Babsojimjim:
Dear All,

The write up below is exactly what a friend is going through from his wife. Please what sort of action can he take?

Despite, all he has done to please his wife, called Reverend fathers and pastors to counsel them both, his wife is still indifferent to him and is threatening to quit the marriage, citing accumulated pains of the past.

Currently, she says she wants to go back to her parents house else she will die or commit suicide. The man called her parents, and their advise was that since she is his wife, he should decide if to allow her leave his house to come and see them (parents) or stay in his house that the decision is his as the husband.

At this juncture my friend is confused and dont know what to do again.

Even the unmarried friend of his wife who came to stay with them is not helping matter at all as she seems to be enjoying the challenge between my friend and his wife.

Please advise needed. Thanks.

Pinkyposh:
Your friend has caused her a lot of pain which has accumulated and she can't endure anymore
You haven't told us what your friend does that she gives her this pains.
She needs a time off to cool off her head, the husband should grant her, so she can regain her emotional health

Babsojimjim:



She was never at any point forced to marry the man. God has used the man to support her school till graduation and her negative character during her convocation that provoked the man turned out to look like the man is at fault,as when she was scolded by him she started bringing past events that have been already handled.

JovialJune:
You see that "accumulated pains of the past", I can relate or let's say I know of stories of such, that's why she is indifferent to him

What men don't seem to realise is that, how you treat/behave to your gf during courtship, determines how sweet your marriage will be, she may forgive whatever hurtful things you did, but she will never forget, after all she is human,there will always be a little disdain when she remembers and anytime she sees you, so men pls be good to your women, don't think that because you're dating her, you can behave anyhow, she is taking note of it all especially when the issue is unresolved, always treat your women right, it's for your own good.

Babsojimjim:
Dear All,

The write up below is exactly what a friend is going through from his wife. Please what sort of action can he take?

Despite, all he has done to please his wife, called Reverend fathers and pastors to counsel them both, his wife is still indifferent to him and is threatening to quit the marriage, citing accumulated pains of the past.

Currently, she says she wants to go back to her parents house else she will die or commit suicide. The man called her parents, and their advise was that since she is his wife, he should decide if to allow her leave his house to come and see them (parents) or stay in his house that the decision is his as the husband.

At this juncture my friend is confused and dont know what to do again.

Even the unmarried friend of his wife who came to stay with them is not helping matter at all as she seems to be enjoying the challenge between my friend and his wife.

Please advise needed. Thanks.

Kobojunkie:
1. Bad move. Avoid soliciting the help of non-professional counselors when you are experiencing marital issues. Don't even bother reporting your spouse to her/his friends, parents etc., that is tantamount to shaming and not a good move when what you seek is issue resolution instead.

As for accumulated pains, it is necessary to pay attention to the fault in question if you truly desire for things to move forward. What I see you doing, Op, is trying to brush her concerns under the carpet , pretending you can move magically transport their marriage beyond the mountain that sits before. I suggest you get out of the way and let your friend face what his wife is telling him.

2. Bad move dragging her parents into this altogether. Your friend has no right to keep the woman from leaving the house whenever she wants. So if she wants to go to her parents place, allow her as it is against her rights as an individual to bar her from doing just that. Her parents have no right over her since she is an adult and no longer a ward of theirs.

3. Marriage is a contract/agreement between between man and a woman. Your friend made a mistake when he got third-parties involved in what could have been easily resolved between himself and his wife. Now, even OP dey carry their marriage marriage him head as it say im matter for there.

Oluwatee1:
You never explain what actually happened. There will be reason why she opted for leaving. What are the challenges your friend is facing, is it financial, spiritual e.t.c. Share more light on it.

Babsojimjim:
Dear All,

The write up below is exactly what a friend is going through from his wife. Please what sort of action can he take?

Despite, all he has done to please his wife, called Reverend fathers and pastors to counsel them both, his wife is still indifferent to him and is threatening to quit the marriage, citing accumulated pains of the past.

Currently, she says she wants to go back to her parents house else she will die or commit suicide. The man called her parents, and their advise was that since she is his wife, he should decide if to allow her leave his house to come and see them (parents) or stay in his house that the decision is his as the husband.

At this juncture my friend is confused and dont know what to do again.

Even the unmarried friend of his wife who came to stay with them is not helping matter at all as she seems to be enjoying the challenge between my friend and his wife.

Please advise needed. Thanks.

streetzdreamz:
Lols, one would certainly wonder if she was forced to marry the man. Bringing up past issues because she got corrected is a lame attempt at justifying her wrong actions. I think the man has his own issues too, we all have our respective issues. But this issues shouldn't just stem up after getting married. What's the essence of dating, courting if one can't ascertain a good level of compatibility? The idea of screaming incompatibility after marriage is very stupid, unless in rare cases where partners hide their real nature from each other.

Babsojimjim:



Her character changed,no marital relationship, no care no concern, she prefers her friends instructions and advise to her husband, whenever she does wrong and is been corrected,she will turn it against her husband and start bringing up issues of the past that have already been resolved. This she has always been doing. But the man would still plead for peace. How can two couples live in
the same house without intimacy for months, no sound communication etc, but when she needs money she does not hesitate to ask for it. The man has been the one canvassing for continuity but the woman seems to feel she is right and would still have her way out there.

For my friend to have peace and regain his sanity, hence the need for this post.

Favfables1:


Chief...
Advice your friend to let her go...
You can't force a person who's indifferent to love you...
She doesn't want to stay, so why's your friend holding her back?
My only concern is for that little girl...

Satazaa:
I personally went through a similar situation OP and here are my candid advise, never ever force a woman to love or be affectionate to you if she doesn't want to, beside you reference her friend being behind the scene in her behavior towards you so why don't you kick her out and report the issues to her parents, again SOME women can be callous and shallow brained and take this from me allow her her wish and stay cool for one year and I bet you she will come back begging and start blaming the imaginary devil for being responsible for her brainless decisions, if you are feeding, clothing and housing her she will immediately have a brain reset in this harsh economy in Nigeria

Yinkakolawole:
There is no happiness in the marriage, and She is not ready to build a happy home with you. So If she is going plz let her go, or else she do otherwise. Who can tell maybe someone else is already at the back of the door.

Babsojimjim:



She was never at any point forced to marry the man. God has used the man to support her school till graduation and her negative character during her convocation that provoked the man turned out to look like the man is at fault,as when she was scolded by him she started bringing past events that have been already handled.

Toktee:
I hate it when people like you become economical with truth....something happened to you instead of been honest are personal you are hiding under a friend,ok what's ur friend name?
Until you say the truth i have nothing to say.

But what do you want to do with it if he tells you he was the one or chose to remain anonymous?

He has the right to remain anonymous.. What u owe him is to advise him or totally ignore him... That is why it's a faceless forum.. everything/ anything goes