We have heard these stories several times and in fact most of us have also had a first hand experience of someone claiming they love us but a scant month later, they get married to others. To say the least it can be frustrating and annoying. For some ladies this kind of situation leads to depression, jealousy which might lead to bitterness and resulting to death.

But why does this happen? Why exactly do people do this? I am sure you read this exact situations on the social media or probably in your yard, where a guy just wastes a ladies time in the name of dating her for years, then in two months he just jumps ship and marries another.

So what causes people to have “the one I loved versus the one I married”?

1. Compatibility:
Often times couples who love themselves discover too late that they cannot marry each other because of their genotypes. This is because most people just focus on the feelings they have in the pit of their stomach, and this clouds their mind and they cannot make sound decisions at the right time.
So, it is important that people lay out the pros and cons before getting emotionally attached to each other. This can happen through communication. Asking vital questions before the relationship gets serious. It helps prevent a lot of heart aches.

2. Cultural Differences:
I am sure you know that whether we like it or not, our African lineage and parents have a say when we are getting married. Sometimes a guy loves a lady and takes her to his parents, and the parents seem to love the lady until, they discover she is from a tribe that they are at variance with. This cultural differences and non-acceptance of people due to where they come from has caused a lot of persons to get married to people they do not love. They result is a high rate of divorce and separation among couples.

A remedy to this, is to get rid of the stereotype we have concerning people from a certain background and judge a person based on what you see about them, and not on a long line of ancestors.

3. Belief/ Ideals:
It is one thing to love a person, it is another thing when it comes to ideals and beliefs. No matter how much we want to, we can say that we cannot automatically take away the place of sharing the same belief system with a person we want to spend the rest of our lives with. In fact, this is key, if a relationship is going to last. Sharing the same beliefs and ideals about life, can reduce disagreement being that you have an understanding that stems from having the same “belief system”.

4. Temperament/ Character:
I am melancholic, she is melancholic too. We cannot be together. She is out going, and I do not love going out. I love my wife to be with me always, etc. The list goes on. Some persons cannot marry themselves because their temperament will not allow them to.

A person who is often angry cannot get involved with another who matches his temper. If one person is lighting the house up with fire, the other should be able to quell the flames that their partner has started. This is important if people do not want to have a dysfunctional home. And even though love is a very important factor when it comes to choosing a partner, so also does temperament. Although, this can be remedied if the partners have an understanding.

5. Social Status:
We watch in Nollywood movies, how a socialite would go to the village, and his heart beats for a seemingly homely village girl and then he reforms her. Then somehow he is able to persuade his parents to allow him marry his love, then Viola! They get married and live happily ever after.

However, this is a far cry from reality.
In most elite societies, the Joneses must be married to people like them. The person you love, somehow must be profitable to your future. In terms of business, politics or status in the society. Anything other than this might not be acceptable by the individual’s family or community.

When choosing who to marry, I believe that the most critical reason is medical incompatibility. The rest can be remedied if both parties come to an agreement and seek to find a way to stay together through marriage. However, nothing should be forced. At the same time, adults should seek their happiness and know what they want. If the reasons from family about them getting married is not sensible enough, then the choice is in their hands though they should always seek peaceful path to thread because the blessings of the parent is vital. Wisdom is profitable to direct.

Source: https://flipmemes.com/2021/12/22/5-reasons-why-people-claim-they-love-you-but-end-up-settling-with-someone-else-in-marriage/

We too Dey quick use that word LOVE

You meet person today wey you no know

The next thing is

Baby I love you all my life

Mtcheeww

When a woman is overly dependent on a man and refuses to legally establish herself.... leaves the man to going after other women who will also love to treat a man with their own money...


And when a man is overly poor and refuses to do a thing about it... leaves a woman going out to look for a man for herself....

Cos they never loved you but pretending like they did

Lmao

-ENERGY: It matters too, I cannot be calling and texting you always, trying to win you over and you'll be playing with my Emotions all in the name of ''Forming hard to get'' if I'd have perceived you to be cheap, I wouldn't have made my intentions known to you afterwards. Besides, saying YES on our first day of meeting or after 30 years doesn't change anything

What most ladies fail to Understand is that all guys are never the same, some men can chase a lady for years giving her the necessary attentions, Buying Gifts and Simping just to win her over. WHILE there are our type of guys that doesn't waste time in wooing a lady, we keep it simple and straightforward and once you start forming that nonsense, we'll leave and look for someone else who matches our energy! And that doesn't mean we never loved you afterall, it only means that we value our Peace of Mind, Self-respect and Self-esteem so much and wouldn't trade it for anything because we've always believed that you shouldn't have to chase Love, Affection and Attention, if it isn't given freely from Someone, then it isn't worth having

More so, most of these Ladies will enter an undefined relationship with the mentality of "Make I chop him Money" and at the end of the day, the guy will dump your sorry ass to look for someone more family oriented and you will come out and start crying foul.

OK

chiommy123:
Cos they never loved you but pretending like they did

That's not true. You can love someone at first but change your mind when you notice something you ain't comfortable with.


I'm speaking typing from experience.

Damnnnnn!!!

I know of a Virgin Witch that killed her Husband within first year of marriage. Don't look for Virgins, fast and Pray as you look for someone that truly Loves, Serves and Fear the CREATOR of Humanity. Such person can never break your heart.

Ok

To me, the only love that exist is that of parent to siblings to children..

All these love people are singing about is just too conditional..
Let an slowpoke display 1million dollar acct balance, for this Lagos, at least 50,000 girls will love him instantly..I'm stating facts here..
What happened to red lips, height, character, and every other attributes we read about..

Issokay!!!

ok Happy new week

Compatibility is an achievement of love, not a precondition for relationship. people should learn how to get compatible with each other

Sounds right to a large extent

Social Status.

A must-watched Before you Choose whom to marry: https://rumble.com/vqc7s5-what-is-the-mark-what-is-666.html

Being man enough nko? I know of a lady who lives with her fiancee but still sees another guy on the account of not being able to satisfy her. They fight over this issue always. Another came see my Dr friend and complained of same, urging him to assist her with a solution because her fiancee wouldn't even come to the hospital, should she advise him to. Erectile dysfunction and infertility are plaguing millions of our youths but they're just quiet about it. Some stuffs they take could be a consecutive factor. This is a plague which must be dealt with. Women aren't woods.

Love is deep and we can’t understand all of it

All these things wey the op mention make sense cha,But still on still,it all boils down to "MONEY"

As a matter of fact, whenever I think of the fact that if I fail to be successful on time, I'm gonna lose so many things, including my banny wey don dey by my side for a long time,I just dey say to myself--"OBAX, hustle hard,if not,you fit talk waka for road las las"

chiommy123:
Cos they never loved you but pretending like they did

What is love, and who told you that to love someone means to marry the person?
Love has its foundation built on feelings but marriage has its foundation built on feelings+fact. When feelings and fact collaborate in a relationship, there is tendency that marriage can come out of that relationship but in a case where the two disagreed, my dear you have to live with the breakup. A broken relationship is better than a broken marriage.

Bahamas95:
That's not true. You can love someone at first but change your mind when you notice something you ain't comfortable with.


I'm speaking typing from experience.

Truth..

Especially when you've tried to iron out the issues, he/she refuses to make amends.

Again, loving a pretender can make one retrace steps later.

My girl doesn't like sex, But I like it...

Can we still marry?

Interesting read

Nice write-up.

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Homeboiy:
We too Dey quick use that word LOVE

You meet person today wey you no know

The next thing is

Baby I love you all my life

Mtcheeww

Very annoying

EmzyT:
Lmao

-ENERGY: It matters too, I cannot be calling and texting you always, trying to win you over and you'll be playing with my Emotions all in the name of ''Forming hard to get'' if I'd have perceived you to be cheap, I wouldn't have made my intentions known to you afterwards. Besides, saying YES on our first day of meeting or after 30 years doesn't change anything

What most ladies fail to Understand is that all guys are never the same, some men can chase a lady for years giving her the necessary attentions, Buying Gifts and Simping just to win her over. WHILE there are our type of guys that doesn't waste time in wooing a lady, we keep it simple and straightforward and once you start forming that nonsense, we'll leave and look for someone else who matches our energy! And that's doesn't mean we never loved you afterall, it only means that we value our Peace of Mind, Self-respect and Self-esteem so much and wouldn't trade it for anything because we've always believed that you shouldn't have to chase Love, Affection and Attention, if it isn't given freely from Someone, then it isn't worth having

More so, most of these Ladies will enter an undefined relationship with the mentality of "Make I chop him Money" and at the end of the day, the guy will dump your sorry ass to look for someone more family oriented and you will come out and start crying foul.

Your comment made sense to me than ops Post