Babsojimjim:



Her character changed,no marital relationship, no care no concern, she prefers her friends instructions and advise to her husband, whenever she does wrong and is been corrected,she will turn it against her husband and start bringing up issues of the past that have already been resolved. This she has always been doing. But the man would still plead for peace. How can two couples live in the same house without intimacy for months, no sound communication etc, but when she needs money she does not hesitate to ask for it. The man has been the one canvassing for continuity but the woman seems to feel she is right and would still have her way out there.

For my friend to have peace and regain his sanity, hence the need for this post.

Seems you know too much about your friend’s marriage.






























But we know that friend is you

When husband or wife comes to nairaland to tell stories of marital woes they always make themselves look blameless and push the fault to their spouse.

Op you are being economical with the truth. Tell us what you did to your wife instead of dilly dallying because you want to come off as innocent and paint your wife bad.

Now, even OP dey carry their marriage marriage him head as it say im matter for there. [/quote]

Na Op be the husband.
The so call friend doesn't exist.

Let her go.

99thEnemy:

He Fvcked her best friend.

That's not the case, brother. What transpired was that while they were dating before marriage, she found out that the man had a child in previous relationship which was later known by family members before the wedding, the man broke up because the former lady took in for another guy.

Also in the cause of this current relationship before marriage there had been one or two abortions. These were effectively handled before marriage and she accepted the marriage, only to be bringing up this issues at the slightest misunderstanding using it to blackmail my friend and using it as his weak points. The so called wife was not even married as a virgin. These are the issues which both families resolved before the marriage wedding so why should it be brought up after been resolved.

JovialJune:
You see that "accumulated pains of the past", I can relate or let's say I know of stories of such, that's why she is indifferent to him

What men don't seem to realise is that, how you treat/behave to your gf during courtship, determines how sweet your marriage will be, she may forgive whatever hurtful things you did, but she will never forget, after all she is human,there will always be a little disdain when she remembers and anytime she sees you, so men pls be good to your women, don't think that because you're dating her, you can behave anyhow, she is taking note of it all especially when the issue is unresolved, always treat your women right, it's for your own good.

Yet we pray to God everyday to forgive our sins. What if God choose not to forget? What will be our faith?

Irony of life. Asking for what we can't give

emmanuelbrown26:

I'm old enough to put u in d house, and gv u belle, idiot

E pain am

Little boy who can barely take care of himself. Which house? Is it the face-me-I-face-you that you and your extended family are living in?
Lmao...Give who belle? Is your 'prick' even functioning?? Your comment says all I need to know about you......You are definitely an omega Male, definitely not an Alpha ..
Now run along little boy..

He should let her go where she wants to go.

If she leaves, tell her there's no coming back. No child support, nothing.

Don't argue with her anymore. Stop trying to convince her.

In this case, the woman has ideas which she isn't sharing with her husband, but her friend knows what's on her mind.

It is best to let her go play her game. Move on with your life.

Quick question: is your first child a male?

That seems to be the bone of contention in your wife's mind.

She could be thinking so you have a male child from someone else and you made me abort 2 children who may have been males.

In this case, the materialistic tendency of the woman is probably at play.

This is just a guess but I tend to think of motives to understand people's actions.

JovialJune:
You see that "accumulated pains of the past", I can relate or let's say I know of stories of such, that's why she is indifferent to him

What men don't seem to realise is that, how you treat/behave to your gf during courtship, determines how sweet your marriage will be, she may forgive whatever hurtful things you did, but she will never forget, after all she is human,there will always be a little disdain when she remembers and anytime she sees you, so men pls be good to your women, don't think that because you're dating her, you can behave anyhow, she is taking note of it all especially when the issue is unresolved, always treat your women right, it's for your own good.

Hmmmm

The man, and the wife's friend staying with them. Very suspish

Aforxzy:
What are these accumulated pains of the past that she won't let go.

Marriage is not a bed of roses. We get on each other but our ability to forgive and let go is what keeps it going just like every other relationship.

Since she is threatening to commit suicide , the husband should let her go. Maybe then she can have a rethink and come back to him . if however she decides otherwise he should move on too.

Exactly my advice...I can't force a woman to stay...let her go ...in my own case if a woman leaves I can't take her back after a year because in my absence she must have tasted a big diick somewhere....

Babsojimjim:



The third party was first contacted by the lady and not the man, and when the man was questioned he had to respond.

Other advises of yours are acknowledged, but what would now be the fate of their little daughter,mind you she is not even having in mind to go stay with her parents but rather to visit them spend a day or two and go back to her accommodation at school where she recently graduated from. Of which the man does not want their little daughter to be in a campus environment again.

Just come out opening and say it is you, so people can advice you. All this my friend this my friend that. Get of it. Na so you carry you friend matter for head. Since she want to go back to her campus accommodation bro just know that she have found love in one of the campus boys and feel that she could trap the boy. Not knowing that the boy is using her for benefits. Las las na she go loose cos no one will really be serious with her.

Marriage is not a do or die affair..... A broken marriage is better than suicide... If she wants to leave, probably she is no longer enjoying the matrimony or the union... Or maybe she needs space and sometime to clear her head...... Please she should be allowed to go..... While in her parents house, the man can still try to talk to her if she will have a change of mind but he should not keep her in his house for one more night...... Or else he wants to marry her corpse.... Suicide no be joke wen them dey take lightly....

otokx:
I beg to differ, especially in the Nigerian context the first point of call is the parents, then the church if unresolved. Family life/marriage in Nigeria is not what we see in TV and social media, it is hard work. If she wants to go, the earlier the better for every body.

Marriage, universally, is a contract/agreement/partnership between a man and a woman - no fhird-party allowed - and it should be maintained as such regardless of context.

Pastors and mogs have no real qualification as far as marriage counseling is concerned. They are no different from the average pedestrian off the street, or other biased individuals and so are likely to cause more harm than good in a marriage.

As for parents, I also don't recommend them because it is written no where that a parent knows better about marriage than a child would. Take for example this case here where the child appears tortured, psychologically, in her marriage while the parents demand she remains in it. How wise is that as far as advise goes?

Nigerian families are are no way unique when compared to families world over - each family is created differently based on those in it and all families require hardwork on the part of those in it to maintain it.

If she insist,let her go.late go to see if there is anything you can do.

Don’t force anything

Babsojimjim:
Dear All,

The write up below is exactly what a friend is going through from his wife. Please what sort of action can he take?

Despite, all he has done to please his wife, called Reverend fathers and pastors to counsel them both, his wife is still indifferent to him and is threatening to quit the marriage, citing accumulated pains of the past.

Currently, she says she wants to go back to her parents house else she will die or commit suicide. The man called her parents, and their advise was that since she is his wife, he should decide if to allow her leave his house to come and see them (parents) or stay in his house that the decision is his as the husband.

At this juncture my friend is confused and dont know what to do again.

Even the unmarried friend of his wife who came to stay with them is not helping matter at all as she seems to be enjoying the challenge between my friend and his wife.

Please advise needed. Thanks.

He should divorce his wife and start banging the friend

Nice point


But have u unravelled the source of corona virus.
We'd like to know who created it & why...

socialmediaman:
We have zero value for life in Nigeria! A woman is threatening suicide if she’s not allowed to leave, and the husband continues to hold on to her.

Oga let her go before depression kills her. She wants freedom, give it to her before she harms herself

Amumaigwe:


She needs to go and cool off in her campus accommodation and not her parent's house. You know how some of you ladies cool off in the campus environment. When your brother's wife demand such cooling off, please support her just like you have done here.

When you quote someone at least try to reply according to the story, they story never said she wanted to go to a campus environment, it said she wants to go to her parents house.
Stop trying to change the narrative, she's a married woman and not a girlfriend, she either stays in her husband's house or her family house.
If any of my brother's wants to go to her parent's house to cool off due to emotional abuse, she's free to go, it's not that deep. Not everyone is strong enough to cope emotional stress

MsFaith:


The truth is, you can’t force people to want what they don’t want. If she wants to quit, let her quit. Even make it official.

It’s easier said than done but the best part of life is when you don’t force people into your life. The person that will love you will love.

She probably doesn’t love you anymore.

Or you both try and see a marriage counsellor, maybe something good might come out of it.

This is top notch ma'am...... PINNED.

AHAH OGA LET HER GO NOW IS SHE THE ONLY WOMAN OUT THERE DONT BE SELFISH ABEG IF SHE DOES NOT WANT YOU FREE HER DONT BE A PUSSY UNLESS SHES THE BREADWINNER OF THE FAMILY AND YOU ARE HEAVILY DEPENDAT ON HER FOR SURVIVAL

Babsojimjim:



That's not the case, brother. What transpired was that while they were dating before marriage, she found out that the man had a child in previous relationship which was later known by family members before the wedding, the man broke up because the former lady took in for another guy.

Also in the cause of this current relationship before marriage there had been one or two abortions. These were effectively handled before marriage and she accepted the marriage, only to be bringing up this issues at the slightest misunderstanding using it to blackmail my friend and using it as his weak points. The so called wife was not even married as a virgin. These are the issues which both families resolved before the marriage wedding so why should it be brought up after been resolved.

I think I understand where she is coming from.

I bet she was not given enough time to process the whole thing before marriage and it has been coming up now and again. Building up resentment.

Only one daughter of 6 years in how many years of marriage.?
Infertility issues noted. The fingers are being pointed to Oga as the cause of the infertility perhaps.
She may want to have more kids. So with the husband and his "2" abortions, if that's truth


Guess there is more to this ya story.

Please let her go! The worst thing to do, is to live with An Unhappy Spouse! And why did he allow his wife unmarried friend to come and live with them. When I started having issues with my wife, the first thing I did was to warn her friends personally, when they visited for lunch, never to come to my house again in their life time! They left my food for me and never came to the house again. They are part of the problem! I had access to madam phone then, and I read all their horrible chats!

The grass is always greener at the other side! But na person dey water the grass!

Let her go, before she go kill you!

Babsojimjim:
Dear All,

The write up below is exactly what a friend is going through from his wife. Please what sort of action can he take?

Despite, all he has done to please his wife, called Reverend fathers and pastors to counsel them both, his wife is still indifferent to him and is threatening to quit the marriage, citing accumulated pains of the past.

Currently, she says she wants to go back to her parents house else she will die or commit suicide. The man called her parents, and their advise was that since she is his wife, he should decide if to allow her leave his house to come and see them (parents) or stay in his house that the decision is his as the husband.

At this juncture my friend is confused and dont know what to do again.

Even the unmarried friend of his wife who came to stay with them is not helping matter at all as she seems to be enjoying the challenge between my friend and his wife.

Please advise needed. Thanks.

How many children has she had for him? If she is insisting on leaving he has to let her leave. There is little he can do here but before she leaves he should be sure about the status of the marriage and the status of the paternity of the children before she leaves. He should settle his accounts with the lady as far as possessions, cash flows etc are concerned. Afterwards I will advise him to spend sometime healing and working on himself.

Advise your friend that his wife is not his property both in the eyes of the law of humans and that of God. If she wants to go, she should be able to go of her own free will, the same free will men and women are endowed with by their creator. If she carries out her threat and kills herself, then he will begin to understand what the word "suffering" actually means. No woman is a slave or property to anyone else. The fact that the couple are even having this discussion seems to portray the man as controlling and that is a civil offense in decent societies. What should happen is for a wife to tell her husband that she is leaving and then she will leave. He better hurry up and encourage her to do whatever she wants to do. That is why there is something called "separation" and "divorce" under the law.

Babsojimjim:
Dear All,

The write up below is exactly what a friend is going through from his wife. Please what sort of action can he take?

Despite, all he has done to please his wife, called Reverend fathers and pastors to counsel them both, his wife is still indifferent to him and is threatening to quit the marriage, citing accumulated pains of the past.

Currently, she says she wants to go back to her parents house else she will die or commit suicide. The man called her parents, and their advise was that since she is his wife, he should decide if to allow her leave his house to come and see them (parents) or stay in his house that the decision is his as the husband.

At this juncture my friend is confused and dont know what to do again.

Even the unmarried friend of his wife who came to stay with them is not helping matter at all as she seems to be enjoying the challenge between my friend and his wife.

Please advise needed. Thanks.

Her parents have no say in her decisions once she is an adult. 18 years is the age of adulthood in Nigeria under the law. Your friend is playing with fire that may consume him if he does not immediately tell his wife to do whatever she wants to do. It does not matter where she wants to go to. It should not even be open for discussion. Just as he has the right to want the relationship to continue, she has the right to end the relationship. He should quickly and immediately make it clear, preferably in the presence of witnesses( and video recorded where possible), that she is an individual with the right to choose what she wants to do and that he will not try to stop her. Let him nurse his wounds. That is part of the living experience. I'm sure he does not want to spend years in prison awaiting trial and explaining anything to the Nigerian police that is devilsih and does not care for the truth. Once an individual threatens self harm including suicide, the time for pleading and conversations would have ended. If she decides to come back in the future, then he will also exercise his right on whether he wants her back or not. Anything else, is inviting disaster and trouble. Whatever he will lose from her leaving the marriage is nothing compared to what he will lose and go through if she harms herself or kills herself.

Babsojimjim:



MsFaith, please it's not up to two weeks she came back from her parents house, her reason for wanting to go is to go and tell them she wants to quit,which the parents do not support.

Unfortunately, when relationships go wrong, you no longer have control over what your partner does or where they live especially where there are children involved. Where your partner is unreasonable, you should expect some dimunition in the level and quality of early life experiences your kids will have, especially if they are living with the unreasonable ex-partner. That is also part of living. The best he can do is go to court to get access and probably use the environment she is living at as a support for getting full access. But he must respect her decision to leave the relationship immediately.

Babsojimjim:



The third party was first contacted by the lady and not the man, and when the man was questioned he had to respond.

Other advises of yours are acknowledged, but what would now be the fate of their little daughter,mind you she is not even having in mind to go stay with her parents but rather to visit them spend a day or two and go back to her accommodation at school where she recently graduated from. Of which the man does not want their little daughter to be in a campus environment again.

None of that matters. Entire nations have gone to war in the past for the love of a woman and the woman still did not want their leader. Just let her know she can go whenever she wants. It's not even a question of "letting her go" as you don't have any such rights to decide whether she can or cannot go. That's why every one should think deeply and wisely before you marry.

Babsojimjim:



She was never at any point forced to marry the man. God has used the man to support her school till graduation and her negative character during her convocation that provoked the man turned out to look like the man is at fault,as when she was scolded by him she started bringing past events that have been already handled.

It's easy for you to call him a simp. It just shows you have got very little experience of life and probably have never left the small community where you were born. Life is very complex. It is not binary as in "either" "or". This may as well have started as a very serious love affair between the two of them. Stop with the easy categorizations. And don't worry. When you begin to experience real life, you will most likely share the same woe especially in a country like Nigeria where individual rights amount to next to nothing. Go and check out the datasets and statistics on the probability of successful marriages in our generation. That will give you some perspective.

emmanuelbrown26:

Ohhhhhh, na now u dey yan d real koko na. Your so called simp friend helped in training her
Aunty still misses those young prick, she never Bleep finish
Your simp friend bleeped one of aunty friend for skull
Your simp friend enticed aunty with money
Check the above list, u would see that I'm not far from d truth.
As for the baby involved, your simp friend can always come around to visit the baby girl,

You be correct general!

generalwo:
Marriage is not a do or die affair..... A broken marriage is better than suicide... If she wants to leave, probably she is no longer enjoying the matrimony or the union... Or maybe she needs space and sometime to clear her head...... Please she should be allowed to go..... While in her parents house, the man can still try to talk to her if she will have a change of mind but he should not keep her in his house for one more night...... Or else he wants to marry her corpse.... Suicide no be joke wen them dey take lightly....

Actually he is correct. in a susequent post, the OP said she merely want's to go and inform her parents that her marriage is over before she goes back to her campus accommodation with their baby. The point is that she has the fre will to do whatever she wants to do. It's that simple.

Pinkyposh:

When you quote someone at least try to reply according to the story, they story never said she wanted to go to a campus environment, it said she wants to go to her parents house.
Stop trying to change the narrative, she's a married woman and not a girlfriend, she either stays in her husband's house or her family house.
If any of my brother's wants to go to her parent's house to cool off due to emotional abuse, she's free to go, it's not that deep. Not everyone is strong enough to cope emotional stress