Choilila:


Nigerian men are cheap and useless.

You forgot to include your dad too

onojaford:


It's not paedophilia, it's Hebephilia. Stay updated.

terminology

Introduction
Get the facts
Understanding the terminology

Start now
Many people who have a sexual attraction to children also have a sexual interest in others, including people their own age or older. Terms such as ‘paedophilia’ are generally used in the media and society to refer to any sexual interest in children, but this is not always correct.

You may also encounter other terms, such as ‘paraphilia’, when looking up information on sexual disorders. The following information, while not intended to be used diagnostically, may be helpful in explaining some of the terms.

What is a ‘paraphilia’?

A paraphilia is a sexual arousal to something regarded as unusual. There appears to be no single commonly accepted definition and it is acknowledged that what is regarded as sexually ‘unusual’ varies across time, place and cultural norms. Paraphilia may be preferred as a term by some therapists as it can be seen as less judgmental than other terms, such as ‘sexual deviance’. However, there remains some debate about the terminology.

What is ‘paedophilia’?

The tenth edition of the International Classification of Mental and Behavioural Disorders (ICD-10) classifies paedophilia as a disorder of sexual preference. A disorder of sexual preference involves unusual sexual urges and fantasies that are strong and recurrent, and which lead the person to act out the urges or be distressed by them. To be classified as a disorder, the problem has to have been present for at least six months.

Paedophilia relates to a specific disorder where there is a preference for sexual activity with a prepubescent child or children. Therefore, it would not usually be the correct description for someone with a sexual preference for under-age teenagers (see hebephilia, below).

The term ‘paedophilia’ should not be used to describe young people under the age of 16 who have a sexual preference for younger children. ICD-10 criteria stipulate that the person with the disorder is at least 16 years old and at least five years older than the child or children who are the focus of their sexual preference.

Hebephilia and ephebophilia

Hebephilia is the term used to describe a preferential sexual interest in pubescent (i.e. early adolescent) individuals, rather than adult partners. As with paedophilia, it is not a term that would be applied to under-16s. A related term is ephebophilia, used to describe a preferential sexual interest in adolescent individuals (usually mid-late teens).

Hebephilia and ephebophilia are not formally defined as specific clinical disorders, but if the focus of the sexual preference leads to problematic behaviour and/or emotional distress, and if these problems are persistent (more than 6 months), they would likely meet ICD-10 criteria for disorders of sexual preference. This would need to be assessed by a professional.

Flee from all appearances of evil. Don't destroy yourself. Send the girl back home. The devil will one day set u up. Do something before that day comes.

You are evil you stupid op

She is just 15 if u can think of her like that then it mean once ur girl child grow up to have curves and breast u will also be thinking of sleeping with her...I'm disgust at you I pity your good wife..Bleep I hate perv like u.Bleep you asshole..

Kobojunkiee:
How exactly did you reach these conclusions of yours about the OP?

If I were to have a penny for everytime someone admitted to a weakness only to then succumb to it, over and over mind you, I would be a billionaire by now. But here you claim that admitting to having a weakness implies one could never succumb.
Where do you get these bullsheet conclusions of yours from?

So what's your take on it

Kobojunkiee:
So it is OK for Op to feel this way about someone else's child but not his own?
If a friend of OP'S felt the same about OP'S child, would that be OK too?

Lol, please what the OP needs is our advice

Choilila:


Nigerian men are cheap and useless.

That your father is cheap and useless doesn't make all Nigeria men cheap and useless.

Johnsown1:
Lol, please what the OP needs is our advice

Advice ke? All you have been doing is cooking up reasons why OP shouldn't be help accountable for just about everything. So how can you properly advice him when you don't even see the potential dangers of his current situation for Pete's sake?

Johnsown1:
So what's your take on it

I have more than made my self clear by pointing the many potential dangers of his current situation. A man who has little to no self-discipline of this kind risks not only his marriage but also screwing up the life of his victims - the gal, his daughters and even his wife- if he does not do something about those wicked thoughts he keeps harboring there.

Kobojunkiee:
Advice ke? All you have been doing is cooking up reasons why OP shouldn't be help accountable for just about everything. So how can you properly advice him when you don't even see the potential dangers of his current situation for Pete's sake?

Read my first reply there you will see my advice to the OP.

Kobojunkiee:
I have more than made my self clear by pointing the many potential dangers of his current situation. A man who has little to no self-discipline of this kind risks not only his marriage but also screwing up the life of his victims - the gal, his daughters and even his wife- if he does not do something about those wicked thoughts he keeps harboring there.

. So what did you suggest he should do or actions necessary to be taken to stop the current danger of the house girl and for the future encounter

Johnsown1:
Read my first reply there you will see my advice to the OP.

Oh, I remember your advice which was that he put the noose on his wife instead. And do you recall my response to you then too?.

This man is telling you here that instead of listing after his own wife, he is instead lusting after a girl, and you think blaming his wife makes sense?

Put that child in a public transport to her home when your wife is not home so she won't par adventure stop you

Johnsown1:
. So what did you suggest he should do or actions necessary to be taken to stop the current danger of the house girl and for the future encounter

The man lacks self-discipline as he obviously sees the gal , not as a human deserving of respect as he himself does, but instead a sex object. In adults that is recorded as a disorder of a mental kind and so seeking immediate treatment is what I recommend.

What sane woman do you know that will hear her husband likes small girls, and will not run away with her daughters for fear that he might end up raping them or something?

You ask him to reveal this lack of discipline to his wife without even thinking what the true consequence of such a reveal would be. Are you sure you should be advising anyone in these or other things?

Kobojunkiee:
Oh, I remember your advice which was that he put the noose on his wife instead. And do you recall my response to you then too?.

This man is telling you here that instead of listing after his own wife, he is instead lusting after a girl, and you think blaming his wife makes sense?

He suggested that the house gal should go, so that he may not do what he will regret in the future (lack of self-discipline) and it happens mostly when the wife turned deaf and dumb to his body language but the wife insisted that the girl will stay. So what is your point on this

Johnsown1:
He suggested that the house gal should go, so that he may not do what he will regret in the future (lack of self-discipline) and it happens mostly when the wife turned deaf and dumb to his body language but the wife insisted that the girl will stay. So what is your point on this

What body language again?

Read the OP again so you stop injecting your personal delusions into this for Pete's sake. The Op's wife probably thinks and believes all is well in her home , this since OP didn't state that he told his wife the real reason why he wants the gal gone. Also, Op didn't submit that he found a replacement for the gal for his wife. So isn't it a tad convenient for you to now blame his wife and assume she is busy ignoring some assumed body language?

Johnsown1:
He suggested that the house gal should go, so that he may not do what he will regret in the future (lack of self-discipline) and it happens mostly when the wife turned deaf and dumb to his body language but the wife insisted that the girl will stay. So what is your point on this

Read the OP'S story and please stop injecting your own into this.

He didn't tell his wife that his libido is struggling with the gal in the house.... and understandably that would light up red flags for his wife as far as his ability to keep it down even where his own daughters are concerned.

You claim the lack of self-discipline only happens when the wife is too tired for sex. Let me ask you this then. If OP had been a woman and had come on here to tell you that the focus of her lust shifts from her husband to the boy next door or even her driver when she does not get any sex from her husband, will you also be this kind in giving her this same advise then?

Kobojunkiee:
Read the OP'S story and please stop injecting your own into this.

He didn't tell his wife that his libido is struggling with the gal in the house.... and understandably that would light up red flags for his wife as far as his ability to keep it down even where his own daughters are concerned.

You claim the lack of self-discipline only happens when the wife is too tired for sex. Let me ask you this then. If OP had been a woman and had come on here to tell you that the focus of her lust shifts from her husband to the boy next door or even her driver when she does not get any sex from her husband, will you also be this kind in giving her this same advise then?

The op should wait for her to be 16, take her to kano and be with her under Islamic law.

BigBashiru:
The op should wait for her to be 16, take her to kano and be with her under Islamic law.

So your suggestion is he kidnap someone else's child to go Marry her under sharia law in Kano when she turns 16?

If someone were to do that to your sister or daughters would you be OK with that then?

Kobojunkiee:
So your suggestion is he kidnap someone else's child to go Marry her under sharia law in Kano when she turns 16?

If someone were to do that to your sister or daughters would you be OK with that then?

How is waiting until the house-help is 16 kidnap? Taking her to Kano is fine....

If you have feelings for her... it should be like that of a younger sister or someone you want to help ..... not use and a use. No doubt... you can't get her off your mind until you get between her legs. What next?... to offer her money or things. .. to make her do so willingly?... so it will not be against her will? ... consensual sex? Bro.. she is a minor.... cannot give consent. Send her away.... it will be better for you and family.

Pervert!!!!!!!!

Nedangel:
So this girl ( 15 years) was brought to my house by my wife after my wife gave birth a year after. My wife said she really needs someone to help her, but I kicked against it. After much pestering from my wife, I agreed.

I sooo much have feelings for this girl.
I have fought it so much. Some times my wife is out/ travels and am alone with her and kid when am back from work. But this strong feeling comes up and I feel like having her. Most times I find my self thinking about this girl. It's to the point that my chest pains me.. When I ask my wife for s*x, Most times & always she says she's tired.

Please it's really affecting me, it's eating me up. I need suggestions/ advice from my well meaning Nairalanders. Thanks allot.

Juliearth:
Wisdom is profitable to direct (in this context, understand).

Windom ke?

Juliearth:
Wisdom is profitable to direct (in this context, understand).

Wisdom ke?

maasoap:
Though, taking advantage of a minor shouldn't be in the picture but he can still put it on the wife if their marriage should eventually collapse

Put his lusting after a child instead of his wife on his wife, how ?

How does that work? If your wife told you she started having strong feelings for the boy next door or the driver because you sometimes complain you are too tired, will you willing accept blame for that tripe?

Goldie16:
1. how will you feel if your husband brings his friend as a driver to live with you and you start developing feelings for him and he refuses to heed your warning to ask his friend to leave. This man is obviously uncomfortable around this girl and he knows he needs help and that's why he's on Nairaland to get advice.

2. NOBODY chooses who they develop feelings for. However, when the love becomes a taboo, you flee from it. We've all had to flee from similar situations before, even as teenagers. It's not new to anyone. He and his wife are playing with fire.

1. I am actually educated enough as an intelligent being to know and realize that whatever feelings I have towards others begin with me and can end with me if I so choose. So your scenario does not change any of what I have stated so far on this. OP knows those feelings are unacceptable, and so even if he chases the girl away, he will still have to continue struggling with that demon of his until he finally resolves it. .

What happens after Op chases this gal away, will he have to chase his own daughters away in the future from his house when the same feelings rear their ugly head then too? Or will Op also need to ban his kids from bringing home their teenage female friends to visit them?

Snap out of this delusion that by covering up a problem you somehow solve it. After you get tired tired running away, you will have to come back home to reality to face the same problem eventually. The truth is you simply postpone the problem by running from it, and next time you may not even be able to hold back from the force it comes back at you with.

2. That is in fact a lie. You can too choose the kind of persons you develop feelings for. That is where self-discipline comes in.

For instance, the reasons mothers and fathers are able to see their children and the children of others as just that is because growing up they wither consciously or unconsciously set that boundary their in their minds. These things don't automagically happen to us all. We learn to place boundaries and those boundaries constitute what is the way in which we will go and not depart from.

Those who refuse to set these boundaries for themselves are those who fall prey to these kind of evil thoughts. Now how do you resolve them? You do so by setting those boundaries where they ought to be in the first place .... you begin working on your self-discipline.. there is no other way.

tangoalpharomeo:
If you are sexually tensed up, try masturbating.

That is the importance of masturbation. It reduces your testosterone levels thereby reducing sexual urge. Testosterone is the chief libido booster found in both male and female but females have it in low proportion

Guy, na f*ck you want to f*ck her. Let's call a spade a spade. You even talked about your wife denying you sex to justify an action even before you take it.

Send that girl away

marylandcakes:


terminology

Introduction
Get the facts
Understanding the terminology

Start now
Many people who have a sexual attraction to children also have a sexual interest in others, including people their own age or older. Terms such as ‘paedophilia’ are generally used in the media and society to refer to any sexual interest in children, but this is not always correct.

You may also encounter other terms, such as ‘paraphilia’, when looking up information on sexual disorders. The following information, while not intended to be used diagnostically, may be helpful in explaining some of the terms.

What is a ‘paraphilia’?

A paraphilia is a sexual arousal to something regarded as unusual. There appears to be no single commonly accepted definition and it is acknowledged that what is regarded as sexually ‘unusual’ varies across time, place and cultural norms. Paraphilia may be preferred as a term by some therapists as it can be seen as less judgmental than other terms, such as ‘sexual deviance’. However, there remains some debate about the terminology.

What is ‘paedophilia’?

The tenth edition of the International Classification of Mental and Behavioural Disorders (ICD-10) classifies paedophilia as a disorder of sexual preference. A disorder of sexual preference involves unusual sexual urges and fantasies that are strong and recurrent, and which lead the person to act out the urges or be distressed by them. To be classified as a disorder, the problem has to have been present for at least six months.

Paedophilia relates to a specific disorder where there is a preference for sexual activity with a prepubescent child or children. Therefore, it would not usually be the correct description for someone with a sexual preference for under-age teenagers (see hebephilia, below).

The term ‘paedophilia’ should not be used to describe young people under the age of 16 who have a sexual preference for younger children. ICD-10 criteria stipulate that the person with the disorder is at least 16 years old and at least five years older than the child or children who are the focus of their sexual preference.

Hebephilia and ephebophilia

Hebephilia is the term used to describe a preferential sexual interest in pubescent (i.e. early adolescent) individuals, rather than adult partners. As with paedophilia, it is not a term that would be applied to under-16s. A related term is ephebophilia, used to describe a preferential sexual interest in adolescent individuals (usually mid-late teens).

Hebephilia and ephebophilia are not formally defined as specific clinical disorders, but if the focus of the sexual preference leads to problematic behaviour and/or emotional distress, and if these problems are persistent (more than 6 months), they would likely meet ICD-10 criteria for disorders of sexual preference. This would need to be assessed by a professional.

Thank you for elaborating.