times you would stand out in a crowd of such women - have you even thought of it in that manner?

Being noticed does give you more options in mates.  I say - keep hanging with your friends.  You are definitely being noticed.  Also WE ARE ALWAYS OUR WORST CRITIC.  So stop being hard on yourself.  Enjoy yourself right now with your friends.  Be appreciative of who you are, what you are and the friends that you have.

My advice to you is to be very much aware that "you are beautiful and desirable."

Here is a FACT:  BEAUTY IS AN ATTITUDE.

Lift your head, throw your shoulders back and carry yourself as the goddess you are - dress as well as you have knowledge to dress. 

Beauty is more of an aura, an attitude, an essence that everyone can carry and can be.  Beauty is gentleness, love, understanding, kindness, adventure, joy, meekness, strength and courage when needed.  That is beauty and when you possess those inner qualities they shine too bright for the world not to see.  They pour from your lips, eyes, mouth, your every action and reaction.  And they are beautiful things to see when you look in the mirror and when others look at you.

People will comment on your hair, skin, eyes, persona - because most people aren't aware that the beauty they are noting is actually that which is from within.  I have seen a plain girl who is fantastic in the manner that she carries herself and receives much more attention because of her swag.  "Though we couldn't put our finger on any one particular quality that she possessed - we did see right away - There was just so many different things about her that commanded admiration, attention and respect from onlookers and she wasn't necessarily a movie star in her appearance but men and women noticed her up close and from afar as being uniquely special." And they used the word "beautiful" when they described her to others. But by society standards (those vary) she was considered plain. But few noticed her plainness because she was so creative and quality in her dress, her walk, her talk and enunciation was flawless, intelligent and attractive to all that heard her voice. Her hair was well cared for, her skin as well - clear and supple. Be the very best that you can be and maintain it.

YOU SHOULD BE THAT PERSON - focus on you - highlight your features - stop comparing yourself to others - you are wasting time doing that - focus on your features - there are many many men that love women of your complexion, shape, height - YOU STAND OUT in your current crowd.

Your focus should be on changing how YOU VIEW YOUR CROWD AND YOUR POSITION IN THAT CROWD and not focusing on HOW YOU COMPARE TO WHO STANDS NEXT TO YOU.  Don't change your crowd - change your view of YOURSELF.  Focus on shining and standing out IN ANY CROWD.  That is my focus - I encourage you to make it YOUR FOCUS AS WELL.

Don't forget that "I told you so."

I look forward to your coming back to this thread sharing experiences testifying to that very real fact.

OP has mental issues --- probably a body distortion disorder.

Giving "You are beautiful" advices and prep talk to someone who has self esteem issues is like trying to tell a crackhead that the crack is not good for them.  It doesn't work and she will need to speak with a professional therapist who can help her realize the core of her issues.  I am sure it is not just the self esteem in itself and there are something deeper than that. 

You can't just give a person who is deeply rooted in pain a band aid prep talk and think everything will work.  Let be realistic people.  You have to first realize you have an issue until you do the cycle of self decimation will continue.

Pray you will realize that soon and seek help for those deeply rooted issues.  You can do it. 

There are women who are coined beautiful by the self appointed beauty judges dealing with the same thing that you are dealing with.  They have self esteem issues because of something deeply rooted in them.  People are constantly telling them "Oh, you are so beautiful", "I wish to look like you one day", and "You are so lucky" not knowing that the very persons they are idolizing having a nervous breakdown.  So do not assumed that "beautiful" women are in the prime of their lives because MANY of them are not. 

I know several "beautiful" women who are doing anything and everything they can to get a man or keep a man even if he is no good to them.  That to me is a woman who is suffering from self esteem issues and few other issues. 

There are SOMEBODY for everybody even if you do not think you are beautiful the person for YOU will think the world of you.  TRUST ME.   Happy thoughts.   

@Op
You are jealous, greedy, selfish, anxious, depressed - inshort, you need a psychologist. You've some serious problems.

@ Chima and Crude:

I seriously doubt that her issues are deep issues.  She sounds very young - most young women even those coined beautiful are insecure.  She just sounds a little insecure.  Let's not rack up a therapy bill just yet. lolololo

A large majority of women when they look back in their life - they usually say "I wish I knew then what I know now" and "I hated my younger years - I was soo insecure and unsure."

To me - she sounds a little insecure - she doesn't sound on any level like she has deep rooted issues that require professional help.  I think assuming that she needs quakery versus logical thinking (not a pep talk) will do wonders for her - if she applies herself to her own video in a different manner.

@ OP

You'll be just fine - focus on YOU.

Insecurity is in the same umbrella as self esteem issues. Age has nothing to do with insecurity nor self esteem issues. There are women who are in their late 20's, 30's, 40's, and older dealing with the same thing.

She will need to realize that she has an issue first before anything can be done and therapy can help her tremendously.


OP, I seriously hope that you take what I said about beautiful women dealing with the same thing you are dealing with, self esteem issues. It does not discriminate nor have favorites.

Start by learning to stop being a whiny girl who compares herself to her friends.

One thing I hate is comparing myself to other people. Why compare when we are all different and unique?

For Christ sake, your self worth shouldn't be in the hands of people.

Just because guys pay more attention to your friends, you automatically assumed they are all prettier than you?
Somebody shot me please! It really does seem ridiculous to take an opinion as the expression of a truth about you.
I don't understand why the words and actions of guys suddenly have the authority to define who you are    
Women (and indeed people) come in all shapes and sizes and attraction remains relative and subjective.
Some men like big backside, some don't. Not every men like big bosoms either.


Here's the thing, you will always be you, doesn't matter whether a zillion guys compliments or criticize you. Nothing will add or subtract from your look.
You get to decide your self image. Not other people. The clue is in the word "SELF image". It belongs to you.

It is not wise to judge what u are by compliments from people, but then it seems like a psychological thing (on your part) So if u feel getting the attention u desire does not come from hanging with your "more attractive" friends, then stop hanging out with them.
It seems u'll prefer hanging out with the uglier ones instead, just to prove a point?, Its all in your hands!!

rokiatu:

Start by learning to stop being a whiny girl who compares herself to her friends.

One thing I hate is comparing myself to other people. Why compare when we are all different and unique?

For Christ sake, your self worth shouldn't be in the hands of people.

Just because guys pay more attention to your friends, you automatically assumed they are all prettier than you?
Somebody shot me please! It really does seem ridiculous to take an opinion as the expression of a truth about you.
I don't understand why the words and actions of guys suddenly have the authority to define who you are    
Women (and indeed people) come in all shapes and sizes and attraction remains relative and subjective.
Some men like big backside, some don't. Not every men like big bosoms either.


Here's the thing, you will always be you, doesn't matter whether a zillion guys compliments or criticize you. Nothing will add or subtract from your look.
You get to decide your self image. Not other people. The clue is in the word "SELF image". It belongs to you.

Hey wifey!  

I have noticed that MOST women live on the compliments and validation from men.  They have allowed men to control their true essence of being a woman.  I knew a woman who committed suicide because a guy she was interested in told her she need to fix her teeth because two of her teeth were jagged.  Accordingly to her the guy told her she looked like Peter the rabbit and he is not into bestiality.  

She is now six feet under because some worthless man told her she is not worthy.  

Without realizing the lack of self worth will continue in every relationships she enter because she will think other women are beautiful and her man going to leave her for them.

Mr, Cork:

ermm Mrs Chima. I rather date a tree than to date you. (no oofeinse)

[size=55pt]The feeling is MUTUAL believe that. [/size]

Mrs.Chima:

Hey wifey!

I have noticed that MOST women live on the compliments and validation from men. They have allowed men to control their true essence of being a woman. I knew a woman who committed suicide because a guy she was interested in told her she need to fix her teeth because two of her teeth were jagged. Accordingly to her the guy told her she looked like Peter the rabbit and he is not into bestiality.

She is now six feet under because some worthless man told her she is not worthy. Without realizing the lack of self worth will continue in every relationships she enter because she will think other women are beautiful and her man going to leave her for them.

OMG. Are you serious? I feel sorry for her poor family.

rokiatu:

Start by learning to stop being a whiny girl who compares herself to her friends.

One thing I hate is comparing myself to other people. Why compare when we are all different and unique?

For Christ sake, your self worth shouldn't be in the hands of people.

Just because guys pay more attention to your friends, you automatically assumed they are all prettier than you?
Somebody shot me please! It really does seem ridiculous to take an opinion as the expression of a truth about you.
I don't understand why the words and actions of guys suddenly have the authority to define who you are    
Women (and indeed people) come in all shapes and sizes and attraction remains relative and subjective.
Some men like big backside, some don't. Not every men like big bosoms either.


Here's the thing, you will always be you, doesn't matter whether a zillion guys compliments or criticize you. Nothing will add or subtract from your look.
You get to decide your self image. Not other people. The clue is in the word "SELF image". It belongs to you.

Roki:

Excellent advice.

I agree.