Your husband is a wise man

My dear, I blame you for not using your God giving sense
Who dey carry the belle? No be you?
Get pregnant and damn the consequences.
When he is ready and you cannot give birth, they will blame you for infertility
Wake up my dear. Children come with their open doors.
If marriage is by faith, training a child is also by faith......

MrBrownJay1:


if my daughter was this woman i certainly wouldnt advise her to force her husband into doing what he is not comfortable doing, and instead i will advise her that: since her marriage isnt going on the right track, she should reevaluate her life and make the right CHANGES needed in order for her to find a man that has the same vision of life as she does, and therafter be happy with that said man. i would also advise her that having a child isnt a necessity in marriage as parents need to be READY (emotionally/physically/financially) 1st before thinking of having one, and its obvious her husband is NOT ready. this would in turn be the bed for bad parenting/abuse/neglect etc.

sadly, in Africa, majority are so blinded by having children at any cost (even if they cant care for them) that every donkey under the moon desires a child, while they probably arent suited to care emotionally/physically and financially for a child for the next 18yrs minimum!
I guess, to each their own msery!

I pity foosl who will follow ur foolish opinion, easier to say than do.

I see an impotent man here

Mood11:
There's nothing wrong with having even one child right now. He should be considerate.
If he's so focused why didn't he wait to make it before getting married or did you force him into marrying you?

Maybe she nudged him towards marriage

Kolawole2130:
We have been married for 3 years now. We stay in a self contained apartment. He tries as much as possible to pay his bills while I support him too with paying the bills.

Since we married, anytime I talk about childbearing he gets angry. Like he may not talk to me for days. I will be the one to come and beg him later. He says his not ready to start bearing kids that he wants to have enough money to take care of the kids. He says he doesnt want his children to suffer.

I am so pissed off, I am 32 now and he is 35 and he earns 100k while I earn 70k. Is that not enough to raise a family. Plus age is not on my side he doesnt look like he will be ready in a year time again. Am already getting tired and people around me are getting married. No body can even talk to him. His mind is made up already.

The last fight we had he said i can go and divorce him if i cannot wait till he is ready. He is busy reading for professional exam instead of him to be thinking of how to produce seed. Professional exam that will last another 2 years. His family can't even talk to him. Am just frustrated already.

That is how you'll people will be caUsing issues for men. You have a responsible man and you're here talking this nonsense. You better keep quiet and help your man secure the bag. Don't women get pregnant in their mid 30s?

Don't worry ur hubby wants to d best for his kids

Mariangeles:
Your husband is deceiving, defrauding and emotionally manipulating you.
Shine your eyes and refused to be deceived.
I will not be surprised if he already has some kids stashed up somewhere.

Also, pay no attention to those deceivers up there.
They're enemies of marriage.
What if when he's finally ready, you find it difficult to conceive, what then?

How can you be thinking in this manner in this age and time?

Where did you grow up?

Putting yourself under unnecessary pressure in the name of having children.

Don't push this young couple into poverty and pressure.

When you guys make out and he uses condoms, pierce holes in it like my lady did when i didn't want another child.

RiyadhGoddess:
First question First, Can Oga's engine START? When it starts, can it MOVE (produce)?
Secondly, those comments up saying Oga is focused & responsible is very very wrong!!!
There is nothing wrong with having 1 child in a room self contain then she gets a family planning done to wait for when they are mentally, physically and financially ready to welcome another baby. Majority of us, our parents started from a room self contain or room & parlor and increased on every sides from their small room. No be the small room my mama and papa born me dem still dey today.
She said she earns 70k & husband earns 100k, all they need to do is plan their finances properly. Sis, you and your husband should go for counseling ASAP! That will fix it except if there's something Oga is hidding from you, oh yes I have seen a situation like this, Oga & his family knew something except the wife & her family. That was what prompt my first question up.
It is the joy of every woman who is legally married to have children of their own, no man should deprieve his wife of this right!!!

And please, every intending couple should always discuss & agree on discussions like this before marriage hence the purpose of Premarital classes in our churches today.


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Spot on! That man is hiding something! Most people that made it seems that combined 170k isn't enough to survive on with a kid, are doing so with far lesser financial standing.
Even with 1m,that man may not be ready!

Raalsalghul:
I like your husband already.

Good that he is focused. But the woman is 32 years old. Not ideal for a woman to keep waiting on an uncertain outcome. This should be something that should be discussed before marriage and ideally for a woman in her 20s.

Mood11:
There's nothing wrong with having even one child right now. He should be considerate.
If he's so focused why didn't he wait to make it before getting married or did you force him into marrying you?

Exactly @ the bold!
If u claim to be focused, u shouldn't even get married in the first place! Considering the fact that this kind of issue will certainly arise after marriage.

Xilsbridalhouse:
Freeze your eggs If you have to.

Lol. You people will just read one content online and give advice.
How much does that cost madam?
Yiu researched that before giving that advice?
You know places they carry out that in Nigeria?

These are the things you discuss/talk about before marriage.
What he wants is different from what you want!

I'm 35 too and my wife is 32 years, I married her 3 years ago 2017 and we decided to have just 1 child till I own my personal house before we can add the last one and hopefully 2022 I'll be in my house. She accepted my conditions because I don't want to bring in children that I can't give them the best of training and superior knowledge, educating a child is quite expensive these days couple with the high cost of living. I understand his fear and worries but kindly talk to him and make him understand that the repercussion of late child bearing as a woman.

Madam your husband is afraid of poverty
Though you guys earn enough money to cater for kids. You know what try as much as you can to convince him that one child is enough for now.
That way he will surely reason all b with you.
Also dissuade him of thinking that it's cumpolsory that he kid attend high brow school

She will be one to nag no money. If you see some kids, you will fall in love.

LLSAINT:
My dear, I blame you for not using your God giving sense
Who dey carry the belle? No be you?
Get pregnant and damn the consequences.
When he is ready and you cannot give birth, they will blame you for infertility
Wake up my dear. Children come with their open doors.
If marriage is by faith, training a child is also by faith......

This is a poverty stricken advice.

Op! Please don't follow this advice.

This is why many people are so poor.

These are things you should have talked about before getting married. Your husband is being selfish, and that's understandable, considering the economic situation right now. You, on the other hand, also have to consider your age. My advice, give yourselves a year, to save enough money and prepare for the journey through pregnancy, and beyond.
Tell your husband, in marriage, one person doesn't just make a decision, and say it's final... that's how trouble starts.

He has a point tho, but he should look at it from another dimension, what if the money doesn't come on time, will he keep waiting till you both get old.


He has this mentality, then why did he settle down when he's not ready to bear children, he's self centred.

Imagine at 35, he doesn't have a kid and still hoping to be rich before having any, you will do fine having a kid with that salary if you plan well...

Wife be submissive to to your husband.

Firstly, By the way na his name the child go bear, why hurrying him up.
Secondly, did you people discuss about how many kids and when to start having kids before marriage.
Thirdly, how can combined salaries of 170k be difficult to settle bills of just two adults. Some thing must be fishy somewhere. Poor financial planning and management.

Fourthly, if you can't cope of being childless at 32 yrs old, you can have a child as a single mom. Your salary can do the support or you divorce him to marry a wiling guy.

Life is too short to be crying over a spilled milk.

oldienavie:
A lot of terrible advise on this thread, this is a 32 year old woman and it is perfectly within her right to demand for pregnancy. What a selfish and wicked being.
It is unfortunate that OP is in this terrible situation, did you not discuss about this before getting married ?
What exactly were you guys discussing during your courtship ?

That was the question I wanted to ask...

Beblessedbaba:
I so much like your husband. A very sensible man; you want to bring children into the world without proper planning on how to cater for them.

He has asked for patience for you guys to sort things out first. Madam better be calming down. By the way, you married a very focused and responsible man.

I do not understand what you mean that age is not on your side at 32. Please don't plunge this young man into 3rd level generational poverty (his parents got nada & his grandparents were peasant) rather divorce him quickly and either marry a man who is ready to be popping children year in year out. Pity his ancestors as this young man out of the millions that we have has taken a better route instead of ritualism called Yahoo or scam that will still end of messing his later years up or cut down his life in it's prime or mortgage his children fortune.

NB: Do we even wonder why the Babalawo or Dibia that does juju or fetish rituals for Yahoo boys does not do likewise for his own children or himself. The answer is flowing in the wind.

Then why did the man, rushed and get married. Why not Wait and finish his professionalism and have the money down before have a wife. Don't you know that man and woman are not the same.
So you want her to reach menopause before having children, maybe by then, the lady will look old and the man will start looking for a fresh and succulent young girls.
As a guy, i don't support this at all. Instead i will wait and make the money i think will be enough to take care of my wife and my children, before thinking of getting married.
At least consider her emotions, due to what she thinks that people will be saying at back about her.

amnesty7:
Imagine! Oyinbo capitalist mentality. He never knows that the kids will definitely come with their blessings. And who promises or guarantees him tomorrow?

Na people like you no fit make poverty commot from Nigeria! Giving birth to children you can't raise should be a criminal offence.

Kolawole2130:
We have been married for 3 years now. We stay in a self contained apartment. He tries as much as possible to pay his bills while I support him too with paying the bills.

Since we married, anytime I talk about childbearing he gets angry. Like he may not talk to me for days. I will be the one to come and beg him later. He says his not ready to start bearing kids that he wants to have enough money to take care of the kids. He says he doesnt want his children to suffer.

I am so pissed off, I am 32 now and he is 35 and he earns 100k while I earn 70k. Is that not enough to raise a family. Plus age is not on my side he doesnt look like he will be ready in a year time again. Am already getting tired and people around me are getting married. No body can even talk to him. His mind is made up already.

The last fight we had he said i can go and divorce him if i cannot wait till he is ready. He is busy reading for professional exam instead of him to be thinking of how to produce seed. Professional exam that will last another 2 years. His family can't even talk to him. Am just frustrated already.

Please double your hustle. Your salary and his will not be able to take care of child (ren).

When children come now, you are the same person that will disturb him to pay for Pampers, baby food and all.

House rent is not getting cheaper at all.
When you double your hustle more than him, no one will tell him to do what you want.

If you cannot give him peace of mind, please leave him alone, don't frustrate him.

You should try and understand your man. You are married for three years and living in a self contain. Your husband is not okay with how things are moving and you are bringing up an issue for expansion of the family. Don't frustrate your man because he feels that he is not ready to start taking up more responsibilities because of financial constraint. Rather think of how to improve your financial situation and make savings for family expansion.

You will be first person to be spoiling his image everywhere when things gets difficult.

U go dey hear: My husband is irresponsible

He has given you options , if you can't wait till when he is ready.. find your way.

Stargurl20:
It's this same man that will insult her about being infertile when menopause sets in. He will even go far as much as marrying another wife or divorcing her.

Mrs, this man seem to be selfish, coz nothing stop you guys from birthing at least a kid. Unlike men, we women do not have biological clock in our favor o.

I won't blame that man at all,the only thing i am worried for her is her age.

100k under this economy with children is crazy!!!!! I heard a can of powder milk for kids is close to 7k....we that are still single are feeling it not to talk of those with kids.

School fees that used to be 60k for kids then has gone up to 400k per kid, nigeria parents are trying....

I only pray something good comes their way on time so that they can live comfortably.

sisisioge:
Wow! What did you guys discuss before marriage? Did the topic of kids never came up? Hmmmm....see this life, you married a man obviously still struggling like a singleton and you expected his mind to be ready like a family man....what was the haste with this particular guy biko? He wasnt obviously material, financiallyand emotionally ready for marriage? Whew! Anyways, you really dont need him to determine when to get pregnant if you really want a baby....the shot is mostly yours. After the fact, you can then have a convo....abi he is keeping his peepee away from you?

The truth is, this kind of man speak his mind before marriage but the lady will shoved it aside.

Ar u sure dis man is not sterile? But, u can become pregnant if u want nah. Ar u nt sleeping wt him? If it happens,u call it a mistake n apologize.

I waited almost a year, 10months precisely to get pregnant, hubby wasn't ready, babe nothing you can do than to wait, believe me I feel you.
But three years Continue to give him reasons, all will be well.