Adults misunderstanding kids’ questions is the thread we didn’t know we needed – the 24 most awkward

Oonagh Keating. Updated September 13th, 2018

Twitter user, Andy Ryan, told a joke about misinterpreting a child’s question and it went viral because it’s pretty funny. Read it for yourself.

Daughter: What does gays mean?
Me: Well you know mum and dad love each other – two men can love each other the same way
Her: So what's 'penetrating gays'?
Me: Er… read me the whole sentence
Her: "She stared at him with a penetrating gaze"
Me: Oh

— Andy Ryan (@ItsAndyRyan) September 11, 2018

See -funny, right? But, even though Andy was joking, it reminded a lot of people of genuine misunderstandings in a similar vein, making one of the funniest threads you’ll see this week. These are our 24 favourites.

1

This reminds me when my little brother asked me what a “ho” was and I told him that wasn’t a nice word where did he learn it from? Then he replied “my farming game”

— Zainab Alsayegh (@ZainabAls) September 12, 2018

2

Playing murder mystery game with child. Reads character sheet. “Mum what’s porn” “er naughty pictures of ladies naked” “oh, ok” later…..
“And then I had to pawn the necklace to settle my debts”

— E_III_R (@E_III_R) September 11, 2018

3

7 year old son was learning to read and asked what semen was. I began to explain but then I started to wander why that word was in a children’s book. So I looked at the page. It said “c’mon”

— Liz (@LingoAcademy) September 12, 2018

4

Daughter (rushing in from playing out) “Mum what’s it called when u go on top of another person in bed?”Me “Erm it’s called sex”
Daughter “OK” (rushes back out)
5 mins later.
Daughter (rushing back in) ” Mum u r wrong – it’s called bunk beds & Emilys mum wants a word with you”

— Nicky Doherty (@Ndoh71) September 12, 2018


5

My niece asked a question about “French kissing” when she was little, which made for a brief awkward moment until we realized she meant kissing people on alternate cheeks.

— Michael Hat ︽✵︽ (@RexDart1) September 12, 2018


6

Child: mom, how do you spell “penis”?
Mom: Uh. P E N—what’s the context, baby?
Child: I’m writing a Fathers Day card!
Mom: !!!!?!!
Child: And I’m saying “wishing you happiness” and I got the “hap” part already!

— Zina Petersen (@ZinaNPetersen) September 12, 2018


7

My mum’s fave story to tell is when my sister (about 5yo at the time) asked what a cock was. After trying to keep cool and explain that it was a rude word, the full sentence was revealed as “The cock crowed at dawn.”

— Rita Lennon (@RitaELennon) September 12, 2018

8

Wonderful thread! Must add
‘Mummy, where did I come from?’
‘Well, ….. ‘ basic biology ..
Puzzled child ‘ But new boy at school comes from Birmingham ‘

— Norah C (@Norahe7) September 12, 2018

9

My sister-in-law’s 8yr-old son asked her what sperm was. She spent a great deal of time trying to give him his first “talk”. After she was done, she asked him if he understood. He said, “what does that have to do with sperm whales?”

— Colin McGovern (@cmcgovern) September 12, 2018

10

Had a similar situation my daughter asked what a dick-taker was when she was 6 I started to tell her it’s not nice to call people names but then checked where she heard it. The news was talking about Hugo Chavez dying DICTATOR

— roiannenedd (@roiannenedd) September 12, 2018

11

My eldest aged 6 or so asked me what incest was. It emerged that what he actually wanted to know was what the key just above “delete” and below “print screen” did.

— Albert Herring (@Albert_Herring) September 12, 2018

12

My mam told me a story about her being a little kid, and asking her mam if they were b*st*rds. Her mam went wide eyed, chased her round the sofa and said, “What did you say?” thinking someone had been talking crap, turns out mam was trying to say baptist, as in the church

— SWINE (@SWINEOFFICIAL) September 12, 2018

13

I have a 2 1/2 year old daughter that asked what “hostages” was. I explained and she still looked confused. My wife asked, “Did you mean sausages?”

She meant sausages.

— Jared Mason (@JaredEMason) September 12, 2018

14

Son asked...mum, what's Vice? I gave explanation suitable for 5yo ears THEN asked why he wanted to know. Eyes like saucers he said "I've been made captain of it in my class"

Carmel @Carmel63984298

Some people cunningly swerved genuinely awkward questions.
15

i was in the car with my son once, and he asked me what a cougar was. i said, “a mountain lion. sometimes they’re called pumas or panthers” without missing a beat. we both knew that isn’t what he meant, but neither of us said anything.

— sister mouzone (@blackgirldating) September 12, 2018

16

We were in the car once with my parents when my brother asked what is a virgin? My dad gave him a lecture on undiscovered land

— Asimah (@asimahNShah) September 12, 2018

17

I’m just reminded of dad’s explanation of “hooker” in a Mad Magazine reference as someone who makes rugs.

— Rick Bruner (@rickbruner) September 12, 2018

Others shared some charmingly innocent childhood misinterpretations.

18

2 years ago, my then 10-yo came to us, novel in hand, and announced “If this means what I THINK I means, I should NOT be reading this book!”

She was appalled that author wrote that two characters had “exchanged pleasantries”.

That term is now our family’s go-to euphemism.

— Just Dave (@d_m_s_1972) September 12, 2018

19

As a young’n I was scandalized by someone “kissing her temple” in a book. I had never heard of a temple before on a body and all the to-do about virginity being sacred made me think it was an obscene act.

— Julie V. (@wishingbee) September 12, 2018

There were also some embarrassing word mix-ups.

20

One of the ‘posh’ girls at our primary school got very confused and answered a question about Queen Elizabeth I with “Elizabeth Vagina”
My how we laughed.

— Webhead (@SarahDirtyHorse) September 12, 2018

(Naptu2's note: I think the answer was meant to be "Elizabeth Regina", that is, "Queen Elizabeth" in Latin)

21

My little nephew called me once and said a doctor wanted to remove his “testicles” and my sis in law screams in the background “tonsils! Omg tonsils!” So it was a rollercoaster of emotion for 30seconds

— K.M. Galvin (@KelsieGalvin) September 12, 2018

22

My Sister once asked me if we were Catholic or Prostitute?!

— Nicole Connell (@BradsMrs) September 12, 2018

23

Age 8 first overseas vacation announced to my mother in a packed solid dinning room in a rather loud & enthusiastic shrill “I’ve just seen the biggest testicles ever seen”… I can still see her raised eyebrows & rye smile now. I still smirk at the word tentacles

— Moira C. Delaney (@MoiraDelaney66) September 12, 2018

24

My pals 3 year old had first trip to cinema and full of joy told me his favourite bit of the trip was the cockporn! The what? I said. ‘popcorn! POPCORN!” Said my exasperated friend. Yes said the 3 year old “I love cockporn” … he told his nursery teacher, neighbour, and granny

— Galloping Catastrophe (@gallopingcatast) September 12, 2018

One person shared a misheard line from a popular film, which would have very much altered its reputation.

That line in Sound of Music where Maria runs to Mother Superior when she realizes she’s fallen for Cpt. Von Trapp-Mother Superior says “Maria, what is it you can’t face?” But with her accent, I swear it sounds like “Maria, what is it you c*nt face?”

— Brigit Michaela (@lilyvnshtp) September 12, 2018

https://www.thepoke.co.uk/2018/09/13/adults-misunderstanding-kids-questions-thread-did-not-know-needed-24-awkward/

Buhahaha! Hilarious.

I once asked my dad what copulation means. My dad referred me to my mum. Mum referred me back to my dad. Dad asks me where I heard the word from and I told him my Integrated Science teacher asked us to ask our parents the meaning.

After several moments of awkward silence, dad changed the subject and never responded. Imagine my extreme trauma when I discovered in JSS 3 that babies are born via the vagina, and not the navel as I had been led to believe all my life. I wasn't myself for a week.

Will be back later.

We were in the car once with my parents when my brother asked what is a virgin? My dad gave him a lecture on undiscovered land

[img]https://media./images/3374ffd75eabdaaafdc4ff636050b098/tenor.gif[/img]

Child: mom, how do you spell “penis”?
Mom: Uh. P E N—what’s the context, baby?
Child: I’m writing a Fathers Day card!
Mom: !!!!?!!
Child: And I’m saying “wishing you happiness” and I got the “hap” part already!

Ishilove:
Buhahaha! Hilarious.

I once asked my dad what copulation means. My dad referred me to my mum. Mum referred me back to my dad. Dad asks me where I heard the word from and I told him my Integrated Science teacher asked us to ask our parents the meaning.

After several moments of awkward silence, dad changed the subject and never responded. Imagine my extreme trauma when I discovered in JSS 3 that babies are born via the vagina, and not the navel as I had been led to believe all my life. I wasn't myself for a week.

Lol


In your case they perfectly understood the question......


Just didn't want to get "involved"

The kind of QUESTIONS these KIDS around me ASK ehnnnn... If I tell them the MEANING... I go SPOIL THEM...

Space booked. Coming to comment later.

Lately, I have been picking lots of things from kids. Kids have no worries and if there are some, they are temporary..

Being happy is just one of their priorities, any day any time... As for adults, hmmmmmm

Okay

I once asked my sister what "otuocha" means because I kept hearing the word in one movie,"nkoli nwa nsukka". She told me it means buttocks, but I later found out it means "fair vagina". I didn't lament with that word again.

Wahala

Ok seen… next plz

K

kk

It reminds me of kids say the darnedest things with Bill Cosby of those days.
Adults need to listen to kids more before jumping into conclusion.

Damn,the thug of a son God gave me is the owner of this table they're shaking, dude is too sharp for his own good.
From asking me why me and his mother have a different room,to asking me when it's okay to murder someone, just last week I went through his bag and I saw textbooks and writing materials belonging to his classmates, I asked him where he got it he said he just emptied the lost and found place in school, didn't want me to waste money to buy anything when he could just get from other people throwing their's away.
I know if I hadn't caught him he would have been working on how to erase the names and replace it with his. This guy is just 6 for God's sake.

Children will not kill person

Very inquisitive beings...

Ishilove:
Buhahaha! Hilarious.

I once asked my dad what copulation means. My dad referred me to my mum. Mum referred me back to my dad. Dad asks me where I heard the word from and I told him my Integrated Science teacher asked us to ask our parents the meaning.

After several moments of awkward silence, dad changed the subject and never responded. Imagine my extreme trauma when I discovered in JSS 3 that babies are born via the vagina, and not the navel as I had been led to believe all my life. I wasn't myself for a week.

u discovered that in JS3, I think I knew a lot when I was 6yrs old