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A Case For Men Who Don’t Want To Date Single Mothers - Romance (4) - Nairaland

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Re: A Case For Men Who Don’t Want To Date Single Mothers by Nobody: 12:12am On Sep 10, 2021
MrBrownJay1:


A) in Nigeria/Africa, it is a well known fact that men frown upon single women. IMHO, it is down to insecurities and misplaced ego but that is a whole different subject for anotherday.

B) why would you care where the loyalty of a mother lays? if you'd viewed that woman as a whole (aka her and her baby) then down the line your loyalty would also be linked to that child. the important question would be: is that the problem you may have OR the baby being a confirmation that some other dude had sex with your possible "woman" before you?

i really dont see where the problem is...

Which ego? The reason most men don't want to date or marry single moms is because they expect men to take responsibility for their kid(s).
If single moms take care of their child(s) bills by themselves and stop trying to shift the responsibility of those kid(s) to men, I believe men will start embracing them.

12 Likes

Re: A Case For Men Who Don’t Want To Date Single Mothers by tiswell(m): 12:12am On Sep 10, 2021
Ruthymoon:
Y'all men can't date a single mother ,but y'all busy dating and sleeping with married women undecided , so stupid,
oya go back to sleep

10 Likes

Re: A Case For Men Who Don’t Want To Date Single Mothers by AfroKnight: 12:13am On Sep 10, 2021
MrBrownJay1:


well its her son, let her raise that little bastard the way she sees fit... why do you have a problem with that?! are you saying that if you meet a woman and live with her as a family, you should decide how she should raise that child?!?!?



just because they come as a package doesnt mean you can do what you wish with her child... why do you even wanna be emotionally involved? shouldnt she have a say in the matter of HOW TO RAISE HER CHILD?! what if you are too strict, too harsh, too hard with the child, should she just be quiet and let you abuse the child anyhow? isnt it something that BOTH OF YOU should discuss as mature adults?!



we all do, but even then you still should do that in a proper manner and MUMMY has the right to intervene, if she believes that your way of raising y'all children is too harsh/hard/violent/extreme etc

I’m not a harsh person. At least I don’t think I am. But I have seen the sentiment I described up there happen before my eyes. The man was not harsh, rather on the contrary, he left the discipline of the boy largely to his wife, but she accused him of being aloof because the kid was not his. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t.

I’d rather not be in that situation.

And this is just one of the couple of situations I want to avoid that are peculiar to marrying a single mother.

There’s still the issue of the boy’s graduation or wedding and what roles his father would play in any of these.

13 Likes

Re: A Case For Men Who Don’t Want To Date Single Mothers by Nobody: 12:14am On Sep 10, 2021
AfroKnight:


It is not love to take away the choice of another human being or to guilt-trip (manipulate) them for your gain. Funny that you want to use scripture to sanction manipulation.
manipulation how? It is evident you lack the understanding of what I'm writing about

1 Like

Re: A Case For Men Who Don’t Want To Date Single Mothers by AfroKnight: 12:15am On Sep 10, 2021
Lollittaa:

manipulation how? It is evident you lack the understanding of what I'm writing about

Actually you lack the understanding of what you are writing about. You are so conceited you cannot see the nonsense you’re saying.

3 Likes

Re: A Case For Men Who Don’t Want To Date Single Mothers by MrBrownJay1(m): 12:16am On Sep 10, 2021
madridsta007:

1. Her child comes first before you, whether dating or married to her...

and so what? the love a mother has for her child is different than the love she has for you? are you saying that your needs will be equal to that of a child (regarding this woman)?! are you saying that you would want to compete with this child for his mother's attention?!

2. There will always be a third party in the marriage or relationship.

there is ALWAYS a 3rd party in any union, whether it be her mother, her friend, her ex, her siblings or her family. get with the program...

3. She can exit your life any given time. She has built herself to be independent and she can revert to that whenever she suspects you.
... and so what? do you expect a woman to be depending on you, so that you can manipulate her like a remote toy? any woman in your life can exit at any given time (whether a virgin or single mother), unless you tie her to the bedpost every morning as you leave for work.

4. And yes, she will always suspect you.

... suspect you of what exactly?!?!?

2 Likes

Re: A Case For Men Who Don’t Want To Date Single Mothers by MrBrownJay1(m): 12:22am On Sep 10, 2021
3minssex:
Which ego? The reason most men don't want to date or marry single moms is because they expect men to take responsibility for their kid(s).
If single moms take care of their child(s) bills by themselves and stop trying to shift the responsibility of those kid(s) to men, I believe men will start embracing them.

how difficult is it to tell a single mother that you DONT EVER want to take care of her childs need?! is that so hard?!

AfroKnight:

I’m not a harsh person. At least I don’t think I am. But I have seen the sentiment I described up there happen before my eyes. The man was not harsh, rather on the contrary, he left the discipline of the boy largely to his wife, but she accused him of being aloof because the kid was not his. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t.
I’d rather not be in that situation.
And this is just one of the couple of situations I want to avoid that are peculiar to marrying a single mother.
There’s still the issue of the boy’s graduation or wedding and what roles his father would play in any of these.

again, such children should know from the get go who is there father (who abandoned them).... you are just there as the dude who fukcs his mum and help around the house. no dulling!

if you've separated yourself emotionally from that child, you would have no issues whatsoever dealing with his graduation/wedding...you are a step dad at best, nothing more nothing less.
Re: A Case For Men Who Don’t Want To Date Single Mothers by princewarri1985: 12:23am On Sep 10, 2021
SyrusdeHansome:
What so many guys don't knw is that not every single mother is a LovePeddler. So many girls got pregnant after trying sex just once. Some of them got pregnant as a result of rape. They had the choice of terminating the pregnancy but refused to commit the sin of fornication nd murder. Not all virgins r good 4 marriage. Being a virgin doesn't necessarily translate to having the needed character that will sustain marriage. There's more to marriage than sex mbok. Let's drop this bias narrative abt single mothers cos the dfrns b/w them nd some of ur saint girlfrnds who r fun of aborting their 2day nd future babies is that they were bold enof to keep the pregnancy out of love 4 the innocent foetus. As 4 me peace of mind is what i need in marriage so if its a single mother that'll give that to me then i'll happily marry her.
Then be ready to share your wife with her baby daddy, she cant stop sleeping with her baby daddy, you are not smart, single ladies full everywhere

11 Likes 1 Share

Re: A Case For Men Who Don’t Want To Date Single Mothers by Freelane33(m): 12:31am On Sep 10, 2021
BRO SINGLE MOTHER IS SINGLE MOTHER , DONT JUSTIFY WHAT IS NOT JUSTIFY ABLE AND DONT DARE TO MARRY ONE , I BEG YOU WITH THE NAME OF GOD THE EXPERIENCE IS NOT ALWAYS FINE
SyrusdeHansome:
What so many guys don't knw is that not every single mother is a LovePeddler. So many girls got pregnant after trying sex just once. Some of them got pregnant as a result of rape. They had the choice of terminating the pregnancy but refused to commit the sin of fornication nd murder. Not all virgins r good 4 marriage. Being a virgin doesn't necessarily translate to having the needed character that will sustain marriage. There's more to marriage than sex mbok. Let's drop this bias narrative abt single mothers cos the dfrns b/w them nd some of ur saint girlfrnds who r fun of aborting their 2day nd future babies is that they were bold enof to keep the pregnancy out of love 4 the innocent foetus. As 4 me peace of mind is what i need in marriage so if its a single mother that'll give that to me then i'll happily marry her.

9 Likes 1 Share

Re: A Case For Men Who Don’t Want To Date Single Mothers by Hardebaryor(m): 12:35am On Sep 10, 2021
bukatyne:


So a woman should take antibiotics indiscriminately to prevent pregnancy?
Then don't have sex.
Re: A Case For Men Who Don’t Want To Date Single Mothers by RexTramadol1: 12:38am On Sep 10, 2021
MrBrownJay1:


bro, there comes a time in a man 's life when he has to start to live his life FOR HIMSELF and he shouldnt give a flying fukc about what people think/say of him (so long as he does right by his own maker). if you really wouldnt be with a single mother bla bla bla because of gossiping fools who know nothing about your life, then you sir have some growing up to do.



Well, I wrote within the context of what the OP is saying, on the society demonizing a man for what he decides for himself


I don’t have any entanglement with a single mom so to speak, and it’s a decision I’m unapologetic about.

9 Likes

Re: A Case For Men Who Don’t Want To Date Single Mothers by NaijirianKing: 12:43am On Sep 10, 2021
Don't blame shift.

She gave herself away, cheaply, to irresponsible men who didn't see the need to marry her first.

These are merely the consequences of her poor decisions in life. Every action has consequences, try as we may, we can't escape them.

She is to blame for her poor behavior and choices.



MrBrownJay1:


many think that, by getting to know her 1st, you may change your views about single mothers, when you finally get to discover that she has a child. dont blame her, blame African society for that, as these women are looked down upon.

6 Likes

Re: A Case For Men Who Don’t Want To Date Single Mothers by NaijirianKing: 12:46am On Sep 10, 2021
It's not a must to engage in fornication.

1 Like

Re: A Case For Men Who Don’t Want To Date Single Mothers by lordaltruist(m): 12:46am On Sep 10, 2021
Davash222:

Ask 99.7536% of Nigeria single mothers about the father of their child/ren, this is always their response.

Does it mean they are foolish or blind to open legs for irresponsible men?

When dating a single mom, always remember, her child comes first before you. Also remember, the father of the child has 100% access to her kpekus.

Godspeed to all prospective Single mothers' attendees.


I confirmate this comment.
Re: A Case For Men Who Don’t Want To Date Single Mothers by suffering: 12:46am On Sep 10, 2021
The worst people to get advice from are unrelated females. OP, don’t commit such sin later in life.

12 Likes 1 Share

Re: A Case For Men Who Don’t Want To Date Single Mothers by NaijirianKing: 12:47am On Sep 10, 2021
Mem who value themselves and their commitment don't commit to single mothers.


Terrier99:
You think the single woman you're dating is yours until you beat her child. That is when you will learn that she comes first, her child(ren) come next, you come last. You're merely a simp and provider for her kids, nothing more.

15 Likes 2 Shares

Re: A Case For Men Who Don’t Want To Date Single Mothers by NaijirianKing: 12:48am On Sep 10, 2021
No, a woman should respect herself and not give her body to every man who wants a sample.




bukatyne:


So a woman should take antibiotics indiscriminately to prevent pregnancy?

1 Like

Re: A Case For Men Who Don’t Want To Date Single Mothers by NaijirianKing: 12:52am On Sep 10, 2021
Men of this generation are too wise and can't fall for such sob stories.

There's a reason why 74.8% of singe mothers in America die without ever being walked down the aisle.

Women can get together and tell themselves anything they want, but men control commitment and who gets married, it is what the men say that matters. And men have already spoken on the matter.


Karlovych:
embarassed It is never their fault that they are single mothers,
Dating irresponsible men is never their fault
Having unprotected sex with irresponsible men is never their fault
Going for antenatal for an irresponsible man is never their fault
Having an irresponsible man's baby is never their fault
They never take accountability for their clownish actions and are always looking for a sorry a** to "understand" their situation and date them.

22 Likes 1 Share

Re: A Case For Men Who Don’t Want To Date Single Mothers by MrBrownJay1(m): 12:52am On Sep 10, 2021
NaijirianKing:
Don't blame shift.
She gave herself away, cheaply, to irresponsible men who didn't see the need to marry her first.
These are merely the consequences of her poor decisions in life. Every action has consequences, try as we may, we can't escape them.
She is to blame for her poor behavior and choices.

you are absolutely right and i am in no way trying to take away the blame from anyone... but again, we are not here to point fingers at who's to blame for single motherhood here, but instead to UNDERSTAND why a brotha would look down on such life status.

2 Likes

Re: A Case For Men Who Don’t Want To Date Single Mothers by MrBrownJay1(m): 12:55am On Sep 10, 2021
RexTramadol1:
Well, I wrote within the context of what the OP is saying, on the society demonizing a man for what he decides for himself
I don’t have any entanglement with a single mom so to speak, and it’s a decision I’m unapologetic about.

...and you have all the right to do so, but i sincerely hope that your reason for thinking that way has more to do than what people may say about you bla bla bla.
Re: A Case For Men Who Don’t Want To Date Single Mothers by Terrier99: 12:56am On Sep 10, 2021
Ruthymoon:
Y'all men can't date a single mother ,but y'all busy dating and sleeping with married women undecided , so stupid,

This one is not even intelligent. You eat meat, why don't you carry the cow home?

14 Likes

Re: A Case For Men Who Don’t Want To Date Single Mothers by Terrier99: 12:58am On Sep 10, 2021
Romanoff:


Even condom dey break. Well we'll sef. So if that happens, what next?

Abortion, keep the baby?


Stop asking mumu questions. There is Postinor 2.

12 Likes 2 Shares

Re: A Case For Men Who Don’t Want To Date Single Mothers by AfroKnight: 1:02am On Sep 10, 2021
MrBrownJay1:

again, such children should know from the get go who is there father (who abandoned them).... you are just there as the dude who fukcs his mum and help around the house. no dulling!

if you've separated yourself emotionally from that child, you would have no issues whatsoever dealing with his graduation/wedding...you are a step dad at best, nothing more nothing less.



Which is the more reason I don’t want to be in that situation. Having to separate myself emotionally from a child living in my house. Being cautious and conscious of how I instill discipline in the home because I don’t want to offend the sensibilities of my wife…

I don’t want that.

And I think it’s time for society to stop frowning at men who don’t want all these peculiarities. The decision by men like me to avoid dating single mothers is valid. Women should stop demonising us for having that preference.

17 Likes 1 Share

Re: A Case For Men Who Don’t Want To Date Single Mothers by Toks2008(m): 1:03am On Sep 10, 2021
AfroKnight:
Parts of the story have been altered cos affected parties might be nairalanders.

A while ago, I met a beautiful woman. She carry front, she carry back. Both in desirable proportions. I got her number and we got talking. We soon advanced to long calls, flirting and risqué jokes. Then she posted a boy on her WhatsApp status one day and the caption rocked me to my foundation. I asked and she confirmed that the little boy was her son. Okay.

“Where is his father?”

“He is not responsible. He is not involved in his son’s life. I take care of him alone.”

“Well, no problem”, I thought to myself. I reminded myself that it is not my dream in life to deal with the complications of raising a son who is not biologically mine, especially one whose father is still very much alive. So, I slowed down. Reduced calls until we drifted apart.

I told a female friend of mine about this and the way she looked at me ehn, I was wondering what I did wrong. She was so disappointed in me for refusing to date a single mother.

Well, I gave that friend of mine a piece of my mind. She had no right to project her concept of right or wrong or even chivalry on me! I am nobody’s saviour. I cannot pick up the responsibilities of another man who is alive and well. It is not only unfair but incredibly unjust to put a man on the spot by letting him find out you have a child after you guys have started flirting and even advanced in the talking stage of a budding relationship. I don dey feel you to the point of starting a serious relationship and I discover this? It is wrong.

And it is even more offensive that you would expect a man to just take it in stride.

Guys do not be shy to refuse if you don’t want.

Some guys are cool with it and that’s fine. If I’m not cool with it, don’t demonise me. It’s my choice.

Share your thoughts please.

Single mums are sweet to be with cos they have seen it all and most of them are compelled to calm down to reality.

The problem is that they are their own issues.

I created a thread years back about single mums so that is my stand view.

https://www.nairaland.com/2532999/8-words-advice-unmarried-single

1 Like

Re: A Case For Men Who Don’t Want To Date Single Mothers by geemd434: 1:08am On Sep 10, 2021
Davash222:

Ask 99.7536% of Nigeria single mothers about the father of their child/ren, this is always their response.

Does it mean they are foolish or blind to open legs for irresponsible men?

When dating a single mom, always remember, her child comes first before you. Also remember, the father of the child has 100% access to her kpekus.

Godspeed to all prospective Single mothers' attendees.
You just made a profound statement. Wisdom will never leave you

9 Likes

Re: A Case For Men Who Don’t Want To Date Single Mothers by AfroKnight: 1:11am On Sep 10, 2021
RexTramadol1:



Hmmm! I think the problem comes later


In a case where the child knows you’re not his/her dad


The woman for sure will want you to treat the child as yours when it comes to goodies and enjoyment, but on discipline she will remind you it’s her child



Not just that, later in the future the father will come after you’ve brought the child up and start asking for silly forgiveness, the mother will just let you know...... thanks for all you’ve done, but the child’s father is the child’s father



I’ve seen this Shii play out........ inasmuch as there’s nothing wrong so far the guy can believes he can go into it.......


But those who have weighed the pros and cons should not be demonized for saying tufiakwa

Bro you have spoken well.

2 Likes

Re: A Case For Men Who Don’t Want To Date Single Mothers by MrBrownJay1(m): 1:25am On Sep 10, 2021
AfroKnight:
Which is the more reason I don’t want to be in that situation. Having to separate myself emotionally from a child living in my house. Being cautious and conscious of how I instill discipline in the home because I don’t want to offend the sensibilities of my wife…
I don’t want that.

the above is called BEING IN A R/SHIP WITH SOMEONE... you dont want to offend the sensibility of your wife/gf with everything you do in your union, regardless of a child being involved or not.

And I think it’s time for society to stop frowning at men who don’t want all these peculiarities. The decision by men like me to avoid dating single mothers is valid. Women should stop demonising us for having that preference.

society doesnt frown upon men like you, its single mothers who do because you judge them for their single mother status. are you saying that its RIGHT for you to frown upon these single mothers but WRONG if these same single mothers frown upon men who think like you doi?!?!?!?!?

1 Like

Re: A Case For Men Who Don’t Want To Date Single Mothers by MrBrownJay1(m): 1:32am On Sep 10, 2021
the hypocrisy on this subject is that the majority who look down on these women will gladly date/marry Genevieve/Linda or the ex wives of Uncle Jeff (Bezos) and/or baba Bill (Gates)

2 Likes

Re: A Case For Men Who Don’t Want To Date Single Mothers by Karlovych: 1:35am On Sep 10, 2021
NaijirianKing:
Men of this generation are too wise and can't fall for such sob stories.

There's a reason why 74.8% of singe mothers in America die without ever being walked down the aisle.

Women can get together and tell themselves anything they want, but men control commitment and who gets married, it is what the men say that matters. And men have already spoken on the matter.


Exactly, some of these delusional females don't understand how the world works, especially the American ones

7 Likes 1 Share

Re: A Case For Men Who Don’t Want To Date Single Mothers by AfroKnight: 1:42am On Sep 10, 2021
MrBrownJay1:


the above is called BEING IN A R/SHIP WITH SOMEONE... you dont want to offend the sensibility of your wife/gf with everything you do in your union, regardless of a child being involved or not.

Do not take it out of context please. I was talking about offending her sensibilities because of the child in question and certainly not in the general sense. She expects inclusion from you on everything except when it’s time to correct children, then she places you under scrutiny. That’s an unnecessary awkwardness I certainly do not want. It is different from just any relationship. It doesn’t make her a bad person, but it is what it is. And I’d rather avoid such situations if I can help it.


society doesnt frown upon men like you, its single mothers who do because you judge them for their single mother status. are you saying that its RIGHT for you to frown upon these single mothers but WRONG if these same single mothers frown upon men who think like you doi?!?!?!?!?

Don’t misunderstand me. I do not frown upon them. I just don’t prefer them. I don’t treat them any less than other humans. But my decision not to date them is seen as offensive by women. Why? It should not be so. Plus I particularly dislike the fact that some of them withhold the information that they are single mothers until they feel you are committed to the relationship. They should tell me upfront so I can move on to the next person instead of wasting time.

12 Likes 1 Share

Re: A Case For Men Who Don’t Want To Date Single Mothers by AutoChick4U(f): 1:46am On Sep 10, 2021
Davash222:

Ask 99.7536% of Nigeria single mothers about the father of their child/ren, this is always their response.

Does it mean they are foolish or blind to open legs for irresponsible men?

When dating a single mom, always remember, her child comes first before you. Also remember, the father of the child has 100% access to her kpekus.

Godspeed to all prospective Single mothers' attendees.
Wrong wrong wrong! No be only 100% access, who in their right mind would open themselves to someone who abandoned them? Ohoo

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