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Single And Be Having Children Outside Wedlock - Family - Nairaland

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There's A Child Outside Wedlock, But Desire Church Wedding / Lady Shares Opinion On Women Not Having Children Against Husband's Wish / Lady Cursed For Being Pregnant Out Of Wedlock Becomes Family's Breadwinner (2) (3) (4)

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Single And Be Having Children Outside Wedlock by Chuky7(m): 8:45am On Nov 16, 2021
A neighbor of mine not married stayed single has children out of wedlock I once asked him why he said his family believe that as far as you can take care of them no problem. he believes in going the unconventional way as marriage no too dey favor man. you pay bride price all bills are on you. you take care of your new family. but as a non married man his only concern are the kids and the baby mama.

What do you think of this lifestyle. I dey reason am.

It's not a death sentence for a child born out of wedlock nothing really changes just traditions you are conditioned to for no reason.

36 Likes 4 Shares

Re: Single And Be Having Children Outside Wedlock by FlipModeSquade(m): 8:47am On Nov 16, 2021
Traditional marriage institutions mostly favor women..

While the man is worked to death..

At the end the children only remembers their Mum as a Superwoman..

The man that put his body and health on the line..

To put food on their table..

Becomes an afterthought..

While the woman junkets from Miami to London to Paris..

In the name of Ọmụgwọ..

The old broken man sits at home counting his days..

With an occasional bottle of Gin and yards of clothes..

From his grateful children and in laws..

Tell me..

Why shouldn't a sensible being.

Have a rethink about an institution that takes so much from him..

And gives back so little?

Change is CONSTANT.. sad

295 Likes 22 Shares

Re: Single And Be Having Children Outside Wedlock by Lawlab249: 8:49am On Nov 16, 2021
Ok
Re: Single And Be Having Children Outside Wedlock by BarrElChapo(m): 9:04am On Nov 16, 2021
sad this is the new norm due to copycatting the west. We've lost the essence of marriage all togethe.

15 Likes 1 Share

Re: Single And Be Having Children Outside Wedlock by bigjackass: 9:12am On Nov 16, 2021
This idea of what favor who... mostly irresponsible people think this way. Marriage is good as long you marry the right person. Even the whites we want to copy, most of them don't stay single. Instead they jump from one marriage to the other and divorce up and down because they enjoy being married but they haven't found the right person.

78 Likes 3 Shares

Re: Single And Be Having Children Outside Wedlock by Righteousness2(m): 9:44am On Nov 16, 2021
It is pure Fornication and Immorality.

It is an ungodly lifestyle Innovated and Propagated from the Pit of Hell.

It is a Lifestyle that will Guarantee Destruction in Hell Fire.

92 Likes 4 Shares

Re: Single And Be Having Children Outside Wedlock by Mindlog: 11:08am On Nov 16, 2021
Chuky7:

A neighbor of mine not married stayed single has children out of wedlock I once asked him why he said his family believe that as far as you can take care of them no problem. he believes in going the unconventional way as marriage no too dey favor man. you pay bride price all bills are on you. you take care of your new family. but as a non married man his only concern are[b] the kids and the baby mama. [/b]

What do you think of this lifestyle. I dey reason am.

It's not a death sentence for a child born out of wedlock nothing really changes just traditions you are conditioned to for no reason.

Will you and your family be comfortable with your sister having children for a man she is not married to?

You have an option of paying surrogates to get pregnant for you, after delivery you get your babies from them and hire nannies to be their caregivers, at least no woman would rip you off all in the name of marriage while you still have your children.

64 Likes

Re: Single And Be Having Children Outside Wedlock by InTheCloudySky(f): 12:28pm On Nov 16, 2021
I blame the woman who is sleeping with him and giving him kids without marriage. Stupid is as stupid does.

20 Likes 1 Share

Re: Single And Be Having Children Outside Wedlock by Klass99(f): 12:43pm On Nov 16, 2021
Chuky7:


What do you think of this lifestyle. I dey reason am.


It is not for me - that is what I think of that lifestyle.

What people don't understand about this baby daddy trend and lifestyle is that, you still end up paying bills as if you were in a married relationship. So, why not just marry each other and make it right in God's sight? As in, choose a path God can bless.

A nairalander shared his personal story last year. From his narrative I didn't see the difference between paying bills in a legal marriage and paying bills relating to his baby mama/child.

He was paying the house rent, school fees, sending a monthly allowance for both mother and child, had bought her a car too (if I remember correctly) and I thought to myself, this is no different from what a married man would do for his wife and kids.

According to him, he had always planned on marrying her but marriage hadn't happened, so the baby mama lifestyle began and continued. His intentions may explain why he was doing all that he was, but the fact is - it is still the same lifestyle we are discussing nah.

The only difference would be the fact that the adults involved are not married and they may not be responsible for assisting in-laws. But, even the latter is almost inevitable once a child is involved.

Will you not gift something to the grandmother or grandfather, who occasionally chips in to help with your child? Or the aunty or uncle who is kind enough to watch them when the parents can't or whom may occasionally treat your child to nice things?

42 Likes 3 Shares

Re: Single And Be Having Children Outside Wedlock by emmanuelbrown26: 4:31pm On Nov 16, 2021
Klass99:


It is not for me - that is what I think of that lifestyle.

What people don't understand about this baby daddy trend and lifestyle is that, you still end up paying bills as if you were in a married relationship. So, why not just marry each other and make it right in God's sight? As in, choose a path God can bless.

A nairalander shared his personal story last year. From his narrative I didn't see the difference between paying bills in a legal marriage and paying bills relating to his baby mama/child.

He was paying the house rent, school fees, sending a monthly allowance for both mother and child, had bought her a car too (if I remember correctly) and I thought to myself, this is no different from what a married man would do for his wife and kids.

According to him, he had always planned on marrying her but marriage hadn't happened, so the baby mama lifestyle began and continued. His intentions may explain why he was doing all that he was, but the fact is - it is still the same lifestyle we are discussing nah.

The only difference would be the fact that the adults involved are not married and they may not be responsible for assisting in-laws. But, even the latter is almost inevitable once a child is involved.

Will you not gift something to the grandmother or grandfather, who occasionally chips in to help with your child? Or the aunty or uncle who is kind enough to watch them when the parents can't or whom may occasionally treat your child to nice things?





Not surprised that it's coming from a woman.
Back to the topic, op I would advice u to make a friend with that your neighbour. He is enjoying this life to the fullest, compare him with any other man or men around u with wives, u will see that the difference is clear.
just ask him how he did it and how he's being managing the whole stuff. Personally this is the best way to have peace of mind.
forget about any preaching from women, marriage only favours them.

51 Likes 5 Shares

Re: Single And Be Having Children Outside Wedlock by Dollywood(m): 5:02pm On Nov 16, 2021
These days more than 60% of marriages in this country been falling apart. The chart keeps accumulating divorcees and single mom's. Take a look around you, these women in marriage are so inconsiderate and unsympathetic. They will bring you hell if you lose your job in a space of a month, have housemaids you show favours to, fail to comply with her superfluous needs and so on. You can satisfy them, Never! At the end of the day, it takes special luck to keep your married till old age.

23 Likes 1 Share

Re: Single And Be Having Children Outside Wedlock by Favfables1: 5:53pm On Nov 16, 2021
Mindlog:


1. Will you and your family be comfortable with your sister having children for a man she is not married to?

2. You have an option of paying surrogates to get pregnant for you, after delivery you get your babies from them and hire nannies to be their caregivers, at least no woman would rip you off all in the name of marriage while you still have your children.

1. Depends on the agreement my sister has with the man...if she's fine with it, then she has my full support

2. Awesome point... With the way things are going, I'm honestly considering this grin

16 Likes

Re: Single And Be Having Children Outside Wedlock by Favfables1: 6:02pm On Nov 16, 2021
Klass99:


It is not for me - that is what I think of that lifestyle.

What people don't understand about this baby daddy trend and lifestyle is that, you still end up paying bills as if you were in a married relationship. So, why not just marry each other and make it right in God's sight? As in, choose a path God can bless.

A nairalander shared his personal story last year. From his narrative I didn't see the difference between paying bills in a legal marriage and paying bills relating to his baby mama/child.

He was paying the house rent, school fees, sending a monthly allowance for both mother and child, had bought her a car too (if I remember correctly) and I thought to myself, this is no different from what a married man would do for his wife and kids.

According to him, he had always planned on marrying her but marriage hadn't happened, so the baby mama lifestyle began and continued. His intentions may explain why he was doing all that he was, but the fact is - it is still the same lifestyle we are discussing nah.

The only difference would be the fact that the adults involved are not married and they may not be responsible for assisting in-laws. But, even the latter is almost inevitable once a child is involved.

Will you not gift something to the grandmother or grandfather, who occasionally chips in to help with your child? Or the aunty or uncle who is kind enough to watch them when the parents can't or whom may occasionally treat your child to nice things?


This may sound sexist, buh I'm not surprised this is written by a woman ((no offense))...

With the mentality of lots of the girls on nairaland and those I've met, I can conclude that, it's FAR MORE cheaper to get someone to get pregnant and get a nanny to take care of the child for you and pay the person off, than to get married to girls with such liability mentality...

And as for the guy you sited up there, he's doing all those ones because he wants to do them, how many baby daddies buy cars for their...his kind is a drop in an ocean

24 Likes

Re: Single And Be Having Children Outside Wedlock by Sonnobax15(m): 7:06pm On Nov 16, 2021
lipsrsealed
Re: Single And Be Having Children Outside Wedlock by Klass99(f): 7:59pm On Nov 16, 2021
Favfables1:


This may sound sexist, buh I'm not surprised this is written by a woman ((no offense))...

With the mentality of lots of the girls on nairaland and those I've met, I can conclude that, it's FAR MORE cheaper to get someone to get pregnant and get a nanny to take care of the child for you and pay the person off, than to get married to girls with such liability mentality...

And as for the guy you sited up there, he's doing all those ones because he wants to do them, how many baby daddies buy cars for their...his kind is a drop in an ocean

The bolded is a typical narrative by some nairaland male users, but do you guys ever stop to think that - YOU ARE, WHAT YOU ATTRACT? No offense meant either.

21 Likes 2 Shares

Re: Single And Be Having Children Outside Wedlock by Vision101(m): 4:39am On Nov 17, 2021
All these single parenting, the man or woman involved don't think of the impact on the children. When a child is raised by a single parent that child misses some love and impact.

Last Monday the youths in my church had their regular weekly service. As they rounded off I came out of the office to see their leader. I noticed that a young girl in early twenties sat on the chair close to the door. She sat alone and faced the wall.

After seeing their leader I went to her and I noticed that she was crying even though she tried to cover up. I took her to the office and after a lot of efforts she opened up and told me that she was missing her father.

She said that she works in the hospital and that she sees families come to the hospital and she will be asking herself when will her own complete family walk in like this.

Long story short, the mother got married to the father and had four of them. She is number two. Grand mother spiritual issues made the father to abandon them. The father is still alive but they have never sighted him for years. Even the last one doesn't know him.

She said that the mother cries sometimes but she doesn't want them to see her. She said that her greatest wish is to see her father around her as she watches others with their fathers.

Her mother is not a member of my church. My church is large. Obviously I don't know her. She said that she started attending the church two months ago.

You will agree with me that I have a big work on my hands.

29 Likes 3 Shares

Re: Single And Be Having Children Outside Wedlock by Acidosis(m): 4:56am On Nov 17, 2021
Funding a baby mama and her kids is a more expensive lifestyle. It is a s*lly idea for someone that wants to spend "little" and get his kids to love or acknowledge his effort in the future.

35 Likes 2 Shares

Re: Single And Be Having Children Outside Wedlock by Ishilove: 6:04am On Nov 17, 2021
Vision101:
All these single parenting, the man or woman involved don't think of the impact on the children. When a child is raised by a single parent that child misses some love and impact.

Last Monday the youths in my church had their regular weekly service. As they rounded off I came out of the office to see their leader. I noticed that a young girl in early twenties sat on the chair close to the door. She sat alone and faced the wall.

After seeing their leader I went to her and I noticed that she was crying even though she tried to cover up. I took her to the office and after a lot of efforts she opened up and told me that she was missing her father.

She said that she works in the hospital and that she sees families come to the hospital and she will be asking herself when will her own complete family walk in like this.

Long story short, the mother got married to the father and had four of them. She is number two. Grand mother spiritual issues made the father to abandon them. The father is still alive but they have never sighted him for years. Even the last one doesn't know him.

She said that the mother cries sometimes but she doesn't want them to see her. She said that her greatest wish is to see her father around her as she watches others with their father.

Her mother is not a member of my church. My church is large. Obviously I don't know her. She said that she started attending the church two months ago.

You will agree with me that I have a big work on my hands.
God bless you. All they are talking about is "me me me", but not one single thought for the children they forcing into this warped and perverse lifestyle of their sires. They think raising children is providing material needs alone. They forget that there are other factors involved which money cannot solve.

50 Likes 6 Shares

Re: Single And Be Having Children Outside Wedlock by Chuky7(m): 7:29am On Nov 17, 2021
Lalasticlala
Re: Single And Be Having Children Outside Wedlock by Chuky7(m): 7:57am On Nov 17, 2021
Favfables1:


This may sound sexist, buh I'm not surprised this is written by a woman ((no offense))...

With the mentality of lots of the girls on nairaland and those I've met, I can conclude that, it's FAR MORE cheaper to get someone to get pregnant and get a nanny to take care of the child for you and pay the person off, than to get married to girls with such liability mentality...

And as for the guy you sited up there, he's doing all those ones because he wants to do them, how many baby daddies buy cars for their...his kind is a drop in an ocean

Thank you bro on point

2 Likes

Re: Single And Be Having Children Outside Wedlock by Chuky7(m): 8:01am On Nov 17, 2021
Vision101:
All these single parenting, the man or woman involved don't think of the impact on the children. When a child is raised by a single parent that child misses some love and impact.

Last Monday the youths in my church had their regular weekly service. As they rounded off I came out of the office to see their leader. I noticed that a young girl in early twenties sat on the chair close to the door. She sat alone and faced the wall.

After seeing their leader I went to her and I noticed that she was crying even though she tried to cover up. I took her to the office and after a lot of efforts she opened up and told me that she was missing her father.

She said that she works in the hospital and that she sees families come to the hospital and she will be asking herself when will her own complete family walk in like this.

Long story short, the mother got married to the father and had four of them. She is number two. Grand mother spiritual issues made the father to abandon them. The father is still alive but they have never sighted him for years. Even the last one doesn't know him.

She said that the mother cries sometimes but she doesn't want them to see her. She said that her greatest wish is to see her father around her as she watches others with their father.

Her mother is not a member of my church. My church is large. Obviously I don't know her. She said that she started attending the church two months ago.

You will agree with me that I have a big work on my hands.


The kid was lacking emotional support. something that is not always the case. if you read the story well all needs will be met emotional too.

imagine a scenario of monthly or weekly visits.

8 Likes 1 Share

Re: Single And Be Having Children Outside Wedlock by Chuky7(m): 8:03am On Nov 17, 2021
Acidosis:
Funding a baby mama and her kids is a more expensive lifestyle. It is a s*lly idea for someone that wants to spend "little" and get his kids to love or acknowledge his effort in the future.


no it isn't.

emotional support is not lacked, doesn't have to be

1 Like

Re: Single And Be Having Children Outside Wedlock by Aforxzy(f): 8:05am On Nov 17, 2021
This lifestyle is not the best.

Marriage is indeed not for everyone but a child deserves the love, care , nuture and training from both parents. No matter how we like to twist it, children from broken homes or from single parents are the worst hit by this trend. Their silent wishes and prayers is to have both parents reconcile and live together as a family.

I can't imagine being separated from my kids, how much more another person taking up my role in their lives.

10 Likes 2 Shares

Re: Single And Be Having Children Outside Wedlock by Chuky7(m): 8:08am On Nov 17, 2021
Klass99:


It is not for me - that is what I think of that lifestyle.

What people don't understand about this baby daddy trend and lifestyle is that, you still end up paying bills as if you were in a married relationship. So, why not just marry each other and make it right in God's sight? As in, choose a path God can bless.

A nairalander shared his personal story last year. From his narrative I didn't see the difference between paying bills in a legal marriage and paying bills relating to his baby mama/child.

He was paying the house rent, school fees, sending a monthly allowance for both mother and child, had bought her a car too (if I remember correctly) and I thought to myself, this is no different from what a married man would do for his wife and kids.

According to him, he had always planned on marrying her but marriage hadn't happened, so the baby mama lifestyle began and continued. His intentions may explain why he was doing all that he was, but the fact is - it is still the same lifestyle we are discussing nah.

The only difference would be the fact that the adults involved are not married and they may not be responsible for assisting in-laws. But, even the latter is almost inevitable once a child is involved.

Will you not gift something to the grandmother or grandfather, who occasionally chips in to help with your child? Or the aunty or uncle who is kind enough to watch them when the parents can't or whom may occasionally treat your child to nice things?







They is the advantage of freedom. Which you forfeit when you marry the wrong person. I have seen marriages that are broken and parties scared to do the necessary. but as a single dad nobody has a hold on you.

3 Likes

Re: Single And Be Having Children Outside Wedlock by crackhaus: 8:18am On Nov 17, 2021
Chuky7:

A neighbor of mine not married stayed single has children out of wedlock I once asked him why he said his family believe that as far as you can take care of them no problem. he believes in going the unconventional way as marriage no too dey favor man. you pay bride price all bills are on you. you take care of your new family. but as a non married man his only concern are the kids and the baby mama.

What do you think of this lifestyle. I dey reason am.

It's not a death sentence for a child born out of wedlock nothing really changes just traditions you are conditioned to for no reason.
When you consider everything involved and when it comes down to the point, it's actually a better bargain for men who can see past the limit of their cultural upbringing.

There's something about being plugged into a matrix and not realizing that your every thought, decision, and ideology is programmed to conform.

Your neighbor has guts and I like him for that.
Truth is, not many men in Nigeria are able to go this unconventional route even if they really desired it.

In more contemporary societies, this would not even be a topic of conversation for people to deliberate on.
It's just common sense to want to avoid as much complications that come when you legally marry a woman.

9 Likes 3 Shares

Re: Single And Be Having Children Outside Wedlock by ImaIma1(f): 8:37am On Nov 17, 2021
Favfables1:


1[b]. Depends on the agreement my sister has with the man...if she's fine with it, then she has my full support[/b]

2. Awesome point... With the way things are going, I'm honestly considering this grin


This is your Nairaland answer, and not real life. Someone that you will call family meeting on her head.

10 Likes 1 Share

Re: Single And Be Having Children Outside Wedlock by ImaIma1(f): 8:56am On Nov 17, 2021
Not everyone backing up the baby mama idea can even handle it. It seems like a piece of cake till you are into it. The dysfunctional family you formed could crumble on you very soon.

Let everyone just do as they like and sleep in the bed they lay for themselves.

12 Likes 3 Shares

Re: Single And Be Having Children Outside Wedlock by Klass99(f): 9:08am On Nov 17, 2021
Chuky7:


They is the advantage of freedom. Which you forfeit when you marry the wrong person. I have seen marriages that are broken and parties scared to do the necessary. but as a single dad nobody has a hold on you.

Lol, okay Chuky I hear you. What I find amusing by those of you agitating and advocating for this lifestyle, is the fact that you forget companionship is the major reason Eve was created for Adam.

Or do you plan on moving from one woman to another, every week or weekend, in a bid to maintain your freedom and stay free of responsibilities? As you are single even now, without a wife and child, is your life free of responsibilities? I don't have energy to get into a debate about any of this, so make I rest. Do what makes your heart sing las las.

Acidosis:
Funding a baby mama and her kids is a more expensive lifestyle.

This was exactly what I picked up on, when that nairalander shared his story.

14 Likes 2 Shares

Re: Single And Be Having Children Outside Wedlock by pocohantas(f): 9:37am On Nov 17, 2021
InTheCloudySky:
I blame the woman who is sleeping with him and giving him kids without marriage. Stupid is as stupid does.

Why do you assume the woman is not comfortable with the arrangement and should be blamed?

10 Likes 1 Share

Re: Single And Be Having Children Outside Wedlock by cayorday89: 10:59am On Nov 17, 2021
Ishilove:

God bless you. All they are talking about is "me me me", but not one single thought for the children they forcing into this warped and perverse lifestyle of their sires. They think raising children is providing material needs alone. They forget that there are other factors involved which money cannot solve.
Truer words have never been said, even families that live together and all the parent does is provide food, cloth, go to school, church and scream at them to do this or that and repeat all the days of their lives, no form of outing, no get together or family time together, it's just a one way thing all through, will make the children lack so many things their counterparts enjoy in their homes.

7 Likes

Re: Single And Be Having Children Outside Wedlock by Oizee(f): 11:51am On Nov 17, 2021
FlipModeSquade:
Traditional marriage institutions mostly favor women..

While the man is worked to death..

At the end the children only remembers their Mum as a Superwoman..

The man that put his body and health on the line..

To put food on their table..

Becomes an afterthought..

While the woman junkets from Miami to London to Paris..

In the name of Ọmụgwọ..

The old broken man sits at home counting his days..

With an occasional bottle of Gin and yards of clothes..

From his grateful children and in laws..

Tell me..

Why shouldn't a sensible being.

Have a rethink about an institution that takes so much from him..

And gives back so little?

Change is CONSTANT.. sad
I love your analysis, but what do u think wl bcom of a single man in old age..... it would be worse mehn....think about it thoroughly.

3 Likes

Re: Single And Be Having Children Outside Wedlock by Favfables1: 2:12pm On Nov 17, 2021
ImaIma1:


This is your Nairaland answer, and not real life. Someone that you will call family meeting on her head.


Kikikikikiki grin grin
She say na nairaland answer...

I dont know the kind of family you grew up in, buh in mine, every adult has already be made to understand that actions have consequences....and we're taught that before you make a decision you must reflect on the pros and cons of it..... because last last, when the consequences show up, we will not help you to bear it... We will advice against it and support where possible, but if you still decide to go through with it...then that's on you...

So if she has decided to be a baby daddy for a man, then that's her wahala.... But she shouldn't get angry when she calls anyone ((me specifically)) for diaper money and nobody ((I don't )) pick up undecided

3 Likes 1 Share

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