loko50:
Just Google it. It's a fact. It's not as if it's genetic but more of a psychological issue.
It becomes embedded in their subconscious mind and they don't know better ways of treating issues with their spouses.

it's also a fact that humans can overcome behavioral problem by unlearned behaviors which are detrimental to ourselves. That choice is available even to those psychologically impacted by abuse in their youth. So I am not entirely certain what it is that you are attempting here to argue.

BluntTheApostle:
For as long as you continue to fixate on physical abuse, domestic violence is going nowhere soon.

Domestic violence includes:

1. Physical (typically used by men)

2. Verbal (typically used by women)

3. Financial (both genders are capable)

4. Emotional (both genders are capable)

5. Psychological (both genders are capable).

You can't reduce domestic violence by fixating on reducing physical abuse.

Emotional abuse is even worse because it is subtle, and the victim may not know that they are being abused.

If you as a woman are a chronic nag who resorts to hurtful words to hurt her husband, if he hits you, do not think he is the only one guilty of domestic violence. You both are guilty.

I have tried to sanitize society the best I could, but seems like you people just want to play a gender blame game, instead of tackling the malaise head-on.

The only gender blaming going on here is with those who assume that because the OP'S article focuses on domestic violence against women in the populace assumes men are not also victims.

GloriousGbola:
And a culture that celebrates 'beating sense' into the weak

Precisely!

Benee1000:
Your take on domestic violence is very biased I must say.
It sees domestic violence as coming from only one gender, the male gender.

Domestic violence is not gender specific.

Wrong! Her Op is simply focused on domestic violence as it affects women.

leobergy:
Very true,my friend who beats his girlfriend back then is not from a broken home just that he is a spoilt brat

The men who do these things are simply bullies.... their bullying does not necessarily mean they were themselves raised in homes were abuse was regular feature. They choose this lifestyle maintained because they assume it is best for them.

1Sharon:
Women need to stop dating those kinds of men. Women are at fault because they find deviant men entertaining.

The good men that treat them how they're supposed to be treated are seen as boring and uninteresting.

My point! Women have a part in the problem that needs to be seriously addressed.

GloriousGbola:
The first step for women is to educate their girl children on what is and is not acceptable, and do your all to ensure your girl child is educated and has a sense of self worth.

A person who is earning her own money and knows her worth will not put up with this. This is how you can do it for the next generation.

Of course, our culture is the greatest enemy here

One of the reasons so many Nigerian marriages collapse abroad is that women suddenly find themselves in a place where divorce is not a social taboo, and your fellow women will have your back if you want out.

No one will see your back eye and tell you to go and pray, they will tell you to get out

This needs to begin taking place now.

Kobojunkie:
Wrong! Her Op is simply focused on domestic violence as it affects women.

How do you want to find an epidermic by looking at it from a one way street, I don't get ?

Oooh, you want to eradicate violence against women in marriages totally , then you can now start the campaign to eradicate violence against men in marriage too?, One at a time right ?, I get it now

Biglittlelois:




So if women avoid these sets of men, who will they turn their fist to? The air? You think those men won't look for ways to instill their tendencies one way or the other? So we should just let them continue being violent and focus on women?

When we know there will always be men with violent nature who will get wives through pretence or otherwise, why can't there be an awareness focused on men to curb their violent tendencies in their home and the society?


And who told you ladies don't stay with nice cool headed men? Your enclave cannot be the general notion for all women understand.

That's not what I'm saying. Ofcourse we shouldn't let them continue.

If women refuse to give bad guys attention and sexual access, they'd be forced to switch up their behaviour because it doesn't get them the outcome they want.

Women need to stop rewarding badly behaved men.

BluntTheApostle:


That is the bitter truth.

A woman who has no control over her tongue is no better than a man who has no control over his fists.

They are both ruled by anger, but explore different means to expel the steam.

You cannot tell only the man to go for anger management classes. Because that would be solving only a part of the problem.

When a fight happens, there are typically two sides: the aggressor and the reactor.

A woman nagging her husband endlessly is an aggressor. She needs as much conflict resolution lessons as the husband when he gives her a resounding slap to shut her up. If you fixate on the physical abuse, and overlook the emotional abuse, you are not helping that family. If the man learns to control his anger, he will still have to contend with a woman who is still the same chronic nag. There is just so much a man can take before he slaps her again.

Nagging is not abuse. When a woman says the same thing over and over again, that is different from when she calls him names, belittles him by mocking him about his shortcomings, that is abuse. A lot of women are experts at it. Nagging can degenerate to abuse. But nagging is not an excuse to raise your fists against anyone. It is the same for both men and women. Using gender as an excuse does not sit well with me. If a woman slaps a man, she should expect to be hit right back. Violence is never acceptable. Neither is verbal cruelty to someone you claim to love.
Both forms of abuse leave lingering scars but physical abuse very often results in death.

Kayyy:
How do you want to find an epidermic by looking at it from a one way street, I don't get ?

Oooh, you want to eradicate violence against women in marriages totally , then you can now start the campaign to eradicate violence against men in marriage too?, One at a time right ?, I get it now

Stop trying to make this what it isn't. If you wish to focus on domestic violence against men, then do so on another thread. The OP created this thread to specifically address domestic violence against women.

TjoBATHONG:
Morpheus24 Parrot69 heniford2

I thought u guys know how to treat women well that's why 30 million South African women are all after u

cc IronGalaxy JaceBlaze soilsista

Henifraud, when are u coming to SA - this month?

We already know this...not to mention how misogynistic most West African men are.Most of these laws we have enacted to protect women in SA will not be tolerated in Nigeria.

Biglittlelois:
1. So if women avoid these sets of men, who will they turn their fist to? The air? You think those men won't look for ways to instill their tendencies one way or the other? So we should just let them continue being violent and focus on women?

2. When we know there will always be men with violent nature who will get wives through pretence or otherwise, why can't there be an awareness focused on men to curb their violent tendencies in their home and the society?

3. And who told you ladies don't stay with nice cool headed men? Your enclave cannot be the general notion for all women understand.

1. You will agree that the less women we have in the way of the fists of these bullies the better.

The only way to handle these bullying cowards is to report them to the law and as long as society and the law continues to see these cases as a societal norm, domestic violence perpetrators will continue to thrive.

2. There can be that as well, but a more effective way to tackling domestic violence can be obtained through efforts focused on emboldening the victims of such men into playing a part in their own rescue.

3. What does it matter whether the the is nice cool headed or not? So long as domestic violence is involved at any point, a woman should know how to get out for her sake and for the sake of her children..

JaceBlaze:
We already know this...not to mention how misogynistic most West African men are.Most of these laws we have enacted to protect women in SA will not be tolerated in Nigeria.

In Nigeria, these bullies are sanctioned by the Law.... yes, in regions of the country, men are allowed to 'beat sense' into their wives, and this makes it much harder for the victims to get their abusers prosecuted.

Arielle:

Nagging is not abuse. When a woman says the same thing over and over again, that is different from when she calls him names, belittles him by mocking him about his shortcomings, that is abuse. A lot of women are experts at it. Nagging can degenerate to abuse. But nagging is not an excuse to raise your fists against anyone. It is the same for both men and women.

Using gender as an excuse does not sit well with me. If a woman slaps a man, she should expect to be hit right back. Violence is never acceptable. Neither is verbal cruelty to someone you claim to love.
Both forms of abuse leave lingering scars but physical abuse very often results in death.

I agree with you up until the point in bold. If a woman slaps a man, the man should be able to have her charged for assault. That is the way it ought to be.

QuinModah:
Domestic Violence Is An Accepted Nigerian Epidemic
Domestic violence is a funny problem because everyone online fights against it and indoors dey practice it

Domestic violence is not an issue of today its something that is done regularly in our society and its often commonly overlooked , there is no Nigerian that hasn't seen a man beating his wife , from neighbors to friends even movies show it, its a common thing here, when kids or young boys see men beating their wives they accept that its the way to handle issues , the fact the social media has made it possible for people to reach out Doesn't mean that it will stop , its normal to nigerians so stop hoping for any change , instead be observant

The problem is the women not the men b4 u eat me raw hear me out

Antelope when know wetin lion be has no business staying in the same house with it - jude 2017

If a woman is dating a man , it only takes one incident for her to know that he is a violent person , maybe one day she annoys him and he insults her or slaps her a normal woman with brain in her head will run away from that relationship no matter how hard the guy begs but when this happens to most women they will stay because of love or they are desperate for marriage if he is rich , they will be hoping that he will change over time. When you marry a man that has slapped u b4 or is quick to insult u , expecting marriage to change him is desperation my sister

If u know that ur man is hot tempered and you're desperate or u love him them learn to handle him , dont talk back at him when he is angry , become a sheep after all you're the desperate person , if ur brain they work u learn to live with it

When u see news or stories of a man beating a woman , don't be deceived the man didn't just beat her for the first time that day , he has been doing it for a very very long time , na that day own u hear

Most women will talk bad about it but when it happens to them they are quiet , the common nigerian thing of no be my matter people go hear

Conclusion; Nigerian society encourages it , even our leaders beat their wives , ebonyi state governor , if a random man beats his wife and he is arrested , he wouldn’t be convicted because even if its a crime they dont see it as one , police will tell him to calm down and na woman she be , in short they will call the beaten wife and advice her to learn to respect her husband

This is us , its the way we are , when we now see threads about it , guys that beat women will be shouting no its wrong as if they are any better , all na internet holiness


its simple my sisters

From you're mad to a slap to push to punch to beating to knife to strangle to I will kill you till he eventually kills you

The domestic violence thing isn't an individual problem its a Nigerian problem

if a man slaps u, insults u or gets angry easily dont marry him run as fast as ur legs can carry u

Domestic Violence is totally evil and inexcusably bad. It has no place in civilized human society.

Now, what is domestic Violence?

What does it mean?

What are the forms it takes?

Kellzzyy:
Nonsense.
When you're ready talk about female on male violence then we'll discuss.
The majority of domestic violence in Nigerian families is meted out by females on the males.
If you're not ready to discuss that then to hell with you and your worthless post. Shove it up your ass.

I disagree. When there's domestic violence involved, both partners are usually toxic to each other.

Physical abuse is more common with men because they are biologically stronger. And emotional abuse is more common with women because they are emotionally stronger. Either way, both genders are often guilty of abuse when there's domestic violence involved but the problem is the physical abuse is more visible

Kobojunkie:
1. Reread my response. I never said anything about being angry with you or anyone.

2. Children, even adults, make choices... we all do. We reject the wickedness and foolishness of our parents or we accept and imbibe them and perpetrate them as if our own.... choices. These toxic people who litter nairaland are individuals who choose to continue the toxic mistakes of their parents before them. They know better but they choose wickedness, in much the same way that others out there choose to stand against the wickedness and foolishness of the past no matter what.

3. Yes, I am more informed for it and I know how to be a good neighbor because of my experiences in life.

4. Ok.

You again.

Don't judge everyone by your own experience

You're able to recognize that your parents' behaviors were toxic. But, some people are so damaged that they cannot control themselves and end up becoming just as abusive as their parents. Some people even think that it's normal to be abusive

After all, our parents are usually our biggest role models

BTW, based on the red flags you mentioned earlier, I'm sorry. You may not see it but you are abusive - either emotionally or psychologically or both

I hope that you heal. All of us who have / had those red flags have them because of our dysfunctional upbringing

VeeVeeMyLuv:

U are angry with me for what? Am I the one responsible for the fact that children tends to take after their parents? Go ask nature please!

Oga I comot hand from your matter completely. See me walking away after washing my hands.

If u need more evidence look at the toxic people littering nairaland, they are either mostly from broken/dysfunctional/abusive homes. They are just only giving out what they know, have experienced.

Abusive home/parents made you who u are today? That is wonderful

Okay u know what? I give it to you. I will just agree to disagree.

There's no need for further arguments. U win

I agree with all that you said. Our parents are very influential

The lady you're replying to seems to use a more emotional approach. Any logical argument gets tossed out of the window

Many are already used to being abused at home by Nigerian parents.

So, why not simply accept domestic vawlence as a way of life.

bepositive11:
You again. Don't judge everyone by your own experience

1. You're able to recognize that your parents' behaviors were toxic. But, some people are so damaged that they cannot control themselves and end up becoming just as abusive as their parents. Some people even think that it's normal to be abusive . After all, our parents are usually our biggest role models

2. BTW, based on the red flags you mentioned earlier, I'm sorry. You may not see it but you are abusive - either emotionally or psychologically or both. I hope that you heal. All of us who have / had those red flags have them because of our dysfunctional upbringing

1. They cannot control themselves? What hogwash is that?

2. Spoken like a typical Nigerian. I mention to you that I have redflags in my life and boom... you assume like a dingbat that you have me all figured out.

When you are ready to get past you and actually converse like a sane adult. Let me know... till then Waka pass!

Kobojunkie:
it's also a fact that humans can overcome behavioral problem by unlearned behaviors which are detrimental to ourselves. That choice is available even to those psychologically impacted by abuse in their youth. So I am not entirely certain what it is that you are attempting here to argue.

You only unlearn something that you consiously acknowledge it's bad. You can never dispute that the behavior of parents in the presence of their kids influence their behavior in the long term. It's also likely that they feel what they are doing is the right thing, even if their actions are violent.

If you don't like to argue, then don't reply. Intellectuals respect superior argument and do not detest it. If you want to learn, open up your mind.

loko50:
1. You only unlearn something that you consiously acknowledge it's bad. You can never dispute that the behavior of parents in the presence of their kids influence their behavior in the long term. It's also likely that they feel what they are doing is the right thing, even if their actions are violent.

2. If you don't like to argue, then don't reply. Intellectuals respect superior argument and do not detest it. If you want to learn, open up your mind.

1. Again, if you read carefully you would have come to understand from the discourse that what I do not agree with is the assumption that these are genetic and so cannot be unlearned. I also don't agree with the bullsheet reasoning of some that these children cannot control themselves as adults.

2. Same goes to you.

Rubyjade:

Why are you shocked or surprised? He is saying the truth.

How will you feel if your spouse call you rubbish insultive names instead of loving words as u about to step out to work?

U women should realise that men are not machines! They have heart, flesh and blood like you too. Apart from that, women should always be conscious of the fact that the children too are watching!

bepositive11:


I agree with all that you said. Our parents are very influential

The lady you're replying to seems to use a more emotional approach. Any logical argument gets tossed out of the window

Thanks
Exactly
That lady even admitted she came from such a family,

Those toxic ways has completely consumed her taking a hold of her.
Very obvious as a clear as crystal in her replies.

EQUAL RIGHTS
EQUAL LEFTS

SHEKINA

ITS ACCEPTABLE ONLY WHEN WOMEN ARE THE OFFENDER

Arielle:

Nagging is not abuse. When a woman says the same thing over and over again, that is different from when she calls him names, belittles him by mocking him about his shortcomings, that is abuse. A lot of women are experts at it. Nagging can degenerate to abuse. But nagging is not an excuse to raise your fists against anyone. It is the same for both men and women. Using gender as an excuse does not sit well with me. If a woman slaps a man, she should expect to be hit right back. Violence is never acceptable. Neither is verbal cruelty to someone you claim to love.
Both forms of abuse leave lingering scars but physical abuse very often results in death.

It is obvious you don't know what abuse is.

And that is another major problem.

Nagging is emotional abuse.

Hope you know that nagging causes the victim to develop esteem problems?

And yet, you think it is not abuse.

BluntTheApostle:
It is obvious you don't know what abuse is.
And that is another major problem.
Nagging is emotional abuse.
Hope you know that nagging causes the victim to develop esteem problems?

And yet, you think it is not abuse.

Please read through the following articles before you continue..

https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to-distinguish-between-normal-marital-arguments-and-abuse#manipulation

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/surviving-your-childs-adolescence/202008/parent-adolescent-and-the-use-and-abuse-nagging

Kobojunkie:
The only gender blaming going on here is with those who assume that because the OP'S article focuses on domestic violence against women in the populace assumes men are not also victims.

Come on, that article believes domestic violence is physical abuse alone.

Otherwise, the writer would have stated that they were discussing domestic violence against women.

Kobojunkie:
Please read through the following article before you continue..

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/surviving-your-childs-adolescence/202008/parent-adolescent-and-the-use-and-abuse-nagging%3famp

Please, check the link.

It does not work.

BluntTheApostle:
1. Come on, that article believes domestic violence is physical abuse alone.

Otherwise, the writer would have stated that they were discussing domestic violence against women.

1. What article would that be and where is this stated in it?