The lord will see you through

Mikester:
You may get more depressed being a single mom after divorce. Would you condemn the marriage you knowingly entered into to justify yourself?

You have the influence to spice up the marriage for your sake and your child's sake within you. Pay attention to your attitude and reactions to matters.

Roughly speaking, you need a listening ear and not necessarily separation. Brace yourself and try harder.

The headaches and troubles that may arise after separation predates your imagination.

Thanks for your contribution, I'll work towards it when I'm still alive to fight all along.

Liposure:
The lord will see you through

AMEN!!!

Lizzyangel:


How about the aspect of bullying, abuse and body shaming coupled with threat?

First and foremost, I just edited my earlier comment to add some things that might also help.

As for the other issues you raised, they are all part of the expected outcome if you implement some of these little tips. Mind you, don't be in a rush to get these changes fixed, it will be a progressive thing.

Be his friend, help build his self confidence and respect as he is already on the path of a productive work through the cocoa business. Share ideas with him on how to be more successful at it and be his confidant. Overtime, he will be come all these to you too.

Stevenbright:


First and foremost, I just edited my earlier comment to add some things that might also help.

As for the other issues you raised, they are all part of the expected outcome if you implement some of these little tips. Mind you, don't be in a rush to get these changes fixed, it will be a progressive thing.

Be his friend, help build his self confidence and respect as he is already on the path of a productive work through the cocoa business. Share ideas with him on how to be more successful at it and be his confidant. Overtime, he will be come all these to you too.

I've always been a supportive wife from the onset, one thing I understand is, he barely takes to my advice and insights hence he'd have made it better in life.

He also had the habit of speaking ill of me before his friends and parents when I'm not dancing to his tune...his ill words do Pierce my heart, imagine hurling the big insult on the first day of a new month and before my lil boy.

Had I known, I wouldn't have come this far, no iota of regards for me ,he was even stylishly throwing jabs at my sis and parents. Why? Because I sold myself cheaply to him? Or because I stood by him? I find it difficult to let go of the pain of that night in an uncompleted building with the baby I almost died having, my heart had been broken beyond repair.

@Lizzyangel

In the name of the almighty God I beg you, find a place to go and rest your mind first. Leave him for now. This is the first step. And move your children, welfare is a good option.

Listen to me, if you do not move out now, he will kill you. And these children you are protecting will be exposed to 100 times abuses and suffering. A stitch in time saves nine.

Please, stop writing details here also as you have written enough.

No matter how "ma.d" your father is, there will be someone who can talk to him. You need him NOW. There must be someone he listens to.

There is a case I got involved recently, and the man is already regretting his actions. If you are wise, you will overcome. But first, get out of that house before you lose the battle and expose your children to years of suffering they may not overcome also. And the only picture of their mother they will have is a 27 years old nursing mom. A beg....flee first.

But you need to strategize well so you can have a smooth movement out of his house. You will overcome if you do the right thing.

After moving out, your priority is your health. You arent even going to think of returning to him for a period of time. Your BP must be normal again...please. You need to settle down for a year and eat good food. Rest your mind very well. There is a way you can do it.

Sister, in short, your first plan should be to quit for minimum of a year without interruption. I dont want to write too much here because the bas.tard may be reading.

Lizzyangel:


I've always been a supportive wife from the onset, one thing I understand is, he barely takes to my advice and insights hence he'd have made it better in life.

He also had the habit of speaking ill of me before his friends and parents when I'm not dancing to his tune...his ill words do Pierce my heart, imagine hurling the big insult on the first day of a new month and before my lil boy.

Had I known, I wouldn't have come this far, no iota of regards for me ,he was even stylishly throwing jabs at my sis and parents. Why? Because I sold myself cheaply to him? Or because I stood by him? I find it difficult to let go of the pain of that night in an uncompleted building with the baby I almost died having, my heart had been broken beyond repair.

You need to forgive all the grudges you have against him. This is the starting point to healing on your part and self love.

Do your little bit to carry the home along but be more focused on yourself and the children in a way that will not be that obvious while you go on to achieve your goal of personal peace, fulfilment and empowerment. This is why my advice on the saving habit is very important as that will serve as a safety net for any great project you want to do.

I read all your rants ma , sadly there's little or nothing we NL fam can do, all decisions to be are in your head , my big sis was in same issue years back , until we ( myself & a naval officer friend ) abducted the idiot of the husband to kogi for 2weeks ....

Godspeed ma

PeaceJoyLove:
@Lizzyangel

In the name of the almighty God I beg you, find a place to go and rest your mind first. Leave him for now. This is the first step. And move your children, welfare is a good option.

Listen to me, if you do not move out now, he will kill you. And these children you are protecting will be exposed to 100 times abuses and suffering. A stitch in time saves nine.

Please, stop writing details here also as you have written enough.

No matter how "ma.d" your father is, there will be someone who can talk to him. You need him NOW. There must be someone he listens to.

There is a case I got involved recently, and the man is already regretting his actions. If you are wise, you will overcome. But first, get out of that house before you lose the battle and expose your children to years of suffering they may not overcome also. And the only picture of their mother they will have is a 27 years old nursing mom. A beg....flee first.

But you need to strategize well so you can have a smooth movement out of his house. You will overcome if you do the right thing.

After moving out, your priority is your health. You arent even going to think of returning to him for a period of time. Your BP must be normal again...please. You need to settle down for a year and eat good food. Rest your mind very well. There is a way you can do it.

Sister, in short, your first plan should be to quit for minimum of a year without interruption. I dont want to write too much here because the bas.tard may be reading.

Lol at your last sentence, truly he'd be reading,if not now, he'd do so later, he thought I'd be ashamed of telling people details about us which I truly am, but Nland, is safer than one on one and they might spread my news around school or church.

I don't know what I should be expecting tonight on his arrival, cos I'm 100% sure, he'd see this.

Stevenbright:


You need to forgive all the grudges you have against him. This is the starting point to healing on your part and self love.

Do your little bit to carry the home along but be more focused on yourself and the children in a way that will not be that obvious while you go on to achieve your goal of personal peace, fulfilment and empowerment. This is why my advice on the saving habit is very important as that will serve as a safety net for any great project you want to do.

I do save, and also involved in contribution with my co-staff but the money has always gone for family issues. I'll join my school's welfare two this month.

Bigdre31:
I read all your rants ma , sadly there's little or nothing we NL fam can do, all decisions to be are in your head , my big sis was in same issue years back , until we ( myself & a naval officer friend ) abducted the idiot of the husband to kogi for 2weeks ....

Godspeed ma

If my decisions are in my head, I wouldn't be here to seek for an advice, I'm a Teacher I see the difference between a product of good family and a separated one, also in the society, I don't want to be responsible for any mishap in future on my kids...that was why I titled it #confused

Please leave that man if you value your life and your children.....

I hate violent men!

*Sigh* I wish we could really teleport & see into the future orrr go back in time.. Just to reiterate what the doctor said "you only live once my dear".. Your boy & Kiishi needs their mummy more than ever; alive, strong and brave.. Alwayss remember that, don't ever give up.

Lizzyangel:


I do save, and also involved in contribution with my co-staff but the money has always gone for family issues. I'll join my school's welfare two this month.

I get. But I am telling to save a particular percentage of your earnings into a bank account consistently and never for any reason take out of it. Let it become your safety net, ego booster and insurance that you can use for a big improvement project at the right time.

Lizzyangel:


Thanks fam!
I'd be working towards that God helping me, if he never kill me troway.

You said he didn't pay your brideprice, which means you both aren't even married still.

Babe, please heed to his threats. Leave. Leave asap. Take your kids and leave. He won't change, trust me. He won't, he will become worst instead.

Consider your BP that keeps shooting up cos of all the constant abuse you're undergoing, consider your kids, their mental&physical wellbeing and their future.

Please leave, you will do better alone. Something tells me that once your father sees you've totally left swid/baby-father, your father will come around to supporting you again.

You will do better alone, please get out fast. This is a new month, take this step and leave.

I’ll give you the same advice you always give women here, BE SUBMISSIVE and you will enjoy your man and marriage.

Or give you a feminist advice- LEAVE THAT UNION or whatever arrangement it is you guys have going on.

Lizzyangel:
.
My dad , I dare not confront him to say anything about this cos I was disowned from the day he found out I got impregnated, since that 2012, our father-daughter relationship got shattered.

Your family would never forsake you. This is why I always advise women never to go into marriages/unions that their parents do not support. It is always the woman that gets hit most, so hold your family CLOSE. Go back to your family, your dad would come around.

Lizzyangel:


I find it difficult to let go of the pain of that night in an uncompleted building with the baby I almost died having, my heart had been broken beyond repair.

Dearest Nigerian men,

No matter your anger, do not deny your partner food and SHELTER. The Nlder that is already locking his wife out at night should read this and read it well. No woman truly forgives that act.

You're not married to him my dear

Stevenbright:


First and foremost, I just edited my earlier comment to add some things that might also help.

As for the other issues you raised, they are all part of the expected outcome if you implement some of these little tips. Mind you, don't be in a rush to get these changes fixed, it will be a progressive thing.

Be his friend, help build his self confidence and respect as he is already on the path of a productive work through the cocoa business. Share ideas with him on how to be more successful at it and be his confidant. Overtime, he will be come all these to you too.

You're incredible, all the rubbish you've been posting up and down as advice, you will never allow your sister go through a place where she receives half of this treatment, unless you're an abuser.

Oshey Bob the builder, what was his parents job if not to do just that. Op will build and die in the process and jerks like you will still type, "eyah RIP, why didn't she leave?" Nonsense and UAR

Stevenbright:


I get. But I am telling to save a particular percentage of your earnings into a bank account consistently and never for any reason take out of it. Let it become your safety net, ego booster and insurance that you can use for a big improvement project at the right time.

You don't get sh!t, common geddifok

Amanee:



You're incredible, all the rubbish you've been posting up and down as advice, you will never allow your sister go through a place where she receives half of this treatment, unless you're an abuser.

Oshey Bob the builder, what was his parents job if not to do just that. Op will build and die in the process and jerks like you will still type, "eyah RIP, why didn't she leave?" Nonsense and UAR

Please be sensible and don't pass insults around anyhow! Did you read my first advice? Did you read her post where she said she is interested in keeping her home? Did you realized my advice were all based on the premise she hinted?

Stevenbright:


Please be sensible and don't pass insults around anyhow! Did you read my first advice? Did you read her post where she said she is interested in keeping her home? Did you realized my advice were all based on the premise she hinted?

So if you see someone that wants to jump off third mainland bridge, you'll encourage them? Infact, make all of una getat

Lol,@Op remember me on the other thread.

When I was telling you that women shouldn't take BS from men you stood with husband of the OP and said even in the face of nonsense the OP should keep being submissive to her hubby.

Let me pass the same advice that you gave her BE SUBMISSIVE don't worry keep fasting and praying all wil be fine

I don't like mocking people so on a serious note I will advice you and your hubby seek therapy or counseling from trained professionals also are you financially stable do you have the support of your family if you can leave the union leave if you cannot bring in third party be firm, confident have a good self esteem and arrest the situation at home let your hubby know that you have had enough don't take BS from anybody in the name of submission.

Build yourself,invest in yourself be a hustler and know what you want and stand your ground.One of the reasons I advice against early marriage is because of immaturity and lack of preparation for marriage what did you have or what were you doing before marriage it is very important for one to have their footing in life before marriage.
To sum it all up take charge of your immediate environment help yourself get a good family support or something so as for you to be self sufficient stop taking BS from your hubby

Do not take any form of emotional and physical abuse leave that toxic environment

You won't die in Jesus name, amen. There is a lot you can do as a wife and as a mum. Don't give up yet.

Lizzyangel:


Thanks for your contribution, I'll work towards it when I'm still alive to fight all along.

For some reason, the story of the original poster sounds familiar, like this same person has been here before with different monikers and same story of abuse.

But how will you be the breadwinner and also be at the receiving end of abuse? Don't you love yourself and your children? Haven't you disappointed yourself and your family(parents) enough?

Hmmm...

Wow! So the OP gave the above advice on "submissiveness? Really? I think she has been brainwashed into thinking marriage is to be "endured" and not to be "enjoyed".

Well it's not too late to leave that "hell-hole" she called marriage.

And pls be watchful of @stevenbright. I won't be surprised if he's the said idiot you called husband. Take to his advice at your own peril.

Lizzyangel:



If my decisions are in my head, I wouldn't be here to seek for an advice, I'm a Teacher I see the difference between a product of good family and a separated one, also in the society, I don't want to be responsible for any mishap in future on my kids...that was why I titled it #confused

It's not like the beast is even a good father/example to his children.
You keep on repeating the same words of not wanting to leave because of your children. (I think you've already made up your mind to stay)
You say you "see the difference between a product of a good family and a separated one"
Let me ask you; are your children being raised in "good family"?
What about motherless/orphaned children? Aren't they worse off than children from a separated family?
Don't you think your children will be better off if they have you alive and healthy to care for them?
Are you just looking for who to tell you what to do?

body shaming me and went ahead to call side chick while I'm here and my boy couldn't sleep due to his rage, he said today is 1st that I should be prepared for the worse this new month, that the things I've seen so far are little compared to what I'd be seeing henceforth, he just wants me to talk so he can hit me, one thing about me, whenever he's burning I'd keep mute, sometimes he'd hit me for not responding, he told me to be prepared cos this month will be sour for means I should start by stop calling him "Swid" that if I don't die on the long run,I should count myself lucky cos he'd frustrate hell out of me, I was just there weeping inside all through the night,he promised to bring his side chick one these days to sleep over

@stevenbright. This is your advice for someone who’s going through this?

Why are we like this?

Stevenbright:



Be his friend, help build his self confidence and respect as he is already on the path of a productive work through the cocoa business. Share ideas with him on how to be more successful at it and be his confidant. Overtime, he will be come all these to you too.

Lizzyangel:
Mature advice needed by experienced married Nairalanders.

For the past 8yrs, I've experienced the sour, sad, bitter,sweet , love and hate in marriage at a tender age of mine.

My question is, is it better to continue Living in a marriage as a single mom(shouldering responsibilities), abuses emotionally and physically, depressed and threat of life?

Or

Live as separated single mom?


All this while,the fear of the unknown TOMORROW kept me staying and taking all the bullshits I can't type here,but I've always cherished having a peaceful home conducive enough for my kids to live in,but happenings lately are making me scared of moving forward.its telling on my health and Life.

Please matured advice, corrections and guidance are needed here.

From my own experience, if you want to listen to what people will say, your enemy will enter grave

If he has left all the responsibilities for you and doesn't appreciate your efforts in covering his ass, just have a rethink

He has a complex problem and his ego is making it worst for everyone one

If you know that you can run the home single handedly, go ahead and try your best

If in the course of it, he is accusing you of
Having a man friend
Suspecting your movement
Monitoring you
Frustrating you by all means
Threating you in the house
Giving you BP despite all your efforts

Then it's time you move out to save your life

Is better you are a single mum, staying alive for your children than being an obedient wife yet suffering and dying of emotional trauma

Law of survival, you first

Bigdre31:
I read all your rants ma , sadly there's little or nothing we NL fam can do, all decisions to be are in your head , my big sis was in same issue years back , until we ( myself & a naval officer friend ) abducted the idiot of the husband to kogi for 2weeks ....

Godspeed ma

Werey

Lizzyangel:


Lol at your last sentence, truly he'd be reading,if not now, he'd do so later, he thought I'd be ashamed of telling people details about us which I truly am, but Nland, is safer than one on one and they might spread my news around school or church.

I don't know what I should be expecting tonight on his arrival, cos I'm 100% sure, he'd see this.

That means he's on nairaland. Wonderful

cococandy:


@stevenbright. This is your advice for someone who’s going through this?

Why are we like this?

Why are we like this actually!

Read her other follow up posts and then read my first reply to which the one you quoted is a follow up.

Don't quote out of point.