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My Ongoing Experience Recovering From My Wife's Infidelity - Family (2) - Nairaland

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Re: My Ongoing Experience Recovering From My Wife's Infidelity by Hashabiah: 1:06pm On May 26
[quoteauthor=bukatyne post=102081162]

What did Jesus say Pastor wa?[/quote]

Go and read Matthew 19:9

Where Jesus said " I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife [b]except for marital unfaithfulness [/b]and marries another woman commits adultery . Look at the bolded. It is clear and straightforward. And it is a legal ground for divorce
Re: My Ongoing Experience Recovering From My Wife's Infidelity by Winneygirl(f): 1:12pm On May 26
Hashabiah:
This is not the place. Read Matthew 19:9, “I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness ... ". The bolded is legal ground to divorce a woman who is caught in the act of adultery

So Prophet, you are selecting the part of the Bible that you like....Weldone Sir.

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Re: My Ongoing Experience Recovering From My Wife's Infidelity by bukatyne(f): 1:12pm On May 26
Bhus21:
2 days after I found out and going through emotional turmoil. I resolved to do the Christ-like thing and give the marriage a chance. I spoke to her at length and tried to convince her of her folly. I then made a candle-lit dinner at night and bought some flowers. I then extracted a commitment to work on the marriage for 6 months.

So imagine my horror when 2 days later I find out she was still talking to her affair partner for hours. Omo this wahala is even deeper than I thought.

She has decided to walk.

Why is she walking though? Is the relationship with the guy a fling or she wants to enter another committed relationship with him?

As much as you want to 'save' your marriage in a Christ-like manner, the ball is ultimately in her court.

Like Apostle Paul said, if the unbelieving spouse wants to go, let them go.

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Re: My Ongoing Experience Recovering From My Wife's Infidelity by Hashabiah: 1:12pm On May 26
Bhus21:


Certainly allowing people who've done bad things to eat their cake and have it is not a good thing. Being cruel deliberately on the other hand is not a good thing either. I'm by nature a kind person that hates wahala. I also recognize that because of our kids we will always have a connection. So while cruelty may be temporarily soothing, it will have long-term negative effects for everyone involved such that it's not worthwhile.

Several people here have rushed to suggest divorce. The challenge with divorce is that you are just replacing one problem with another problem that's potentially more complex and difficult. So divorce may be the ultimate answer but it doesn't come without its challenges so the decision must not be taken lightly.
Your wife cheated on you today, what makes you think she will not cheat on your tomorrow and the day after that? Even if you reconcil, are you ready to handle the knowledge that your wife's infidelity is still a stain to your home and marriage?

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Re: My Ongoing Experience Recovering From My Wife's Infidelity by Hashabiah: 1:13pm On May 26
Winneygirl:


So Prophet, you are selecting the part of the Bible that you like....Weldone Sir.
I am not selecting aunty. This is the foundation of how marriages are annulled under Christianity. And secondly, why should he be yoked with a rebellious wife who has caused nothing but shame and disgrace to him and his children...? Put yourself in his position

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Re: My Ongoing Experience Recovering From My Wife's Infidelity by bukatyne(f): 1:19pm On May 26
Hashabiah:


Go and read Matthew 19:9

Where Jesus said " I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife [b]except for marital unfaithfulness [/b]and marries another woman commits adultery . Look at the bolded. It is clear and straightforward. And it is a legal ground for divorce

Same Jesus who said adultery (or unfaithfulness/fornication) is a ground for divorce also forgave an actual adulterous wife that was caught in the act.

In essence, it is not compulsory to divorce after adultery. It is the poster's choice to (forgive and divorce) or (forgive and stay).

1 Like

Re: My Ongoing Experience Recovering From My Wife's Infidelity by Jeon(m): 1:21pm On May 26
Bhus21:
Some 3 weeks ago I confronted my wife about a man she'd been seeing. She unapologetically told me she had slept with him and wanted a divorce. This is my attempt to process this shock to my system and heal from the trauma.

Sorry..

I guess karma is a bitch

1 Like

Re: My Ongoing Experience Recovering From My Wife's Infidelity by Themainboy22: 1:21pm On May 26
Op you sound like a weak man. A woman who confidently told you she want to divorce, after you caught her shagging another man, is the same woman you are seeking advise on how to convince to think otherwise? If you like, don't take the kids for DNA test to ascertain you are their father. Do the following and continue begging her, who knows one day, God will touch her heart to stop cheating on you: 1 Always wake up around 4:30 am to prepare her favourite dish for breakfast. 2 prepare hot water and use it to bath her every morning. 3 dress sexy, wear on expensive and seductive perfumes whenever you are around her. You know The future is female and women are easily moved by what the see or perceive. Goodluck!.

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Re: My Ongoing Experience Recovering From My Wife's Infidelity by Hashabiah: 1:22pm On May 26
bukatyne:


Same Jesus who said adultery (or unfaithfulness/fornication) is a ground for divorce also forgave an actual adulterous wife that was caught in the act.

In essence, it is not compulsory to divorce after adultery. It is the poster's choice to (forgive and divorce) or (forgive and stay).

Forgiveness is permissible. But the stigma and shame is something forgiveness cannot erase. And no matter how you try to butter it, it is a disgraceful thing!

1 Like

Re: My Ongoing Experience Recovering From My Wife's Infidelity by SHOPPERS(m): 1:24pm On May 26
I think in situations like this, it is important to know WHY first.

For me, the moment I know why then I will decide if to let go fully or if there's need to do DNA or any other actions to take.

And from the fact that she boldly told you herself instead of feeling remorseful, she was not doing it for you not to find out. She already made her choice a long time ago and you stand no chance. There might be no recovery from this. Just take care of yourself and your kids when you're sure they are yours.

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Re: My Ongoing Experience Recovering From My Wife's Infidelity by bukatyne(f): 1:30pm On May 26
Hashabiah:
Forgiveness is permissible. But the stigma and shame is something forgiveness cannot erase. And no matter how you try to butter it, it is a disgraceful thing!

Are we referencing the same Bible or is this according to your culture?

Because you are mixing the two. Christianity is not about doing what is 'easy'. Forgiveness of any offence is not easy and if Christ was looking at the Stigma and Shame, He would not have died a shameful death on the cross.

You need to stick to one to make your point.

1 Like

Re: My Ongoing Experience Recovering From My Wife's Infidelity by Ejike07: 1:43pm On May 26
Bhus21:
Some 3 weeks ago I confronted my wife about a man she'd been seeing. She unapologetically told me she had slept with him and wanted a divorce. This is my attempt to process this shock to my system and heal from the trauma.

It has happened my brother. God almighty knows everything before they happen, what do you think would have happened in the next 4 or 5 or 10 years, probably you may have ended up dead. So count it all joy. Infidelity in women is something that one shouldn't handle with kid gloves, death mostly results in the process especially. Let's face the Stark naked truth, in the event you don't give her that, she will definitely resort to eliminating you, conniving with her lover. If she asks for divorce, give it to her. Pls be a man and give yourself joy

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Re: My Ongoing Experience Recovering From My Wife's Infidelity by Hashabiah: 1:54pm On May 26
bukatyne:


Are we referencing the same Bible or is this according to your culture?

Because you are mixing the two. Christianity is not about doing what is 'easy'. Forgiveness of any offence is not easy and if Christ was looking at the Stigma and Shame, He would not have died a shameful death on the cross.

You need to stick to one to make your point.
It seems you do not understand what I am saying so it is pointless taking you banter serious

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Re: My Ongoing Experience Recovering From My Wife's Infidelity by shopwiser: 2:00pm On May 26
Oga go for DNA test...it will even be sweet if the kid ain't yours....cut ties with that Jezebel and her infirments...Walk as a free man... Marriage is a scam...I will never marry...these women always have nothing to offer.. my prayer is let the kids not be urs self.. you just dodged a bullet you don't know what God has done for you sha. Do DNA test on those kids

1 Like

Re: My Ongoing Experience Recovering From My Wife's Infidelity by Miarose: 2:00pm On May 26
Give her what she wants, else it will always be as if you are begging her and it still wont work. The grass often looks greener on the other side., let he go and taste and see.
Bhus21:
2 days after I found out and going through emotional turmoil. I resolved to do the Christ-like thing and give the marriage a chance. I spoke to her at length and tried to convince her of her folly. I then made a candle-lit dinner at night and bought some flowers. I then extracted a commitment to work on the marriage for 6 months.

So imagine my horror when 2 days later I find out she was still talking to her affair partner for hours. Omo this wahala is even deeper than I thought.

2 Likes

Re: My Ongoing Experience Recovering From My Wife's Infidelity by Olril18(m): 2:48pm On May 26
Bhus21:
2 days after I found out and going through emotional turmoil. I resolved to do the Christ-like thing and give the marriage a chance. I spoke to her at length and tried to convince her of her folly. I then made a candle-lit dinner at night and bought some flowers. I then extracted a commitment to work on the marriage for 6 months.

So imagine my horror when 2 days later I find out she was still talking to her affair partner for hours. Omo this wahala is even deeper than I thought.
fake story...
next!!

1 Like

Re: My Ongoing Experience Recovering From My Wife's Infidelity by ArticleBeast: 3:44pm On May 26
Another fake useless story from one idiot in his boys quarter

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Re: My Ongoing Experience Recovering From My Wife's Infidelity by Hathor5(f): 3:59pm On May 26
Bhus21:
2 days after I found out and going through emotional turmoil. I resolved to do the Christ-like thing and give the marriage a chance. I spoke to her at length and tried to convince her of her folly. I then made a candle-lit dinner at night and bought some flowers. I then extracted a commitment to work on the marriage for 6 months.

So imagine my horror when 2 days later I find out she was still talking to her affair partner for hours. Omo this wahala is even deeper than I thought.

I think that Heaven was created for people like you. God knows I can never been so nice under these circumstances but I admire you.

4 Likes

Re: My Ongoing Experience Recovering From My Wife's Infidelity by Hathor5(f): 4:00pm On May 26
shopwiser:
Oga go for DNA test...it will even be sweet if the kid ain't yours....cut ties with that Jezebel and her infirments...Walk as a free man... Marriage is a scam...I will never marry...these women always have nothing to offer.. my prayer is let the kids not be urs self.. you just dodged a bullet you don't know what God has done for you sha. Do DNA test on those kids

You really don't know what you are saying.

3 Likes

Re: My Ongoing Experience Recovering From My Wife's Infidelity by shopwiser: 4:07pm On May 26
Hathor5:


You really don't know what you are saying.
don't be a rétard and tag me again in your lifetime cos I don't remember tagging you...

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Re: My Ongoing Experience Recovering From My Wife's Infidelity by Twelfthman: 4:14pm On May 26
You should be happy.
A lot of people had given you good advise already so it better you listen and take action. . .
But first find out if those kids are of your gene
Re: My Ongoing Experience Recovering From My Wife's Infidelity by Ishilove: 4:17pm On May 26
Bhus21:
Some 3 weeks ago I confronted my wife about a man she'd been seeing. She unapologetically told me she had slept with him and wanted a divorce. This is my attempt to process this shock to my system and heal from the trauma.
This is cold.
Re: My Ongoing Experience Recovering From My Wife's Infidelity by Ishilove: 4:21pm On May 26
Bhus21:


Yes, we had a low conflict marriage. Of course, there were the usual challenges of marriage but nothing insurmountable. And not like I wasn't willing to improve and work on it. In fact, I've steadily improved as a husband by her own admission. This particular act is entirely inexplicable to me so I'm still trying to make sense of it all.
Na wa oh
Re: My Ongoing Experience Recovering From My Wife's Infidelity by Ishilove: 4:24pm On May 26
Bhus21:
2 days after I found out and going through emotional turmoil. I resolved to do the Christ-like thing and give the marriage a chance. I spoke to her at length and tried to convince her of her folly. I then made a candle-lit dinner at night and bought some flowers. I then extracted a commitment to work on the marriage for 6 months.

So imagine my horror when 2 days later I find out she was still talking to her affair partner for hours. Omo this wahala is even deeper than I thought.
This is so sad...
Re: My Ongoing Experience Recovering From My Wife's Infidelity by Bhus21: 4:52pm On May 26
A few posters think this is a made-up scenario. Even me in the situation the thing be me like film. I keep thinking I will pinch myself one day and wake up from this nightmare.

What's worse is is that you don't even know near half of the story. For example, the fact that I warned her about the guy before. Cried and begged her to stay away from him. She didn't listen and went ahead to sleep with him. So the betrayal is a very deep one.

One poster said I am a weak man. I can tell you for a fact that the easiest thing to do is to walk away and not look back. I am young, successful, and attractive so a new relationship is the least of my worries. My biggest concern, and why I'm trying to act rationally is because of our 3 young kids. They are innocent and didn't ask for any of this so I'm trying to ensure their well-being. If we divorce, we are going to rip their world apart so suddenly and cruelly. No kid deserves that at all.

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Re: My Ongoing Experience Recovering From My Wife's Infidelity by Bhus21: 4:56pm On May 26
olabrinks:
Have you ever cheated on her?
What is your communication level like ?
Does she seem to be going through a phase of boredom?
Your marriage can still be revived, but it needs the effort of both parties. A lot of men have experienced infidelity on the women’s part and have quietly resolved issues and moved on with their family in tact. Women rarely cheat for no reason, you really need to dig deep and find out what the issue is before taking any further action.

I have an issue with the idea that women rarely cheat for no reason. Of course, every marriage has its ups and downs, does that justify cheating? What's the point of a vow and commitment then?

If you want to end a marriage, cheating is not the way to do it. End it the right way then go off with whoever you want to go off with. If you feel neglected or offended. Seek help with communicating well and if it doesn't work, leave. Cheating unapologetically makes the situation 10 times worse not better.

1 Like

Re: My Ongoing Experience Recovering From My Wife's Infidelity by Kondomatic(m): 5:20pm On May 26
Winneygirl:
Take some time.
Have a heart to heart talk with her. So you ask the questions that are burning in your heart.
So you can know if your marriage is salvageable...
That is the first step.
It's not
Re: My Ongoing Experience Recovering From My Wife's Infidelity by Bobbyjay001(m): 5:24pm On May 26
RightToReject:
Don't tell me that you'll grant her a divorce just like that without first subjecting her to severe cruelty that will last her for a lifetime - this should be the way, unless you haven't been fair to her from the inception, thus her action now. When you allow people to continually have their cake and eat it, you automatically become an enabler of their inhumaneness in particular and evil in general.

Which type of cruelty/trauma do you suggest he put her to? I want to learn one or two things pls.
Re: My Ongoing Experience Recovering From My Wife's Infidelity by OyinNurse(f): 5:25pm On May 26
Bhus21:
Some 3 weeks ago I confronted my wife about a man she'd been seeing. She unapologetically told me she had slept with him and wanted a divorce. This is my attempt to process this shock to my system and heal from the trauma.

OP, please take heart; I can't even imagine what you must be going through emotionally. Just try to take it easy so it doesn't affect your physical health. What a heartless woman! I call her heartless not because she cheated and put her marriage/family life in jeopardy; for that, I call her careless. No, I call her heartless for the way she blurted it out to you with no regard for your feelings. No married woman is perfect but strict boundaries are needful to guard the sanctity of marriage o. Infidelity is nothing to sneeze at! In fact, I can't tolerate it, and neither can my husband. We are both Christians but how can you forgive and/or forget this level of utter betrayal? It is obvious she made her choice already and she does not love you anymore. Pls let her go....but what of the innocent babies? How will you split them? Has she taken all of this into consideration? Please you have to summon courage, Sir, even though your heart is breaking, for the sake of the babies. Sit down and have a rational discussion with her about how to make the aftermath easy on the babies. They must not suffer for their mother's carelessness o. Please involve family and trusted wise ones to help with the kids while you iron out the logistics with your wife. I will be praying for your family....take heart.

4 Likes

Re: My Ongoing Experience Recovering From My Wife's Infidelity by Kondomatic(m): 5:26pm On May 26
olabrinks:
Have you ever cheated on her?
What is your communication level like ?
Does she seem to be going through a phase of boredom?
Your marriage can still be revived, but it needs the effort of both parties. A lot of men have experienced infidelity on the women’s part and have quietly resolved issues and moved on with their family in tact. Women rarely cheat for no reason, you really need to dig deep and find out what the issue is before taking any further action.
I feel like giving your head a romantic pat with a hammer

7 Likes

Re: My Ongoing Experience Recovering From My Wife's Infidelity by Kondomatic(m): 5:33pm On May 26
Bhus21:
2 days after I found out and going through emotional turmoil. I resolved to do the Christ-like thing and give the marriage a chance. I spoke to her at length and tried to convince her of her folly. I then made a candle-lit dinner at night and bought some flowers. I then extracted a commitment to work on the marriage for 6 months.

So imagine my horror when 2 days later I find out she was still talking to her affair partner for hours. Omo this wahala is even deeper than I thought.
Boss, I really can't say that I understand what you're going through right now because I have never been there but I have to let you know that you shouldn't handle this alone.

Are you a Christian? Get your pastor and church elders involved.

Are your parents and her parents alive? Get them involved too.

Don't try to handle this as man, the weight is too heavy for you and she doesn't care, and won't care.

It's one thing for a woman to cheat and another thing for her to cheat proudly and rub it on your face, it's not for me to tell you what to do but one thing is obvious, your marriage is gone.

Trying to salvage it for the sake of the kids will end in more tears, trust me on this.

It's akin to postponing the major pains because it's either she leaves later or she will remove you from this earth so she can have her way.

Stay away from her.

Working on a dead marriage because you love your kids means you don't love yourself.

Cry the cry once chief, don't postpone it

13 Likes

Re: My Ongoing Experience Recovering From My Wife's Infidelity by SweetCuntess: 5:33pm On May 26
Bhus21:
2 days after I found out and going through emotional turmoil. I resolved to do the Christ-like thing and give the marriage a chance. I spoke to her at length and tried to convince her of her folly. I then made a candle-lit dinner at night and bought some flowers. I then extracted a commitment to work on the marriage for 6 months.

So imagine my horror when 2 days later I find out she was still talking to her affair partner for hours. Omo this wahala is even deeper than I thought.
She fell out of love with you and into another man's arms. I just hope she wakes up from her foolishness soon cos she'd come crying it's d devil if the idiot dumps her tomorrow.

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