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Men That Their Wives Are The Breadwinners; How Do You Cope? - Family - Nairaland

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Men That Their Wives Are The Breadwinners; How Do You Cope? by reel14: 2:11pm On Sep 25
Hello Nairalanders. I got married late last year.
Even though I got married late, I made sure I was gainfully employed before taking the giant stride.

I love my wife and she loves me too. I carry 98 % of the home responsibility, recently, because things are on the high side and my wife is working as well, I told her to be taking care of filling the gas while I handle other bills.
I have observed that anytime I go near the gas maybe to make food or boil water, she will remind how expensive gas is right now, after all, if it finishes, I won't give money to fill. These words hurt me alot as this is the only thing you do for us in this house. I know how much I pay for rent, DSTV etc with other utility bills.

My thoughts now are;
How do men which their wives are feeding them cope with insults and embarrassments that come with every meal?

How do unemployed/underemployed men cope?

What if anything happens with my job, will I be able to stay in a verbal abusive home?

420 Likes 37 Shares

Re: Men That Their Wives Are The Breadwinners; How Do You Cope? by NwaAmaikpe: 2:17pm On Sep 25
shocked



I may be wrong but I personally believe that the easiest and most therapeutic way to cope as a man if your wife is the breadwinner of the home is by making "Cuckold" your favourite porn genre.

It makes you realize that so many men go through worse and they were able to transform the negativity into a great source of personal pleasure.
If you can't stand it, then be better.

Except you are terminally ill or medically incapacitated, allowing your wife become the breadwinner is worse than Esau gifting his birthright to Jacob.

You'd lose all your dominance, influence, and respect. It won't be long before she starts sending you on errands to buy condoms for her to take to work.

Over to Lala and the other elders.

618 Likes 45 Shares

Re: Men That Their Wives Are The Breadwinners; How Do You Cope? by Sebastine1994(m): 2:19pm On Sep 25
Lol ;

2 Likes 2 Shares

Re: Men That Their Wives Are The Breadwinners; How Do You Cope? by chatinent: 2:19pm On Sep 25
Anytime I go near the gas maybe to make food or boil water, she will remind how expensive gas is right now, after all, if it finishes, I won't give money to fill.

This scenario reminds me of Jude and Eniola Badmus that was always cartoonized on The Sun Newspaper.

That means if she were the one providing the meals, ọ ga -esiri gị ike ga ahu banana nke a rapuru fo.

Mehn..

Nothing dey vex me pass references to every little efforts you make forgetting my daily stabs to make you happy.

Most women cannot be men even for a day.

Only one evening my cousin sister took me out, I never even remove my shoe naim I read her status: “I like the woman I am becoming. Always learn to man your womanhood.”

The only thing most women tend to appreciate is credit alerts..or send your account number. They will become so emotional..they can even cry.

Let the case be the reverse.

Make she just take care of you for two days.

You go hear weeen. She go even remind you how she carry you for stomach for nine months.

“Richie, what is this na, can't I have peace after coming back from work again? How can you eat and cannot wash your plates again! What's this na!”

“Baby, why are you shouting? The neighbours are at...”

“Don't baby me. What have I not done to make you happy? Will I kill myself? Am I the only married woman in the world..what is this na.”

(You try to hold her hands to calm her down...she slaps you damn hard).

“(She is crying now..tears flowly freely). Just see what you made me do. Just see it. Everything is just wrong with this world.”

You mah wey dem slap go still go meet am for parlour where she dey cry dey pet am (and that is after checking your cheeks if blood dey comot). You go come humbly tell am say no bi you eat, say na the one she eat for morning..but anyways, you forgot to wash it.

Another matter don dey brew.

She will now come to the parlour and sit, ask you for the remote and change the football to Telemundo and mutter these words you'll never hear: “work e won't work, such a failure. It's only remote e can pass.”

You will try to look at her with your side eyes but meet her full eyes staring at you in disgust. Mumu you go come smile enter bedroom.

As you are walking into the bedroom, the volume of the muttering is increasing but it's still inaudible.

In the oza room, just respect yourself. Don't even dare..unless you want the whole world to know how you will be idle and want to kill sb’s daughter after working all day!

“oh, it's your plan, Richie, baa? To kill me so that you can now go and meet Ishilove, baa?”


Only you go dey like Stone Cold Steve Austin sleep.


It will be normal...the “honey, darling etc.” is going to die. You will be called your name...two seconds, she will stop calling your name and just be giving out orders.

Abeg, don't even remind her you are the husband. You will get the insult of your life. She will say “no, say it loud na, let mama Chisom hear you. How many husbands stay at home watching football and their wives are left to do all the work!”


But na you still dey pay rent, buy foodstuff, and children fees.

Baba, kuku collect that responsiblity back. I hate to talk much. No dare shift any of your responsibility to woman...even if she persists to want to help. E kuku better she dey do am willingly than you register her name on it.

Only women, babies, and pets are loved. Men are respected when they man up. Na the respect we dey translate to love.

738 Likes 78 Shares

Re: Men That Their Wives Are The Breadwinners; How Do You Cope? by Romanoff(f): 2:21pm On Sep 25
Me I don't see any problem in this o.

Na only one bill she dey pay, yet she wan turn terrorists for your head. You sef, always remind her how expensive DSTV and foodstuff costs as often as you can.

You can add the rising cost of rent too.

Treat people how they treat you and watch them adjust.

Just cause your own wife is like that doesn't mean all women are that way.

I know women who are bread winners and you'd never know, even n their house.

One just bought car and house that her family just moved into. Na her husband dey drive the car.

So don't conclude all women who are bread winners are like that.

443 Likes 30 Shares

Re: Men That Their Wives Are The Breadwinners; How Do You Cope? by Mrlola: 2:24pm On Sep 25
reel14:
Hello Nairalanders. I got married late last year.
Even though I got married late, I.made sure I was gainfully employed before taking the giant stride
I love my wife and she loves me too. I carry 98 % of the home responsibility, recently, because things are on the high side and my wife is working as well, I told her to be taking care of filling the gas while I handle other bills.
I have observed that anytime I go near the gas maybe to make food or boil water, she will remind how expensive gas is right now, after all, if it finishes, I won't give money to fill. These words hurt me alot as this is the only thing you do for us in this house. I know how much I pay for rent, DSTV etc with other utility bills.
My thoughts now are;
How do men which their wives are feeding them cope with insults and embarrassments that come will every meal?
How do unemployed/ underemployed men cope?
What if anything happens with my job, will I be able to stay in a verbal abusive home?

I don't really know because I work and take care of the house. However, I think it depends on individual cases. My wife has no issue filling gas. Your wife is the one with issue.

102 Likes 7 Shares

Re: Men That Their Wives Are The Breadwinners; How Do You Cope? by JovialJune(f): 2:26pm On Sep 25
Lol, jobless married men should be useful in the house by doing the chores, cooking, and taking care of the kids, believe me, no woman will insult or demean a man like that, instead, she will make it her life's goal to get him back on his feet again. A man cannot be useless at home and useless in providing leaving everything for the breadwinner to do, then expect respect and cuddling, mbanu, it doesnt work like that, you guys should stop the whining, make yourself useful at home.

As for what your wife did abi is doing, carry your cross like that, rebuke her, or ignore her, you knew who she was before you married her.

128 Likes 8 Shares

Re: Men That Their Wives Are The Breadwinners; How Do You Cope? by Romanoff(f): 2:28pm On Sep 25
JovialJune:
Lol, jobless married men should be useful in the house by doing the chores, cooking, and taking of the kids, believe me, no woman will insult or demean a man like that, instead, she will make her life's goal to make him get back on his feet again, a man cannot be useless at home and useless in providing leaving everything for the breadwinner to do, then expect respect and cuddling, mbanu, it doesnt work like that, you guys should stop the whining, make yourself useful at home.

As for what your wife did abi is doing, carry your cross like that, rebuke her, or ignore her, you knew who she was before you married her.

You are right sha. The woman I cited above who just bought a house and car, her hubby takes care of the kids and runs the home while she's at work. She doesn't come back from work to start rushing to the kitchen to cook.

Hubby would have done that.

Weekends, she cooks soups, hubby does laundry.

182 Likes 10 Shares

Re: Men That Their Wives Are The Breadwinners; How Do You Cope? by elonmuskbaby: 2:31pm On Sep 25
Hmnn

I think this issue is lack of communication

Communicate your feelings and expectations to her

22 Likes 4 Shares

Re: Men That Their Wives Are The Breadwinners; How Do You Cope? by spice123(m): 2:32pm On Sep 25
reel14:
Hello Nairalanders. I got married late last year.
Even though I got married late, I.made sure I was gainfully employed before taking the giant stride
I love my wife and she loves me too. I carry 98 % of the home responsibility, recently, because things are on the high side and my wife is working as well, I told her to be taking care of filling the gas while I handle other bills.
I have observed that anytime I go near the gas maybe to make food or boil water, she will remind how expensive gas is right now, after all, if it finishes, I won't give money to fill. These words hurt me alot as this is the only thing you do for us in this house. I know how much I pay for rent, DSTV etc with other utility bills.
My thoughts now are;
How do men which their wives are feeding them cope with insults and embarrassments that come will every meal?
How do unemployed/ underemployed men cope?
What if anything happens with my job, will I be able to stay in a verbal abusive home?
My brother, I was out of job for like 6 months and wife took care of all the bills excluding rent and school fees and nobody noticed or knew I was out of job. No negative attitude showed up and I will tell you why. A close friend gave me this advice and I will share same with you. When you get your salary or business profit, remove your t-fare/car fuel and give the rest to your wife to manage the home. I was very hard for me to do but t I summoned courage and since 3+ years I started it, I have complete peace. Infact, my wife was praising me on how I was able to pay all bills and manage funds. By the time your wife will mismange the home funds (feeding, rent, kids sch fees e.t.c) she will wake up and realize that paying for gas in the home is the least issue. You will have utmost respect bro. I have been married for 7 years now.

284 Likes 26 Shares

Re: Men That Their Wives Are The Breadwinners; How Do You Cope? by socialmediaman: 2:34pm On Sep 25
OP @reel14 you need to apply some wisdom here. Communication is also very important.

Instead of asking her to take full ownership of paying the gas bills, ask her to contribute to the overall expenses of the home. If you don't already have a joint account with her, open one and let everyone contribute to that account. Home expenses are then made from that account. Contribute on a ratio, like 80% 20% of the goal, depending on how it adds up for you both. When you contribute like 500K and she contributes like 100 or 200K, she won't see herself as paying the gas bills anymore. In fact don't do the bills yourself, include her in the bills payment so she can appreciate the complete financial picture

Not insinuating this as your case, but some people in Nigeria, especially ladies, never fully appreciate financial responsibility because they move from parents' home to husband's home, so once you ask them to start paying bills, another side of them (the manager side) comes out and sometimes it's not pretty.

Finally, communicate with her regularly about respect and the responsibilities of the marriage institution you both entered into. She must be committed to its requirements for it to work

78 Likes 4 Shares

Re: Men That Their Wives Are The Breadwinners; How Do You Cope? by JovialJune(f): 2:38pm On Sep 25
Romanoff:


You are right sha. The woman I sited above who just bought a house and car, her hubby takes care of the kids and runs the home while she's at work. She doesn't come back from work to start rushing to the kitchen to cook.

Hubby would have done that.

Weekends, she cooks soups, hubby does laundry.


You see, this is how a balanced healthy family life should be, where both couples join heads to make it work no matter the setback any is facing at a period of time, I tell people that the marriage problem and high rate of divorce we see today is cos one is lording himself/herself over the other, when couples see each other as equal partners, everything will fall in place, even the bible says "two become one" as in same in body and everything.

70 Likes 7 Shares

Re: Men That Their Wives Are The Breadwinners; How Do You Cope? by mariahAngel: 2:39pm On Sep 25
Being the head of the home is truly not easy in any way.

19 Likes 5 Shares

Re: Men That Their Wives Are The Breadwinners; How Do You Cope? by Davash222(m): 2:42pm On Sep 25
Romanoff:


You are right sha. The woman I sited above who just bought a house and car, her hubby takes care of the kids and runs the home while she's at work. She doesn't come back from work to start rushing to the kitchen to cook.

Hubby would have done that.

Weekends, she cooks soups, hubby does laundry.
May God have mercy on His people.

E no go better for poverty!

150 Likes 11 Shares

Re: Men That Their Wives Are The Breadwinners; How Do You Cope? by iamyemiakins(m): 2:46pm On Sep 25
That's one of the worst situations a man can ever find himself in this life

NwaAmaikpe:
shocked



I may be wrong but I personally believe that the easiest and most therapeutic way to cope as a man if your wife is the breadwinner of the home is by making "Cuckold" your favourite porn genre.

You'd then realize that so many men go through worse and they've channeled the negativity to a great source of personal pleasure.

If you can't stand it, become better.
Except you are terminally ill or medically incapacitated, allowing you wife become breadwinner is worse than Esau gifting his birthright to Jacob.

You'd lose all your dominance, influence, and respect and ball. It won't be long before she starts sending you on errands to buy condoms for her to take to work.

Over to Lalas.ticlala and the other elders.

82 Likes 2 Shares

Re: Men That Their Wives Are The Breadwinners; How Do You Cope? by iamyemiakins(m): 2:51pm On Sep 25
elonmuskbaby:
Hmnn

I think this issue is lack of communication

Communicate your feelings and expectations to her

151 Likes 12 Shares

Re: Men That Their Wives Are The Breadwinners; How Do You Cope? by iamyemiakins(m): 2:55pm On Sep 25
Romanoff:


You are right sha. The woman I sited above who just bought a house and car, her hubby takes care of the kids and runs the home while she's at work. She doesn't come back from work to start rushing to the kitchen to cook.

Hubby would have done that.

Weekends, she cooks soups, hubby does laundry.
You don see them finish o.
Kilode!

42 Likes 1 Share

Re: Men That Their Wives Are The Breadwinners; How Do You Cope? by MufasaLion(m): 2:56pm On Sep 25
Being dependent on a woman (especially a wife) is the most embarrassing and degrading thing ever that could happen to a man.

184 Likes 15 Shares

Re: Men That Their Wives Are The Breadwinners; How Do You Cope? by AmazonTopaz(f): 2:56pm On Sep 25
Davash222:

May God have mercy on His people.

E no go better for poverty!

It isn't attached to poverty there are men with good jobs who do this.

Nothing stops a man from helping out in the home and making time for his family.That is a wise and honourable man.

114 Likes 6 Shares

Re: Men That Their Wives Are The Breadwinners; How Do You Cope? by AmazonTopaz(f): 3:00pm On Sep 25
MufasaLion:
Being dependent on a woman (especially a wife) is the most embarrassing and degrading thing ever that could happen to a man.

I thought in marriage two shall become one and both of them become inter dependent on each other.

A man who is for the time being not well to do should swallow whatever pride he has and get something doing even if it is at the home front,some men have no idea how helping their wives with chores at home makes them happy and joyful instead of being idle and having unnecessary pride it will be good for the husband to help out at home and spend more bonding time with the kids.

How a man can be jobless and still expect his working wife to still be attending to all the chores at home is beyond me.Help out and relieve your wife of stress if your wife runs a business you can also help her and won't even remember that you are jobless

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Re: Men That Their Wives Are The Breadwinners; How Do You Cope? by MufasaLion(m): 3:02pm On Sep 25
spice123:

My brother, I was out of job for like 6 months and wife took care of all the bills excluding rent and school fees and nobody noticed or knew I was out of job. No negative attitude showed up and I will tell you why. A close friend gave me this advice and I will share same with you. When you get your salary or business profit, remove your t-fare/car fuel and give the rest to your wife to manage the home. I was very hard for me to do but t I summoned courage and since 3+ years I started it, I have complete peace. Infact, my wife was praising me on how I was able to pay all bills and manage funds. By the time your wife will mismange the home funds (feeding, rent, kids sch fees e.t.c) she will wake up and realize that paying for gas in the home is the least issue. You will have utmost respect bro. I have been married for 7 years now.

Your suggestion is good also but be rest assured that women are different from one another. What works for you might not work for others. It's ideal to understand the woman you're with and deal with the situation based on that.

Humans ain't built the same.

65 Likes 5 Shares

Re: Men That Their Wives Are The Breadwinners; How Do You Cope? by Romanoff(f): 3:02pm On Sep 25
Davash222:

May God have mercy on His people.

E no go better for poverty!

What is wrong with the arrangement?

Isn't that balanced enough?

Or the man should cross his leg and wait for the person that worked from morning to night to come and cook?

They've been married for 5 years now.

56 Likes 4 Shares

Re: Men That Their Wives Are The Breadwinners; How Do You Cope? by Romanoff(f): 3:04pm On Sep 25
iamyemiakins:

You don see them finish o.
Kilode!

Like I said, they are my friends. Very decent Christian family with lovely, and well brought up kids.

One of the families I admire when it comes to Christian values and child upbringing.

36 Likes 4 Shares

Re: Men That Their Wives Are The Breadwinners; How Do You Cope? by MufasaLion(m): 3:04pm On Sep 25
AmazonTopaz:


I thought in marriage two shall become one and both of them become inter dependent on each other.

A man who is for the time being not well to do should swallow whatever pride he has and get something doing even if it is at the home front,some men have no idea how helping their wives with chores at home makes them happy and joyful instead of being idle and having unnecessary pride it will be good for the husband to help out at home and spend more binding time with the kids.

How a man can be jobless and still expect his working wife to still be attending to all the chores at home is beyond me.Help out and relieve your wife of stress of your wife runs a business you can also help her and won't even remember that you are jobless

Smart and good submission from you but however, it's very difficult to let go off of one's ego as a man especially in such situation.

2 Likes 1 Share

Re: Men That Their Wives Are The Breadwinners; How Do You Cope? by Romanoff(f): 3:05pm On Sep 25
JovialJune:



You see, this is how a balanced healthy family life should be, where both couples join heads to make it work no matter the setback any is facing at a period of time, I tell people that the marriage problem and high rate of divorce we see today is cos one is lording himself/herself over the other, when couples see each other as equal partners, everything will fall in place, even the bible says "two become one" as in same in body and everything.

No be lie my sister.

6 Likes

Re: Men That Their Wives Are The Breadwinners; How Do You Cope? by mariahAngel: 3:05pm On Sep 25
MufasaLion:


Your suggestion is good also but be rest assured that women are different from one another. What works for you might not work for others. It's ideal to understand the woman you're with and deal with the situation based on that.

Humans ain't built the same.

Hehehehehehehehehehehehe cheesy

3 Likes

Re: Men That Their Wives Are The Breadwinners; How Do You Cope? by Rubbiish(m): 3:06pm On Sep 25
reel14:

What if anything happens with my job, will I be able to stay in a verbal abusive home?
The bold is one of the worst things that can happen to any man on earth! That man will be a living-dead!

21 Likes 1 Share

Re: Men That Their Wives Are The Breadwinners; How Do You Cope? by mariahAngel: 3:08pm On Sep 25
elonmuskbaby:
Hmnn

I think this issue is lack of communication

Communicate your feelings and expectations to her

Communication is a good place to start from.

4 Likes

Re: Men That Their Wives Are The Breadwinners; How Do You Cope? by MufasaLion(m): 3:08pm On Sep 25
mariahAngel:


Hehehehehehehehehehehehe cheesy

Lol

Maria, what is it?

2 Likes

Re: Men That Their Wives Are The Breadwinners; How Do You Cope? by AmazonTopaz(f): 3:08pm On Sep 25
MufasaLion:


Smart and good submission from you but however, it's very difficult to let go off of one's ego as a man especially in such situation.

Every human being has ego including women it isn't good for any one to have an overbloated ego.When times are hard you do what you gotta do someone who is in need of an helper doesn't act pompous or proud one needs to apply humility in all things.
So any man with an overbloated ego should work on it it isn't healthy at all the situation is only temporary and no condition lasts forever.

29 Likes 2 Shares

Re: Men That Their Wives Are The Breadwinners; How Do You Cope? by greenie77: 3:09pm On Sep 25
Hmm...Communication is key.

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