No judgement please.i know I am a scum but please dont add to it. Myself and my wife were friends in school , I had what we call my spec in my heart then and she jsnt it ( she is beautiful please). She is a good wife and mother not perfect cos no one is but she is good.
The issue is I have never found her attractive but then in school fellowship and preaching said looks do not matter, that the true beauty is internal. So I silenced the voice of my spec and married her. Let me say again, she is a good woman and doesn't deserve this.
9 years after marriage with 2 kids, the problem is since 2019 the attraction has got worse. I dont find her attractive at all again , we hardly gist , the way I express love I struggle to . To have sex seff , I have to use enhancers to get erections . I started cheating last year and I dont like it but I am.doing it. I love the girl in question and i know its unfair to my wife.
I have sought help , spoken with elderly people in marriage, prayed but its getting worse. She doesn't deserve this to be candid , and I am boring so much inside. No woman deserves to be treated like this.
I never cheated as a single guy, how can I be doing that now. She was my 1st body count but from 2019 till date my body count is now 5.

See why I do say don't start what you can't continue the foundation is faulty! I'm just speechless!!!! Let matured and responsible married men come and advise you.

So you see why fine men end up marrying retired runs babes

The foundation was deceptive. Instead of mistreating her,I guess u should opt for a divorce. She deserves happiness.

Stories like this scares me from marriage

Hmm ..

That's one mistake I been avoiding for years now and even though I'm in my late 30s, I don't care because I feel it's better to be single and searching than to be in a marriage with a man Im not attracted to or vice versa.

I once asked a bro in my church who wanted to marry me (but I didn't find him attractive) if it's important or necessary as christians to have feelings for the lady or guy you wanna get married to and he said yes. So, I hope he understood that i didn't have feelings for him.

You shouldn't have married her because now you're committing a worst sin.

Learn to accept her the way she is.

That's why I always laugh inside when some people will tell us to ignore the outer beauty that, beauty is within. Nobody can deceive me. As a man never marry what does not stimulate you sexually. Find that thing in her then build from there. Some people will marry and thereafter spend the rest of their life chasing after what they truly desire!

funshint:
That's why I always laugh inside when some people will tell us to ignore the outer beauty that, beauty is within. Nobody can deceive me. As a man never marry what does not stimulate you sexually. Find that thing in her then build from there. Some people will marry and thereafter spend the rest of their life chasing after what they truly desire!

Your last statement got me thinking

Most of the time, zero attraction before marriage = zero attraction during marriage.

It's not quantum physics.

yum01:
She was my 1st body count but from 2019 till date my body count is now 5.

That you're not attracted to your wife is no excuse to sleep around /commit adultery.
If this thread had been opened by a woman she would be called all sorts of names.

yum01:
No judgement please.i know I am a scum but please dont add to it. Myself and my wife were friends in school , I had what we call my spec in my heart then and she jsnt it ( she is beautiful please). She is a good wife and mother not perfect cos no one is but she is good.
The issue is I have never found her attractive but then in school fellowship and preaching said looks do not matter, that the true beauty is internal. So I silenced the voice of my spec and married her. Let me say again, she is a good woman and doesn't deserve this.
9 years after marriage with 2 kids, the problem is since 2019 the attraction has got worse. I dont find her attractive at all again , we hardly gist , the way I express love I struggle to . To have sex seff , I have to use enhancers to get erections . I started cheating last year and I dont like it but I am.doing it. I love the girl in question and i know its unfair to my wife.
I have sought help , spoken with elderly people in marriage, prayed but its getting worse. She doesn't deserve this to be candid , and I am boring so much inside. No woman deserves to be treated like this.
I never cheated as a single guy, how can I be doing that now. She was my 1st body count but from 2019 till date my body count is now 5.

It is part of the journey in marriages. You must do what you have to do. Continue with the new girl, but make sure, u give your wife anything she asks for only then will there be peace in your heart and peace at home.

If you starve yourself of what you crave for, u will transfer aggression to your wife and then that will be bad. Love expires but friendship never

Oga you have nobody to blame but YOURSELF.

Attraction matters too, get a woman you are attracted to.

This is why I'm always of the opinion that both men and women should marry the kind of partner they crave for and not the ones they find themselves stuck with.

If your spec is chocolate girls, then by all means marry a chocolate girl.

If you cherish slim girls, marry a slim girl.

Cos if you marry someone outside your spec, sooner or later when all the lovey dovey in the marriage expires, you'll begin to feel empty and find yourself craving for that particular spec you cherish. This is where cheating come in and is also the major reason why most people cheat in marriages.

I know of a former course mate who married a short man, weeks to her wedding we were chatting on WhatsApp and she was complaining to me that she doesn't like the guy cos he's too short...shorter than her sef that she prefers guys with height. I was like, so why are you getting married to him if you don't like him, she them replied me that he was the only one nagging her about marriage, the rest just want sex, and she isn't getting any younger that's why she succumbed to his pressure and decided to marry him.

I don't need a prophet to tell me that she's going to cheat in her marriage when she runs into a cute tall guy who she sees everything she wants in.

So my dear op, you're the one I'll blame, never marry out of pity, if a girl or a guy isn't your taste, kindly end whatever it is you both have, don't deceive yourself into believing that things will get better once you get married. It will only get worse.

The assumption that if you marry your specs everything after will turn out perfect is a mirage.

No matter who you marry, there will come a time when the attraction won't be like the courting days again, and that is when your commitment will be challenged.

Your marriage is what you make it, and choosing to appreciate and nourishing your wife is a choice.

When you appreciate her, you will see her appreciate in value.

Also don't be too prudish to not wanting to try out new things. Dresses , Toys, etc can really help to renew things between you and your wife.

The problem with cheating is that it never ends..you will find yourself moving from girls to girls...there is no end to it.. Until you catch a serious disease.

Cheat with your wife instead..drop the kids with your parents and book yourself and wife into an hotel for the weekend...you will be surprised at how hard your it can be

From your write up,it is obvious cheating is in you,you only surpressed it before marriage because of your fellowship affiliation. Okay let's assume your wife is not ur 'spec',bro,you had a side chick that I want to believe is your spec,now how do you explain other 3 side chicks??

yum01:
No judgement please.i know I am a scum but please dont add to it. Myself and my wife were friends in school , I had what we call my spec in my heart then and she jsnt it ( she is beautiful please). She is a good wife and mother not perfect cos no one is but she is good.
The issue is I have never found her attractive but then in school fellowship and preaching said looks do not matter, that the true beauty is internal. So I silenced the voice of my spec and married her. Let me say again, she is a good woman and doesn't deserve this.
9 years after marriage with 2 kids, the problem is since 2019 the attraction has got worse. I dont find her attractive at all again , we hardly gist , the way I express love I struggle to . To have sex seff , I have to use enhancers to get erections . I started cheating last year and I dont like it but I am.doing it. I love the girl in question and i know its unfair to my wife.
I have sought help , spoken with elderly people in marriage, prayed but its getting worse. She doesn't deserve this to be candid , and I am boring so much inside. No woman deserves to be treated like this.
I never cheated as a single guy, how can I be doing that now. She was my 1st body count but from 2019 till date my body count is now 5.

[
1 side chick really, the other 3 were just flings (sex once and that was all). Nothing justifies cheating, I I to find a way to make this work. I am just getting better at this cheating game ( I mean seeing a life with my side gig, this is too selfish ) and i don't like it.

quote author=tesuto1 post=102736704]From your write up,it is obvious cheating is in you,you only surpressed it before marriage because of your fellowship affiliation. Okay let's assume your wife is not ur 'spec',bro,you had a side chick that I want to believe is your spec,now how do you explain other 3 side chicks??[/quote]

The first thing you need to restore is not your relationship with and love for your wife. No! The first thing you must restore is your relationship and love for God. At this moment you are living in disobedience and sin. You can't live your wife no matter how hard you try. And bear in mind that this path you are in is a long journey; it will consume your home, your children and then you. Restore your relationship and intimacy with the Holy Spirit. Judging from the distance you have gone in sin, repenting in private may not convinced your conscience, you have to sell counsel from your pastor. Don't be quick to own up to your wife except you trust she can forgive you. But when you have fixed your relationship with God, you have to sit your wife down and own up to her that you have been struggling to love her but you want to put more effort into it. Remember loving your wife is a command from God. The reason why you don't love your wife is not because she is not your spec. You don't love her because you are living in disobedience and sin. Listen brother, you are a spirit, that live in a Physical body. You are not the body, you are the spirit so don't allow the body to determine what you do or don't do. Let your spirit determine. At this point, sin has weakened your soul to easily yield to the cravings of the flesh, but once you restore your life to right standing with God, the Holy Spirit will quicken your spirit. I know you don't like the way you are treating your wife. The fact that you feel that way tells me your spirit is alive. It also tells me that you love your wife.
Do the above then tell your wife you want to start afresh and rebuild your love for her. Cut off all the ladies you are fornicating with and turn your eyes on your wife. Direct your body on what to like and respond to; you are the bus here.

Cc: Ishilove

I'm copying you so that you can see that physical attraction also matters in relationship/marriage.

yum01:
No judgement please.i know I am a scum but please dont add to it. Myself and my wife were friends in school , I had what we call my spec in my heart then and she jsnt it ( she is beautiful please). She is a good wife and mother not perfect cos no one is but she is good.
The issue is I have never found her attractive but then in school fellowship and preaching said looks do not matter, that the true beauty is internal. So I silenced the voice of my spec and married her. Let me say again, she is a good woman and doesn't deserve this.
9 years after marriage with 2 kids, the problem is since 2019 the attraction has got worse. I dont find her attractive at all again , we hardly gist , the way I express love I struggle to . To have sex seff , I have to use enhancers to get erections . I started cheating last year and I dont like it but I am.doing it. I love the girl in question and i know its unfair to my wife.
I have sought help , spoken with elderly people in marriage, prayed but its getting worse. She doesn't deserve this to be candid , and I am boring so much inside. No woman deserves to be treated like this.
I never cheated as a single guy, how can I be doing that now. She was my 1st body count but from 2019 till date my body count is now 5.

So what Do you Want us To do?

Men are confused being,they lust after what they outrightly condemn in public.

fati2001:


So what Do you Want us To do?

He wants encouragement for his wandering dick

Rozcol:
He wants encouragement for his wandering dick

which encouragement again.. when he don achieve his goal!

fati2001:


which encouragement again.. when he don achieve his goal!

Are you minding the confused op

Yxwqq:
Most of the time, zero attraction before marriage = zero attraction during marriage.

It's not quantum physics.


That you're not attracted to your wife is no excuse to sleep around /commit adultery.
If this thread had been opened by a woman she would be called all sorts of names.

Promiscuity in men and women differ explicitly

You should have exercised patience to marry your spec na. When u marry your spec the love will be hot like fire every day. There is someone for everyone out there and you should have left her alone jejely so that the guy who would have loved her truly would have found her. Now you have trapped her in a loveless union. How selfish

Whatever you do,NEVER and I repeat NEVER EVER TELL UR WIFE THAT U HAVE BEEN STRUGGLING TO LOVE HER,that will spell disaster for the marriage as she will despise u and also find love somewhere else. So what should u do?now ask ur self first how u feel if ur does same to u?if u will genuinely feel hurt and jealous then it means ur marriage still has hope and u must trace urself back to ur wife,continue using the sex enhancers if thats what itl take to satisfy her sexually even when u not in the mood. But if u findout that the answer to the question is No,u won't get hurt or jealous if u findout she is doing same to u then my brother U must end the marriage and release that poor woman from this wicked slavery u tied her too and hope God doesn't deal with u for wasting her time and now after having some kids finding a new husband will be almost impossible meaning ur selfishness ruined her life.

Kai this life no fair to the good people I swear,I just pity ur kids if u decide to end ur marriage. So many men are looking for a wife that will give them peace of mind cos the rate at which married women fv.ck around these days even very religious women are included is really a cause of concern,but here u are blessed with a good wife and u dare to think of a future between u and ur sidechick?

Bruh u wicked sha o,its bad enough u are cheating but seeing a future with a side chick is the height of it. Let me burst ur head now,that ur side chick dey ride another di.cck who is her main and will NEVER truly love u but only love what u can provide for her.

There was a story here onetime of a man that was in ur shoe but treated his wife badly and fell madly in love with his sidechick hoping they would get married until she milked him dry and told him he was too old for her and she was pregnant for a younger guy whom she loved. It was after then the idiot was looking for how to make amends with his wife after ignoring her for years..but it was late,her love for him was long gone..I hope this doesn't end up as ur story too. Trace ur way back home. Sidechicks are NOT to be taken seriously thats y they are called sidechicks.

There are many questions coming to mind about your current situation. But my opinion is this, you’re experiencing a midlife marital crisis. You’re getting richer, which is a good thing and you are beginning to think ur wife doesn’t fit ur current status.
My advice:
For a short term solution, Keep a sidechick. But ur relationship with ur mistress shouldn’t be longer than 6 months. Then, find another for a 6 months tenure. I say this cos longterm relationship with mistress comes with many complications. The lady becomes emotional investment in you and will start seeing ur family (wife and kids) as rivals.
Also, you have to invest in your relationship with your wife. Get professional marriage counsellor(s) who can help reignite ur love for ur wife and also help her rekindle her glow. It’s true many ladies relax and stop working on themselves once they’re well settled. That’s your best bet sir. Your wife isn’t troublesome, she takes good care of your home and she’s birthed you 2 children for you. A bird at hand is worth twice in the bush. Those sidechicks won’t replace your wife. Think about this, if your enemy is sick in bed for 6 months. Will ur sidekick stay around??
God help you thru this rough part of life. I wish you the best.

Beauty is 0.5% when selecting a wife. As for me if you like be like karishika. As long as you have good manners and you are giving me peace of mind, plus you dey give me well for bed we are good. Personally if you too fine to me na turn off. So bros stay with your wife O. The ugly you know is better than the beautiful you don't know. For its 98% certain she is a Lagos Ibadan expressway

Ogbotobo77:

Promiscuity in men and women differ explicitly

Yes, men are more promiscuous and more likely to commit adultery than women. Thanks for the reminder.

Be grateful to the position you're in in the union and make a conscious effort to stay faithful in particular and loving in general to her because it's better than to be a slave to her because of the sweetness of her physical beauty - master the act of magnification and transmutation by consciously making that single inherent attribute you saw in her that made you marry her a focal point of attention. I wager that as much as she isn't your supposed spec physically, she isn't outright an opposite of your spec either.

One of the reasons you did not open this thread to cry about your wife maltreating and subjugating you is because you aren't a slave to her physical beauty, so be grateful, and that is why you're almost in a good mental state at this juncture. Now is the time to conquer outside lust to stay fully mentally healthy.

As a man, one of the best ways to have your mental health intact in every intimate relationship with a woman is by not being a slave to her physical beauty. So, as much as there's nothing wrong in marrying a woman whose physical beauty forms your main source of mental connection with her, all things being equal; yet it's better and healthier to love a woman in your life than to fall in love with her citing the world we live in now, so strive to perfect the act of loving her rather than wishing that you fall in love with her, which is the literal meaning of her not being your spec.

@op, loss of love and affection is a must in marriage that is why you need to re strategise. From taking her to beauty parlour, to buying her scent/perfume that sexually turn you on. Also, consider exercise and body enhancements.

Imagine planting a tree without trimming and dressing it, so is a woman you get married to.

Please take to my advise and thank me later.