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Stats: 2,756,673 members, 6,550,720 topics. Date: Friday, 22 October 2021 at 10:20 AM
|Not In Love With Husband by Oladunnii(f): 6:48pm On Sep 19|
Women what do you do when you feel like you’ve fallen out love with your husbands?
I don’t know where to start but my level of frustration is high. I try to take emotions out of it and logically the right thing to do, would be to stay as we have a child . But everyday my level of annoyance, sadness, resentment and regret keeps pulling through.
I’m not even asking for much, a hygienic man who can do the basics of being a head. Sex life is horrible after only 2 years even after communicating about it severally.
Lack of financial responsibility/inability to take care of basic things whilst I support him. Inability to agree on anything. Smoking habits. Always dreaming about different business proposals but too lazy to do something about it even after so much encouragement.
I can’t pour out my frustration on my husband as that will not be fair, so hear I am. I don’t know what to do man. My husband is not stressed under any circumstances as he doesn’t have to pay rent, this has been sorted out and paid for.. at least for the next two years.
I don’t know where my head is at at the moment but my heart is not in it. I just want a level headed average man who I can be contented with? Is this too much to ask for?
114 Likes 11 Shares
|Re: Not In Love With Husband by Oblongata: 6:50pm On Sep 19|
Reflect on this post from a friend
Marriage has three stages. The first stage is called honeymoon and lasts about two years. This stage is very sweet, nice, and romantic. This is where you find names like honey, sweetheart, baby, and so on.
In this stage, everything is perfect. This is a stage where a man returns home and dumps his socks and shoes anywhere but in the morning, he will wake up and find them placed where they're supposed to be. This is where madam doesn't go to bed until you return home. She sits in the living room and receives all the mosquito bites waiting for you till you return, takes a shower, and enjoys supper. Even if you return at midnight, you find her waiting for you.
This first stage is beautiful with a lot of tolerance. This is a stage where at night while in bed, you release very toxic gas and your spouse instead apologizes. Remember, you have gassed but again he tells you, "Sorry darling, it's okay." This is unbelievable. Madam has gassed but to you, it's okay. Oh my God, this is sweet. Everything is just merry-making during this stage. In conclusion, enjoy this stage as much as we can.
The second stage lasts for ten years! This is where the honeymoon is over. This stage is red hot. During this stage, perhaps financial challenges have come in. You have given birth and the children are also disturbing you. Sometimes you are yet to give birth but really want to and the pressure on you is mounting from all corners. Landlords have become Landlords. There is a loss of employment. Things are just tight.
Life is hard in this second stage. The man who used to return home early now returns very late. Sometimes he doesn't even return home. There are suspicions of infidelity and cheating. You don't trust each other. You feel your spouse is cheating, and in fact, he or she is cheating. When you return home and leave your shoes outside, in the morning, you find them where you left them. Things are hot here.
This is a stage where at night, you release toxic gas and your partner asks what you ate during supper time yet you ate the same meals. He can even leave the bed and spend the night in the sitting room simply because you gassed. Imagine only gassing.
The second stage is hot. There are fights; spiritual, physical, and in all aspects. This is the stage where you reach the point of considering separating. Each spouse shows his or her true colors in this stage. A night dancer switches on the reggae mixes the music, and punches the baseline. Your relatives taste the greedy side of your wife.
Those who persevere and overcome this stage end up keeping their marriage till death does them part. However, very many hang up the towel in this stage. They quit. In conclusion, Those who are in this stage should fight a little longer, not hang up the towel. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Just a little longer and you are done with this heat.
Finally, there's the last stage. This comes after the ten red hot years. This last stage is lukewarm. It's neither cold nor hot. You gas at large and no one applauds you or complains. You have seen enough of each other. You have known each other's true colors.
In this stage, whatever your partner does no longer surprises you. If she quarrels, you just say that is the nature of this woman. If he is still late out in the night, you don't even bother to call since you know he will return. If she doesn't serve you food and you feel hungry, you just go and serve food otherwise, hunger hits you for nothing
This stage is not for disturbing one another. There is a lot of calmness and commands are few. This is where if you are watching TV with her in the sitting room and you feel thirsty, you don't send her to bring you drinking water but only wait when she's moving in the direction where there is water and you tell her if she is coming back, she can come along with some water. If she asks you to repeat what you just said, you have to pretend like you didn't say anything. All of a sudden, she shocks you and returns with drinking water. There is mutual respect in this stage. In conclusion, Those in this stage should just work for eternity.
Congratulation to those who are in this stage for, they have come from far.
Amen and amen
Have a wonderful reflection on this post.
This can be related to new couple-to-be, less than ten years marriage & finally btw 20 - 80 years of marriage
Wishing you a blessed night.
1264 Likes 232 Shares
|Re: Not In Love With Husband by ednut1(m): 6:51pm On Sep 19|
No one forced you to marry him. Get a divorce shikena
35 Likes 5 Shares
|Re: Not In Love With Husband by lilvicky68(m): 6:53pm On Sep 19|
You women are funny sometimes oh..
You will marry a smoker and expect him to stop smoking and start being responsible later on..
No be juju be that?
The worst thing you can do is to marry a poor smoker..he won't think about food first without his cigarettes..
If as an irresponsible smoker you don't like my post..don't quote me..the responsible smokers can quote sha..
333 Likes 24 Shares
|Re: Not In Love With Husband by aanuoluwami14(f): 6:54pm On Sep 19|
You need enough rest, smoking? Sex life? The foundation laid is faulty. You need to separate from him for a while
13 Likes 2 Shares
|Re: Not In Love With Husband by Magnoliaa(f): 6:56pm On Sep 19|
|Re: Not In Love With Husband by mariahAngel: 6:56pm On Sep 19|
Have you ever thought of taking a break from everything and take some time off to yourself?
(I have always wondered if it is allowed in marriage or would one be stuck forever )
It could be that you’re just stressed and bored...
11 Likes 5 Shares
|Re: Not In Love With Husband by Olunmercy56(f): 6:57pm On Sep 19|
I don't advise divorce but if you can just get somewhere to rest yourself, it's better. He might be going through some challenges that he can't tell you.
36 Likes 2 Shares
|Re: Not In Love With Husband by neonly: 7:07pm On Sep 19|
Those smoking portray irresponsible just asking
12 Likes 2 Shares
|Re: Not In Love With Husband by Innovia: 7:08pm On Sep 19|
Write all this in note and drop it for him then go for church camp activities for some days like Shiloh, when you return, you will both know what to do with yourselves
77 Likes 6 Shares
|Re: Not In Love With Husband by neonly: 7:13pm On Sep 19|
In Every marriage der are two side is either you are tired of d relationship or not
When other people start poke nosing in yur affairs or comparing each other to different folks
Like they say d prosperity of a man depends in d woman
You should check yurself well once a man locks up his mind towards a wife it take God intervention
Am not saying all men are innocent pls but mostly d issues is from d woman
14 Likes 2 Shares
|Re: Not In Love With Husband by Oladunnii(f): 7:13pm On Sep 19|
Innovia:if he reads this he will be very offended.
2 Likes 1 Share
|Re: Not In Love With Husband by oazeez1991(m): 7:14pm On Sep 19|
Wisdom in dose
76 Likes 4 Shares
|Re: Not In Love With Husband by Innovia: 7:15pm On Sep 19|
He needs to hear these things
6 Likes 2 Shares
|Re: Not In Love With Husband by lilvicky68(m): 7:15pm On Sep 19|
neonly:Esp in the home
14 Likes 2 Shares
|Re: Not In Love With Husband by neonly: 7:18pm On Sep 19|
U very wrong my dear
Smoking is an habit just like makeups,clubbing,drinking etc
Is just dat in dis parts of our world people tends to make it looks bad because they don't do it
|Re: Not In Love With Husband by Oladunnii(f): 7:19pm On Sep 19|
neonly:I’m my even trying to sound perfect because I’m not. but i do my part as the woman cooking..Cleaning support financially and sex is given. I’m naturally very quiet/ reserved so I don’t nag or talk too much because it drains me I prefer writing. Emotionally I support this man and support him with all his dreams. What else do I do? My head is just hot ahbeg. I’m 26 and I’m becoming a shadow of myself.
28 Likes 2 Shares
|Re: Not In Love With Husband by mariahAngel: 7:21pm On Sep 19|
To health, yes.
Plus, it is a huge turn-off for most women because of the cigarette breath.
8 Likes 1 Share
|Re: Not In Love With Husband by mariahAngel: 7:28pm On Sep 19|
I read your old post.
The problem is you never loved him to begin with, before you married him.
No wonder you now see faults that have always been there.
The truth is you want out.
72 Likes 2 Shares
|Re: Not In Love With Husband by mardis: 7:36pm On Sep 19|
Untill you figure out the best option for you and sort out all those correctional lapses your husband posses, do not take in, i repeat do not allow pregnancy set in. One child in between is very fair and easier to handle when the worst happens. You're still young and it is expected that your marriage should be bubbling with love with just little or no hitches.
I just don't like seeing young girls having marital issues because before you know it, they will look fa&g out especially when they're forced to remain there. I know that is the worst that can happen in a girl's life, to get married young and your supposed husband can't give you maximum love and peace of mind.
21 Likes 2 Shares
|Re: Not In Love With Husband by nifemi25(m): 7:38pm On Sep 19|
Why not create a thread for this. It's really educating. It's really useful for every single and married couple. It worth front page.
84 Likes 3 Shares
|Re: Not In Love With Husband by Palema007: 7:42pm On Sep 19|
"Honey" don fly commot window, "moon" eyes don clear. Now nah "sun" dey shine, My sister please don't give up, soon enough you and your husband will start to shine like "stars" you are.
8 Likes 1 Share
|Re: Not In Love With Husband by Oladunnii(f): 7:49pm On Sep 19|
mariahAngel:I really want to love this man, as I believe love is a choice not a feeling. Where do you find the balance of doing the right thing, and doing the thing that feels right?
7 Likes 1 Share
|Re: Not In Love With Husband by Iyaebe: 7:56pm On Sep 19|
I will never be scared of marriage, you all have failed.
|Re: Not In Love With Husband by sisisioge: 7:59pm On Sep 19|
It is well....really well. Sometimes, we cant really do anything unless someone practically hand-hold us. If only you love hom, you might be willing to hold his hands and help him be better....Sex cant be good for a woman if our hearts isnt there....It is really well. Hang in there sha....all will be well.
|Re: Not In Love With Husband by AutoChick4U(f): 8:00pm On Sep 19|
Oladunnii:Were you blind when you said "I do"?
This is the kinda lazy attitude men looking for women to support them financially exhibit. You can imagine d lady carrying d load of childbirth, cooking, paying rent, sex! Haba
13 Likes 1 Share
|Re: Not In Love With Husband by AutoChick4U(f): 8:02pm On Sep 19|
sisisioge:She probably loved him at first but he showed his true colors after marriage and frustrated the love
11 Likes 2 Shares
|Re: Not In Love With Husband by oldienavie: 8:02pm On Sep 19|
Oladunnii:Did you know he was a smoker before marrying him ?
If you did, how come you suddenly want him to stop smoking ?
I see you avoided this question when someone asked earlier, seems you are not ready to face the truth.
25 Likes 1 Share
|Re: Not In Love With Husband by AutoChick4U(f): 8:05pm On Sep 19|
mariahAngel:It is advisable. Travel a bit so you miss yourselves and fire re ignited
1 Like 1 Share
|Re: Not In Love With Husband by Oladunnii(f): 8:08pm On Sep 19|
oldienavie:yes I knew so I only have myself to blame. I have referred him to doctors as I don’t want to get family involved but he’s not interested. I can only fault myself. At one point I just wanted to accept it, but the hygiene and money that comes with it is bad. So here I am venting which i’m allowed to do before I run mad.
31 Likes 2 Shares
|Re: Not In Love With Husband by mariahAngel: 8:13pm On Sep 19|
Well, has he been good to you?
Does he value and respect you?
2 Likes 1 Share
|Re: Not In Love With Husband by oldienavie: 8:14pm On Sep 19|
Oladunnii:Thanks for being honest, let me advise you a bit.
Choices are what makes us, unfortunately we do not realise this early enough. Most people realise this when it is too late.
And we have to learn to live with the consequence of our choices, for example, if you choose to leave your husband, you are making a choice and you will still have to deal with the consequence that comes with making that choice.
Try not to get stuck in another mistake while trying to correct one, Ti igi ba re lu igi ti ori e la maa n koko yo. If tree falls on tree, you will start by removing the upper most one first.
Do not attempt to solve all your marital challenges at once, highlight them, start from the simplest and attack them one after the other.
I do hope single people reading this will learn to weigh their choices before making a decision.
How old is your husband ?
90 Likes 7 Shares
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