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Have You Ever Had An Inter-Tribal/Racial/Religious Relationship Or Marriage? - Family - Nairaland

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Have You Ever Had An Inter-Tribal/Racial/Religious Relationship Or Marriage? by Karleb(m): 5:59pm On Sep 24, 2021
A lot of Nigerians especially the elderly are tribalistic, the ones that are not would most likely not consider someone of other religion or the non-religious.

But against all odds, some have had relationships and even gotten married against the societal and parental pressure to someone of different race, religion and tribe.

How were you able to cope?
Re: Have You Ever Had An Inter-Tribal/Racial/Religious Relationship Or Marriage? by The5DME(m): 6:06pm On Sep 24, 2021
Tribalism is a serious issue in this country sha.

6 Likes

Re: Have You Ever Had An Inter-Tribal/Racial/Religious Relationship Or Marriage? by pharmagba: 6:26pm On Sep 24, 2021
Yes severally
Jeje I go serve my fatherland for Adamawa state..
A Fulani lady, Bororo confirm- Aisha
A biu lady- Maria
An ibo lady - Chidinma

We loved but couldn't marry
I'll never forget them

1 Like

Re: Have You Ever Had An Inter-Tribal/Racial/Religious Relationship Or Marriage? by Magnoliaa(f): 6:43pm On Sep 24, 2021
A relationship? No. But all my love interests have always been of other tribes or races. No big deal. My parents would think nothing of it; they don't care...so I'm not gonna have any problem, or relate to any issues that'll 'arise' out of such relationships. I'm glad my parents are that enlightened, even though they are still traditional and religious and all the whole package sha. But they're modified. cheesy I don't have problems with them when it comes to ideologies or non-conforming lifestyles. They understand that we're adults and we can make our choices and be responsible for them.

Still do not care about what society or family members will say... It's their mouths? undecided I seriously do not get how some people allow others' opinions run their lives. Na wa. Maybe it's because they don't poke their nose in others' affairs, too, forming custodians of cultures ... so they are always left alone. No 'one aunty that has been existing for 300 years' is shey kinikan, shey igbadakodo. Pfft.

I refused one, though, not because of his religion or tribe, but because of his personality, even though he thinks otherwise. He is weak and I know 'he' would not have been able to withstand the pressure or stand his ground and face his family when push comes to shove. It is the same reason for his parents breaking up and I honestly cannot imagine myself putting myself in that line of fire. It would have been different if he didn't give a damn and had a mind of his own, then I would know, okay, I'm not going into this alone and he wouldn't allow these people come to close to me or meddle in our affairs, yada yada yada.

Wo, he should find his acceptable bride of the same tribe go front, abek.

8 Likes

Re: Have You Ever Had An Inter-Tribal/Racial/Religious Relationship Or Marriage? by Sonnobax15(m): 6:45pm On Sep 24, 2021
cool
Oh yeah.... I had one with an Ikwere banny last year..... Mennnnnnnn,that banny na award winning lasher tongue

4 Likes

Re: Have You Ever Had An Inter-Tribal/Racial/Religious Relationship Or Marriage? by Karleb(m): 6:48pm On Sep 24, 2021
Magnoliaa:
A relationship? No. But all my love interests have always been of other tribes or races. No big deal. My parents would think nothing of it; they don't care...so I'm not gonna have any problem, or relate to any issues that'll 'arise' out of such relationships. I'm glad my parents are that enlightened, even though they are still traditional and religious and all the whole package sha. But they're modified. cheesy I don't have problems with them when it comes to ideologies or non-conforming lifestyles.

Still do not care about what society or family members will say... It's their mouths? undecided I seriously do not get how some people allow others' opinions run their lives. Na wa.

Seriously, the opinion of the society is really important whether we agree or not. It is the individual that will decide to no give a fucck.

I am happy for you, you have parents that don't see this as an issue.

1 Like

Re: Have You Ever Had An Inter-Tribal/Racial/Religious Relationship Or Marriage? by Karleb(m): 6:48pm On Sep 24, 2021
pharmagba:
Yes severally
Jeje I go serve my fatherland for Adamawa state..
A Fulani lady, Bororo confirm- Aisha
A biu lady- Maria
An ibo lady - Chidinma

We loved but couldn't marry
I'll never forget them

cool cool
Re: Have You Ever Had An Inter-Tribal/Racial/Religious Relationship Or Marriage? by lilvicky68(m): 6:49pm On Sep 24, 2021
Sonnobax15:
cool
Oh yeah.... I had one with an Ikwere banny last year..... Mennnnnnnn,that banny na award winning lasher tongue
She represent well..

2 Likes

Re: Have You Ever Had An Inter-Tribal/Racial/Religious Relationship Or Marriage? by Sonnobax15(m): 6:52pm On Sep 24, 2021
lilvicky68:

She represent well..
Like I said,that banny almost lash my diick break tongue

2 Likes

Re: Have You Ever Had An Inter-Tribal/Racial/Religious Relationship Or Marriage? by Karleb(m): 6:53pm On Sep 24, 2021
lilvicky68:

She represent well..

grin grin

People from Rivers state are more likely to date/marry people of other tribes, there are a lot of tribes in Rivers but when you move to the South East, South West or the North where a singular tribe/religion dominates, the discrimination becomes evident.

2 Likes

Re: Have You Ever Had An Inter-Tribal/Racial/Religious Relationship Or Marriage? by lilvicky68(m): 6:54pm On Sep 24, 2021
Karleb:


grin grin

People from Rivers state are more likely to date/marry people of other tribes, there are a lot of tribes in Rivers but when you move to the South East, South West or the North where a singular tribe/religion dominates, the discrimination becomes evident.

Yea.. I can marry from any tribe or race..
It's only religion I might consider..

4 Likes 1 Share

Re: Have You Ever Had An Inter-Tribal/Racial/Religious Relationship Or Marriage? by Magnoliaa(f): 7:01pm On Sep 24, 2021
Karleb:


Seriously, the opinion of the society is really important whether we agree or not. It is the individual that will decide to no give a fucck.

I am happy for you, you have parents that don't see this as an issue.

Yeah. This is what I believe and do.

2 Likes 1 Share

Re: Have You Ever Had An Inter-Tribal/Racial/Religious Relationship Or Marriage? by JovialJune(f): 9:24pm On Sep 24, 2021
Happening to a friend of mine right now, she and the guy have been battling this tribal issue since 2018 that they started dating, she is Yoruba and he is delta, but his mum wants him to marry from either Edo or Delta cos she is Edo and his father is Delta, you see how some mothers can be, my friend and the guy keeps breaking up and coming back every time cos they are so much in love with each other, and time is no more time on their side as they are in their 30s, she doesnt want to marry into a family that she is not accepted, he doesnt want to break his mum's heart, so they don't even know what to do again cos fate abi God keeps bringing them back together, I'm just pitying her cos I don advice tire

This unnecessary tribal differences championed by mostly parents on their kids should be discouraged and stopped, let grown adults make mistakes and learn from it or let them marry who they like and live happily every after, we are humans first.

11 Likes 3 Shares

Re: Have You Ever Had An Inter-Tribal/Racial/Religious Relationship Or Marriage? by PrimadonnaO(f): 5:10am On Sep 25, 2021
Glad I can't relate to any of those things.


Never had tribal sentiments.

4 Likes

Re: Have You Ever Had An Inter-Tribal/Racial/Religious Relationship Or Marriage? by Karleb(m): 5:20am On Sep 25, 2021
JovialJune:
Happening to a friend of mine right now, she and the guy have been battling this tribal issue since 2018 that they started dating, she is Yoruba and he is delta, but his mum wants him to marry from either Edo or Delta cos she is Edo and his father is Delta, you see how some mothers can be, my friend and the guy keeps breaking up and coming back every time cos they are so much in love with each other, and time is no more on their side as they are in their 30s, she doesnt want to marry into a family that she is not accepted, he doesnt want to break his mum's heart, so they don't even know what to do again cos fate abi God keeps bringing them back together, I'm just pitying her cos I don advice tire

This unnecessary tribal differences championed by mostly parents on their kids should be discouraged and stopped, let grown adults make mistakes and learn from it or let them marry who they like and live happily every after, we are humans first.

Just imagine. sad
Re: Have You Ever Had An Inter-Tribal/Racial/Religious Relationship Or Marriage? by mrblessed(m): 6:23am On Sep 25, 2021
Date from any ethnic group, but marry from your ethnic group.

2 Likes

Re: Have You Ever Had An Inter-Tribal/Racial/Religious Relationship Or Marriage? by Karleb(m): 11:52am On Sep 25, 2021
mrblessed:
Date from any ethnic group, but marry from your ethnic group.

Why? undecided
Re: Have You Ever Had An Inter-Tribal/Racial/Religious Relationship Or Marriage? by MufasaLion: 1:07pm On Sep 25, 2021
JovialJune:
Happening to a friend of mine right now, she and the guy have been battling this tribal issue since 2018 that they started dating, she is Yoruba and he is delta, but his mum wants him to marry from either Edo or Delta cos she is Edo and his father is Delta, you see how some mothers can be, my friend and the guy keeps breaking up and coming back every time cos they are so much in love with each other, and time is no more time on their side as they are in their 30s, she doesnt want to marry into a family that she is not accepted, he doesnt want to break his mum's heart, so they don't even know what to do again cos fate abi God keeps bringing them back together, I'm just pitying her cos I don advice tire

This unnecessary tribal differences championed by mostly parents on their kids should be discouraged and stopped, let grown adults make mistakes and learn from it or let them marry who they like and live happily every after, we are humans first.

WTF? They both should end things because the red flag is waving at them now.

1 Like 1 Share

Re: Have You Ever Had An Inter-Tribal/Racial/Religious Relationship Or Marriage? by JovialJune(f): 1:11pm On Sep 25, 2021
MufasaLion:


WTF? They both should end things because the red flag is waving at them now.


Same thing I said countless times it was looking like I'm an enemy, they said they can't do without each other.

2 Likes 1 Share

Re: Have You Ever Had An Inter-Tribal/Racial/Religious Relationship Or Marriage? by MrsDot(f): 1:24pm On Sep 25, 2021
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Re: Have You Ever Had An Inter-Tribal/Racial/Religious Relationship Or Marriage? by MufasaLion: 1:30pm On Sep 25, 2021
JovialJune:



Same thing I said countless times it was looking like I'm an enemy, they said they can't do without each other.

That's what most of them do say until they end up marrying and unfortunately, the man dies and his family start a big fight over his properties and turn the lady to a homeless widow with kids (most times).

Such lady will now be playing the victim card afterwards. Or in a case whereby they couldn't have children, the man's family ain't gonna take a chill pill and frustration and depression will set in for the lady.

Later on she will blame it all on village people or whatever they all blame for their mistakes. Ladies bear the brunt most times but the don't seem to learn!

4 Likes 1 Share

Re: Have You Ever Had An Inter-Tribal/Racial/Religious Relationship Or Marriage? by MrsDot(f): 1:35pm On Sep 25, 2021
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Re: Have You Ever Had An Inter-Tribal/Racial/Religious Relationship Or Marriage? by descarado: 12:01pm On Sep 26, 2021
JovialJune:
Happening to a friend of mine right now, she and the guy have been battling this tribal issue since 2018 that they started dating, she is Yoruba and he is delta, but his mum wants him to marry from either Edo or Delta cos she is Edo and his father is Delta, you see how some mothers can be, my friend and the guy keeps breaking up and coming back every time cos they are so much in love with each other, and time is no more time on their side as they are in their 30s, she doesnt want to marry into a family that she is not accepted, he doesnt want to break his mum's heart, so they don't even know what to do again cos fate abi God keeps bringing them back together, I'm just pitying her cos I don advice tire

This unnecessary tribal differences championed by mostly parents on their kids should be discouraged and stopped, let grown adults make mistakes and learn from it or let them marry who they like and live happily every after, we are humans first.
There are issues love can never conquer.
They should go their separate ways.
The lady should have been wiser.
Flee any marriage the parents of the groom don't like you cos of your tribe unless the man is very independent minded and able to cope on his own.

6 Likes 1 Share

Re: Have You Ever Had An Inter-Tribal/Racial/Religious Relationship Or Marriage? by AlphaTaikun: 11:13pm On Feb 28, 2022
JovialJune:
Happening to a friend of mine right now, she and the guy have been battling this tribal issue since 2018 that they started dating, she is Yoruba and he is delta, but his mum wants him to marry from either Edo or Delta cos she is Edo and his father is Delta, you see how some mothers can be, my friend and the guy keeps breaking up and coming back every time cos they are so much in love with each other, and time is no more time on their side as they are in their 30s, she doesnt want to marry into a family that she is not accepted, he doesnt want to break his mum's heart, so they don't even know what to do again cos fate abi God keeps bringing them back together, I'm just pitying her cos I don advice tire

This unnecessary tribal differences championed by mostly parents on their kids should be discouraged and stopped, let grown adults make mistakes and learn from it or let them marry who they like and live happily every after, we are humans first.
A significant number of Delta
and Edo indigenes marry especially
Yoruba men and to a lesser extent Yoruba women.

Itsekiri,
Bini,
Esan,
Etsako,
Urhobo,
Isoko,
Agbor (Ika) and other
Anioma areas.
Ijaw.


The guy is a weakling. Period.
He can't even take a stand.

On the other hand, it's important
to know what conservative cultural
practices exist in each ethnic
group... E.g. widowhood practices
and the osu outcaste system
among Ibos. This is the reason Ibo carry out family investigations
because every Ibo is seen as a potential osu until cleared by the elders.

Ibos have refused to stop the
practice (despite the so-called
ban which was first implented
over 50 years ago).
Re: Have You Ever Had An Inter-Tribal/Racial/Religious Relationship Or Marriage? by elantraceey(f): 11:34pm On Feb 28, 2022
AlphaTaikun:

A significant number of Delta
and Edo indigenes marry especially
Yoruba men and and to a lesser extent Yoruba women.

Itsekiri,
Bini,
Esan,
Etsako,
Urhobo,
Isoko,
Agbor (Ika) and other
Anioma areas.
Isoko,
Ijaw.


The guy is a weakling. Period.
He can't even take a stand.

On the other hand, it's important
to know what conservative cultural
practices exist in each ethnic
group... Eg widowhood practices
and the osu outcaste system
among Ibos. This is the reason Ibo carry out family investigations
because every Ibo is seen as a potential osu until cleared by the elders.

Ibos have refused to stop the
practice.



It's not about being a weakling but this things are more complicated than we see it. Some mothers plays vital roles in the life of their sons and some of them could be very adamant with the type of wife they want for their son and there'll be nothing the man will be able to do to change their minds. The problem here should be the parents and their mindset and a lot of awakening to do because I personally won't happily get married to someone my mum is not happy with, her happiness is too important to me. I'm just glad I'm graced to have understanding parents that won't even question my choice of a partner because they trust my sense of judgement but not everyone has that.

Except the mother miraculously changes her mind and I'm quite certain she's not pretending, I'm not going to marry anyone against their mother's wish no matter the love or anything. I don't have any energy in me for unnecessary drama. Life is already as dramatic as it could be.

3 Likes

Re: Have You Ever Had An Inter-Tribal/Racial/Religious Relationship Or Marriage? by Bounceboune7: 2:33pm On Mar 01, 2022
Karleb:


Why? undecided
cos when things go wrong it's easy to manipulate the partner from d other side.

Let me share an experience with u

The lady (yoruba) married a guy from another tribe,they both got married during d guys hustling days so it wasn't as if she married her for money,after they made it the guys family started introducing some bullshit all in d name of "our culture"...they turn the house to their own family house where nephew,cousin,niece n everyone can come n stay without even giving this people privacy.

The man died n they said in their culture the house must b empty to 3 months just to do burial rites,the man's family left d house only for them to come back after 3 months n realise that the house Is filled up even some village people that weren't staying there now have a room, them drag everything n at d end of the day the elders will end it with "our culture"...the woman n her children had to relocate abroad.

Since then i frown at d idea of marrying from another tribe,I prefer to marry from my tribe so if anything happens nobody can play smart on me,we both know d culture n d way

1 Like 1 Share

Re: Have You Ever Had An Inter-Tribal/Racial/Religious Relationship Or Marriage? by AlphaTaikun: 8:59am On Mar 02, 2022
elantraceey:


It's not about being a weakling but this things are more complicated than we see it. Some mothers plays vital roles in the life of their sons and some of them could be very adamant with the type of wife they want for their son and there'll be nothing the man will be able to do to change their minds. The problem here should be the parents and their mindset and a lot of awakening to do because I personally won't happily get married to someone my mum is not happy with, her happiness is too important to me. I'm just glad I'm graced to have understanding parents that won't even question my choice of a partner because they trust my sense of judgement but not everyone has that.

Except the mother miraculously changes her mind and I'm quite certain she's not pretending, I'm not going to marry anyone against their mother's wish no matter the love or anything. I don't have any energy in me for unnecessary drama. Life is already as dramatic as it could be.
Hello Elantraceey,
I agree with your perspectives
to a significant extent here.

Just to be clear, I know and have read of a lot of Yoruba folks who are married to Bini-Edo, Esan-Edo,
Itsekiri, Urhobo, Isoko women, and vice-versa, etc.

Statistics gleaned by me over the years from the "change of name" sections in newspapers clearly show that most Yoruba men still marry other Yoruba women 9 out of 10 times or 90% of the time. While 10% of Yorubas (especially men) marry other ethnicities in Nigeria and abroad. Over 90% of
Ibo men also marry Ibo women.
Some other Ibos are marrying outside into other ethnic and/or racial groups because of the deep intra-Ibo cultural discriminations against those who have been identified as osus (outcastes) and orus (slaves) families while carrying out marriage investigations by Ibo elders who have vowed not to stop
the institutionalised practice.


But I still INSIST that despite the resistance from the Edo mother of
the over 30-year-old guy since 2018 till 2022, he could have resolved things easily through negotiations
if he wasn't a weakling! Afterall his Delta-born father isn't complaining.

He could have taken a firmer stand
and convinced his mother about his true love for, and the positive qualities of the young Yoruba lady who is also over 30 years! He's wasting her time by not taking a stand and he's busy giving off weak
vibes since 2018! She too should have wisely left him alone after 6 months to one year of noticing
the resistance and conservative nature of the guy's mother!

Such guys IMHO are NOT mentally and psychologically ready for marriage. The whole drama is an irritant TBH.

Do you get my perspective now Tracey? wink

Cheers.
Re: Have You Ever Had An Inter-Tribal/Racial/Religious Relationship Or Marriage? by AlphaTaikun: 11:10am On Mar 02, 2022
Bounceboune7:
cos when things go wrong it's easy to manipulate the partner from d other side.

Let me share an experience with u

The lady (yoruba) married a guy from another tribe,they both got married during d guys hustling days so it wasn't as if she married him for money,after they made it the guys family started introducing some bullshit all in d name of "our culture"...they turn the house to their own family house where nephew,cousin,niece n everyone can come n stay without even giving this people privacy.

The man died n they said in their culture the house must b empty to 3 months just to do burial rites,the man's family left d house only for them to come back after 3 months n realise that the house Is filled up even some village people that weren't staying there now have a room, them drag everything n at d end of the day the elders will end it with "our culture"...the woman n her children had to relocate abroad.

Since then i frown at d idea of marrying from another tribe,I prefer to marry from my tribe so if anything happens nobody can play smart on me,we both know d culture n d way
Well said!
What ethnic group or part of Nigeria is that?

I've read a lot of those stories too. Some very naive people (especially young females) meet a guy from a different Nigerian ethnicity in a major city such as Lagos, London, New York, Port Harcourt, etc, and start planning marriage without learning about the discriminatory practices and customs of the
guy (maybe because he speaks
her language, or attends the same church or place of religious
worship, or attended the same
Uni). All these are mundane
sentiments.


A simple Google search or joining
FB groups and discussion forums
such as this one would have saved
these naive women from those guys who hide the bad aspects of their ethnic cultures from their lovers.

If the coast is clear, then the women should get married, then respect and immerse themselves in their spouses cultures without losing their own identities in a multicultural family setting.

I read that in Edo culture (Bini-
Edo, Esan-Edo, etc), the first son inherits the father's property. But among the Yoruba, culturally the property is shared among all the male and female children. The Edos accept that as their custom and that is fair enough if Edos have come to see it as a standard.

All the best. smiley

1 Like 1 Share

Re: Have You Ever Had An Inter-Tribal/Racial/Religious Relationship Or Marriage? by elantraceey(f): 2:25pm On Mar 02, 2022
AlphaTaikun:

Hello Elantraceey,
I agree with your perspectives
to a significant extent here.

Just to be clear, I know and have read of a lot of Yoruba folks who are married to Bini-Edo, Esan-Edo,
Itsekiri, Urhobo, Isoko women, and vice-versa, etc.

Statistics gleaned by me over the years from the "change of name" sections in newspapers clearly show that most Yoruba men still marry other Yoruba women 9 out of 10 times or 90% of the time. While 10% of Yorubas (especially men) marry other ethnicities in Nigeria and abroad. Over 90% of
Ibo men also marry Ibo women.
Some other Ibos are marrying outside into other ethnic and/or racial groups because of the deep intra-Ibo cultural discriminations against those who have been identified as osus (outcastes) and orus (slaves) families while carrying out marriage investigations by Ibo elders who have vowed not to stop
the institutionalised practice.


But I still INSIST that despite the resistance from the Edo mother of
the over 30-year-old guy since 2018 till 2022, he could have resolved things easily through negotiations
if he wasn't a weakling! Afterall his Delta-born father isn't complaining.

He could have taken a firmer stand
and convinced his mother about his true love for, and the positive qualities of the young Yoruba lady who is also over 30 years! He's wasting her time by not taking a stand and he's busy giving off weak
vibes since 2018! She too should have wisely left him alone after 6 months to one year of noticing
the resistance and conservative nature of the guy's mother!

Such guys IMHO are NOT mentally and psychologically ready for marriage. The whole drama is an irritant TBH.

Do you get my perspective now Tracey? wink

Cheers.



Lol .... I surely get you. But still it's best to pray not to fall into this kind of situation. It really makes life more complicated than it already is.

1 Like 1 Share

Re: Have You Ever Had An Inter-Tribal/Racial/Religious Relationship Or Marriage? by AlphaTaikun: 2:43pm On Mar 02, 2022
elantraceey:



Lol .... I surely get you. But still it's best to pray not to fall into this kind of situation. It really makes life more complicated than it already is.
Absolutely Tracey... Lol. Due dilligence is key to avoid being caught in a relationship "mouse trap." grin

Okay then... talk to you later.

You take care. wink
Re: Have You Ever Had An Inter-Tribal/Racial/Religious Relationship Or Marriage? by Rubyjade: 9:02am On May 03, 2023
cheesy

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