i just received three hot slaps over wat about to write.
i am a lady whose 2 brother in law and a sister in law moved in with 2 months after my wedding. i was mandated to put in front of my husband siblings just to proof that i am a good wife.
my in laws are the type that always want to see me cry by frustrating me. they always want my hubby to provide all their needs while mine should be left unattended to.
i was slapped by my dear husband only becos i said "whatever" to what my hubby said concerning his younger sister. wat am i supposed to do. this is no film or nollywood story and please only sincere and responsible advice.

i was mandated to put food in front of them

Your husband does not respect or love you, that much is pretty clear or he won't subject you to such humiliating tasks in the presence of his siblings.
How well did you know him before marriage? What was your relationship like with his family before the two of you got married?
On a different note, Marriage must mean something else to Nigerians because the stories people post here are unreal.

i was not mandated by my husband but by my mother in law.

ajayme:

i was not mandated by my husband but by my mother in law.

Did he object? If he didn't say anything, then we can take his silence as consent.

My dear, pele, hmmmm, men bring problems upon themselves, taking sides with his family just shows how irresponsible he is, just overlook the slaps for now, and think of how you will send the siblings out of your home, because obviously your relationship with your husband is becoming strained and the affection towards each other is being tampered with, his siblings obviously do not know their place, I think you need sometime alone with your husband.

ajayme:

i just received three hot slaps over wat about to write.
i am a lady whose 2 brother in law and a sister in law moved in with 2 months after my wedding. i was mandated to put in front of my husband siblings just to proof that i am a good wife.
my in laws are the type that always want to see me cry by frustrating me. [size=18pt]they always want my hubby to provide all their needs while mine should be left unattended to[/size].
i was slapped by my dear husband only becos i said "whatever" to what my hubby said concerning his younger sister. wat am i supposed to do. this is no film or nollywood story and please only sincere and responsible advice.

At the bold, What kind of needs are we talking about here? Do you work or you don't? Or what kind of needs is this

Didnt you have a discussion with your husband before you got married about families coming to live with you?

Do you inlaws like you before you got married?

4 months after married you don dey chop slap. Well I hope you are not pregnant yet cos you might need to call your husband to one side and have a discussion with him. You might also want to involve your families

Cos na from small small slaps e dey start

big problem.


better pray.

don't get pregnant now. Plssssss

Lol @ OP -- slaps already. Find a way to kick your in-laws out of your house. Why did you let them move in, in the first place ? Now find a way to throw them out. Or else, they will destroy your marriage and kick or frustrate you out. Be strategic!

..

It's glaring that the husband doesn't care about you in any way.
Were you guys forced to get married? Did you trap him with pregnancy?
Is this a recent development or have things always been this way?

I can't even talk oh. Your husband has no respect for you, advice hmmmm: none. How does a man slap a wife of just 3 months? How does his family get to dictate to him and how how to serve them? Hmmmm, I hope they change I hope he will change and start respecting you. I hope you don't have the experience of escallation of violence that some of us had but my dear your situation looks bad, am still trying to wrap my brain around the slap and serve food part. That must ve been really painful. I really pray he never slaps you again and it never graduates from a slap. I feel really sad this brings back old memories. In most cases its from ordinary slap to shove from shove to beating with hands, from hands to belt and from belt to stumping and more violent acts like tying you up and stuff. Be very careful, I can't advice you cos the only thing I can say is dat u made a mistake marrying a man lije dat but telling you to leave now will sound wicked and silly but I hope this stops and you won't waste yrs of ur life in an abusive and disrespectful marriage

I've experience this nonsense of my husband siblings coming to stay with us when we moved to Nigeria 3years ago. My husband came a month before me so for his siblings to stay with him in that period no problem sins I was not around. When I came over I sit my husband down after 3weeks and told him we cnt start our new life like this. It was hard for him to tell them so we started having problems. I didn't know anywhere or anybody in Lagos but I took some of my stuff and checked into a hotel. He called me after two days that the house was empty if I can pls come back home. Its a risk I took and it worked out for me. We even moved far away from his family because he wanted no problems between them and us. So talk to him and make him understand pls. Maybe the situation is not easy for him to. Goodluck my dear

chaircover:

This is the problem with men who lack wisdom and maturity to deal with both sides of his family.

Agreed you cant please all of the people all of the time, but the best teacher is experience and everyone knows that in the majority of cases there will be rivalry between inlaws and the wife if they all live together, so why on earth allow for all these people to live with you so soon after your marriage.

This is a young marriage and it is hard enough the couple living together in peace in the early days without adding more stresses into to the marriage.

There is no excuse for the slap (and be careful because that is how it all starts)

I dont know your financial situation and why your husbands siblings are living with you in the first instance, but you must first find ways of gettign these people out of your home even if it means you giving up some luxuries so that your husband can afford to settle these people, so this is not the time to be asking for N50K aso ebi.

This is just the beginning and if you dont play your cards well, these people will destroy your marriage if already they are frustrating your husband enough for him to lash out at you.

Have a chat with your husband when he is in a sober mood and see if this works. If not, then get ready to import one of your most vocal relatives into your house to live with you to balance up; who knows the frustration and the constant fighting will spur your husband into chasing everyone away, when he doesnt have peace everyday he comes back from work.
@obowunmi I know how seriously you are against physical abuse against women, so may I ask why you didn’t advise the poster to leave her husband for physically abusing her but rather you are advising her to get rid of the relatives instead? I’m just curious that’s all.

At the bolded, Gbam, because it might be difficult to have him throw his siblings out, follow that advice, if you talk to him and he refuses.

@OP,
Intrusion of relatives in marriage is a double edged sword,especially in Africa.
Once you marry a man it is assumed you marry the entire family as well,on the other hand once you marry a woman it is equally assumed you have married her entire family as well.
For a newly weddded couple this kind of intrusion is not easy to deal with,but you must weather the storm,however i would not advise you to tell your husband to send hisbrother,sister and mother away because it is a double edged sword.
Remember your own sister,brother and mother may likely pay a visit soon,so the way you navigate this problem might come back to haunt you later.
As for your husband:Some men are prone to violence especially if you put them down in front of their family as you claim to have done.Men like their women to be submissive and the sooner you learn this the better.
Try to pet your husband,and when he is in a good mood you can in a subtle manner talk to him about how his family is affecting your happiness.
Remember be subtle.
Goodluck.

I just read this and I have to go work out before I respond to this. I really have nothing good to say right now. NOT ONE GOOD THING

This situation is not a double edged sword. No third parties and no in-law relatives in your home. Period. Kick them out asap. Be tactical.

Last time I checked my bible, the bible says: a husband is to cling to his wife and FORSAKE his family. This was written for a purpose in marriage. Your husband is to love, cherish and take care of you as he does with himself. Would he approve being treated this poorly by not only his spouse, but the family too? They have zero respect for you AND him! What kind of morals and values are taught in this family? My God! Livedit can't believe what she is reading! There is NO WAY in the world would I tolorate this behavior from my husband and especially not from his family!! Then on top of that, he had the ordasity to put his hands on you? I don't care what you said to his younger sister. Where is the open-communication and respect in this relationship? I'm not the one to promote divorce, but you definitely need to pray and ask God for guidance and wisdom so you will take a stand and seek professional help with this situation. Because this is going to take God to change this situation. (If this is His will for you two to be together)

Throw them out joor by put pressure on your husband.

You and your husband should move to a small apartment that will not allow unnecessary visitor(s) or "stayer(s)".

If your husband likes he should find another small apartment for his people.

juman:

Throw them out joor by put pressure on your husband.

You and your husband should move to a small apartment that will not allow unnecessary visitor(s) or "stayer(s)".

If your husband likes he should find another small apartment for his people.

Really? What is all this "have a conversation with him" about. A man that slaps his wife three times is an animal. I am pretty sure he is crazy. I am not sure what she was doing when he was slapping her 3 good times. I would have felt better had she said I slapped him back maybe once. He is going to beat your ass anyway. mscheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew. I am not sure how you people want her to kick anybody out. He already slapped her because she did not spoon feed these people. The only thing you need to be aware of at this point is that your husband is a wife beater. Your in laws will not rest until they turn you into their house girl in your home. They have already succeeded in fact. It is now up to you to decide if you will go mad and throw them out and face the consequences or stay there and be misreable posting one sorrowful story after the other on nairaland.

@OP
I have always advocated for a practice especially in culturally heterogeneous countries like Nigeria, where parents and family members of the couple formally sign dotted lines and agrrements during the wedding ceremony or in court not to move into the couples home in the first 2 years of their marriage to allow them bond and understand each other properly, this would increase marriage stability.

Your case is one of the many instances where people get married to masked strangers, u obviously did not ask serious questions especially from his inner circles which could include his family, best friend, you did not bother to find out about his pasts. No matter how smart a man aims to deceive , he must have exhibited similar traits to you before u guys got married, but you were blind, or did not see as a threat.

My advice is that you call your husband quietly and talk gently with him, explaining how you feel about the current situation, very soon you are going to be having kids, and the mental torture of been beaten in the presence of your kids is not something you want to go through, it could make your kids become physically aggressive as they grow.

If u are currently financially dependent on him, i would advise you get a job and get your self busy and engaged with other duties, also do not forget, God is always there for u.