My brother most times i ask this question do our families needs our happiness or only theirs? one things is sure u have your own life to live on this earth and not theirs. love we say is sweet and bitter. man just act like a man and go do what you have made up your mind to do and forget about this so called African thing we keep using to hurt ourselves, but one thing i have to say please and please don't regret this thing later in life or say to your self if i thy know. let God be in the center of all you are doing so he will lead you to that happiness you have been looking from him. wish you all the best.

@op

This kind of situation is not for the majority but the minor minority that can work it out end up having fulfilled marriages.

All I would say is, ponder on this issue well and make your decision bearing in mind that if it goes wrong, the lady has a lot more to lose.

You have to know that you are strong enough to stand up to any issues life may throw at the both of you and that includes family, friends, colleagues and the like. Marriage has its issues (full stop) and where there are circumstances to make it that little bit harder, you have to be ready to face up to any challenges. Its not enough to say "its my life", remember that other lives may eventually become a part of the both of yours (children) so think well and look far ahead before you leap. Weigh the pros and cons of a union such as this and be true to yourself, the best thing you can do for this lady is to walk away now if you are at all unsure (and that is not to say there is something wrong with her) or if you feel you cannot cope with the pressure that is likely to come from within and without.

And might I add that statistics do not always matter. If you have a good heart, you will know the right thing to do and all will work out in the end.

Wish you all the best.

As for those who are quick to label the woman "old cargo" and whatnot without even knowing what circumstances put her in the position she is in, I pray that life does not show anyone of you and you find yourselves in situations you never dreamed you would be in. Amen!

nothing is wrong as long as she has alot of money,

God help this young man

4 mi sha i say God help u BUT
if na mi i no go try am o

@poster, I understand your predicament fully. The fact is Naija ladies tend to be more matured and suddenly realize that time is against them when they turn 29 and above, what you are seeing in her is an evidence of years of experience and finally she now has her priorities right. But respect is key if she can't respect you at this point just forget it and run for it. Women are all full of pretense, so she can be extra loyal and wonderful just to answer Mrs. after that you'll see the real her that kept her unmarried up till that age. So just get her very angry one of this days and watch her reaction, then you'll be the best judge of what to do.  The Czar has spoken

Poster, I guess you've gotten facts enough in the pot pouri to take your decision. Jah bless.

Poster, I guess you've gotten facts enough in the pot pouri to take your decision. Jah bless.

My guy, I honestly just had one of such crippled experience. When the time comes, from the bottom of my heart I am telling you this: she will begin to highlight, show, live and demonstrate to you; how matured, intelligent, smarter etc to you. Even at a point, she'll be telling you to compare her with your oldies in the house, the list is just endless. She may truly be a wonderful person as you said, but her wonderful nature could possible still not be for you. Hearken to the voice of your family/peopleeeeeeeeeeeeee

My guy!! Nothing is wrong with marrying a woman older than you are but our society frowns on stuff like that. period!!!!!

Peolple will always wonder why. They will think that perharps the babe is rich or something and you just want a piece of the cake? Or did you just go there for the fun of it and got "trapped" by the much more experienced players who gave you lectures in things you never knew existed?

We are in Africa and it is not normal for men to date or marry ladies eight years older but "normal" to see ladies marrying men old enough to be their fathers.

My advice to you though is "do things that make u happy" as long as you dont harm people while you are at it.

My brother, Experience is the best teacher, You know what you feel for this chic, try to differentiate btw love and lust. Do you really love her for who she is or for what she is ? or are you carried away by her packaging, your feelings and understanding for each other matters alot, because you are the person who is going to leave with her, not anyone, Dont rush into it, so that you will not crush, seek the face of God, and also listen to elderly advice. wish you the best of luck.

Mr, Cork:

older women like Mrs Chima?  well, there engine oil have run out!! 

You looks and are older than me.  In America, when men say women are "older" that means they are referring to their maturity and wisdom. Keep the compliments flowing boo boo.

@op. Inasmuch as many wuld tell u 2 follow ur hrt, i would advise u 2 actuali 2 dos ppl dt u r afraid wuld disagree nd find out dia reasns. Rememba, ds ppl r older nd more xperienced than u. Somtins they will tell u might b revealing. Remember that age is no more on her side, very soon she wont be that beautiful again and if you go out in public with her, questions will be asked. Dont 4get, menopause is at d corner.
If u consider all this and still wish 2 go ahead. Then by all means, DO.

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PLEASE EDUCATE YOURSELVES AND STOP ALL THIS RUBBISH TALK ABOUT MENOPAUSE FOR A 34 YR OLD LADY. HABA!

Our parents were still having kids well into their 40's for crying out loud.

Thank you! Teach them oooo

^^^ It's very irritating seeing all this mouth diarrhea (abi na finger diarrhea) going on about menopause jare. Nonsense.

I no know if na dem sista dem go dey talk dat kin thing. 

I guess u jst googled dat up nd then started feelin lyk an informed ignoramus. Even if its true that menopause stops arond 50yrs, the frequency of d period has reduced drastically. From wat u copied nd pasted it said d menses wuld hv 2 b absent 4 a whole year. Dat shld tell u sth. Also, births by women above 40yrs r associated wit numerous abnormalities dat it is adviced to stop child bearing. Dat is why.

^^^Thank you very kindly. Google is there for people like you really who think they know so i thought I'd help you out.

If you have nothing better to say then 

Good day to you.

By the way you certainly must have been or are an A* student seeing that by your calculation, there is 1 year between 34 and 51(2). 

everything

@poster nothing is wrong wit it as far as u r sure of ur love and that of hers men dont even think twice
@Ekpoma n Effizzy, u guys, i tink somtin is wrong wit u! why wont u learn to respect other people decision
for ur type these why we dont move forward in nigeria, assholes!

as i am in 23 but i can't date a younger girl, cos their mentality is just too childish for my liking, i prefer from 28
they are more caring, and if u are lucky to get the one who truly loves you men u don hammer!

OP Family support is very important for a couple to be happy. Try to convincing your parents, wait for certain time, then take a marriage lucid step if you think the love btwn you and HER is def true.

And coming to the age difference, there would be maturity in the lady more than you. Women intently are more mature than men If age is brought into term- may be becoz of this, your parents are against it. Nevertheless good luck and follow your heart.

I was planning to talk abt this recently. In my case, I've been dating a lady 5yrs older than me. It had always bn a subject of worries because we r rily into each oda but now that she's graduatd and I'm still in schl (final yr doe), we decided to end thngs.
Age isn't on her aside as she's in her late 20s but we can't seem to let go.

In response to da post, my advice is that you shld ask da Father wholeheartdly. He is da only one that can ensure u a safe trip in marriage. As long as da both of u are in love, commit it into God's hands but have it in mind that it might nt be as easy to sustain da union when forces r against you.

Thanks a lot guys, for all your responses. You got me seeing both the negative and positive sides. I really don't know where to start from to respond to your comments.

First, she is real. Very real. As in 100% real. She's not materialistic. She's not rich, neither is she from a rich home. She lives alone in the city of PH and works in waste management firm. She's a humble lady. Am very observant, and I can always tell when a lady is playing fake. Trust me, she's not.

She's so open and she has influenced me into being open. I have shared things with her that I haven't shared with no one. She aslo has told me she wouldn't have if she didn't love, trust and respect me. She has improved my anger. Usually, when am angry, I can't talk about it till am out of that mood. But she has made me learn how to manage my anger and talk about it without being destructive in the process.

There are quite a number of advantages sha. For the bad part, she can really stubborn at times. And she picks a little quarrel here and there. But I do enjoy the whole package. I like it when she's angry, cos he helps me to be less self-centred.

When we relate, we don't relate like there's some 8 years gap between us. Bros, when you meet chic way love you, you go know. In addition, she does respect me. I have learnt a lot from her.

She doesnt have perfect shape. She is big and beautiful. But I love her all the same.

More to come when I return, off to work.

@poster i tell u ur feelings now arent enuf assurances. i once dates someone older dan me she went for nysc wen i just got admission she even already had a child i so loved her i experienced evrything u have said but i ask u if u were 10 years old and u had a sibling thats 2 years cant u make her/happy in any way u want? thats whats is playing out here. when she was ur age i ges she dated older men so i tell u experience is what she is using but if there is anyway u can get assured then u can continue but without assurance dont even cross the road. peolple say age is just a number if this tru how wud u feel if a girl u older dan with about 10 years insults and disobey u cus shes married to u. turn it around in this case.one day shes gonna see u like a little boy and treat u as one especially when she has got nothing to loose(when married) be very careful if not generations will learn from ur mistakes. please let me know what u have decided to do so i can pray for u

Is she white? what nationality? Does she have a good job? Have you researched her past? is she a single mom? when you answer these questions, i'll be able to talk a little more informed from experience.

poster
for me it depends but remember women time dey run out in next five years she might not look the same am just saying

guy people telling u to go ahead with it worry not wat your family says it ur life YES IT is UR LIFE BUT WHEN D MARRAIGE DOSENT GO RIGHT IS IT NOT DESAME FAMILY U WILL CRY BACK TO we are not oyinbo so parent opinion really matters