Dear Esteemed Nairalanders of extreme wisdom, I have a 4+ year old daughter who is very curious and sleeps on the same bed with me and wife. Some days ago she almost caught me and wife having sex, so in the morning she asked my wife what I was doing to her…lol. Most times I hug and kiss my wife in front of her and do same to her (in her case, a peck and she reciprocates back). This is our normal lives. Sometimes, when I hug my wife before her, she gets jealous..lol

I think we made a mistake in not allowing her get used to her room from day one. We had tried to make her see reasons why she can’t continue to sleep on same bed with us but it’s all falling on deaf ears. At a point, we forced her to her room and when she woke up around 2am, all hell was let loose, I felt sympathy and told my wife to allow her into our room.


We can’t continue this way, so I need your advice (especially married couples with kids)

1. Did we make a mistake by letting her sleep on same bed with us considering she is just 4?

2. Is it too late to force her to her room?

3. How do we go about making sure she gets used to her room without disturbing us?

4. If she asks what we are doing at night, like the case where she almost caught us, what would be a good reply that would sound logical and educative for her own growth.

5. Is her jealousy normal?

Thank you

[s]She wants to learn... Don't be a stumbling block... [/s]

Anyway... Na better beating go correct any error... Our fathers and mother's no teach us any other way to correct pikin pass flogging

By the time u flog her better flog she go understand... Say she get her own room

Hmmm...this is a very very tricky one.


1. Did we make a mistake by letting her sleep on same bed with us considering she is just 4?

Yes, this is where you guys missed it. She should have been introduced to her room by age 3 at the latest.

2. Is it too late to force her to her room?

Never, it can't be too late. It's time to let her know who's in charge and the boss.
Kids are like "puppies or dogs". They play on your intelligence and patience to an elasticity and should you fall for the " blink-first" game, you'd remain their puppy and always at their mercy.


3. How do we go about making sure she gets used to her room without disturbing us?

Like "NIKE", just do it.
Introduce her to her room, make her understand she's a big girl now and needs to act like one. The best person to implement this should be mummy. The trick should be to spend time with her gisting and telling her stories until she falls asleep. She'd rebel for a while but after a while she'd eventually get used to it.


4. If she asks what we are doing at night, like the case where she almost caught us, what would be a good reply that would sound logical and educative for her own growth.

She shouldn't be encouraged or given any reason to ask such " adult" questions. However, in a case where you both get careless and she stumbles in on you, if you weren't caught in your "birthday suites" just tell her you and mummy were praying.


5. Is her jealousy normal?

Isn't she a girl? Ask her mummy


Patronize my signature below..

You can go to her room whenever you want to have sxx , she is already used to your bed let her be.

She and her mum should sleep in her room. When you both need to be intimate, your wife will come to your room at night when the little child is fast asleep!

daddytime:
Hmmm...this is a very very tricky one.


1. Did we make a mistake by letting her sleep on same bed with us considering she is just 4?

Yes, this is where you guys missed it. She should have been introduced to her room by age 3 at the latest.

2. Is it too late to force her to her room?

Never, it can't be too late. It's time to let her know who's in charge and the boss.
Kids are like "puppies or dogs". They play on your intelligence and patience to an elasticity and should you fall for the " blink-first" game, you'd remain their puppy and always at their mercy.


3. How do we go about making sure she gets used to her room without disturbing us?

Like "NIKE", just do it.
Introduce her to her room, make her understand she's a big girl now and needs to act like one. The best person to implement this should be mummy. The trick should be to spend time with her gisting and telling her stories until she falls asleep. She'd rebel for a while but after a while she'd eventually get used to it.


4. If she asks what we are doing at night, like the case where she almost caught us, what would be a good reply that would sound logical and educative for her own growth.

She shouldn't be encouraged or given any reason to ask such " adult" questions. However, in a case where you both get careless and she stumbles in on you, if you weren't caught in your "birthday suites" just tell her you and mummy we're praying.


5. Is her jealousy normal?

Isn't she a girl? Ask her mummy


Enjoy my signature..

I appreciate your response. i'll have to share and discuss this over. Many thanks

RedMac:
[s]She wants to learn... Don't be a stumbling block... [/s]

Anyway... Na better beating go correct any error... Our fathers and mother's no teach us any other way to correct pikin pass flogging

By the time u flog her better flog she go understand... Say she get her own room

I think flogging is too brutal and may cause another problem for her. However, i will try to be stern about it. I appreciate your response

proff010:
You can go to her room whenever you want to have sxx , she is already used to your bed let her be.

I see your point. However, How long can we continue doing this? I cant abandon my bed for hers, we are in charge not her.

Stevenbright:
She and her mum should sleep in her room. When you both need to be intimate, your wife will come to your room at night when the little child is fast asleep!

Thank you. We had tried this method for a while but at a point I felt it was a bit childish and we were loosing control of our responsibility of making her independent. Besides, its not sustainable.

GenderMix:


i think flogging is too brutal and may cause another problem for her. However, i will try to be stern about it. I appreciate your response

Hmmmmm at 4+ come on man... If u continue shinning teeth with her at such age, she will see it as normal, but being harsh on her about this issue will change her thinking and she will get to understand better... By which ten years from now, she will not even remember all these...

When u flog her with left hand, u draw her close to u with right hand...

Good luck

RedMac:


Hmmmmm at 4+ come on man... If u continue shinning teeth with her at such age, she will see it as normal, but being harsh on her about this issue will change her thinking and she will get to understand better... By which ten years from now, she will not even remember all these...

When u flog her with left hand, u draw her close to u with right hand...

Good luck

Thanks for your input. Do you imply I should flog her if she refuses to go sleep in her room? Besides this, what other tactics would work?

However, I punish her if she misbehaves, sometimes I whip her hands, not like I give her all the freedom in the world.

GenderMix:


I see your point. However, How long can we continue doing this? I cant abandon my bed for hers, we are in charge not her

Then act like you're in charge

Na wa o! So this is a man's problem!!

People are jobless, homeless, hungry, some don't know where the next meal will come from. There are families of 5 or even 10, who live in just one room.....and your problem is how to make your 4+ years daughter stick to her room, so that you and wife can have sex in peace.

Well, Mr daddytime has answered your question.

GenderMix:


Thanks for your input. Do you imply I should flog her if she refuses to go sleep in her room? Besides this, what other tactics would work?

However, I punish her if she misbehaves, sometimes I whip her hands, not like I give her all the freedom in the world.

Make her see reason why she must stay in her room... Do more to let her know that your room is not where she should be sleeping...

And talking about other ways, I think u should stay with her in her room some hours before she sleeps and also tell her never to come to ur room to sleep and be strick about it, it's not going to change the love u have for her

Though she might see it as harsh treatment, but if u give her good treatment in no time she will see it as the normal thing...

So u have a problem like this? How everything finds its way to nairaland is what I don't understand.

Barbiturate:
Na wa o! So this is a man's problem!!

People are jobless, homeless, hungry, some don't know where the next meal will come from. There are families of 5 or even 10, who live in just one room.....and your problem is how to make your 4+ years daughter stick to her room, so that you and wife can have sex in peace.

Well, Mr daddytime has answered your question.

Lol put a tv in her room and be playing cartoon for her.. very soon she will get used to the room and maybe repaint and re decorate the room with pink girly stickers and bedsheets etc. They might entice her to spend more time in the room

Your daughter is okay and it's very normal for kids to be jealous of their same sex parent. It's called Oedipus complex in males and Electra complex in females and that's the stage where you daughter is. See won't mind kicking her mom out of the bed to cuddle up with you. When you have a son, you will notice that at this stage he would prefer to sleep in his mom's room that in his room and you will be he rival.
Your kid is normal. Just give her time to understand that you two are husband and wife and she's the child. Always tell her that husbands and wife need their space. If she has a room, let her start sleeping there.

Solsix:
So u have a problem like this? How everything finds its way to nairaland is what I don't understand.

I consider it a problem. Not like I don't have a solution but to see how realistic mine is from inputs of experienced people.

Many things find their way to nairaland because its a faceless forum that gives people freedom to put out their minds and err their views. It is a platform that demystifies simple and complex problems. Although I'm not a regular member but I have learnt very important lessons here even though some people try to distract. I don't underrate this platform because many members here have fantastic ideas.

Finally, the reason I shared this is not just because of me but others who may have similar issues. I hope to give feedback from the inputs given here in some months time.

Layormiii:
Lol put a tv in her room and be playing cartoon for her.. very soon she will get used to the room and maybe repaint and re decorate the room with pink girly stickers and bedsheets etc. They might entice her to spend more time in the room

Great. I did this when she was 2/3 just that when she wakes , she comes crying to my room. However, I will try to redecorate it.

MISSCONGENIALITY:
Your daughter is okay and it's very normal for kids to be jealous of their same sex parent. It's called Oedipus complex in males and Electra complex in females and that's the stage where you daughter is. See won't mind kicking her mom out of the bed to cuddle up with you. When you have a son, you will notice that at this stage he would prefer to sleep in his mom's room that in his room and you will be he rival.
Your kid is normal. Just give her time to understand that you two are husband and wife and she's the child. Always tell her that husbands and wife need their space. If she has a room, let her start sleeping there.

Thanks . I shall work on this

This sure brings back memories

Let her watch and observe..she is an innocent kid who has no idea whatsoever what you guys are doing..

Let her be comfortable around you guys when intimate... nothing wrong with it...

FERNANDEZISBACK:
Let her watch and observe..she is an innocent kid who has no idea whatsoever what you guys are doing..

Let her be comfortable around you guys when intimate... nothing wrong with it...

Are you for real? 4years old baby to watch/observe mum/Dad making out..tell me you're joking .

waistbead:



Are you for real? 4years old baby to watch/observe mum/Dad making out..tell me you're joking .

Joking what?do you want to throw her away?
How una take dey reason sef..?

FERNANDEZISBACK:
Let her watch and observe..she is an innocent kid who has no idea whatsoever what you guys are doing..

Let her be comfortable around you guys when intimate... nothing wrong with it...

Iyaebe!

Mariangeles:


Iyaebe!

Wait a minute..can you blockheads stop referring me by what I am not..?
If you don't know me you sure can ignore and don't step on my nerves aiit..I don't have an issue with you and I wouldn't appreciate you calling me by that..I don't want a situation whereby we are gonna engage in talks that might not turn out well...

MISSCONGENIALITY:
Your daughter is okay and it's very normal for kids to be jealous of their same sex parent. It's called Oedipus complex in males and Electra complex in females and that's the stage where you daughter is. See won't mind kicking her mom out of the bed to cuddle up with you. When you have a son, you will notice that at this stage he would prefer to sleep in his mom's room that in his room and you will be he rival.
Your kid is normal. Just give her time to understand that you two are husband and wife and she's the child. Always tell her that husbands and wife need their space. If she has a room, let her start sleeping there.

Sigmund Freud dey worry this one




Op try relocate to her room and get another bed for you and your wife closer to hers. She will get used to her room, na so us wey grow up for one room take survive

[s]

FERNANDEZISBACK:

Wait a minute..can you blockheads stop referring me by what I am not..?
If you don't know me you sure can ignore and don't step on my nerves aiit..I don't have an issue with you and I wouldn't appreciate you calling me by that..I don't want a situation whereby we are gonna engage in talks that might not turn out well...

[/s]

Are you going to behave yourself or not?

Mariangeles:
[s][/s]

Are you going to behave yourself or not?

I don't have an issue with you..you sure can excuse yourself Mariangeles..

daddytime:
Hmmm...this is a very very tricky one.


1. Did we make a mistake by letting her sleep on same bed with us considering she is just 4?

Yes, this is where you guys missed it. She should have been introduced to her room by age 3 at the latest.

2. Is it too late to force her to her room?

Never, it can't be too late. It's time to let her know who's in charge and the boss.
Kids are like "puppies or dogs". They play on your intelligence and patience to an elasticity and should you fall for the " blink-first" game, you'd remain their puppy and always at their mercy.


3. How do we go about making sure she gets used to her room without disturbing us?

Like "NIKE", just do it.
Introduce her to her room, make her understand she's a big girl now and needs to act like one. The best person to implement this should be mummy. The trick should be to spend time with her gisting and telling her stories until she falls asleep. She'd rebel for a while but after a while she'd eventually get used to it.


4. If she asks what we are doing at night, like the case where she almost caught us, what would be a good reply that would sound logical and educative for her own growth.

She shouldn't be encouraged or given any reason to ask such " adult" questions. However, in a case where you both get careless and she stumbles in on you, if you weren't caught in your "birthday suites" just tell her you and mummy were praying.


5. Is her jealousy normal?

Isn't she a girl? Ask her mummy


Enjoy my signature..

Me like your post very much.

A bit curious though at response 1. Age 3?

I have a 2 year old that is fast becoming my very own "follow-come charger". Likes to be everywhere with me. I thought it was already late introducing him to his own bedroom. Seeing your post suggests age 3 may just be the right time to do this. Is that correct, or I should start now?

FERNANDEZISBACK:
Let her watch and observe..she is an innocent kid who has no idea whatsoever what you guys are doing..

Let her be comfortable around you guys when intimate... nothing wrong with it...

You will just run mad on this forum. You think I am joking.