RedEnergy:
I'm not praying for children to build me houses. I will build enough for them, just like my own father will do for me, like his own father did for him. I'm praying that God should never give me an ungrateful child that has to come to social media to seek public opinion about how he should treat the parents that raised him

I don't think the idea of coming to social media is completely wrong especially since the OP is anonymous.

Kehindeaj78:
I live outside the country but I entrusted my house development with my parents in Nigeria, but they leave in a rented apartment. They're are due for new rent payment at their rented apartment which i sent them the money, only for them to call me that they don't want to rent another apartment again and have moved into my ongoing house and used the money to do somethings in the ongoinghouse. What do I do?

Nothing, be glad you could build a house and ur parent decide to move in, bro there is a lot of empty house, nice one, in this country that as become a shadow of it self because no body lives in side, just make more money, u are blessed

Kehindeaj78:
I live outside the country but I entrusted my house development with my parents in Nigeria, but they leave in a rented apartment. They're are due for new rent payment at their rented apartment which i sent them the money, only for them to call me that they don't want to rent another apartment again and have moved into my ongoing house and used the money to do somethings in the ongoinghouse. What do I do?

Go to bed and sleep.

Kehindeaj78:
I live outside the country but I entrusted my house development with my parents in Nigeria, but they leave in a rented apartment. They're are due for new rent payment at their rented apartment which i sent them the money, only for them to call me that they don't want to rent another apartment again and have moved into my ongoing house and used the money to do somethings in the ongoinghouse. What do I do?

Send me address let me visit them

Who are these people? How can you all see nothing wrong in this? Moved in without permission... just wow!


The parents know he would not agree to it. They moved in without asking just to make it difficult for Kehindeaj78 (just as it already is)


It is such a difficult position to be in, even if he goes ahead to tell them that it belong to him and his wife, they won't move out.

OfficialAPCNig:

You have been unnecessarily showing off you studied sociology in just few exchanges with you.

You have a deep-lying insecurity. Go sort it out and don't bring it to my table.

Like I said, I don't engage people like you. This show off is a reckless pursuit of social validation. I don't know who you want to impress with your book knowledge.

Exactly what am I saying. You just described yourself by projecting your flaws on another.


But seriously dude, you need help.

Suffer no dey taya you?... Why do you keep engaging me?

Am I the one responsible for your psychosis?

Abeg fokof my mentions...

Seek urgent medical help... Talk to a friend, find a shrink around you before its too late..

Na so craze dey begin...

Toh..

alpontif:


Suffer no dey taya you?... Why do you keep engaging me?

Am I the one responsible for your psychosis?

Abeg fokof my mentions...

Seek urgent medical help... Talk to a friend, find a shrink around you before its too late..

Na so craze dey begin...

Toh..

I am glad you have given up. At least you are now aware that I dont spare fools.

Regards.

We rise!!!

FahBuLous:
Don't do anything...
They are your parents, if you really love them, let them live there for now... When you are back from outside the country, Rent another apartment for them...

I know people value their privacy alot...

And u think they'd leave??
Make God bless am make build the house for them..
His next house he shd just use estate agents jejeli.. even if na installmentally e go dey pay..
They'd build it for me as keeps up with his monthly payment

Kehindeaj78:
I'm married and the development of the house is from the purse of me and my wife

If Ur married then they are wrong. The biggest mistake you made was letting them help you build.

My uncle did the same thing to my dad (his brother). Helped him build a house in Lagos and then gave 2 flats to his sons (my cousin's) to move into after their marriages. My parents live abroad too. When my dad insisted dt they leave because he needs the rental income from tenants, it became a family fight.

I think the best you can do is leave Ur parents there for now, but make sure all the house documents, C of O, legal documents are all in your name and in your possession. Secondly, visit home wt Ur family, explain to your dad (face to face conversation) that you can't chase them out of the house cos they're your parents but they need to understand dt you and your wife's money was involved, not just yours. Also explain dt Ur family wants to buy some furniture and start moving things into the house. Tell him the one dt is your room (the master). And move in things from America, put it in the room. Put Ur pictures on the wall in the room and corridors of the house. Let Ur wife decorate her kitchen as she wants. Then U guys can go back. At least it's clear to them dt ur d one hosting them in d house. They might turn U and wife to gossip topic wt other family members though so be ready for dt. I wouldn't advise you to just dash them d house, especially if U can't afford another one ( you'll just resent them), but let them know ull never chase them out of your house. Just take it as a place for u and Ur parents till U can build them another place later.

Next time Ur building any house, get a reputable contractor and only invite family after you've finished. My dad and his brother never spoke until his brother died. Don't ever mix family and money if U know it's not outright dash. You will be disappointed everytime.

Well they shd have consulted u first sha

Taich:


I think the problem is clash of culture. As Africans, your parents plays a vital role in all your life choices to death. That's why mother and daughter inlaw squabbles is a common occurrence around us.

Op should recognise the fact that he is still that suckling toddler in the eyes of his parents and he has to pay black tax till death.
The earlier he recognises this fact and negotiate his tax rates, the better for him.

yeah... that's why I said to his parents, the move wasn't wrong because they see it as helping him

RZArecta:
he sent them rent and they collected the money. You don't understand where he's coming from, normally you wouldn't like people making use of your property without your permission. Their moving into his house wasn't in any prior discussion, they should have granted him that courtesy if not as their child then at least as a human being. He shouldn't shout but they should have told him first. That move if theirs has completely altered his plans because we don't know what type of jobs he's doing in that foreign land

please read the part where I wrote "on the other hand". At the end of it all, it's a family matter and the right thing to do is discuss it among themselves instead of following outside opinions.

MrPaul2:

What stupid privacy are you talking about? He sent them money for rent yearly, he should save up three years rentage and get them a land for a start. They’re even helping him to save up

I see it as a family matter which is why I wrote two statement. If you read the first one, it correspond with your statement. But we still can dismiss OP's feeling because be it as it may once you get older, your parents shouldn't just come to your house or open your room as they like, they have to ask for your consent first.

he asked you for help and you asking him again

descarado:
What do you want to do?

Jainine:
Who are these people? How can you all see nothing wrong in this? Moved in without permission... just wow!


The parents know he would not agree to it. They moved in without asking just to make it difficult for Kehindeaj78 (just as it already is)


It is such a difficult position to be in, even if he goes ahead to tell them that it belong to him and his wife, they won't move out.

I am flabbergasted reading all the comments undermining op's concerns.
Etitlement mentality is kill8ng us. I will help siblings and my parent but they will never move without prior arrangements and consent.
My house belongs to me, wife and kids.

Emarvel:

I mean not to insult you buh keep quiet, drop your pen and think well before you write again.
His parents are not dragging the property with him, unless the OP is schooling abroad, there's really no point why he should be furious about this.
Even if you give birth to 20 children abroad, none of them will come here and drag the property.
Living abroad and having a house in Naija, is just like saving for the rainy day, should incase you're deported, you'll have a place to stay.
Buh other than that, if you live all your good life abroad, none of your children abroad will come to Naija and drag property.
Logically, it makes no sense, having a house and your parents are in rent.

Living abroad and building a house in Nigeria is a waste of money, it does not make any sense. The op would not eventually have no use for the house, the parents already foresaw this and that's why the relocated to the house.

Jainine:
Who are these people? How can you all see nothing wrong in this? Moved in without permission... just wow!


The parents know he would not agree to it. They moved in without asking just to make it difficult for Kehindeaj78 (just as it already is)


It is such a difficult position to be in, even if he goes ahead to tell them that it belong to him and his wife, they won't move out.

Majority of Nigerians generally feel entitled. And perhaps that's why the nation has refused to grow.
OP has been scammed by his parents, and that's a shame.
Trust has been broken. They will definitely lay claim to that house.
The only way OP may salvage the situation a bit is to either to
1. fly down to Nigeria, get the C of O registered in his name and all the other original document of the house and keeping a bank safe or take back to his abode.
This is to ensure no one else would lay claim to the property.

@Kehindeaj78, at this point, you should focus on that which is important to you and that is your immediate family. Looking at it from wifey's side, an investment she committed to because you her husband were involved in would most likely go down the drain because of people you love and you both respect. If you ever wish to retain her trust in you, you should refund back to her her stake. This way, you will show that you would always protect her and hers (you know we as men are supposed to take the bullet for our beloved right?).

About the house, it has 'go'. Let it go. Your wife, you protect.

Peace dear.

Wishing you well - Teemy

eyinjuege:


Majority of Nigerians generally feel entitled. And perhaps that's why the nation has refused to grow.
OP has been scammed by his parents, and that's a shame.
Trust has been broken. They will definitely lay claim to that house.
The only way OP may salvage the situation a bit is to either to
1. fly down to Nigeria, get the C of O registered in his name and all the other original document of the house and keeping a bank safe or take back to his abode.
This is to ensure no one else would lay claim to the property.

I won't be surprised if the rent they claimed was spent on construction, is in fact a lie. (Not like spending to construct makes it acceptable)

If they were stranded, all they had to do was ask first. That for me is the most upsetting part of this. The level of entitlement! No regards for his labour whatsoever. Phew

He needs to think about the future and get it registered indeed.

emae009:


I see it as a family matter which is why I wrote two statement. If you read the first one, it correspond with your statement. But we still can dismiss OP's feeling because be it as it may once you get older, your parents shouldn't just come to your house or open your room as they like, they have to ask for your consent first.

Please don’t take it personal, I was angry as at the time I read what the OP wrote considering the fact that he is not even in the country. He is supposed to be happy that they even build the said house with the money he has be sending. I have seen some parents that will divert the fund for something else and snap someone else building for the child that that’s what they are building for him, only to get to Nigeria and see nothing.

Bro, you dey funny shaa oo... You get money to build your house while your parents dey live for rented apartment... This generation shaaa...

Since, you dey ask us wetin you go do, make you chase them commot.

teemy:
@Kehindeaj78, at this point, you should focus on that which is important to you and that is your immediate family. Looking at it from wifey's side, an investment she committed to because you her husband were involved in would most likely go down the drain because of people you love and you both respect. If you ever wish to retain her trust in you, you should refund back to her her stake. This way, you will show that you would always protect her and hers (you know we as men are supposed to take the bullet for our beloved right?).

About the house, it has 'go'. Let it go. Your wife, you protect.

Peace dear.

Wishing you well - Teemy

You have no idea what the ratio of investment was. Let's assume his wife brought 95% and it took them years (while his money was probably going into expenses)

How then would he easily repay?

Skyview01:


I am flabbergasted reading all the comments undermining op's concerns.
Etitlement mentality is kill8ng us. I will help siblings and my parent but they will never move without prior arrangements and consent.
My house belongs to me, wife and kids.

This is why you still hear stories of families taking over everything belonging to a deceased member, leaving wife and child with nothing to survive on.

chrisj2:


Just Google Inheritance amongst blacks... Who said all white people behave one way or the other and a lot of blacks not leaving inheritance does not mean every single one of them.

I know how much better live has been for the last few generations compared to the current one - they have more disadvantages than my generation or my parents. If they do well that is all the blessing I need; the rest is a bonus.

Family house means my parents do not need my money or me to build them a house for them. I can build one but I do not do waste or ego...

A parents retirement plan is having a child - that says a lot about your mentality!

Why do I need google when experience and common sense can make u know better,blacks leave inheritances to their offsprings better than whites perhaps management could be the issue,a random white could decide to give his inheritance to charity and no fuss cos the system is working,any middle class person could get mortgage,it’s not the same way in Nigeria.

You have a family house good for u,however saying u don’t need to build yours isn’t backing your prior opinions,what suddenly happened to investment u were shouting all about for the op,having a house as an investment isn’t a waste or ego anywhere in the world.

You don’t want to build a house because you have a family house,sounds like the rant of someone without an ambition ,however I won’t berate you for it,your life your choice,same way I won’t berate a parent making their kids their retirement plan,it’s their choice,what happened to respecting people’s choices like u were shouting earlier,your entitlement mentality over people’s choices sounds more like the mentality of a narcissist.

SaintUlot:


Living abroad and building a house in Nigeria is a waste of money, it does not make any sense. The op would not eventually have no use for the house, the parents already foresaw this and that's why the relocated to the house.

Exactly my point.......

Jainine:



You have no idea what the ratio of investment was. Let's assume his wife brought 95% and it took them years (while his money was probably going into expenses)

How then would he easily repay?

regardless of how difficult it might be, he has to sort out the funds else the whole thing would look like an arrangee type of thing to make the wife fund the project and then lose her funds

Acidosis:


His parents should be concerned about their grand children's welfare should their son dies (God forbid).

And if for any reason a child dies, the other children should take responsibility.

And I hope his parents also built for his grandparent? (Perhaps that's why they have no home today?) Because una entitlement mentality on this forum, especially from men, stinks. I am actually feeling sorry for the women that will marry the majority of you. The tears will be too much.

Madam learns to respond to situations with the eyes of LOVE. I have been observing your responses both on the wife's post and here, they are too toxic.

I understand you're concern about the wife but as I said, if the wife could see things with the eyes of love, this issue won't be a discussion here or nairaland. The fact that her parent is contented and okay doesn't mean her inlaws should live in circumstances that make them feel ashamed, even though they are wrong in their approach. All fingers are not equal. Not everyone are born to rule and so was the life with our parent also.

The wife said the building in question has been ongoing way before he even got married to her, do you know if they have a stake in the house. Even if they don't, the man has been acting in the capacity of a Project manager and being in the real estate field, I know how much the charge of the father would be in percentage. So in another, they are the ones using the father. Unless you're saying the son has a right to send his father errands.

I know what my mum went through to see me become somebody in life. I would never allow any man to treat her anyhow and neither would I treat my husband family in such manner. Both the husband and wife @solatpumpkin LOVE is all you need here.

Like others have suggested, try and build a small place for them and move them there or reimburse your wife for the contribution she has made in building this house, then move on to build another. Please � let love rule.

@OP, God bless you.
God bless your parent and their elderly age
God bless and keep your marriage.

Thank you

Acidosis:


I don't think the idea of coming to social media is completely wrong especially since the OP is anonymous.

It's not a matter of OP being anonymous. It's about putting his decision on the fate of his parents in the hands of total strangers, subjecting his parents to trial in the court of public opinion, the opinion of unknown people. That's a terrible idea, very wrong and callous. So if a bunch of total strangers say throw them out, he will throw out his parents on the whims and caprices, or perceptions of unknown people. Wow! Congratulations, he should clap for himself, what an amazing child.

OP, good luck sorting out this mess... You have been disrespected and scammed...

farem:
.
How can you be building up what you currently don't n need but expose your dear parents to the the harassment of landowners?

that is the respect the Yoruba man have....he is omoluabi

Doctorflaky:


Madam learns to respond to situations with the eyes of LOVE. I have been observing your responses both on the wife's post and here, they are too toxic.

I understand you're concern about the wife but as I said, if the wife could see things with the eyes of love, this issue won't be a discussion here or nairaland. The fact that her parent is contented and okay doesn't mean her inlaws should live in circumstances that make them feel ashamed, even though they are wrong in their approach. All fingers are not equal. Not everyone are born to rule and so was the life with our parent also.

The wife said the building in question has been ongoing way before he even got married to her, do you know if they have a stake in the house. Even if they don't, the man has been acting in the capacity of a Project manager and being in the real estate field, I know how much the charge of the father would be in percentage. So in another, they are the ones using the father. Unless you're saying the son has a right to send his father errands.

I know what my mum went through to see me become somebody in life. I would never allow any man to treat her anyhow and neither would I treat my husband family in such manner. Both the husband and wife @solatpumpkin LOVE is all you need here.

Like others have suggested, try and build a small place for them and move them there or reimburse your wife for the contribution she has made in building this house, then move on to build another. Please � let love rule.

@OP, God bless you.
God bless your parent and their elderly age
God bless and keep your marriage.

Thank you

The toxic comments are not directed at both OPs. I don't know how else to address someone that called the OP a witch for raising her concerns or the other bragging about using juju on his wife. As for the other guy I called out unprovoked, I have apologized and some comments already have been deleted.

Now to the OP (husband), EVERYTHING I had mentioned are things I would do 100% to make my home work if I were in his shoes. I would not sit back and expect my wife to accept or (as you have recommended) simply let love reign. If she decides to, then fair enough, but I would still ensure her contributions are appropriately refunded directly or indirectly.

The fact that he's been on that project before marriage is a pointer that these guys are probably not as wealthy as some people think. If he was that wealthy, why hasn't he completed the project even with his wife's contributions and despite engaging his father as the project manager? So the idea of building another project is simply an idea or wishful thinking - same thought we had when we were kids. I remember saying I was going to buy Lamborghini for my parents before age 30. I've crossed that age now and Lamborghini is still "cooking."

If God blesses them so much to do even more, of course, nobody will have to tell anybody what to do for his or her parents.

It is OK to be concerned about OP's parents. But on this case, I'm more concerned about the future of their marriage. The parents' issue as far as I'm concerned is secondary as they were never homeless. It's totally fine to let the parents have the new home after all no sensible child will forcefully evict his/her parents.

RedEnergy:
It's not a matter of OP being anonymous. It's about putting his decision on the fate of his parents in the hands of total strangers, subjecting his parents to trial in the court of public opinion, the opinion of unknown people. That's a terrible idea, very wrong and callous. So if a bunch of total strangers say throw them out, he will throw out his parents on the whims and caprices, or perceptions of unknown people. Wow! Congratulations, he should clap for himself, what an amazing child.

Nah. He knows too well to identify the right opinion, what to accept and what to reject.

Btw, parents also come to social media to solicit opinions about their kids, upload stuff about their kids, making them vulnerable to strangers.