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I Need My Son Back From Her Mother - Family - Nairaland

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Lady Looking For A Husband For Her Mother On Twitter / How Do I Get My Son Back ? / Wife Says No Sex When Her Mother Is Around (2) (3) (4)

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I Need My Son Back From Her Mother by kaybaba(m): 10:04am On Jun 23, 2011
when i was still in school  i impregnate a lady which happen to carry my son, the boy is now 6years of age and her mother refused to release the boy. I got married 3years ago with another lady, 2years ago her BOSS in the office impregnate her again with a baby girl, but the BOSS too was married with 4kids. Maybe because i used to send monthly allowance for the boy upbringing, she refused to let the boy go, i am not okay with my boy standard of living, after sending school fees, i was told by one of her friend that my boy will still @ home for a term without going to school. she lives @ ibadan and i lives in Abuja, i am a military officer, i don't want to use my good office to take the boy by force.
i need nairaland celestial advice on next step to take. thanks
Re: I Need My Son Back From Her Mother by snowdrops(m): 10:17am On Jun 23, 2011
I wonder why she refuses the boy to live with you. Do you have any kind of access to him? What about visiting? How close is the boy to you?

My theory is that you may have doubted the paternity of the baby when the woman was pregnant; as a military man, you may have been physical with her as well, so she is yet to forgive you.

Solution; As you are now married, i don't think the new madam would be happy to raise another woman's son. She may maltreat him given Nigerian tradition of male sons inheritance etc.

Reconcile with the mother, humble yourself, keep sending money, request you are allowed to visit him, and with time he spends eg weekends and holidays with you.
Re: I Need My Son Back From Her Mother by tpia5: 12:30pm On Jun 23, 2011
easy to sex someone, not easy to cope with the results of sexing someone.
Re: I Need My Son Back From Her Mother by kaybaba(m): 7:01pm On Jun 23, 2011
slow drop i am very grateful ur concern, why she keeping the boy i believed is because of the money i used to send to her every month, but i told the person remain for her as a mother that i need to take the boy the woman now told me that since beginning of the year the boy is with her @ ogun state schooling there and the mother said the boy mother denied that i used to send money of the up-bringing, Luckily for me my mum told me two years ago that i should been keeping the bank teller which i did few months ago i made trhe photocopies and send it to the woman, she was so surprised because what my boy mother said to the woman is that av never asked of the boy talk less of sending money. the total money av sent so far which i av the teller since Dec 2009 till April 2011 is N230,0000, the one i av the record. my friends advices me not to send her any money again. that is why i need nairaland advice
Re: I Need My Son Back From Her Mother by snowdrops(m): 8:47pm On Jun 23, 2011
Keep sending her money. At least for the sake of the poor boy. If two elephants fight it is the grass that will suffer. But you need to start visiting your boy, give him that fatherly love. It is not all about money.
Re: I Need My Son Back From Her Mother by feminineA: 10:57pm On Jun 23, 2011
I believe only the violent take it by force in this ur present situation. Its obvious she using ur son as a bait to milk you off some money. Take ur child away you can take ur child and keep with your mother. dont let sentiments come in, the child's walfare is paramount
Re: I Need My Son Back From Her Mother by Tatian(f): 12:44am On Jun 24, 2011
Take away ur child, use force if the need be . The mother is not ready to give him a proper future but only to use him as a bait. She obviously after ur money considering the fact that she has another baby. I believe ur wife kns about ur boy , discuss with her and bring the boy home
Re: I Need My Son Back From Her Mother by Ivynwa(f): 3:37am On Jun 24, 2011
@Poster
Please make out time and have a serious conversation with your Baby mama on how you guys can take turns at raising your child and spending time with him. The child needs you as much as he needs his mum, he deserves a good upbringing too so seriously talk to her that you detest that the child was away from school that long and that he must start schooling immediately.
 
You must never separate that child from his mother, is it not enough that she bore the shame (our society attaches to an unmarried lady with a child) alone? She has also lived with that child and is attached to him now so it will be a very unjust thing to separate her from the child. It's not like she is mentally unstable or unfit to take care of the child (I mean you didn't mention that so she can take care of that child)You need to make effort to be visiting and spending time with the child too so that he can have balanced affection of his two parents.

Tatian:

Take away your child, use force if the need be . The mother is not ready to give him a proper future but only to use him as a bait. She obviously after your money considering the fact that she has another baby. I believe your wife kns about your boy , discuss with her and bring the boy home
I am speechless at this advice! I can only shake my head and pass by  lipsrsealed lipsrsealed lipsrsealed
Re: I Need My Son Back From Her Mother by tpia5: 3:54am On Jun 24, 2011
pay the boy's school fees yourself @ poster.
Re: I Need My Son Back From Her Mother by EuroMeko(m): 4:21am On Jun 24, 2011
Kaybaba, I have no advice since I don't know too much about legalities in Nigeria but I just wanted to tell you that I appreciate you standing up and taking care of your Boy.

Best of luck.
Re: I Need My Son Back From Her Mother by jamhassan(m): 4:28am On Jun 24, 2011
I have a solution for your problems in our country these lady hire baby sitter for his child then feel free i sure that if you use these way i hope you will solve your problems.
Re: I Need My Son Back From Her Mother by ifyalways(f): 6:34am On Jun 24, 2011
I'm only bothered with the boy's welfare;education and feeding.Have u thought of a boarding school?Get the boy enrolled in one and pay the fees urself.You and the boy mum wud share the vacation visitation rights.
Re: I Need My Son Back From Her Mother by Nekai(f): 8:16am On Jun 24, 2011
Do you have a relationship with your son? If you don't, anyone would hesitate sending the child to a virtual stranger.

Why is it mandatory that you take full custody of the child? Was his mother just a glorified babysitter for the first critical years of his life? Didn't she nurture him, teach him, train him, tend to every illness, and rearrange her whole life becasue of him? Didn't you finish school and live a comfortable life, even being free to date and have your choice of employment without having to worry about who is minding the child? It has been extremely expensive and time consuming raising the child, which is why you left her to do the difficult task alone in the first place instead of sharing custody from day 1. Trust me, that sum of money that you send now is not millions. She isn't living the good life while the boy starves.

As the father of the boy I think you are jumping the gun so to speak. I think you should start small by suggesting that you keep the boy during break times and summers. That way you get used to having him with you, and your son gets used to you and your environment as well. You can't just swoop in and remove the child from the only environment he has ever known. You are his father, but he also has a mother. For 6 years she was good enough to raise him by herself, even with her standard of living.

Start small and go from there. Witholding support or taking the boy by force will not solve anything. As a boy he may come to the conclusion that he wants to live with you fulltime eventually. But imagine how you would feel if you were 6 and caught in the middle of a hostile situation. Make friends with his mom and it will go a long way in this transition.

EuroMeko:

Kaybaba, I have no advice since I don't know too much about legalities in Nigeria but I just wanted to tell you that[b] I appreciate you standing up and taking care of your Boy. Best of luck.[/b]

Seconded.
Re: I Need My Son Back From Her Mother by pereze: 8:18am On Jun 24, 2011
If it is to molest innocent citizens, you military guys will do so with wanton impunity without seeking our 'celestial advice'.
Why do you think you are in the military? Are you sure it is not for a time like this? If I am to advice, use any means to take your child from her. She seems to have low morals, but make sure she has steady access to the boy.
Another issue is your wife, you have not told us if she already has a child for u, have u taken time to talk with her over this issue?
Re: I Need My Son Back From Her Mother by ekasoso: 8:37am On Jun 24, 2011
The only option is you find a way to pay d school fees your self. Education is a legacy your child will be grateful to you for. let the child stay with the mum and pray that the good Lord heals her of her insanity for your childs sake. God help you
Re: I Need My Son Back From Her Mother by Nobody: 1:18pm On Jun 24, 2011
tpia@:

easy to sex someone, not easy to cope with the results of sexing someone.

U dey look for trouble
Re: I Need My Son Back From Her Mother by WackyJ1(m): 1:29pm On Jun 24, 2011
Some are giving advice without actually considering the type of woman the mother really is.
A woman who doesn't pay her child's school fees? A woman who sleeps with her own boss while she already has a child?
What do we think the son is facing at that Home now? I believe the man should extract the child as soon as possible
Re: I Need My Son Back From Her Mother by cynthoney(f): 1:32pm On Jun 24, 2011
guy, go and take our son or let him grow in d hands of a shameless woman who doesnt mind taking in for all d men in nigeria

at this rate ur son ll grow up to think that waywardness is a good way of life

go for ur son now that u can still remodel his life
Re: I Need My Son Back From Her Mother by MMM2(m): 1:42pm On Jun 24, 2011
Op
Take her 2 court.
Re: I Need My Son Back From Her Mother by snowdrops(m): 1:48pm On Jun 24, 2011
WackyJ1:

Some are giving advice without actually considering the type of woman the mother really is.
[b]A woman who doesn't pay her child's school fees? A woman who sleeps with her own boss while she already has a child?[/b]What do we think the son is facing at that Home now? I believe the man should extract the child as soon as possible
You rather are the one jumping to conclusion without reading the thread properly.

1. So man and woman have sex; woman becomes pregnant; blame the woman, its her fault. What BS. She went out with her boss, as a single woman. Who knows the circumstances at the time.

2. She alledgedly has not paid the child`s school fees. Poster has no solid evidence to back this up, its only hear say. A friend told him. Poster only wants his son back; why dont you people ask him if apart from sending money, he has visited the son at all.
Re: I Need My Son Back From Her Mother by Angolobabe(f): 2:27pm On Jun 24, 2011
This is what most Nigerian men do to baby mamas without looking back, i am sure u meant have rejected the pregnancy in the begining and abandoned her with pregnancy and baby to care for and now that those difficult and early stages has passed you now want to take the baby by force right ?

A single mother have every right to date any man she wants and u people are all concluding that she did wrong cos she have a child ,so her life shouldnt move forward cos she has a child right ?  shocked angry ,the only wrong i see she did on this part is dating and having a baby with a married man but its non of your business ,concentrate about the welfare of the child and not the mothers relationship .

The poster doesnt have any solid evidence that this woman isnt paying his son's school fees ,it could just be a rumour or his new wife is pushing him to take the child away cos of the money he sends monthly  and he hasnt said she is on-fit mother,your present wife will never care for that child like his real mother would.never take away a child forcefully from his mother he needs both of u in his life as he grows as that will give him a stable future with both love and care.

Instead try to build a mutual friendship with his mother for the sake of your child and u both can work as a team to raise your child, pay the school fees urself and only provide feeding,medical and clothing money for the mother and when he is old enough send him to boarding school and u both can visit him  in school and share his vacation accordingly.
Re: I Need My Son Back From Her Mother by tpia5: 2:29pm On Jun 24, 2011
^^good points.
Re: I Need My Son Back From Her Mother by tpia5: 2:30pm On Jun 24, 2011
odiaero:

U dey look for trouble

is there a problem?

some people arent on this path yet and do you have an issue with them knowing the various scenarios that could happen as a result of casual sex?
Re: I Need My Son Back From Her Mother by kaybaba(m): 2:49pm On Jun 24, 2011
i am very grateful to everybody contribution, right now the boy is staying with his grandmother not her mother because what the grandmother told me on phone is that she will be able to monitor the boy school activities. grandma said i should be calling my boy thru her phone without telling his mother. my wife want me to take him from his mother because my wife  has similar experience thru her senior sister. this are my question

1. Do we have a constitutional law which back-up age limit that father or mother can take procession of his son or daughter?

2. Does the grandma has the right to keep my boy?

3. should i continue sending money to grandma or my boy mother, because right the boy is with grandma  and schooling there according to the grandma?
Re: I Need My Son Back From Her Mother by kaybaba(m): 2:55pm On Jun 24, 2011
I met her by chance and to my surprise i had a sex with her once. During and after the pregnancy i didn't denied her we lives together for almost a year,during that time i discovered that i cannot live the rest of my life with her base on her character and her upbringing. i didn't married her, no introduction no engagement no dowry.
Re: I Need My Son Back From Her Mother by Sholaf(f): 3:05pm On Jun 24, 2011
Leave the boy with his Nan, he can visit you during school holidays.
Pay his School fees directly to the School.
Communicate and have a bond with your son.
Re: I Need My Son Back From Her Mother by Angolobabe(f): 3:07pm On Jun 24, 2011
kaybaba:

my wife want me to take him from his mother because my wife  has similar experience thru her senior sister.

I just knew your wife is pushing u into it. do u have children with your present wife? please leave the child with his grandmother whom he already have bond and strong relationship  with, pay the school fees urself and provide monthly upkeep for the grandmother for food,medical and cloths and arrange for your son to visit u weekly or so to bond with him and know each others better ,then when his old enough send him to boarding school and during his vacation share it accordingly with grandma'am,his mother and urself.

I think your wife want u to take the child cos of the monthly money u send and its annoying her since she wants it to herself and kids if she has any,forget that story of her past experince thingy with senior sister ,she is using that to brainwash u into her wish,which she might even maltreat ur son under ur roof and use him as slave with house chores etc.
Re: I Need My Son Back From Her Mother by ronkebp(f): 3:14pm On Jun 24, 2011
Talk to the mother of your son, make her see reasons why you want to take care of your son, you both can come up with ways that would benefit eachother. it would be difficult to separate the mother from her child, no reasonable mother would want to let go of her child, she might be scared that your present wife would maltreat her child or turn him to a househelp. (you know how women are). So, you can always tell her to let the boy stay with you during the school term and he will go back and stay with her during the holidays, at that, his education will not suffer.
Re: I Need My Son Back From Her Mother by armyofone(m): 3:31pm On Jun 24, 2011
ha, mo gbe!! o pari!!
and you think you are fit to raise him with how you put this word? you guys sef always puzzle me  undecided

kaybaba:

I met her by chance and to my surprise i had a sex with her once. During and after the pregnancy i didn't denied her we lives together for almost a year,during that time i discovered that i cannot live the rest of my life with her base on her character and her upbringing. i didn't married her, no introduction no engagement no dowry.

leave the boy with granny, pay to the school he is going to yourself, to get him prep for boarding school. send money for his feeding and upkeeps to granny. taking the child to your new home is another pot of soup o.
Re: I Need My Son Back From Her Mother by morena27(f): 4:15pm On Jun 24, 2011
@Snow drop GOD bless you for yr intelligence,@topic i see a lot of people have giving you some solid advice on how
to go about this issue so let me just add this,
Now you want to claim yr son cos he has grown a little right?and claiming the mom isnt paying his school fees,
first off,from the way you are telling the story it seems she don't want you to be close to the child,and you know she is doing that for a reason best known to the 2 of you,cos i believe you are favouring yrself with this version,And yr wife wants the child and you are looking for a way to take the child from her,irrespective of the fact that you said you send them money do you think its that easy a child you left when he was very small cos of the mothers character as you said now you want to him to be raised by yr dear wife at home,, you xpect a young woman that has laboured for her son for the past six years to be happy with you?I have so many questions i should have ask you but i will leave it cos i ve to go get my daughter from school,,

My advice is this as someone has already said up there,try and talk to her see if there can be any kind of agreement so the child can be visiting you
whenever they are on holls so you two can get to know each oda like father and son as its suppose to be,don't even try to fight her cos that will make matter worse,,cos you know if reverse was the case you will not let her have her way,so try and make peace not war.
Re: I Need My Son Back From Her Mother by demi2008(f): 4:47pm On Jun 24, 2011
@ Poster u have been given some good advice's here on NL. Pls do not take away the son from his gran mother who he has a relationship with please and please hun o se bi iya ko le dabi iya I guess u are yoruba and u understand what I have said. If you have a problem with the boy not been taken care off or the funds you send not being utilised properly its a simple case to sort out just pay the sch fees directly buy cloths and toys etc and send to your son periodically, if you have someone who stays in the same town with them or a neighbouring town or if your mum does ask them to take foodstuffs and provisions to the gran monthly and send money for his upkeep to his gran who he stays with . Most importantly find out time to visit him bound with your son have a relationship with him when he his older say in sec sch then you and the mother can share his holidays. In my own opinion and from other peoples experience a child is better off with the mum or mums family than a step mum.
Re: I Need My Son Back From Her Mother by demi2008(f): 4:52pm On Jun 24, 2011
come to think of it u sent N230k for the period of Dec 2009 to April 2011 thats 17 months that would be about N13529k per month do u think thats all the child spends monthly anyway u r better that others who dont thumbs up for even owning up to your responsibility.

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