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|I Am Confused As A Father And As Husband by hashbag1: 5:38am On Nov 25|
I have been married for 9 years now, amidst several incidences that gave me suspicions over my wife's infidelity. The one that happened of recent gave me nothing more than great suspicion over any other.
My daughter and son got infection, they were admitted into the hospital. On this faithful day, I was there with them and I left the hospital in the afternoon to get something for them to eat, I got back with the food and quickly rushed down to my office to tidy some work. I felt hungry and decided to drive out, on my way to the restaurant leads to the hospital, I was in traffic when I put a call through to my wife whom I asked how she was coping and how the kids were doing, while on call with her, I heard sounds of car horns so I asked if she was out, she said yes that she was going to get water across the stree, so i was like you shouldnt have stressed yourself since
the house maid was with her, next thing she yelled at me saying why am I making ascertion as to who should go get the water or not, I was like but that isnt a big deal to ask, she was like well the house girl have been the one running errands all day, I responded saying instead of yelling at me, you would have just responded by saying the above.
As a responsible and concerned father, I decided to suspend dinner and branch at the hospital which took me 8 mins to get there because of traffic. On getting to the hospital, lo and behold, my wife was not there, just the kids and the house maid. I asked the house maid where madam was, she said she stepped out without saying where she was going. I immediately put a call through to her. "Babes where are you at, just got here now and you are not here". She immediately hung up on me, I called back, she didnt pick, called her again didn't pick, waited few mins and called, she picked and yelled "why are you looking for me" I was like but you claimed you went to
go get water but its been up to 15mins and you are not here yet, next thing she said was I'm in a uber car, Wow uber car when you just said you went across the street to get water, how does being in uber car relate to that. I requested a video call, I hung up the normal call and called her on whatsapp call, she didn't pick, I called her back again on normal call and said you aren't picking, she responded saying am in uber car now, call me on video again, I did but she still didnt pick. So I decided not to bother since declaring her whereabout seems frutile. She called back on normal call saying she was on her way home to pick some her items to quickly do an advertising shoot to model to her customers in the hospital room, that she didnt want me to get mad at her reason why she didn't tell me before she left, I was like its not a big deal telling me that after which I have found out she never did go out there to buy water.
Husbands and fathers in the house, in this kind of situation, what could have been your thought? As for me, something was not just right, and the most damning part of all these is leaving the kids at the mercy of just the house maid, I feel if there is something she is hiding from me and leaving the kids like that is what
the issue of trust has led us to, I am left in amazement and total disappointment.
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|Re: I Am Confused As A Father And As Husband by olatunde90(m): 5:46am On Nov 25|
Woman and lies....I'm coming let mi take some water
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|Re: I Am Confused As A Father And As Husband by CuteMaro(m): 6:11am On Nov 25|
Sorry man. There's something fishy and she's probably cheating (Went for a quick one). You shouldn't have told her you were at the hospital to see when she'll come back.
She yelled at you as a cover up coz there's no excuse lol. It's very common among cheating ladies.
But then again you must begin to look out for other clues. I wish you luck in your marriage!
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|Re: I Am Confused As A Father And As Husband by Iyaebe: 6:14am On Nov 25|
If this is all you've got to accuse her of infidelity then go work on your mindset because you've got no proof and evidence.
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|Re: I Am Confused As A Father And As Husband by Boogyman557: 6:16am On Nov 25|
Holly Gram real matters. WTF MAN
|Re: I Am Confused As A Father And As Husband by Skyfornia(m): 6:21am On Nov 25|
You don't trust that woman one bit...so what are you still doing with her? I'm even irritated with your actions...why let your marriage get to this level ? Has she done anything in the past that prompted you to start questioning her moves?
Personally once trust is lost in a relationship, then it is no longer worth it.
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|Re: I Am Confused As A Father And As Husband by Dshocker(m): 6:24am On Nov 25|
What you wrote up here doesn't say or show any sign of cheating,unless there are other traits she exhibit that you are not telling us.
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|Re: I Am Confused As A Father And As Husband by Romanoff(f): 6:29am On Nov 25|
There are underlying issues in your marriage that you need to fix bro.
But in my opinion o, with two kids in the hospital, I'd stay in that hospital and pend any business that will make me leave the kids' bed side.
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|Re: I Am Confused As A Father And As Husband by Kobojunkiee: 6:30am On Nov 25|
hashbag1:Dude, this your conversation with your wife sounded more like an interrogation session to me. If say na me be her, I for turn my phone off from the time you started querying my decision to go get water across the street. For real, interrogations of that kind, and from a so-called love one... I no dey do at all.
Something was not right about what exactly that you literally took to interrogating your wife's every move when it wasn't as if your kids were abandoned or something? The maid was with them so... Was she meant to report her every movement to you or something?
Leaving the kids at the mercy of the maid? Are you for real? If you can't leave your kids with your maid, what do you have a maid for?
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|Re: I Am Confused As A Father And As Husband by chatinent: 6:32am On Nov 25|
Trust issues...but there are two ways to see it from.
I will make my point straightforward and will not mince words.
1. Inasmuch as you tried so much to make it look like you are very caring, the real truth was that you were just suspiciously thinking she was cheating and bombing her with calls and she got irritated. Don't get me wrong...she might have ulterior motives. She might not too. But if she hadn't and it was about the quick sales, if you guys had no trust issues, she would have told you.
You called her to ask where she was and immediately re-called her when you got to the hospital to ask why she wasn't in the hospital. Sb you just called to ask where she was?
Infections aren't that a very big deal like near-death diseases! You made it look like your kids being in the hospital was a solid prove to welcome criticisms against your wife for leaving them behind. The kids are also with the maid you employed! Stop making it look like the maid was a foreign devil abeg...no bi she dey take care of dem normal normal?
Inasmuch as I don't support cheating and her picking business over health, baba, if your wife is not cheating and you are bombing her like this with suspicion, you'll push her to cheat! It works like magic.
Build your trust issues.
2. If she is seemingly promiscuous, stop assuming and gather evidences. If I suspect my wife is cheating, I wouldn't let her know I suspect her to avoid her covering tracks. I'd make sure I have my evidences. For example, if I know she isn't in the hospital, I would park and watch who she returns with from afar. I would call her on video once and if she didn't receive, I wouldn't even receive her voice calls...because she have to explain it. I would fake going to work one day only to secretly follow her to all places she goes..waiting for my evidences to add up.
I love evidences! Suspicion is not enough! It is with my evidences I'll react with conviction....not assumptions!
If your intuition is telling you she is cheating and you aren't making any move to catch her red-handed to satisfy that intuition, you are also making another big mistake because she is not cheating until you catch her red-handed cheating.
Marriage matters aren't based on assumptions!
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|Re: I Am Confused As A Father And As Husband by InTheCloudySky(f): 6:36am On Nov 25|
With her yelling at you over the phone, refusing to do video call, and you finding out later that "she never did go out there to buy water", something's definitely going on. And since there've been "several incidences" before this recent one, yeah, something's up.
I would tell you the same thing I would tell any female who thinks their partner or husband is cheating, especially when you're seeing all these signs or incidences: listen to your intuition and don't let anyone make you think you're crazy.
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|Re: I Am Confused As A Father And As Husband by horpeyemmi66(m): 6:36am On Nov 25|
hashbag1:Chairman, no too stress yourself. What you have related is not something one can draw a conclusion from.
The more you want to always know her whereabouts, the more she steps up her game. You just keep quiet dey observe.
If at all she has some nefarious activities she's into, she would definitely play into your hand one day; you'd catch her red-handed effortlessly.
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|Re: I Am Confused As A Father And As Husband by Tokskob2008: 7:03am On Nov 25|
Iyaebe:He has got no proof yet the woman keeps dribbling him like Messi or Ronaldo
Or why is it rocket science for couples to be straight forward with each other if there isn't any skeleton in the closet
Op just calm down, for everything hidden under the sun shall be made open one day. You just have to be patient and watchful.
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|Re: I Am Confused As A Father And As Husband by yanabasee2: 7:05am On Nov 25|
You don't know women.....
First sign of a cheat is yelling or getting angry over little enquiry like, where are you?
@Op.... it's 9yrs and she's still in this state of misled....
The men who fall in love with married women.... Should see what their fantasy can lead to.... Destroying another man's heart.
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|Re: I Am Confused As A Father And As Husband by Lovebliss2(f): 7:07am On Nov 25|
You have trust issues.
Work on it and don't destroy your marriage.
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|Re: I Am Confused As A Father And As Husband by kingthreat(m): 7:33am On Nov 25|
Find a way to get into her phone. Try and get her phone passcode. Once you do that your curiosity will be satisfied.
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|Re: I Am Confused As A Father And As Husband by kingthreat(m): 7:34am On Nov 25|
Oh he has the issues while the lying deceptive wife is just being accused?
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|Re: I Am Confused As A Father And As Husband by Bennysam: 7:36am On Nov 25|
Skyfornia:Oga if you don't know what to say you shut up, so you will trust a woman with questionable character like this? Your mumu no too much
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|Re: I Am Confused As A Father And As Husband by aminusodiq(m): 7:52am On Nov 25|
hashbag1:similar to what my friends gf did to him. My guy paid for her transport to visit her school because she needed to collect her certificate.
Babe reach ogun, babe no gree pick call again. When she picks, she'll yell and drop within 2 secs. I tried calling too, but she never picked till the following morning. Guess what, she was online and replying texts after some hours.
Now i told my guy to request for a video call, and na where wahala. Begin be that. Shes someone who would do v.call without even asking on a norm. But on this day she said she was on queue and cant pick call.
Guess what? She was on queue from 10am till 6pm as she never picked any of those calls.
Well i adviced my guy to leave her alone and wait till she return before we do our own counter attack. On the third day... She called when she reached the park and still had the odercity to request for return transport. ... Request outrightly denied.
Conclusion: me and my friend already made a plan for her.... Guy already let go of all issues and they are back to normal, no more free money and gifts. But, according to my friend. She has a juicy pusssy and shes still useful. She'll forever remain a side chick and shes only meant for fucking, till she realise the game herself. She lives in close proximity, and shes the best fit for that . She came last sunday though they were fucking tirelessly while i listened to the werey ringtone in the siting room.
I once told her to ask for cheating clues next time.... Shes a very poor cheater!!!
|Re: I Am Confused As A Father And As Husband by Favfables1: 7:53am On Nov 25|
That's a possibility...
Buh have you also considered the possibility that the wife hasn't given him any reason to trust her??
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|Re: I Am Confused As A Father And As Husband by aminusodiq(m): 7:54am On Nov 25|
Kobojunkiee:lol.... Off the phone and complicate issues the most. A simple question deserves a simple answer. They are married and asking for ones partners location and reasons is not too much tonask
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|Re: I Am Confused As A Father And As Husband by Favfables1: 8:00am On Nov 25|
Whether or not your wife is cheating I can't say for certain, buh I can say for certainty that there's been a serious breach in communication and this has led to distrust and suspicion...
I think maybe you should allay your suspicion of her first and work on the communication channel and thus building back trust...
I'm not in anyway saying you should ignore her attitudes, buh don't point fingers too early, work on working things out with your spouse while silently/quietly investigating your suspicion...
Whatever your findings you can work things out from there, buh always keep in mind that nothing is certain, until it's made certain by unrefutable evidence...
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|Re: I Am Confused As A Father And As Husband by Kobojunkiee: 8:04am On Nov 25|
aminusodiq:There is a way to ask a question that would cause one to reason it a simple inquiry. The manner the OP asked most every question, seemed heavily loaded from the start and this because he approached this as if an interrogation.
You don't interrogate a loved one without expecting tempers to flair unless you live in bubble where it all has to be about you and you alone
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|Re: I Am Confused As A Father And As Husband by aminusodiq(m): 8:08am On Nov 25|
Kobojunkiee:interrogation or not, simple explanation is necessary to avoid further interrogation.
She should have informed the hubby right from start. Even if you had to cheat... Informing before hand is one way to scale through problems. He'd be like oh... She told me she had a photoshoot... Hence no need to request video call
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|Re: I Am Confused As A Father And As Husband by Kobojunkiee: 8:11am On Nov 25|
did you two ever actually find hard evidence that she cheated on that trip or are you boys simply content concluding she did simply on grounds that she did not pick up phone or video chat you when you wanted her to?
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|Re: I Am Confused As A Father And As Husband by felixzo1(m): 8:12am On Nov 25|
nairaland is a bad place to bring such things. there are too many kids here. a lot of unmarried folks. if I may ask, are you noticing this change recently or she has a atitude problem. she sounds like a rude woman.na your wife ask her was eating her up. why are you suspecting cheating with a single incendent
|Re: I Am Confused As A Father And As Husband by rayvelez(m): 8:13am On Nov 25|
Iyaebe:You sure don’t have brain at all must you always comment get a life b$$$h.
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|Re: I Am Confused As A Father And As Husband by Kobojunkiee: 8:16am On Nov 25|
aminusodiq:You should read the OP again.
According to him, she did inform him of what she supposedly went for but his insecurity is what got the better of him as he started interrogating her instead.
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|Re: I Am Confused As A Father And As Husband by Iyaebe: 8:16am On Nov 25|
rayvelez:Go play your naijabet in peace,I hate interacting or exchanging comments with small boys,go look for your mates to trade words with.
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|Re: I Am Confused As A Father And As Husband by doneem(m): 8:41am On Nov 25|
You need to sit and talk to her, something is really missing in the marriage.
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|Re: I Am Confused As A Father And As Husband by InTheCloudySky(f): 8:52am On Nov 25|
She didn't inform him, as she didn't tell him before leaving. Remember, both of their kids are at the hospital with infection, thus both parents should've been communicating with one another if one leaves to do something. I imagine he informed them when he was going to get food for the kids and he did come back with the food for them. She, on the other hand, didn't tell him before leaving the kids. It wasn't until he called her to ask how she was coping (thinking she was at the hospital where he had left her) that she told him she was going to get water, meaning it wasn't like she told him beforehand. What she actually told him was a lie because she didn't go to get water/it wasn't water that she had gone to get, so in a way, she didn't inform him of nothing.
I don't see any insecurity here. Anyone in his shoes would be wondering what's going on. She was behaving funny (yelling at him only because he showed concern, not picking his call again, she supposedly went across the street but he went a further distance and returned before her). Anyone in his shoes would be scratching their head. He said in his OP that there have been several other incidences as well, so you can put yourself in his shoes.
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