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New Job Wahala--- Mature advise from married people needed. - Jobs/Vacancies - Nairaland

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New Job Wahala--- Mature advise from married people needed. by Tjra: 2:24pm On Jun 06
LONG STORY ALERT!!!


Good afternoon Nairaland.

God has been so good to my family this year and a particular blessing has been giving us sleepless night.

I work with a big organisation here in Lagos and currently earn about N600k. I used to work in the branch since my entry level days 6 years ago until I was able to runz the head office movement.

Ever since I join the HQ two years, my life has been at ease. No weekend duties, no sickening pressures from customers. I have been able to develop my self, complete the professional courses I abandoned and can rest well on weekends/public holidays.

The worklife balance now isn't only the advantage of working at the HQ. The career progression and rapid promotion crowns it all.

My spouse earns a little above N400k and we manage ourselves well. Our combined income isn't that much but we've been able to achieve a lot due to our mutual cooperation. She commits her resources 100% into our home. Some people see me as a "big man" outside, no knowing I am actually enjoying the reward of marrying a good wife.

My wife recently got a job very lucrative job. Salary is about N1.5M monthly. She was on the process for close to a year. You can imagine our joy when she was eventually given an offer. This job is a huge one for us as a family and will make life more sweet.

My pain now is the job is based at Abuja and that means she has to relocate there with our kids. Abuja is not where I can drive to considering the security situation of Nigeria. Also, it won't be wise to fly down every week (I also have hidden phobia for heights cry) because of costs and other attendant risks.

I actually want us to live together as a family most especially because of our kids. Some Kids tend to be spoilt when raised almost alone their mothers. As a father, I want to jointly raise them with their mother and also instill discipline lipsrsealed in them appropriately.

The only solution on sight is to ask my company for redeployment to a branch at Abuja. This I fear might return me back to "Egypt". I.e days of stunted growth, no promotions. In summary, I am scared of killing my career by myself.

My wife is okay with us visiting each other every month but I am vehemently against it.

Someone please help cry cry

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Re: New Job Wahala--- Mature advise from married people needed. by Tjra: 2:29pm On Jun 06
Also, note that it will take a big deal of effort on my part to convince my current supervisors that I want to leave them for Abuja.

They actually would be heartbroken because they almost always recommend me for promotion over the other guys I met in the new department.

Makes me feel like I am about to betray them but the truth for me is Family first over job/career for me.

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Re: New Job Wahala--- Mature advise from married people needed. by Cutehector(m): 2:47pm On Jun 06
listen to your wife mr man.

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Re: New Job Wahala--- Mature advise from married people needed. by Ishilove: 2:55pm On Jun 06
This one is tough o

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Re: New Job Wahala--- Mature advise from married people needed. by saintade01(m): 2:57pm On Jun 06
I will actually advise you try out your wife's idea maybe for a (give or take) year.
After this, you guys can now decide who to compromise later.

My10kobo wink

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Re: New Job Wahala--- Mature advise from married people needed. by Manq(m): 3:07pm On Jun 06
This is a tough one! I can't tell you to take my advice but what I can tell you is that money makes the world go round but money makes a woman spin counterclockwise.. if you are sure she won't fault you when you're supposed to handle some responsibilities or you're mind starts to play games on you when her phone is online but she's not replying your mails (she could have just fallen asleep while reading), maybe effect decisions made by her while you should have been informed.. if you can handle these.. Lay your hands on her forehead and pray for their safe travel

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Re: New Job Wahala--- Mature advise from married people needed. by ojun50(m): 3:10pm On Jun 06
Allow her go
Visit them ones or twice in a month
Family first we all know but family with out job is like hell.

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Re: New Job Wahala--- Mature advise from married people needed. by psucc(m): 3:11pm On Jun 06
You can't eat your cake and have it. You must sacrifice one - the job or relationship.

By your analysis, over a million naira monthly do enter your family purse and you are still bent on Oliver Twist.

You get mind.

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Re: New Job Wahala--- Mature advise from married people needed. by Mindlog: 3:15pm On Jun 06
psucc:
You can't eat your cake and have it. You must sacrifice one - the job or relationship.

By your analysis, over a million naira monthly do enter your family purse and you are still bent on Oliver Twist.

You get mind.

cheesy cheesy cheesy

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Re: New Job Wahala--- Mature advise from married people needed. by OlabodeTECH: 3:17pm On Jun 06
psucc:
You can't eat your cake and have it. You must sacrifice one - the job or relationship.

By your analysis, over a million naira monthly do enter your family purse and you are still bent on Oliver Twist.

You get mind.
Oga, Buhari's regime has turned the value N1M to N250k oo. You need more to cushion the effects of hyperinflation, increasing costs of goods etc..

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Re: New Job Wahala--- Mature advise from married people needed. by Tjra: 3:28pm On Jun 06
It's actually a tough one. Most especially because the kids are pre-schoolers. The eldest is 4 years.

They are a bit stubborn/mischievous and need some iron hand occasionally. Their mum is the soft type cry

Things seem easy a bit now because we splits bills for house rents, fuel, home maintenance etc.. now we have to run two two homes (I could get a self contained though).

Monthly return flight ticket cost a fortune though

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Re: New Job Wahala--- Mature advise from married people needed. by boldx: 3:30pm On Jun 06
Bro, take a short leave and see your wife and family off to Abuja. Help them get a house, a school and let them settle down. Lesson: Women can blame you later for limiting their career path if something goes wrong.

Then go back to Lagos to your job. Trust God for a way out with all your heart. As time goes on, you and your wife can make adjustments but please do NOT resign from your job for now. With time, this issue will be sorted out.

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Re: New Job Wahala--- Mature advise from married people needed. by Tjra: 3:31pm On Jun 06
psucc:
You can't eat your cake and have it. You must sacrifice one - the job or relationship.

By your analysis, over a million naira monthly do enter your family purse and you are still bent on Oliver Twist.

You get mind.
My wife is presently a contract staff. Relatively good pay but she can be asked to leave anytime.

This is the main reason she's taking up the job not just because of the pay.

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Re: New Job Wahala--- Mature advise from married people needed. by Tjra: 3:35pm On Jun 06
boldx:
Bro, take a short leave and let see your wife and family off to Abuja. Help them get a house, a school and let them settle down. Lesson: Women can

Then go back to Lagos to your job. Trust God for a way out with all your heart. As time goes on, you and your wife can make adjustments but please do NOT resign from your job for now. With time, this issue will be sorted out.
Thank you sir

I can NEVER resign. I only intend to seek a transfer to our Abuja branch. Branches are 'dead end' careerwise. Many would do almost anything to be in HQ.

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Re: New Job Wahala--- Mature advise from married people needed. by Klass99(f): 3:40pm On Jun 06
You both have options;

1. She declines the new job and sticks with the 400k plus job.

2. You let her go to Abuja and you both visit each other like she suggested but that's not very cost effective, especially if you're running two homes and that 1.5M may not be so profitable at the end of the day.

3. Speak with your bosses and request a transfer to Abuja, so you stay together as a family where you can be actively involved in training your kids - women make sacrifices like these for their hubby's and hubby's career and for the sake of their families as a whole, why does it seem so hard for you men to do so for the same reasons women do?

400k + 600k income is not bad for one household, just make sure you don't increase the number of kids, because life is not going to be less expensive as we all grow older.

Modified to add: You're the head of your family, your final decision should prevail, but please dialogue with wifey do a pros and cons list together on all of your options. Think it through really well and run it by the Good Lord, then choose. The choice that floods your heart with peace will most likely be the best one for you all.

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Re: New Job Wahala--- Mature advise from married people needed. by boldx: 3:54pm On Jun 06
OP, I think I am against asking your bosses for a transfer immediately. You can do so after 3 months - 6 months.

Since you said, the branches are dead. Please do NOT count on your wife's salary if you have to leave that job (after a transfer) cos women can get very emotional some times when their husbands have no job.

Please ensure you do NOT get involved in any argument with your wife all through this period or else she may think you are envious of her progress. Let her understand there is no basis for competition between you too.

Bottomline: Your transfer cannot be sudden. Give it time. Hope you understand what I mean.

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Re: New Job Wahala--- Mature advise from married people needed. by ecolime(m): 3:55pm On Jun 06
Klass99:
You both have options;

1. She declines the new job and sticks with the 400k plus job.

2. You let her go to Abuja and you both visit each other like she suggested but that's not very cost effective, especially if you're running two homes and that 1.5M may not be so profitable at the end of the day.

3. Speak with your bosses and request a transfer to Abuja, so you stay together as a family where you can be actively involved in training your kids - women make sacrifices like these for their hubby's and hubby's career and for the sake of their families as a whole, why does it seem so hard for you men to do so for the same reasons women do?

400k + 600k income is not bad for one household, just make sure you don't increase the number of kids, because life is not going to be less expensive as we all grow older.

That's we men for you. Lol

The truth is everyone knows Nigerian women hardly respect their men when they earn better. So, we men have to always up our game. This doesn't mean we shouldn't support our women for the good of everyone though.

Him going to Abuja means he will be at a disadvantaged position. I wish I can advise him though.

This is tough oo

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Re: New Job Wahala--- Mature advise from married people needed. by Klass99(f): 4:14pm On Jun 06
ecolime:

That's we men for you. Lol

The truth is everyone knows Nigerian women hardly respect their men when they earn better. So, we men have to always up our game. This doesn't mean we shouldn't support our women for the good of everyone though.

Him going to Abuja means he will be at a disadvantaged position. I wish I can advise him though.

This is tough oo

grin Selfish lot. You guys need to quit this narrative that the more a woman earns the less respectful she becomes, there are exceptions to every rule, she may be one of those exceptions.

Some women are more crazy about family life, home and kids than money, they wouldn't want to lose that. If I were his wife and this was a UN job.....I move o! grin Make I go start work first, then we'll work out the modalities of the rest.

It's actually not hard for men to do so, when it serves their interest. A guy moved overseas with his wife and family, when wifey's company relocated her, it was one of this multinational oil companies.

Why didn't he choose to remain in Naija and visit as often as possible?

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Re: New Job Wahala--- Mature advise from married people needed. by Tjra: 4:24pm On Jun 06
Klass99:


grin Selfish lot. You guys need to quit this narrative that the more a woman earns the less respectful she becomes, there are exceptions to every rule, she may be one of those exceptions.

Some women are more crazy about family life, home and kids than money, they wouldn't want to lose that. If I were his wife and this was a UN job.....I move o! grin Make I go start work first, then we'll work out the modalities of the rest.

It's actually not hard for men to do so, when it serves their interest. A guy moved overseas with his wife and family, when wifey's company relocated her, it was one of this multinational oil companies.

Why didn't he choose to remain in Naija and visit as often as possible?

Ma'am, these are two different situations. If her job is one that involve moving abroad as an expatriate, I would relocate without blinking an eye.

I can do a menial job abroad (they pay fairly well) without shame till I secure a better job.

This is Naija

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Re: New Job Wahala--- Mature advise from married people needed. by ecolime(m): 4:32pm On Jun 06
Klass99:


grin Selfish lot. You guys need to quit this narrative that the more a woman earns the less respectful she becomes, there are exceptions to every rule, she may be one of those exceptions.

Some women are more crazy about family life, home and kids than money, they wouldn't want to lose that. If I were his wife and this was a UN job.....I move o! grin Make I go start work first, then we'll work out the modalities of the rest.

It's actually not hard for men to do so, when it serves their interest. A guy moved overseas with his wife and family, when wifey's company relocated her, it was one of this multinational oil companies.

Why didn't he choose to remain in Naija and visit as often as possible?

Moving abroad at the expense of her company? They are incomparable. I no go think am oo. Some Ogas earning 3M plus for my coy sef don japa.

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Re: New Job Wahala--- Mature advise from married people needed. by EdoAirline: 5:04pm On Jun 06
Look at it from this Perspective

The grass is Greener where you water it...

whatever your decision is...make sure you put your efforts there

That's all I can say regarding this matter
Re: New Job Wahala--- Mature advise from married people needed. by peppermint7(m): 5:04pm On Jun 06
Bros this your matter choke
But I’ll I can say is let her relocate.
Then you do the monthly visit thing or better still.
Request for transfer as per na de same salary
Gbayi.
Life goes on

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Re: New Job Wahala--- Mature advise from married people needed. by Kobicove(m): 5:05pm On Jun 06
@Tjra

I would advise that you take your wife and kids to Abuja to settle in then come back to Lagos and look for a smaller apartment...after 12 months you can request transfer to the branch office in Abuja if you still wish to do so.

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Re: New Job Wahala--- Mature advise from married people needed. by jackcanfield: 5:05pm On Jun 06
Well relocate to Abuja ....since it would make your life sweet and your kids are pretty important too, especially in a new environment ....as for returning to Egypt, well sometimes you need little storms in life but peace be still like Pastor Adeboye says....it might turn out well....but Abuja life is stylishly expensive sha

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Re: New Job Wahala--- Mature advise from married people needed. by shegun4sur: 5:05pm On Jun 06
1.5m monthly salary and you're vehemently against visiting monthly. Yearly visit sef is enough for you. If I'm your wife, your opinion will not count at all.

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Re: New Job Wahala--- Mature advise from married people needed. by blinking001(m): 5:06pm On Jun 06
The day you loose your job is the day you'll eventually loose your wife. Stay back in lagos and work. Your wife can go with the kids to Abuja.

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Re: New Job Wahala--- Mature advise from married people needed. by mrwonlasewonie: 5:06pm On Jun 06
grin
Re: New Job Wahala--- Mature advise from married people needed. by chukwuibuipob: 5:06pm On Jun 06
cool Heartfelt congrats to u TJRA and Ur family.God is good.May Ur joy never turn to sorrow/backwardness.Pls,allow Ur wife to go Abuja.U both can plan/work thing out.Dnt transfer from Hq back to Egypt biko.I shuttle from KEBBI to Lagos every second Thursday/Fri and go back on Sunday..Save money,build Ur own house biko

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Re: New Job Wahala--- Mature advise from married people needed. by Mindlog: 5:06pm On Jun 06
Hmm...monthly salary of N1.5M in Nigeria is no small money.

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Re: New Job Wahala--- Mature advise from married people needed. by psucc(m): 5:07pm On Jun 06
Tjra:

My wife is presently a contract staff. Relatively good pay but she can be asked to leave anytime.

This is the main reason she's taking up the job not just because of the pay.
Really appreciate your response - very civil.

Again people's opinions on the case at hand matter a little as only you and your wife will take the final decision and brave the consequences. Honestly, not just the money, the children should also be taken into consideration. Either way, please follow your mind and not people's.

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