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Parenting In The UK As A Nigerian Migrant. by Mamatukwas: 9:43pm On Mar 08, 2022
Hello Everyone.

This is a space to talk about parenting, navigating cultural differences, knowing your rights and other general issues related to being a parent in the UK as a Nigerian Immigrant.

For general immigration information and tips on living in the UK, visit the thread below:

https://www.nairaland.com/6719932/living-uk-life-immigrant-part-2

For questions on studying in the UK, please refer to the student thread: https://www.nairaland.com/6712649/uk-student-visa-tier-4#105017249.

Here’s to raising strong families.

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Re: Parenting In The UK As A Nigerian Migrant. by mex551(m): 9:48pm On Mar 08, 2022
Good topic.

Let me book my space now. Can't wait to explore this topic. My first question is , can a 13 year old boy stay with the younger ones at home after school while the parents go on to hustle? Is it an offence?

Awaiting answers to this as I do no not want the Social workers remembering me

14 Likes

Re: Parenting In The UK As A Nigerian Migrant. by Mamatukwas: 9:54pm On Mar 08, 2022
mex551:
Good topic.

Let me book my space now. Can't wait to explore this topic. My first question is , can a 13 year old boy stay with the younger ones at home after school while the parents go on to hustle? Is it an offence?

Very important. You’re welcome cheesy
Re: Parenting In The UK As A Nigerian Migrant. by Specialtee: 9:54pm On Mar 08, 2022
Fantastic @mamatukwas. Long overdue. I look forward to reading contributions and contributing.

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Re: Parenting In The UK As A Nigerian Migrant. by domin8(f): 9:55pm On Mar 08, 2022
Marking Attendance. smiley

3 Likes

Re: Parenting In The UK As A Nigerian Migrant. by Mamatukwas: 9:57pm On Mar 08, 2022
mex551:
Good topic.

Let me book my space now. Can't wait to explore this topic. My first question is , can a 13 year old boy stay with the younger ones at home after school while the parents go on to hustle? Is it an offence?

Awaiting answers to this as I do no not want the Social workers remembering me

Legally, if you leave your child with anyone below 16yrs you’re still legally responsible. So if kasala bust they have nothing to do with the older child. It’s you. I’d say avoid it if you can unless it’s for very very short periods of time and if possible with cctv in place to monitor.

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Re: Parenting In The UK As A Nigerian Migrant. by Mamatukwas: 9:58pm On Mar 08, 2022
Specialtee:
Fantastic @mamatukwas. Long overdue. I look forward to reading contributions and contributing.

Thank you jare. You’re welcome.
Re: Parenting In The UK As A Nigerian Migrant. by mex551(m): 10:00pm On Mar 08, 2022
Mamatukwas:


Legally, if you leave your child with anyone below 16yrs you’re still legally responsible. So if kasala bust they have nothing to do with the older child. It’s you. I’d say avoid it if you can unless it’s for very very short periods of time and if possible with cctv in place to monitor.
thanks

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Re: Parenting In The UK As A Nigerian Migrant. by mizGene(f): 10:01pm On Mar 08, 2022
Following...�

1 Like

Re: Parenting In The UK As A Nigerian Migrant. by thiagoteres(m): 10:02pm On Mar 08, 2022
Checking in for parent's flight.

1 Like

Re: Parenting In The UK As A Nigerian Migrant. by Peerielass: 10:21pm On Mar 08, 2022
mex551:
Good topic.

Let me book my space now. Can't wait to explore this topic. My first question is , can a 13 year old boy stay with the younger ones at home after school while the parents go on to hustle? Is it an offence?

Awaiting answers to this as I do no not want the Social workers remembering me

There’s no one size fit all answer to this question but official guidance can be found here:

https://www.gov.uk/law-on-leaving-your-child-home-alone

Interpretation of the law will vary depending on individual circumstances. For instance, leaving a 10 year old for an extended period to attend work is far riskier than leaving the same child for 10 mins to enable you pick up milk from the corner shop down the road.

Wisdom is the key word.

9 Likes 1 Share

Re: Parenting In The UK As A Nigerian Migrant. by Amotolongbo(f): 10:23pm On Mar 08, 2022
Nice thread.

Following....
Re: Parenting In The UK As A Nigerian Migrant. by veleta: 10:31pm On Mar 08, 2022
My little contribution with school aged children here in England. Black kids are usually stereotyped with SEN. If offered help especially speech therapy don't resist, we should try to limit phone/ipad usage. It affects their speech and communication especially with first kids and boys. Read storybooks every night, I know it's tough but it really helps. If you can't read, get one from YouTube Biff, Chip and Kipper and so on then play and stay with them. It increases their vocabulary a lot.

Register them for swimming as soon as possible, dance, drama, football, music, rugby etc. It helps boost their confidence as well as their social circle.

Always ask them what they did in school, who they are sitting with in class, who they played with. Schools here group kids according to their ability. A child in Year 3 for instance can be doing Year 1 curriculum meanwhile in the same class, another child in that same class might be doing Year 4 or 5 curriculum or syllabus.

As a parent, you need to reinforce what they are doing in school at home for your child to be in top table in their class. The class size which is 30 is usually difficult so it's basically survival of the fittest except you are rich, you can opt for private.

With time, I might write more if time permits.

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Re: Parenting In The UK As A Nigerian Migrant. by Mamatukwas: 10:35pm On Mar 08, 2022
veleta:
My little contribution with school aged children here in England. Black kids are usually stereotyped with SEN. If offered help especially speech therapy don't resist, we should try to limit phone/ipad usage. It affects their speech and communication especially with first kids and boys. Read storybooks every night, I know it's tough but it really helps. If you can't read, get one from YouTube Biff, Chip and Kipper and so on then play and stay with them. It increases their vocabulary a lot.

Register them for swimming as soon as possible, dance, drama, football, music, rugby etc. It helps boost their confidence as well as their social circle.

Always ask them what they did in school, who they are sitting with in class, who they played with. Schools here group kids according to their ability. A child in Year 3 for instance can be doing Year 1 curriculum meanwhile in the same class, another child in that same class might be doing Year 4 or 5 curriculum or syllabus.

As a parent, you need to reinforce what they are doing in school at home for your child to be in top table in their class. The class size which is 30 is usually difficult so it's basically survival of the fittest except you are rich, you can opt for private.

With time, I might write more if time permits.

Agree with most of what you’ve said, but I’m not sure I agree with accepting speech therapy if you don’t think your child needs it. Most of our kids when they move here have difficulty understanding the accent and vice versa which is understandable. It will only take time.

I refused to allow anyone label my child anything especially as I hear those records stay for a long time and might invite additional scrutiny. Just my opinion though. Might be wrong.

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Re: Parenting In The UK As A Nigerian Migrant. by Mamatukwas: 10:35pm On Mar 08, 2022
GETTING STARTED

Before You Come: Here are some things to think about/consider BEFORE making the move to the Uk as a Parent:

- If you have younger kids it’s important you have and bring all their medical and immunization records especially. You will be asked for it repeatedly and if it’s missing your child’s records here will have gaps.
- As soon as you know where you will be moving to, start researching schools. Find out which schools have the best reputation (s) then find out which area of catchment they fall under. In the UK, you are allocated a school primarily based on where you live (catchment area). The worst thing you can do is go for a lovely house in an area that has a rubbish school. Shortlist your preferred schools first so it will guide your house hunting activities
- Start reducing your tone (if you’re the type that shouts at kids) like most of us and practicing keeping your hands to yourself. This is particularly important when you have younger kids who don’t have verbal filter as such. Hitting kids here is NOT allowed. The earlier you get used to passing your message across without the use of force the better for you.
- Finally, understand that parenting alone in the Uk if you don’t have family around is NOT easy. It is hard, lonely, can be overwhelming and also isolating. However it can be done and it gets better. Your kids will learn to be independent faster than their home counterparts and things will generally be easier with time.

Note: These are mainly my opinions/ experience and/or gleaned from experiences of others I’ve been privy to. Feel free to add your take.

Thank you.

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Re: Parenting In The UK As A Nigerian Migrant. by mumzt: 10:44pm On Mar 08, 2022
Awesome. We'll done mamatukwas, long overdue thread.

Here alone with 3 kids all under 8. husband is in Nigeria and just shuffles. Schooling and working without breaking a single rule. I hope to contribute as much as possible

52 Likes 6 Shares

Re: Parenting In The UK As A Nigerian Migrant. by Mamatukwas: 10:52pm On Mar 08, 2022
mumzt:
Awesome. We'll done mamatukwas, long overdue thread.

Here alone with 3 kids all under 8. husband is in Nigeria and just shuffles. Schooling and working without breaking a single rule. I hope to contribute as much as possible

Oh wow! That’s amazing. 3?? And you’re alone! Ha. I raise hand for you. You’re a strong woman.

25 Likes 3 Shares

Re: Parenting In The UK As A Nigerian Migrant. by Peerielass: 10:54pm On Mar 08, 2022
veleta:
My little contribution with school aged children here in England. Black kids are usually stereotyped with SEN. If offered help especially speech therapy don't resist, we should try to limit phone/ipad usage. It affects their speech and communication especially with first kids and boys. Read storybooks every night, I know it's tough but it really helps. If you can't read, get one from YouTube Biff, Chip and Kipper and so on then play and stay with them. It increases their vocabulary a lot.

Register them for swimming as soon as possible, dance, drama, football, music, rugby,etc. It helps boost their confidence as well as their social circle.

Always ask them what they did in school, who they are sitting with in class, who they played with. Schools here group kids according to their ability. A child in Year 3 for instance can be doing Year 1 curriculum meanwhile in the same class, another child in that same class might be doing Year 4 or 5 curriculum or syllabus.


As a parent, you need to reinforce what they are doing in school at home for your child to be in top table in their class. The class size which is 30 is usually difficult so it's basically survival of the fittest except you are rich, you can opt for private.

With time, I might write more if time permits.

Totally agree with you. One other thing that I find that affects speech development is the dummy/pacifier and also the time a child spends on bottles. This is why the health visitors try to encourage new moms to move the infants to cups from 12 months. A child that still drinks milk from a bottle at 3 years old will struggle to speak.

As important as school work is, extra curricular activities like swimming, gymnastics, horse riding. drama, cycling, playing musical instruments, brownies, scouts etc are also very important and equip the kids with life skills that will come in handy in the future.

This is not Nigeria where there is so much emphasis on book with little knowledge of life skills. We need to raise children who will become well rounded adults in future. I live in a predominantly white environment and all the men in my extended family and social circle are very hands on. They fix their cars themselves, paint their houses themselves, build fences and tile bathrooms by themselves. Even the women too are hands on except moi.

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Re: Parenting In The UK As A Nigerian Migrant. by veleta: 11:22pm On Mar 08, 2022
@ Sis Mamatukwas, the schools are trying to help the child, these things are funded my govt and are free. A child won't be in SEN register forever, schools need them to get additional funding from govt or council. Once SLT does assessment and feels the child is OK and where he should be, they will be taken off the register. Brits jump at these supports. Some proactive schools do their SALT in school others refer you to the community hub.
It's not like Adhd or autism.

Some children get better with time but the longer it is pushed, the worse the confidence of the child dips.

12 Likes

Re: Parenting In The UK As A Nigerian Migrant. by Mamatukwas: 11:24pm On Mar 08, 2022
After You Arrive The Uk: After getting your accommodation sorted (very key), the next steps to take will be as follows in no particular order:

- Register your family with a GP Practice. Ideally one close to where you live. Try not to register with a GP while in Air B&B or temporary accommodation unless it can’t be helped. It’s way more straightforward when you’re settled.


- Contact your local council and inform them if you have kids of school going age. They will tell you the steps to take in getting your child placed in a school. Note that the hours available to children under 3 as well as school starting age differs for England & Scotland. Familiarize yourself with the law where you live.

- When your kids start school ask if there is a WhatsApp group or Facebook group for your child’s class so they can add you (this info will normally be gotten from a fellow class mum not the teacher)

- Try to be friendly, introduce yourself and make conversation with people when you can. Do not be afraid to ask anyone questions especially in your child’s school. If you think it’s important, always communicate via email. Documentation is important.

- You’re not entitled to public funds. If anyone suggests any ‘benefits’ to you. Listen politely but do not partake. It’s not for you.

- Finally, take it easy on yourself. Don’t try to do too much at once there’s no competition. Once you settle and get stable you can start adding to your plate.

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Re: Parenting In The UK As A Nigerian Migrant. by Mamatukwas: 11:32pm On Mar 08, 2022
veleta:
@ Sis Mamatukwas, the schools are trying to help the child, these things are funded my govt and are free. A child won't be in SEN register forever, schools need them to get additional funding from govt or council. Once SLT does assessment and feels the child is OK and where he should be, they will be taken off the register. Brits jump at these supports. Some proactive schools do their SALT in school others refer you to the community hub.
It's not like Adhd or autism.

Some children get better with time but the longer it is pushed, the worse the confidence of the child dips.

Okay Sis. As long as we as parents are sensitive. If your child needs it by all means go for it. But not if you just think ‘why not’ or if it’s a case of mis labelling. That’s the one I’m not comfortable with.

When we moved here, because I was alone with 3 small kids (one a new born). My baby’s health visitor in trying to be helpful, told me that if I think my then 2 year old needed language support, she could write it in her notes and they will make space for him In nursery as needing special support even though then he was not entitled to nursery hours. She even said if I tell her we speak more than I language at home it will help her make a case smiley I said no thank you. Cause I know it looked like help but my child didn’t need the support and I’m careful with labels.

That’s mainly what I mean sha. In that context. May God give us wisdom.

16 Likes

Re: Parenting In The UK As A Nigerian Migrant. by eluquenson(m): 12:39am On Mar 09, 2022
Interesting discussion here

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Re: Parenting In The UK As A Nigerian Migrant. by Safeob27: 1:39am On Mar 09, 2022
Thank you mamatukwas for opening this thread, I can already sense that it would be of immense help. Hopefully I’ll be in the UK by September God willing and thinking of how I’ll manage for 4 year old son. He can be very very naughty and cries a lot despite his age. He’s the type that cries at the supermarket , in school , church , everywhere and his sister is well behaved. Might sound somehow but thinking of leaving him in Nigeria with his grandparents because all efforts made to stop this habits have not been successful for now.

11 Likes

Re: Parenting In The UK As A Nigerian Migrant. by canadaishome: 3:31am On Mar 09, 2022
Mamatukwas:
GETTING STARTED

Before You Come: Here are some things to think about/consider BEFORE making the move to the Uk as a Parent:

- If you have younger kids it’s important you have and bring all their medical and immunization records especially. You will be asked for it repeatedly and if it’s missing your child’s records here will have gaps.
- As soon as you know where you will be moving to, start researching schools. Find out which schools have the best reputation (s) then find out which area of catchment they fall under. In the UK, you are allocated a school primarily based on where you live (catchment area). The worst thing you can do is go for a lovely house in an area that has a rubbish school. Shortlist your preferred schools first so it will guide your house hunting activities
- Start reducing your tone (if you’re the type that shouts at kids) like most of us and practicing keeping your hands to yourself. This is particularly important when you have younger kids who don’t have verbal filter as such. Hitting kids here is NOT allowed. The earlier you get used to passing your message across without the use of force the better for you.
- Finally, understand that parenting alone in the Uk if you don’t have family around is NOT easy. It is hard, lonely, can be overwhelming and also isolating. However it can be done and it gets better. Your kids will learn to be independent faster than their home counterparts and things will generally be easier with time.

Note: These are mainly my opinions/ experience and/or gleaned from experiences of others I’ve been privy to. Feel free to add your take.

Thank you.

Spot on
A mama of two here

P:S- My husband and I use this account
Re: Parenting In The UK As A Nigerian Migrant. by Igbamatigbi: 4:09am On Mar 09, 2022
mex551:
Good topic.

Let me book my space now. Can't wait to explore this topic. My first question is , can a 13 year old boy stay with the younger ones at home after school while the parents go on to hustle? Is it an offence?

Awaiting answers to this as I do no not want the Social workers remembering me


I am a social work student, we did a course on child law and we were taught that children from age 12 can be left briefly with the younger siblings, I don't know how long the time is I think for few hours, you can check young carer under the children act 1989 ( that's the act social workers currently use)

We were told that you can enroll the young child under the younger carer program. Do your research, I think your 13 year old is legible and can take care if the younger ones, I didn't ask where but I know it's the local authority that will help you sign up for the younger carer program.

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Re: Parenting In The UK As A Nigerian Migrant. by umarwy(m): 4:19am On Mar 09, 2022
canadaishome:


Spot on
A mama of two here

P:S- My[b] husband and I use[/b] this account

Weldon

Now we know.
Re: Parenting In The UK As A Nigerian Migrant. by ukay2: 5:15am On Mar 09, 2022
Thanks Mamatukwas for this forum

2 Likes

Re: Parenting In The UK As A Nigerian Migrant. by LagosismyHome(f): 5:17am On Mar 09, 2022
Mamatukwas:


Agree with most of what you’ve said, but I’m not sure I agree with accepting speech therapy if you don’t think your child needs it. Most of our kids when they move here have difficulty understanding the accent and vice versa which is understandable. It will only take time.

I refused to allow anyone label my child anything especially as I hear those records stay for a long time and might invite additional scrutiny. Just my opinion though. Might be wrong.

Nothing like label here.... Sis that a Nigerian mindset thing. Even if it on record it doesn't mean negative or hamper any future thing

If a child need support I think the child should recieve all the support he or she needs without parent worrying about label or record.

The end goal is correction or management and that all that matters really. For me Label don't mean anything here, it even helps self in getting support ....... If time corrects it then good, it all part of correction and the support drops off

17 Likes

Re: Parenting In The UK As A Nigerian Migrant. by ukay2: 5:22am On Mar 09, 2022
Safeob27:
Thank you mamatukwas for opening this thread, I can already sense that it would be of immense help. Hopefully I’ll be in the UK by September God willing and thinking of how I’ll manage for 4 year old son. He can be very very naughty and cries a lot despite his age. He’s the type that cries at the supermarket , in school , church , everywhere and his sister is well behaved. Might sound somehow but thinking of leaving him in Nigeria with his grandparents because all efforts made to stop this habits have not been successful for now.

carry him come joor, my girl the cry too grin grin grin

many of the oyibo children that come to my hospital de cry well well too


every child has the right to cry, but no go de beat him oooo

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Re: Parenting In The UK As A Nigerian Migrant. by LagosismyHome(f): 5:28am On Mar 09, 2022
veleta:


Register them for swimming as soon as possible, dance, drama, football, music, rugby etc. It helps boost their confidence as well as their social circle.


This is agree so much... although its not easy keeping up due to your hands been full and cost but if you can try as much as possible then do. It definitely makes a more rounded child ......

At a minimum swimming from age 3 and up or as soon as you can .... swimming is a life needed skill
Re: Parenting In The UK As A Nigerian Migrant. by LagosismyHome(f): 5:32am On Mar 09, 2022
Safeob27:
Thank you mamatukwas for opening this thread, I can already sense that it would be of immense help. Hopefully I’ll be in the UK by September God willing and thinking of how I’ll manage for 4 year old son. He can be very very naughty and cries a lot despite his age. He’s the type that cries at the supermarket , in school , church , everywhere and his sister is well behaved. Might sound somehow but thinking of leaving him in Nigeria with his grandparents because all efforts made to stop this habits have not been successful for now.

This crying seems to be more common in boys based on my experience and some of my friends ...but don't worry he would soon turn to a big boy. Maturity will stop the cry. .... my son was like this, and he is part of b/g twin which made it more obvious..... in my head i am like see your age mate does she cry like this . Now at 7 to 8 I am not needing to bring a bucket to catch those tears. It just quietly disappeared with age and time .

12 Likes

Re: Parenting In The UK As A Nigerian Migrant. by Akorkor(f): 6:54am On Mar 09, 2022
Thank you all for this thread. Mother of 2 kids under 6 here. We have registered with a GP but council is yet to verify me. How do I go about this? When can I register them for school? Thinking of bringing the little one back in September. Also what is the fate of a child with speech delay? Is there free therapy or is the therapy expensive?

Also for Council verification, I registered into an application called Yoti as I saw that it aids quick verification process but my Nigeria address is being rejected. Don’t know what to do.

I stay in Scotland and I just moved in a month ago. Still trying to find my feet. Thank you mothers and Happy international Women’s Day

13 Likes

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