Brutal!

::

:d

Everybody here has been happy at one time or another. ask anyone, when you're happy, everybody around knows. why?
It just shine through. So when you are not ecstatic about your current status------ something needs examination.

there's definitely pressure from all quarters for older single women. family members are even more frantic than you are. they think you can never be happy without a man. be happy with yourself first. love yourself. and remember having a man doesnt solve all your life problems.

Marriage to me is just another thing in life, ain't nothing too special about it, it has been unduely overated, having a man or a woman does not necessarily mean having happiness in your life, i have seen single women that are far happier than married women and vice-versa, its all about being happy with your self and the situation you are in. some friends have lamented that getting married was one of the biggest mistakes they have ever made in their lives while others have a very different story to tell, i don't believe in stereotype everything doesnt have to flow in a particular pattern. there is nothing wrong with being 40 and single as far as you are happy, happiness and comfort is what matters most and that should be what people should  sought after not marriage because marriage like life is very very unpredicatable and quite uncertian, two very much in love love birds can turn out to be worst enemies so you never can tell. marriage does not neccesarily equate to happiness. better to be single and happy that to be married and be incarcerated

I would have thought life begins at 40.

or am I wrong?

A friend of mine gave me this advice, if you ever find yourself single at 30, take your time, do not rush into anything, having waited this long it will not worth the wait, if you live
to regret your decision.
i believe that at this age one should make a decision based on what you want and not what people think,your values and vision must be in place and already working and you are
not just waiting for somebody to make you happy, nobody really does but you are looking for somebody that appreciates who you are and what you have to offer for the success of that union.
i believe if there was anytime one should allow pressure and opinions in making this all important decision that should be in your 20"s but definitely not now.
the blue days no doubt will come but certainly when you remember the structures you are building to make your marriage a great success, hope comes alive.
personally i don"t believe in divorce and am 29.

THIS IS MY PERSONAL OPINION.

to all the single thirty somethings out there. enjoy your youth, your freedom, your time, your space, your everything. marriage is hardwork and your life as you knew it will be officially over. i kid you not. there's always pressure to pair off. instead of fretting about having a ring on the finger. better yourself right now and enjoy being your own person. at least for now!

wow, this just made my day. thanks to the wisdom of all you fellow nairalanders, i'll try to enjoy life more. not 30 yet, but getting there i tell you, the pressure from family and friends can drive you insane! it can ultimately drive one to make a wrong decision just to please the family. at one point, makes you question if something is wrong in your life even though its perfect and you're happy. we forget that not ever woman will marry at 24, 25, 26 or whatever. everyone has their time, and things don't always go the way you envision or plan. so i'm just going to life everyday to the fullest.

soulpatrol:

wow, this just made my day. thanks to the wisdom of all you fellow Nairaland users, i'll try to enjoy life more. not 30 yet, but getting there i tell you, the pressure from family and friends can drive you insane! it can ultimately drive one to make a wrong decision just to please the family. at one point, makes you question if something is wrong in your life even though its perfect and you're happy. we forget that not ever woman will marry at 24, 25, 26 or whatever. everyone has their time, and things don't always go the way you envision or plan. so i'm just going to life everyday to the fullest.

Thats the spirit gal. One day at a time.

thanks o, wetin i for do. i'm at a point in my life where i'm enjoying my being single and even though there's pressure to get married, i feel like i need to be careful in choosing a partner. there's a reason i haven't settled down yet all these years. if i had chosen just whoever, i prolly won't be happy today. besides, where do our parents/people get off saying that a woman is not complete without a man? in all my years of dating, i have had more peace of mind when single. relationships are hard, mind draining and just a lot of drama. one has to be emotionally as well as spiritually mature for it to work out. its not just about age.
till then, imma enjoy myself to the fullest, baby!

I think the older galz tht are yet to be married, but really want to someday might feel their married friends are being cheeky when they ask ''whatz up wiv mr right?'' simply because they feel inferior so to speak, maybe jealous, about the married friends.
I feel this is so because whilst they are all still single, they all ask and talk about their suitors and toasters, so why shd it ring a diff bell when ur friend who is now married is asking abt ur scores. I have seen this break up a long term happy friendship, not one but twice. and i wonder why.

To me marriage is good but those at 30s should not think and kill themselves for being single at 30s. I know (particularly) most women always bring the issue as a way to ridicule single ladies each time they have quarrel. Some men have joined the team to make mockery of any lady that quarrel with them. Won't you go and marry? It's ur bad character that keeps u single. These type of statements does not show maturity. I also believe that not every man or woman will get married. Whatever situation you find yourself, you accept in good faith and give God all the glory. There may be a reason for you being single. who knows, it's only God that knows why. Besides, u have the power to make whatever decision you like, whether to remain single or not. I repeat, it's not a must that all will get married.

imagine my father pressuring me to get married way b4 30 when b4 my very eyes, his marriage to my mother deteriorated from a happy one to a convenient one and then to total break down and all for what? an older woman!
i rest my case

30yrs is not old in terms of marriage, I guess u should i hav said 35+.
but anyone u find urself into just b happy.

i got married at 24 just a luck i guess,

my dear is not about hw early you got married that matters,but all we re praying for is the blessings of the lord wen u finally got hooked.And i so much blive God's time is the best.
My advice to all those ladies within that age range is to get something to keep ur mind busy (a job or school) and stop disturbing urself from pressures being mounted by the typical society we re in.

let me reply to all the comments

They were encouraging

for me though I never really looked at my age llike a milestone and I have tons of friends that I adore in that age bracket. But i have noticed that when i see people that are acquaintances in their 30's that i give them that look , eyaaaaa how come she's not married

at least this thread has reprimanded me. I take correction.

Could we however really talk about life at 30+ when you're single

I mean share experiences

for instance, I noticed that more married men take interest in me than when i was in my twenties.
So much so that I find myself deliberatlly trying to mingle with single guys.

To be honest, my life has been unusual throughout my twenties I barely dated anyone and it didn't bother me. Besides the offers were few and far between.

But now I'm 29 and men suddenly seem to realise I exist. Sometimes I don't know how to 'ward' them off cos I'm sooo not used to being centre of attraction even though I'm a sucker for good conversation

So what about the everyone else
how's thirties compared to twenties?

@ Motee, I feel for you. Thank God you decided to be real with yourself and not listen to some of these folks living in fantasy land. The truth is as some proverb says, 20 kids cannot continously play together for 20 years. Something is got to give. When a lot of your close friends are married and already started doing wifely and motherly duties, although one may want to push it aside but it gets to you. To have true friends of course you need to have something in common. Do you now start being friends with young girls, teens or those who have a carefree attitude, obviously not because you've passed that point in your life. The truth of the matter is that everyone yearns to love and to be loved unconditionally. You want a man/lady whom you could called yours. You crave a companion to share both your good and bad times with. It's beyond just shacking up or independent woman bull crap.
My unsolicited suggestion is that you should bear in mind that the creator already has the person to complement you. I pray he walks in any moment from now,

It is not a big deal to be married. It is often over rated and men hinge on that even when they are not worth it. Got married at age 26, now have 3 lovely kids but I hardly put Mrs before my name. Why, I don't see any big deal about it. I wear no wedding rings either. Nothing to advertise the marriage thing about. That I am married makes no difference to me, life is what you can make out of it.

My twin sister is not yet married and men, she was put under pressure and she caved in to pressure. I pray she comes out unscathed. That is Naija for you.

you guys are very funny!! the question should be, why is that a girl of 30 + is not yet married? is it that no men in town or they are not through with life yet for them to get married?

i know a girl who men crawl around her and asking for her hand in marriage she refused them and do you know why? she said she is not through enjoying life yet for her to settle down. ok! keep on rocking!!!

After she might have sold the good part of her honey pot to every body who cares to eat out of it and her age start climbing, she start looking for husband desperately to give the left over of her honey pot to. for some ladies i know, they are very choosy, they want a perfect man. just like a question posted here some time ago about, would you as a graduate marry a school cert holder? i see how some guys and ladies answer the question i just laugh. you want to marry a man /woman that you can be proud of a perfect man /woman right!! good but the perfection you seek is not what you think. are you perfect? you are marring a man /woman that you love that you will spend the rest of you life with, that you will grow old with. she / he is not a certificate for God sake!!! haba!!!!!!!! i have never seeing a man / woman marrying a certificate!! we all want to marry a societal man /woman who can express her self in public when true love is not there. who give a damn who you marry? as long as you both are happy with each other. just yesterday some one want to cheat on the husband because he pick quarrel on a slightest provocation even beat her up and she is finding solace in another's man's arm. what a life!!! i believe they are both graduate to the core!!! what a sham when a man /woman is married, he /she should not be looking for good man /woman, perfect man /woman stunts. just be the loving man /woman you should be as ordained by God to be and leave the rest to God.

people sef, na wa for una!!!!

nossycheek,

it because you don't value what you have that's why and don't think because you have children in the marriage means no body else can have children even outside wedlock. i have even seeing a mad woman pregnant she is not wearing her wedding rings. that if she is married at all.

you see that how some so call societal graduate woman behave. if peradventure they see a friend wearing a ring or getting engage, they would be wondering and praying to papa God for their own miracle husband but when he provide one for them, they find it very hard to accept been married. they called it, "i don't see it as anything" or " it does not mean anything" just like nossycheek. that how few of you fall prey to Casanovas. even those that are married cheat on their husband! chi!! may God save us from una hand!!!!!!!!! nossycheek, if you were my wife, i will give u options, because your actions could be suspicious, if you want to be seeing as a married woman or as an unmarried woman?

your response will now give me my next cause of action towards you. i pray you twin sister should open her eyes to see that life is much more than just fantasies as you say it is.

@malaika,

I grew up believing I wouldn't get married, for no particular reason, I just didn't see it as something to aim for plus I was raised by a strong independent woman (my father died when I was very young). Funny thing is, I did get married at 26 and now I'm sure I should have stayed single, just like I had always planned. I'll be 30 soon. I love my hubby and there's no drama in my marriage, I just feel marriage is overrated. To the single ladies, if you're happy and comfortable with your life, don't fall under pressure to get married, you know what they say 'if it aint broke, ' As for me I've made my bed so I must lie on it - I'm not bitter, just realistic.

Just for kicks, who said since you made your bed you must lie on it? Isn't that so 19th century? Are we not living
in the age of wi-fi access, Starbucks, Ipod, etc.

To each his own, do whatever soothes or works for you. Marriage or kids is not a walk in the park, and itsn't for every
one. But also keep in mind though that while it may be cool to live alone now that you are young, old age may be a
different story entirely, hence the saying you live alone, you die alone! Cheers.

titilayomi:

I think the older girls that are yet to be married, but really want to someday might feel their married friends are being cheeky when they ask ''whatz up with mr right?'' simply because they feel inferior so to speak, maybe jealous, about the married friends.
I feel this is so because whilst they are all still single, they all ask and talk about their suitors and toasters, so why should it ring a diff bell when your friend who is now married is asking about your scores. I have seen this break up a long term happy friendship, not one but twice. and i wonder why.

Don't generalise. I know lots of single women over 30. And many of those single girls who are unmarried at 30-plus, do not strike me as the jealous type. In fact, I have seen most of them even going out of their way to help their married friends, especially when it comes to handling the wedding arrangements. What happens is that the married ones often change their attitudes to their single friends, after they become Mrs. Somebody.  

I had to counsel a younger female cousin on this issue, recently.

She had this best friend, who got married a short while back. After the wedding, my cousin started calling up her friend in a bid to gist with her, like they used to do. Guess what? The married friend suddenly turned cold.   She was always either too busy, or just driving or simply in the midst of something & couldn't talk. The girl kept calling her & she wouldn't pick her phone or return her calls. One day, she was overheard telling my cousin's colleague, that she wished to be left alone, as she was no longer in the same class or category with my cousin, because she was now married. Imagine!!

Another married lady I know, went to the extent of ridiculing her single friend by always telling the girl; "Go and Marry," as if she brought a husband to the girl for marriage, or as if she heard that 20 men were knocking on the lady's door with marriage proposals, and she turned them down.

Honestly, a number of married women can be really insensitive to their single friends. Some feel they are now Mrs. Somebody, and so they relate to those single friends as if they are Mrs, Nobody, simply because those ones do not have a wedding band on their third finger.

I know some pastors who have to run counselling sessions with single ladies on a regular basis, because of this problem.

[color=#770077][/color] Life at 30+. Hmmmmmmm. Not easy at all. A lot of people are under pressure. If u find urself single at 30+, try and make ur life worth living. U did not loose anything. Well this message is for those that have Vision and Purpose in life. There are natural celibates and they are happy the way God created them. What of Nuns that chose to be that way?
The bottom line is; are u happy the way u are? Someone in the forum made mention of ladies that are selective. Yes, u can't eat ur cake and have it again. I have seen lots of people that are living a frustrated single life. As a pastor, I have counselled a lot of single ladies that poured out their heart of grief. Don't live on falsehood. Some are hurt because of the mistake they made in the past. .
Stop deceiving pple by making them believe that all is well when u know that u are trully going through regrets. If u bring ur course to God, he will have mercy on you. He will restore all the yrs that the locust,caterpillar,etc has eaten. Joel 2:25-27. The end always justifies the begining. God bless you all.

So people shouldnt be selective,

They should just marry anyone, why dont you guys just marry a prostitute then since you dont wnat to be selective

Before I state anything further,  I am several years below 30. And the only thing I am sure about is that destiny works differently for everyone. Though most people attribute negativity to devil and its opposite to God.

If you are destined to marry early nothing not even a human can restrict that and if it is the other way round that it will be delayed it is still the same destiny.

Though some people believe if either of the sex shuns its opposite sex while young they come across all sort of problems when they come of age and there is no one to marry them.

No one can can make what is not supposed to happen to one occur except for God who knows best. Sometimes not everyone who @ age 30 or above and not married had done any form of wrong to warrant them remain single; even if one had done wrong does not mean because of what you had done is now coming back @ you as a form of punishment.

It is lame to say, due to what Mr A or Mrs A had done that is why he or she remain single. And one thing which has to be known is that it is not a matter of choice if God did not say that is how you will lead your life you can not make your choice.    "_{Though to the lame it is a matter of choice"}

although its good to be married, but it has to b done in frndship.to me, marriage is anoda name for frndship and not hardship. iam 30 but not in a rush nor despirate, BUT i av to be married. am taking it nice and slow.

Hi Folks,
Age is no respecter of marriage.There is no direct correlation between marriage and age.
What is most important is "does he or she has the maturity to manage marriage".
Ladies,please do not bother about your age but check out for the maturity and the right attitude to the relationship- marriage. The guys should be ready to accept responsibility with maturity and over-bearing patience.

Akinz

When you want to buy a good tie or shoes; you go looking for the best. At times you invite a friend along depending on the occasion. When women starts shoving towards 30, they are told "You must have wasted your youth", "Just buy, you can fit it later", "Since he's paying for the ride, why worry", "You may never find a perfect fit, go with this", "Fine doesn't matter, you'd learn to love him", "Just marry and carry this shame over us".

I've been around and I've come to realise it's not a Nigerian thing. In India, South Africa, United States etc most people will look into your eyes and ask about husband, significant other etc. They take a long second look if there's no answer. People don't usually ask when you are building a house, buying property, getting a second degree etc They ask for spouse, then children. It's so sad; it puts a burden on females the most.

If you are a mosque or church woman, the burden is more, yet there's no help in sight. Married sisters see you as a threat, younger sisters' won't confide in you, bosses think you can't be responsible if you don't have a man-handler. And the pathetic thing; more men are signing up for singlehood; scared to their third leg of responsibilities.

I would have said "Don't worry, be happy" but the man who did that song committed suicide though he made the world believe he was beyond worry. Your environment makes it almost impossible for you not to worry. Do what I did, sign up into happiness and enjoy each day as it opens up. There's so much to live for.

Nite Angel:

When you want to buy a good tie or shoes; you go looking for the best. At times you invite a friend along depending on the occasion. When women starts shoving towards 30, they are told "You must have wasted your youth", "Just buy, you can fit it later", "Since he's paying for the ride, why worry", "You may never find a perfect fit, go with this", "Fine doesn't matter, you'd learn to love him", "Just marry and carry this shame over us". .

Lol so true as made very obvious on this forum by various people.