Nice comments from people but it seems most of the comments are lopsided most especially from the so called feminist.Every marriages have their ups and downs.It take high level of tolerance for any marriages to stand.

Astrid4:


Let's keep emotions out of these...let be logical
This is logical problem, creation of empathy and unnecessary emotional tantrum won't solve this.
This is a one sided story she never gave us the reason why her husband chased her out of the house she blamed her husband for her misfortune there is never a place in this article where her husband told her not to work...she has a degree she could go to the street and get a job. What this woman need is a JOB not a MAN this would even upgrade her SMV and even find a better husband. What I don't understand is should we give her a Grammy award for taking care of her own kids and husband...in what has she appreciated her husband who has been through thin and thick to ensure financial security in his home... Aunty it not easy to make money this woman could even keep a 4 month job yet complaining she is not appreciated for her role is Bullock and absolutely rubbish
Equal responsibility=Equal task
I can be bringing the whole money for the sustenance of the family and you're gonna tell me to assist you in home chores...then for fvck sake what you're gonna do.
This is a Lamentation of an irresponsible woman and if this is a story of most Africa woman including obembet mother then no apologetic feeling that most Africa women are irresponsible.

Perhaps a maid/ nanny so she can work outside the home too or the necessary tech to make the work at home easier ( picking up after 6 people ain't going to be easy)?

I mean, you wouldn't turn up for work and not expect to be given the tools to help you do your job properly. Also if you were given excessive workload, with time you would expect compensation commensurate to that workload.

Ever considered that the reason WHY she couldn't hold on to those jobs was because of the demands within the home? What if start times at work is the same as when the kids start school, how could she be in two places at the same time?

When the kids are ill, who stays to look after them? Would that not affect her attendance and performance at work?

Just this week, my son had to stay off from school because his teacher had covid. Did this impact his dad's work? No. His life went on as normal.

But I am lucky, I work from home so I could still work. But in addition to that, had to cook during the workday, provide snacks and homeschool all whilst working. But many don't have that luxury so pray tell, doesn't that put them in a position where they have to sacrifice one for the other?

Do men EVER have to make that choice? My job or my kids?

So tell me, how would you balance that if you were the OP?

Mercychen:
Marriage sometimes can be a bondage and limiting factor to improving ones self because the moment you get in, you lose YOURSELF to family demands and stress from duties at the home front by trying to be there for your husband and the entire family on all levels This, i call slavery and it's what is obtainable in most marriages these days.

Exactly why couples have to talk about careers and set targets even while dating before they begin courting.

It's not enough that you're financially comfortable but how fulfilled would you be without each other? Only then should you agree to be together.

Most of you women are too obsessed with looking good for Facebook and posting wedding pictures when the euphoria would die off in a year or two. Jobless women or ones who can't even fend for themselves alone comfortably jumping into marriage and you think there isn't going to be a blow back?

Even as a pregnant woman, there are data entry jobs you can do. Several.

You're all too focused on "Congratulations, darling friend. Your home is blessed" that you forget what it takes to build a home. Most of you demand and never really go the extra mile for your spouses.

AfroKnight:



It is interesting how women on this thread have carefully avoided this comment. They realise this would probably throw a spanner in the works and derail their agenda.

When a woman comes with a sob story, I watch out for what is omitted.

Lol any discerning mind would have noticed naa. I pointed that out..Notice she had reasons and blames for every single thing against the husband but when it came to why she couldn't keep a job, she somehow didn't know why she lost the job because according to her she is a 'good person'.

eddynaira125:
. When you are about to get something you will abide, but after getting it you will see the other side of those plenty men

What is it that we are getting?

DissTroy:


Exactly why couples have to talk about careers and set targets even while dating before they begin courting.

It's not enough that you're financially comfortable but how fulfilled would you be without each other? Only then should you agree to be together.

Most of you women are too obsessed with looking good for Facebook and posting wedding pictures when the euphoria would die off in a year or two. Jobless women or ones who can't even fend for themselves alone comfortably jumping into marriage and you think there isn't going to be a blow back?

Even as a pregnant woman, there are data entry jobs you can do. Several.

You're all too focused on "Congratulations, darling friend. Your home is blessed" that you forget what it takes to build a home. Most of you demand and never really go the extra mile for your spouses.

Please, I'm interested in the data entry job. Been trying to get one but each time I try registering I'll get to a stage and theyll start speaking grammar and the whole process will just go to waste.

I want to do it as a side hustle. Please help me secure one. I'm serious.

shaybebaby:

What is it that we are getting?

Spouse

Mercychen:


Please, I'm interested in the data entry job. Been trying to get one but each time I try registering I'll get to a stage and theyll start speaking grammar and the whole process will just go to waste.

I want to do it as a side hustle. Please help me secure one. I'm serious.

My lady does data entry on the side too and is currently learning Python programming language to go fully into data science. I'd have to ask her.

You're good with Excel (very good) and/or Power Bi?

Farfalla:


I can imagine. Very few polygamous families function normally. It's always one horror story after another. My mother's first cousin is a first wife in a polygamous marriage. This woman has lived for decades in the same house with her crazy, narcissistic husband and her co-wife. The same house o! The man deliberately wanted her to stick around so that he could rub his second marriage in her face. She had 2 kids when this co-wife joined them.

He ganged up with his second wife to make her miserable, and what did she do? She got 4 other kids with this same man! Total of 6 kids with a man who despised her! How the man's manhood would rise to the occasion with all the hostility he had towards her is the one thing I couldn't understand. Maybe he'd go to her bedroom when the other wife was on her periods. That was my conclusion. She must have thought that getting more children would bring some form of healing to the marriage. For where?

Ironically, the co-wife just got 2 kids and she's the loved one. This my mother's cousin would come to our home and lament to my mum about her ordeal in that marriage. From constant verbal abuse, to being thrown out while it's raining, to hearing sex sounds from her co-wife's room, to being locked up in her room so she won't eat (as "punishment" ), this woman went through what you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy.

That's the picture I have of a polygamous home. I grew up watching that family and I knew, even as a little girl, that something wasn't quite right with that set-up.

Polygamous marriage is nothing new and nothing bad in itself. Both polygamy and monogamy have terrible and good stories. It all depends on the individuals involved.

Bt yes polygamy has more competition for the man’s affection which cud easily create problems if not managed.

Polygamy isn’t ideal bt the issue is with how the man handles his wives and family. Sometimes the man is good bt the wives or kids are terrible.

Charity4real:



Exactly my thought. You could have waited for the kids to advance more before getting back to your career. You must have nagged this man to the extreme for him to take such action. Probably you allowed bad advisers to deceive you out of your marriage.

I am in the same situation now; taking care of my children and giving my husband time to stand well here, but I am just taking my cool, even when my friends are working and grabbing there dollars daily, I am not moved because at the appointed time, everything will fall into places.

I pray all your heart desires are met dear. To me, I no dey interested in all of these family wahala wey dem dey post upandan. But what someone like the Op should know is that life ain't fair and it is a sacrifice.

No one has it all. If some seems they have it all, they are in the minute number. You can be what you want to be and be regretting about not having another thing. You can also have other things and not also be what you want to be.

Then a times being both just needs patience of time. But you know everyone or most people want to enjoy the best of life as youngsters which is good truly and enjoyable, I can't deny that. But like I said I ain't interested in talking much

But the main point I'm looking at and want to point out is that while it isn't bad to marry at age 23,don't you people think that it is too early for the person in this story? If she had gotten a job did that masters and perhaps given herself a little time to explore life more, perhaps she could have made a better deal with her husband.

And then looking at this, I don't think it is off to assume that she felt robbed of her youth and she didn't get peace to enjoy it enough before starting those motherly roles, could be her decision though or she was convinced into it, who knows?

I'm not acquitting the man though, when humans lack empathy, love is buried!

Just thinking loud

Cc: holocron Pocohantas

DissTroy:


My lady does data entry on the side too and is currently learning Python programming language to go fully into data science. I'd have to ask her.

You're good with Excel (very good) and/or Power Bi?

Oh.. interesting!

Yes I'm good in both. I have Diploma in desktop publishing from 2001.

Ok, hope to hearing from you.

Thanks a lot.

Grandmeister:

Lol any discerning mind would have noticed naa. I pointed that out..Notice she had reasons and blames for every single thing against the husband but when it came to why she couldn't keep a job, she somehow didn't know why she lost the job because according to her she is a 'good person'.

I dey tell you.

Mercychen:


Oh.. interesting!

Yes I'm good in both. I have Diploma in desktop publishing from 2001.

Ok, hope to hearing from you.

Thanks a lot.

OG! I haven’t heard “Desktop Publishing” in ages!

Learning in a harder way

AfroKnight:


OG! I haven’t heard “Desktop Publishing” in ages!

Why?

AfroKnight:


OG! I haven’t heard “Desktop Publishing” in ages!

Why?

That was the course I did after secondary School while awaiting results.

It has the following packages

MS word
Power point
Excel
Adobe pagemaker
Corel draw
Computer appreciation
Adobe Photoshop

Toothcopy:
8k

make I give u 4k.

Grandmeister:

To an enlightened man's heart it can NEVER be. And I detest when women complain of taking care of their OWN child(ren)! The same child that you will brag about with in the future and recieve all the bride price and gifts due to you as tradition lol.

I've heard women complain about men who refuse to be responsible for their children, but I'm yet to hear a woman complain about taking care of her own children.

They have learnt something during their stay in the marriage...

When a girl will abandon the guy she use to date in the university immediately she graduates because she cannot wait. And then marries a guy who is already made and sees her like a trophy wife turn to nanny/maid. It's your short sightedness that disturbs you girls. That guy you see like mumu, that one that allows you to express yourself no matter how silly is the guy you should marry. But fantasy, greed and competion will confuse you to make the wrong choice, see wahala and then comeback as bitter, blaming men in general.

Farfalla:


I've heard women complain about men who refuse to be responsible for their children, but I'm yet to hear a woman complain about taking care of her own children.

But in this case the man was providing. Which is the number one tenet of a responsible father. The wife didn't have a job, so her most important job was the kids at home...and even that too was too much for her! If she was also working then it would be a different matter. But she wasn't, the one time she tried to get a job she couldn't even keep it. Tell me how can you ask your husband for a nanny when you are at home 24/7?? How can you ask him to buy a washing machine when you're staying at home 24/7?? He is catering for 5 kids plus you already! It must be taking a toll on his pockets.

eddynaira125:


Spouse

Lol, if they change it up, they simply go the same as the one that came before them.

Mercychen:


Why?

That was the course I did after secondary School while awaiting results.

It has the following packages

MS word
Power point
Excel
Adobe pagemaker
Corel draw
Computer appreciation
Adobe Photoshop

I know.

I mean I haven’t heard that term in a long time. Now people just say graphic design.

am in am in! but a tutoirials will be given to my daughters for them to make their choices. Whatever choice they make, am in and give maximum support!

DrFunmisticGlow:
@ bolded, those women are the outliers, they're the exception, not the rule.

I agree with your summations
'Funmi. This is why I emphasized
in my post that women MUST arm
themselves with functional info
on how they can get themselves
back into shape post-child birth.
Even ante-natal sessions are very
important to monitor and/or prevent high-risk pregnancies.

There's enough info online and offline on relatively cheaper and faster strategies to do that. I know full well that you are aware of some of these as a young female medical doctor.

By the way, what's your area of
medical specialization? Are you
an ObGyn or what?


Ciao.

Do we believe...?!
Marriage and conception work hand in hand but actually differ.
Sexing brings pleasure and babies..... Marriage entails these all.......and suffering.
The greatest of glories have belied in suffering.
However, many do not appreciate this.
Divorcing is not a better way of escaping this suffering.
Christian.....!!!!!
Suffer to be approved of the best gift.
Once had a colleague say her mom did not achieve her true potential......
I asked her... you're living with her at your age....she protected you and fended for you....only to say this.
My heart � goes to those in the Pilgrims' progress... especially in the family.
My greatest wish is that me and mine see heaven together

Hathor5:


Nothing? Did you read the OP?

Calm down. Read again. He is saying that the man will bring just money but he will not contribute in the home front.

mysticgal:


As a matter of fact there are different and several proofs that people and women over fifty that are single are living more enjoyable and sustainable life without regrets.

Please come off this whole ancient mentality that women need men to survive or else the would be unhappy. Yes humans are insatiable but people, women are coming around living a life they dream of.

Who wants a marriage that sucks life out of you anyway?

Well, I'm glad you agree with me that human wants are insatiable. My post is not a direct attack at anyone. Like I said, the "if" factor applies to everyone, men inclusive. Moreover, it goes beyond marriage. Career-wise, people also talk about how they would have done better with their lives if they had studied certain courses. Truth is that nobody is sure of anything. That dream course they wish they studied could have caused more problems.

May be the message was wrongly constructed. The idea is not to say that a single man or woman at 60 can't live a fulfilled life.

shaybebaby:

Lol, if they change it up, they simply go the same as the one that came before them.

so take my advice, look for a sperm donor

shaybebaby:

Perhaps a maid/ nanny so she can work outside the home too or the necessary tech to make the work at home easier ( picking up after 6 people ain't going to be easy)?

I mean, you wouldn't turn up for work and not expect to be given the tools to help you do your job properly. Also if you were given excessive workload, with time you would expect compensation commensurate to that workload.

Ever considered that the reason WHY she couldn't hold on to those jobs was because of the demands within the home? What if start times at work is the same as when the kids start school, how could she be in two places at the same time?

When the kids are ill, who stays to look after them? Would that not affect her attendance and performance at work?

Just this week, my son had to stay off from school because his teacher had covid. Did this impact his dad's work? No. His life went on as normal.

But I am lucky, I work from home so I could still work. But in addition to that, had to cook during the workday, provide snacks and homeschool all whilst working. But many don't have that luxury so pray tell, doesn't that put them in a position where they have to sacrifice one for the other?

Do men EVER have to make that choice? My job or my kids?

So tell me, how would you balance that if you were the OP?

@ d bolded madam men has always had a choice to make between their family and job
The basic and the most primary function of a MAN is FINANCIAL SECURITY
The moment I stop providing for my family then I don't deserve to be called an husband or a father that's every man will work his ass out to provide for his family

You see I agree with some of your views
But you see OP has always lacked a FRAME in the beginning of her life, thus facing this woes...her biggest achievement is marriage which shouldn't be so
At the age of 23 you are just at your prime full of ambition this should be a time you need to lay out plans for a prosperous career not turn yourself to a reproduction factory or a liability...she didn't need a man in her life at that time she needed a job.
Man exploit women in relationship because women are shy to talk about what they want in relationship...a man is never emotional in marriage he is purely transactional your husband didn't marry you because he loves you No!!! (love/emotion come secondary for men ) He married you primarily because of what you can offer to him and values you can add to his life, and if you as a woman don't have a frame he will end up getting all he wants and you end up with nothing...thus the woes the woman in question is facing currently...the man had all he wanted with this woman having nothing cos she was shy to create a frame in the relationship and is this man wicked The answer is no!!! he is purely Machiavellian
You women needs to speaking up start telling what you wants what your dreams are both of your should have a frame and work in that frame. Simple as ABC this is never a quantum physics.