Skyfornia:


Why is it so? Why won't people be contented with what they've got?

I really don't know why o....Is it fear? Or lack of trust? I don't even know the reason.

Cindy222:



I really don't know why o....Is it fear? Or lack of trust? I don't even know the reason.

Or probably greediness...

What about you, are you faithful to your boyfriend?

bigcee:
*Low self esteem *Identity crisis *trauma bonding *fear of being alone *poverty

And fear of what people will say.

khadupsie:
Omo, you have to protect your mental health o especially when kids are involved. You have to be present in raising those kids and not letting your shadows do that. Dont hesitate to Exit once the relationship is toxic and not a good environment to raise kids.

That's how we are doing daddy and mommy from a distance now. It's not 100% easy with twins but we get by. He is trying to be a better person now after 2½yrs but you know, do that from a distance for now biko... lol

What if the guy decides to take the children away from you? You know some guys are like that. That's one of the things tying some women down in bad marriages.

Who takes minor away from their mother Not possible! Even the court wont grant that...

obaaderemi:
What if the guy decides to take the children away from you? You know some guys are like that. That's one of the things tying some women down in bad marriages.

khadupsie:
Who takes minor away from their mother Not possible! Even the court wont grant that...

Men do. Especially here in Africa, the man can easily take his children away from you if he really wants to punish you. And his family will back him.

Even in America, women are largely disadvantaged these days when it comes to child custody. Look at these stories:https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2021/aug/14/courts-fail-mothers-children-abuse

Lmaooo..
Takeless!

obaaderemi:
Men do. Especially here in Africa, the man can easily take his children away from you if he really wants to punish you. And his family will back him.

Even in America, women are largely disadvantaged these days when it comes to child custody. Look at these stories:https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2021/aug/14/courts-fail-mothers-children-abuse

khadupsie:
Lmaooo.. Takeless!

It's happening. The women went to court and still lost.

Skyfornia:


Or probably greediness...

What about you, are you faithful to your boyfriend?

I have never cheated in any of my relationships.

Cindy222:



I have never cheated in any of my relationships.

I believe you...same with me

They form a trauma bond. They become addicted to the abusive partner

bigcee:
*Low self esteem
*Identity crisis
*trauma bonding
*fear of being alone
*poverty

I think low self esteem is the main one -- it ties everything together. It's ultimately the cause of identity crisis, trauma bonding, fear of being alone and poverty. People may be born into poverty but their low self esteem keeps them there

MufasaLion:
The truth is that most people in abusive relationships, marriage or whatever dp so because they always have falseles hope of change. They are so blinded with love that it keeps from reasoning properly, hence why they let their emotions cloud their judgement.

They'd rather be happy to know they're with their partners and with the hope of change than separating from them with hope of finding a better person.

I don't like to interfere in a relationship, that's toxic because there's so much certainty that the abused partner will go back into it.

Actually, it's trauma bonding that makes them go back. Hope for change as well but trauma bond is really hard to break. It's like a drug addiction

Monogamy:


Those people are rather love addicts, who use love as an escape route to their problems.

There is no justification to stay in an abusive, toxic and unfriendly relationship, that's only if you sincerely love yourself

True, people who truly love themselves will never tolerate abuse of any kind

Sonnobax15:

The truth is that some ladies enjoy being in toxic relationships..... That's why you'll see a lady who turned down the advances of a gentle man and accepted the one of a cultist

It's actually because they grew up in dysfunctional homes. They don't know what healthy relationships are like. Toxic relationships are the only thing that they know -- it feels familiar to them

khadupsie:


Lol... unique sweetness!

True o, wait, I have heard some1 says she like when her husband beats her cos she get money afterward... I'm like ma

It's trauma bonding. The typical punishment–reward cycle

bepositive11:


It's actually because they grew up in dysfunctional homes. They don't know what healthy relationships are like. Toxic relationships are the only thing that they know -- it feels familiar to them

Exactly, both victims and the accusers are not consciously aware of what a toxic or abusive relationship mean same as healthy relationship

Skyfornia:


I believe you...same with me

That's good to know.....

It all boils down to insecurity that stem from not developing oneself. The fear of having no options, fear of loosing dependence, fear of a better choice out there, fear of being alone, lack of self-respect, to name a few.

To keep a partner and demand they treat you right, you must reserve the need to walk away, to the same degree that if you want peace, you prepare for war. And to be able to negotiate on this level, you must have developed yourself to a point where you have options, does not solely depends on anyone, and of course, treat your partner the exact way you want them to treat you.

Monogamy:
She's cheating on me, He's beating me always, lying is now his new surname, she can't spend 20 mins without receiving a call or messages.

My brother /sister, why not move when you are not a tree?

Hearing those stories is becoming boring lately. Average married people in Nigeria now are more like roommates where the communications are only for important thing.. The good love side don die tey tey

Cuz there brain is wired that they will change the person or the person will change which is irrational

Monogamy:


Exactly, both victims and the accusers are not consciously aware of what a toxic or abusive relationship mean same as healthy relationship

Very true

Toxic and abusive relationship is like the story of the slave girl. The slave girl is so much in love with the slave master. Human being, most of us are conditioned to love and admire our oppressor, and that's why people still love and defend Buhari.

Cindy222:

I have never cheated in any of my relationships.

Fornication itself is cheating on your future partner.

I wonder how this generation normalize wrong doings.

Immortality is now everyone's lifestyle.

Monogamy:
She's cheating on me, He's beating me always, lying is now his new surname, she can't spend 20 mins without receiving a call or messages.

My brother /sister, why not move when you are not a tree?

Hearing those stories is becoming boring lately. Average married people in Nigeria now are more like roommates where the communications are only for important thing.. The good love side don die tey tey

my own point is, the reason why some people are in a toxic marriage is (for a lady)
I don't want to go back to my fathers house
I can't stand the Shame
Who will take care of my kid?
How will I survive?
Where do I start from after 2 or 3 kids ?
Forgetting that when there's life there hope..
In relationship
Some stay in toxic relationship because of love, someone will say I can't do without him,he's the best man
No self value.
I was once in one, when we started the love was very sweet,very sweet,I was in 200l, he was In his final nd he's a medical student..we were very cool, I went back to school,things started changing,meanwhile He has hot tempered nd when he's angry,one insult is enof to spoil my week..I stayed because I love him not the money part tho..he went for his service everything was good.. So where whala take start,I was posted to his place(hospital) for my practical, i told him I can't because I did my first practical der I changed it even when he told me not to,,after a month we didnt see nd we used to see every 2 weeks..we were given easter break I went home, I came back and I spent 2days with him before going back to my practical base.
My friend has his num tho And I don't have issues with that,after a month we didnt see babe has gotten another gf where he serves..after the whole practical I went back t school he came to my school without seeing him nd he told my friend..I confronted him, he got angry nd started insulting me,,I was even trying to beg. I decided to visit him maybe if he sees me his anger will go off, unfortunately he really got pissed, I Cant even near his door because I don't want he will do,his neighbor gave me a spare room,so around 11pm I knocked his door he opened,lo and behold I got the beating of my life,it was his neighbors that rescue me,he shut his door immediately so the next morning I carry my bag he came and tried to apologize for beating me,I left nd everything went off..I was Even begging despite the beatings oo..love is stupid tho,,he blocked me,for more than a year I couldn't love any guy.I moved on he came back we became friends till now we used to talk and we are cool as friends..it was last year I find out my friend went to his place nd she's even behind everything..I confronted her she started insulting me,,I just let it slide..