Tickles001


=107228417:

What fantastic response to this one-sided victims-playing write-up.
Kudos to...
If everyone starts to do things only when they're in the mood or only when it's owed. How do you think the world would be like.

What do you think will play out in the family if the man wakes up one morning and decides he's not funding the house for a whole month because he doesn't feel like, or not in the mood. Or decides that he needs to quit his job and get a break because he's depressed and stressed out.
He's been doing like 3 side hustles, plus his main job. Things he entirely doesn't feel like doing. He needs a break, but he's not taking it.

If a woman naturally turns cold. A reasonable man would understand. But most times women just use it to show defiance.
The same woman that has 3kids and now cold, is the same woman that will go and be feeling kinky with a colleague in the office. Even when the said colleague is not doing anything to attract her.

Have sex with your partner is one of the simple things someone would do if there's still a tiny bit of attraction left in the union.

Men do a lot of things that is actually against their will. They go through biological changes too. All those stuffs you wrote up there has a masculine version of it. But if everyone starts making a long case out of simple things just like you did. Then nothing will ever work out and happiness will elude everyone at the end.

I wonder how people think like this sef. Simple something

A married woman with 2kids from this nairaland once told me that her husband is not giving her enough sex. That she wants it more now, than when she was without child. And she is a busy woman.
How come she's not cold?

Klass99:


I am curious Mufasa, have you ever enjoyed sex with a reluctant and unwilling partner? Answer truthfully o!

@ Tobechi, you made valid points but so did Tickles001.

My personal ideology of marriage has always been two adults taking good care of each other. And that means in every way possible - sexually, financially, emotionally, physically and otherwise.

In marriage, I believe our bodies belong to each other, it's about giving and receiving care, being there for the other person even when you don't feel like it, but they need you.

We owe each other sex, as well as respect, intimacy and more.....If I am tired and not in the mood, I will simply tell my man, I'm tired so bear with me if I don't bring my A Game to this show or I am not an active and enthusiastic participant tonight.

I won't say no or deny him the cookie, because when he flips that script on me I am sure I won't like it or find it funny.

Klass99:


I am curious Mufasa, have you ever enjoyed sex with a reluctant and unwilling partner? Answer truthfully o!

@ Tobechi, you made valid points but so did Tickles001.

My personal ideology of marriage has always been two adults taking good care of each other. And that means in every way possible - sexually, financially, emotionally, physically and otherwise.

In marriage, I believe our bodies belong to each other, it's about giving and receiving care, being there for the other person even when you don't feel like it, but they need you.

We owe each other sex, as well as respect, intimacy and more.....If I am tired and not in the mood, I will simply tell my man, I'm tired so bear with me if I don't bring my A Game to this show or I am not an active and enthusiastic participant tonight.

I won't say no or deny him the cookie, because when he flips that script on me I am sure I won't like it or find it funny.

tobechi20:
We turn a blind eye when husbands pressure their wives for sex, because how could a husband demanding sex from his wife possibly be harassment? His sex drive is considered natural. His pleasure a given.

It’s not harassment when it’s your husband, right? Isn’t a sexually demanding husband normal? Aren’t they just Hot husbands? Don’t they all do it?

This type of erroneous thinking lends itself to less obvious assaults, manipulation, and even in some cases, violence.

But because it can be done in a marriage, it’s even deemed normal and acceptable.

Mismatched libidos among couples can be frustrating. I get it. But it’s also very normal and prevalent. So many factors can contribute to sex drive — external stressors in one’s environment, diet, sleep, medical issues, etc.

Postpartum women are given the green light to bone at six weeks after birthing a baby. Never mind the fact that pregnancy literally tears a woman’s body from limb to limb, molecule by molecule for nine solid months. Bah! You’re fine. Get back on the horse!

Never mind that a new mother may have had full abdominal surgery, in the form of a C-section. That doesn’t take immense healing or anything. Never mind episiotomies. Seriously? Are you looking for a pity party, postpartum women? We all know it’s super easy to heal when your vagina is ripped from front to back. If you don’t want sex after vaginal stitches, what’s wrong with you, women? 

Forget those postpartum haywire female hormones and sleep deprivation after giving birth. Those are just theories; that shit ain’t real!

Sarcasm aside, when a woman is out of the postpartum stage, her menstrual cycle returns. A period comes with its own set of hormone fluctuations that vary and change all month long.

If we all know a woman’s sex drive is largely impacted by biological elements beyond her control, why aren’t men more understanding? Why isn’t society more understanding?

Why are a man’s sexual needs the ones always tended to? What about what the women need? The mothers? What about the support they need to feel sexy?

Women are not only impacted by biology, but they are also sexually influenced by social and cultural factors in their environment. For example, married mothers tend to work the majority of the “second shift.” Second shift is the domestic work done at your shared home, after working your paid job all day.

Women are disproportionately scrubbing toilets. And we’re exhausted. Married moms are disproportionately handling matters related to childrearing. They are touched-out. How can a mom feel Hot when she’s doing most of the work? When she’s the one tending to the kids?

Instead of telling married mothers that they should do it anyway, even if they’re not in the mood, we should encourage men to do something that would contribute to a woman’s arousal.

For starters, men should respect a woman’s rejection. They should respect her body and her choices. They should respect consent. Consent still needs to be considered, even in a marriage.

A man’s actions, or inactions, in the household affect a woman’s arousal environment. We should expect married dads to pick up more of a woman’s second-shift duties. That means helping equally with parenting and domestic tasks.

From the outside, people who berate and belittle women for not satisfying the sexual needs of their husbands are bullies. They are unsupportive. Their unfair, and frankly, deeply flawed marital criticism is rooted in years of oppression against women.

No one, I repeat, no one should think it’s okay for a woman to have sex against her will. Not even with a spouse.

Maryjane001:
Nobody owes the other sex. It is an obligation both parties must be willing to engage in. A spouse can reconsider and pause things if the other half is sick or stressed out.

Personally, as long as I and my partner spice up our sex life regularly, I 'd look forward to it every time except when things are not so alright.

DriverX:
This is where you'll find Nigerians... Typing novels about sex sex sex. Why won't your population skyrocket, simultaneously along with poverty? Keep fucking_.... Una eye go soon clear.

Maryjane001:
Nobody owes the other sex. It is an obligation both parties must be willing to engage in. A spouse can reconsider and pause things if the other half is sick or stressed out.

Personally, as long as I and my partner spice up our sex life regularly, I 'd look forward to it every time except when things are not so alright.

Tickles001:
If everyone starts to do things only when they're in the mood or only when it's owed. How do you think the world would be like.

What do you think will play out in the family if the man wakes up one morning and decides he's not funding the house for a whole month because he doesn't feel like, or not in the mood. Or decides that he needs to quit his job and get a break because he's depressed and stressed out.
He's been doing like 3 side hustles, plus his main job. Things he entirely doesn't feel like doing. He needs a break, but he's not taking it.

If a woman naturally turns cold. A reasonable man would understand. But most times women just use it to show defiance.
The same woman that has 3kids and now cold, is the same woman that will go and be feeling kinky with a colleague in the office. Even when the said colleague is not doing anything to attract her.

Have sex with your partner is one of the simple things someone would do if there's still a tiny bit of attraction left in the union.

Men do a lot of things that is actually against their will. They go through biological changes too. All those stuffs you wrote up there has a masculine version of it. But if everyone starts making a long case out of simple things just like you did. Then nothing will ever work out and happiness will elude everyone at the end.

I wonder how people think like this sef. Simple something

A married woman with 2kids from this nairaland once told me that her husband is not giving her enough sex. That she wants it more now, than when she was without child. And she is a busy woman.
How come she's not cold?

budaatum:


Tell them, though I bet some will come and tell you its not rape in Nigeria.

Tickles001:
If everyone starts to do things only when they're in the mood or only when it's owed. How do you think the world would be like.

What do you think will play out in the family if the man wakes up one morning and decides he's not funding the house for a whole month because he doesn't feel like, or not in the mood. Or decides that he needs to quit his job and get a break because he's depressed and stressed out.
He's been doing like 3 side hustles, plus his main job. Things he entirely doesn't feel like doing. He needs a break, but he's not taking it.

If a woman naturally turns cold. A reasonable man would understand. But most times women just use it to show defiance.
The same woman that has 3kids and now cold, is the same woman that will go and be feeling kinky with a colleague in the office. Even when the said colleague is not doing anything to attract her.

Have sex with your partner is one of the simple things someone would do if there's still a tiny bit of attraction left in the union.

Men do a lot of things that is actually against their will. They go through biological changes too. All those stuffs you wrote up there has a masculine version of it. But if everyone starts making a long case out of simple things just like you did. Then nothing will ever work out and happiness will elude everyone at the end.

I wonder how people think like this sef. Simple something

A married woman with 2kids from this nairaland once told me that her husband is not giving her enough sex. That she wants it more now, than when she was without child. And she is a busy woman.
How come she's not cold?

DriverX:
This is where you'll find Nigerians... Typing novels about sex sex sex. Why won't your population skyrocket, simultaneously along with poverty? Keep fucking_.... Una eye go soon clear.

justli:
If you want to be a feminist and keep with the "men are scum" narrative, by all means refrain from getting married.

"Marital duty" is a thing and an obligation for that matter. If your husband irritates and turn you off, my dear that's your personal problem find a way out because the poor man deserves sexual satisfaction.

I like to see how youd feel if you're on the side of the conversation and you husband rejects you everyday, months on end because, in his excuse , he is not in the mood.

Some of you have carried this western lifestyle too far, and the thing you don't realise is that this westerners, themselves have lost it and are struggling to find their identity.

The words of the bible is a compass that holds through regardless of civilization. Use it as your guide.

Tickles001:
If everyone starts to do things only when they're in the mood or only when it's owed. How do you think the world would be like.

What do you think will play out in the family if the man wakes up one morning and decides he's not funding the house for a whole month because he doesn't feel like, or not in the mood. Or decides that he needs to quit his job and get a break because he's depressed and stressed out.
He's been doing like 3 side hustles, plus his main job. Things he entirely doesn't feel like doing. He needs a break, but he's not taking it.

If a woman naturally turns cold. A reasonable man would understand. But most times women just use it to show defiance.
The same woman that has 3kids and now cold, is the same woman that will go and be feeling kinky with a colleague in the office. Even when the said colleague is not doing anything to attract her.

Have sex with your partner is one of the simple things someone would do if there's still a tiny bit of attraction left in the union.

Men do a lot of things that is actually against their will. They go through biological changes too. All those stuffs you wrote up there has a masculine version of it. But if everyone starts making a long case out of simple things just like you did. Then nothing will ever work out and happiness will elude everyone at the end.

I wonder how people think like this sef. Simple something

A married woman with 2kids from this nairaland once told me that her husband is not giving her enough sex. That she wants it more now, than when she was without child. And she is a busy woman.
How come she's not cold?

budaatum:
Women need to not marry pigs!

bukatyne:


Let me flip the question:

Do husbands 'owe' their wives sex in marriage?

I believe it depends on the type of marriage contracted:

In Christianity, marriage is for the following (in no particular order):
1. Companionship
2. Prevent adultery aka access to godly sex
3. Raise godly children

To ensure number two is achieved, plenty Bible verses talk about husbands and wives sexually satisfying themselves. The key would be 1 Cor 7: 2 - 5:


So yes, husbands and wives owe themselves sex, companionship, support etc.

bukatyne:


Let me flip the question:

Do husbands 'owe' their wives sex in marriage?

I believe it depends on the type of marriage contracted:

In Christianity, marriage is for the following (in no particular order):
1. Companionship
2. Prevent adultery aka access to godly sex
3. Raise godly children

To ensure number two is achieved, plenty Bible verses talk about husbands and wives sexually satisfying themselves. The key would be 1 Cor 7: 2 - 5:


So yes, husbands and wives owe themselves sex, companionship, support etc.

Susily:


There's nothing like spousal rape under the Nigerian law

DriverX:
This is where you'll find Nigerians... Typing novels about sex sex sex. Why won't your population skyrocket, simultaneously along with poverty? Keep fucking_.... Una eye go soon clear.

Edavi234:


Like your dad and brother right?

tobechi20:
Bring kids into the picture, and often, one’s sex drive takes a nose dive. Especially for mothers.

Low libido is a very common issue for new mothers as they are healing from childbirth, grappling with fluctuating hormones and extreme sleep deprivation.

While we know adjusting to a new baby can profoundly impact a couple’s life (including sexual intimacy), we, as a society, act like it shouldn’t. We act like there’s something wrong with a new mother needing a timeout from sex.

New mothers who admit to having less sex drive are often met with people urging, “Just do it anyway,” and “You’ll get in the mood.”

But what if you don’t get in the mood, even when you take this advice? What then?

Why aren’t the feelings of the woman valid? Shouldn’t she be listening to her body? Her mind?

I’m not sure where we got this idea that a husband owns his wife’s vagina. Or that he is entitled to intercourse, MouthAction, handling, or groping. I’m pretty sure I didn’t see that covenant in the paperwork. But I have an inkling that this entitlement is very much based in misogyny and male privilege.

Men are led to believe, often since they are young boys, that women should have sex with them when they want it. Even when their wives are not “in the mood.” Because sex is the way he feels intimate. Sex is the way he connects. Because putting your husband’s sexual desires first is supposedly the best way to avoid divorce.

These antiquated and sexist designs for marriage are damaging to women.

When a married mom doesn’t put out, she’s called “cold” and “selfish” and the dreaded “bitch.” She’s told she must have “something else going on” mentally. Outsiders to the marriage, and maybe even therapists, will question if the wife was ever sexually assaulted. Does she have a history of trauma? They’ll try to make connections that aren’t there. Because how could a wife possibly not want to have sex with her husband?

It is sickening and horrific to think of a woman having sex against her will, married or not. It’s disgusting that we automatically assume something must be “wrong” with a woman who is having a gap in her groove. Beyond all that, it’s dangerous.

Suggesting that married women and mothers should just “do it anyway” is sexual bullying and coercion. If a husband acts on the “just do it anyway” cliché and forces it — that’s called rape.

When we attack married mothers for not putting out, we’re reaffirming once again what’s important in this society.

A man’s needs, not a woman’s. A man’s voice, not a woman’s voice.

Tickles001:
If everyone starts to do things only when they're in the mood or only when it's owed. How do you think the world would be like.

What do you think will play out in the family if the man wakes up one morning and decides he's not funding the house for a whole month because he doesn't feel like, or not in the mood. Or decides that he needs to quit his job and get a break because he's depressed and stressed out.
He's been doing like 3 side hustles, plus his main job. Things he entirely doesn't feel like doing. He needs a break, but he's not taking it.

If a woman naturally turns cold. A reasonable man would understand. But most times women just use it to show defiance.
The same woman that has 3kids and now cold, is the same woman that will go and be feeling kinky with a colleague in the office. Even when the said colleague is not doing anything to attract her.

Have sex with your partner is one of the simple things someone would do if there's still a tiny bit of attraction left in the union.

Men do a lot of things that is actually against their will. They go through biological changes too. All those stuffs you wrote up there has a masculine version of it. But if everyone starts making a long case out of simple things just like you did. Then nothing will ever work out and happiness will elude everyone at the end.

I wonder how people think like this sef. Simple something

A married woman with 2kids from this nairaland once told me that her husband is not giving her enough sex. That she wants it more now, than when she was without child. And she is a busy woman.
How come she's not cold?