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Is It Okay For Wife To Initiate Sex Always - Family (2) - Nairaland

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Is It Wrong For A Woman To Initiate Conjugal Act In Marriage? / My Wife Denies Me Sex Always / She Is Too Shy To Initiate Lovemaking With Her Husband (2) (3) (4)

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Re: Is It Okay For Wife To Initiate Sex Always by JovialJune(f): 8:41pm On May 26, 2022
TforT19:
Yeah I have but he denied it. I later involved someone he respect and analyze everything so he knows I know what am saying. He didn't confess to it. All he said was I am the best woman he has ever met and will choose me over and over again if he has to marry. I should stop bothering myself. He told the person he will put his house in order. And I stop pushing it since then.

Chai....God forbid.....it's a pity.

6 Likes

Re: Is It Okay For Wife To Initiate Sex Always by JovialJune(f): 8:53pm On May 26, 2022
TforT19:
Thanks to everyone who has advice I really appreciate you all. God bless you all and you will not have problem in your life in Jesus name. I will apply wisdom to everything and curb all excesses.


What stupid excesses are you talking about? Like Richy4 said, are you real? Because if you are, then your husband has completely destroyed your dignity, self worth and esteem, for you to come here to complain of sex, that means you see his cheating as your fault, are you so damaged that you can't stand up for yourself? How old are you? Are you working or depending on him for livelihood? How can you not see that wanting sex from a cheating husband will put you in danger health wise?

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Re: Is It Okay For Wife To Initiate Sex Always by Kobojunkie: 9:26pm On May 26, 2022
JovialJune:
What stupid excesses are you talking about? Like Richy4 said, are you real? Because if you are, then your husband has completely destroyed your dignity, self worth and esteem, for you to come here to complain of sex, that means you see his cheating as your fault, are you so damaged that you can't stand up for yourself? How old are you? Are you working or depending on him for livelihood? How can you not see that wanting sex from a cheating husband will put you in danger health wise?
TforT19, i have to be honest with you but you don't sound at all like you are still connected as far as reality is concerned. undecided

Your husband cheated on you, but rather than make certain his affairs have ended, you seem more concerned with clinging to him no matter what. That is a sad state to exist in as far as marriage and mental health is concerned. Please consider seeing a therapist to help you dig deep down to why you seem to feel some of the fault lies with you as far as your husband stepping out on your marriage. undecided

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Re: Is It Okay For Wife To Initiate Sex Always by frozen70(f): 10:03pm On May 26, 2022
TforT19:
My husband and I are married for 4years now and God as really helped us but I am the one who initiate sex most of the time and it often makes me feel unwanted because he sometimes turn me down and it hurts �.
I am always on sexy bumshort, trousers e.t.c yet my guy go lock up.
Recently I found out that he's been cheating on me and it's really getting at me because I have never for once denied him of sex.
But however I am managing the whole situation so it doesn't scatter my home.
But I really want to seek advice
1. should I stop making advancement or initiating sex maybe that will make him wants me.
2. I also want to ask if initiating sex all the time as a woman is okay or I should stop for now.
3. Lastly if a man gets steady love, care, sex, good food and attention home. why then does he cheat?

Guys please kindly advise me on what to do.

Some men will cheat even if he is married to a foreign Virgin

Just be loyal and humble
He wants to flex out and he is just making his plans to work out

You don't really need to be flashing yourself on him his mind may be else where

Just relax and be good looking over time he will adjust

If you keep diatuhim ams his mind is else where whereas his body is with you, he may not cooperate

For the fact that your have that idea of him cheating, just advice him to take caution because if infection that you still love him and wants both of you to be Infection free
Re: Is It Okay For Wife To Initiate Sex Always by rickpat(m): 10:10pm On May 26, 2022
JovialJune:



Thank you o jare,

Madame Op that doesn't want her marriage to scatter, your husband that is cheating is not destroying your home by himself abi, and you still dey open leg for am, you are not scared of STD or HIV, you want to remain in a marriage with a disrespectful, cheating, STD infested man in the name of endurance abi? Will he stay with you and endure if you were the one cheating?

Close your legs from him, go and look for other ways to satisfy yourself sexually so as to preserve for health, we only live once o....
na only God go help person for this love and marriage matter sha

1 Like

Re: Is It Okay For Wife To Initiate Sex Always by JovialJune(f): 10:19pm On May 26, 2022
[s]
frozen70:


Some men will cheat even if he is married to a foreign Virgin

Just be loyal and humble
He wants to flex out and he is just making his plans to work out

You don't really need to be flashing yourself on him his mind may be else where

Just relax and be good looking over time he will adjust

If you keep diatuhim ams his mind is else where whereas his body is with you, he may not cooperate

For the fact that your have that idea of him cheating, just advice him to take caution because if infection that you still love him and wants both of you to be Infection free

[/s]

Another emotionally damaged woman undecided

8 Likes 1 Share

Re: Is It Okay For Wife To Initiate Sex Always by frozen70(f): 10:25pm On May 26, 2022
JovialJune:
[s][/s]

Another emotionally damaged woman undecided

E pain you well well

1 Like

Re: Is It Okay For Wife To Initiate Sex Always by JovialJune(f): 10:28pm On May 26, 2022
frozen70:


E pain you well well


That you are emotionally damaged? Why should it pain me? Am I you?

9 Likes 2 Shares

Re: Is It Okay For Wife To Initiate Sex Always by NemoDatQuod(m): 12:49am On May 27, 2022
You seem to have forgiven your husband's infidelity. That is your right as a wife. Don't worry about those who are denigrating you for it. They're mostly those who will not know a relationship even if it is slapped onto their faces ("Sex is not food", "tone it down" and all the other gibberish that's been spout on here).

It seems in our generation, the only men who do not cheat are the ones who have not been caught (The women telling you to close your legs to your husband etc, are not yet ready to deal with reality). Our women seem to be giving us a run for our money in that department of infidelity too. The fact that you want your marriage to succeed and that you did not come here to seek advice about revenge, says a lot about you. Don't ever let the actions of others turn you into a different personality.

There is equally nothing wrong with being the one who initiates sex. It is your right. He is your man. But you're right that it does engender the feeling of not being found attractive or wanted by your partner. Have you tried having a conversation with him about it? I don't mean having a confrontational argument. I mean an actual conversation. Effective conversations have a time and setting and tone. A respectful, non-accusatory and friendly conversation at a time when you know he is fully present, may go a long way in helping you understand why. Being open and honest about how it makes you feel to be the one initiating sex most of the time may help him open up to you.

You see, most of us men ( and women in our generation) are hypocrites. We hide our true desires from our partners. We do this most times because that is what the Nigerian and African society expects of us. Sometimes we hide who we are because of the potential for serious embarrassment were we to reveal ourselves. It may be a good idea to also gradually give him an idea of the things you want in the bedroom and being open about them. Maybe with time he will also become open with you about the things he really wants in the bedroom, things that he will otherwise be embarrassed to discuss with you, the things that drive him into the hands of other women who he knows will not judge him or women he will not ever see again after a few sessions of sex. When you get to the point where a partner feels free to tell you his or her intimate desires in the bedroom and you are able and wiling to satisfy those desires, you end up winning the person's soul.

These are very serious matters few talk about. It requires tact and time to dig deep into the well of the soul. But when you do get there, you'd find all your heart's desires fulfilled. I assume you have the patience and tolerance required to do that. But remember that if yours is a marriage of daily quarrel and mutual disdain, there will not ever be the environment for such intimate discussions and trust.


TforT19:
My husband and I are married for 4years now and God as really helped us but I am the one who initiate sex most of the time and it often makes me feel unwanted because he sometimes turn me down and it hurts �.
I am always on sexy bumshort, trousers e.t.c yet my guy go lock up.
Recently I found out that he's been cheating on me and it's really getting at me because I have never for once denied him of sex.
But however I am managing the whole situation so it doesn't scatter my home.
But I really want to seek advice
1. should I stop making advancement or initiating sex maybe that will make him wants me.
2. I also want to ask if initiating sex all the time as a woman is okay or I should stop for now.
3. Lastly if a man gets steady love, care, sex, good food and attention home. why then does he cheat?

Guys please kindly advise me on what to do.

1 Like

Re: Is It Okay For Wife To Initiate Sex Always by NemoDatQuod(m): 1:03am On May 27, 2022
Maybe you should first be focused on the diseases your own partner will bring home. It is arrogance and hubris for you to assume that your own partner is faithful to you because you have not caught her or because of the misguided notion that she drank from a well different from the well most other Nigerian women drank from. That country has been infested with the spirit of "self first". It has affected both men and women in equal measure.

Let's leave this lady to make her own choices while we focus on sharing our perspective with regards to ONLY the area she seeks suggestions on. Let's keep our sense of being perfect to ourselves!




Richy4:


You are human.. u have feelings as well.. if truly your story is authentic, and u got prove that he was cheating, the Last thing on your mind would be to initiate sex.. it doesn't sound real that he was cheating on u and u are talking about sex.. u should lash out, u should remove the anger that is bottled up.. not using sex to cure a cheating spouse...

Again, You are not even worried about the consequences of getting infected with diseases that is incurable..All u were focusing is on how to keep him.. hence living yourself vulnerable ...

I won't teach u on how to react on situations like this but again, are u for real? Are u really really a citizen of this planet Earth?

1 Like

Re: Is It Okay For Wife To Initiate Sex Always by Channah1(f): 1:38am On May 27, 2022
You found out he cheats and you're still there managing the situation because of sex?

Come... Do you people know what marriage is really all about or you just start off by having sex and then jump into marriage thinking sex is all there is to marriage?

Did you ever attend a proper marriage seminar at all?

Well .. it seems your marriage was founded on sex hence your constant initiation of it and your husband's randy behavior. That's the only thing that brought you together and its about to tear you apart.

Secondly, you're only risking your life by your continuous stay with a cheating husband because once he contracts a disease, you can't escape it as sex is also your food.

I know of a woman who didn't know the hubby was cheating but because after he stopped giving her attention, she on the other hand didn't bother as she didn't see it as food, she was able to escape it when the man contracted HIV. This was a man everyone knew in the area. He died while the woman moved on with her life after testing negative with her children.

So, stay there and be waiting for sex.

5 Likes 2 Shares

Re: Is It Okay For Wife To Initiate Sex Always by Graxie(f): 2:11am On May 27, 2022
Why do you hate yourself so much?Some idiots are even advising you on how to cope, some claimed sex is not food.

I thank God for consistent men here, they will never support evil.

Society and parents don damage many women, church finish others. See Osinachi sister, asking for sex in order to keep her dog.

Madam, marriage ends here, on earth! You can't find happiness outside you, you can't find fulfilment outside you, your emotional stability is in you.

How can you give another person the power to control your life? What if he sends you packing? Or if he dies, will that be your end?

7 Likes 2 Shares

Re: Is It Okay For Wife To Initiate Sex Always by Richy4(m): 3:36am On May 27, 2022
NemoDatQuod:
Maybe you should first be focused on the diseases your own partner will bring home. It is arrogance and hubris for you to assume that your own partner is faithful to you because you have not caught her or because of the misguided notion that she drank from a well different from the well most other Nigerian women drank from. That country has been infested with the spirit of "self first". It has affected both men and women in equal measure.

Let's leave this lady to make her own choices while we focus on sharing our perspective with regards to ONLY the area she seeks suggestions on. Let's keep our sense of being perfect to ourselves!

embarassed embarassed
Hmmm!! I don't think you are stupid buddy, I guess u just have badluck when you are thinking ... This singular write up of yours reminded me to take out the trash and it has never happened before.. have a nice day somewhere else man angry

2 Likes

Re: Is It Okay For Wife To Initiate Sex Always by akaahs(m): 9:39am On May 27, 2022
Different stroke for different forks, in my own case am d one always demanding since we got married last year and d funny thing is she doesn't like sex like me and we don't live in the same town with my wife due to our jobs.
Madam nothing wrong as far u do it moderately in order not to be seen desperate.
Re: Is It Okay For Wife To Initiate Sex Always by NemoDatQuod(m): 4:57pm On May 27, 2022
Words are cheap. That's why you have many! And that's why you will stay exactly where you are!




Richy4:

embarassed embarassed
Hmmm!! I don't think you are stupid buddy, I guess u just have badluck when you are thinking ... This singular write up of yours reminded me to take out the trash and it has never happened before.. have a nice day somewhere else man angry
Re: Is It Okay For Wife To Initiate Sex Always by Richy4(m): 5:09pm On May 27, 2022
NemoDatQuod:
Words are cheap. That's why you have many! And that's why you will stay exactly where you are!

I believe where I am is better than where u are... grin I will ignore you so hard from now on that you start doubting your existence... As a Pillock, u can have the last word..

3 Likes

Re: Is It Okay For Wife To Initiate Sex Always by NemoDatQuod(m): 7:06pm On May 27, 2022
Who told you that the outback of Australia is better than the centre of the world! Start using your ability to reason! Also learn to argue points and not throw insults when you are called out on thoughtless suggestions which are equally applicable to you.


Richy4:

I believe where I am is better than where u are... grin I will ignore you so hard from now on that you start doubting your existence... As a Pillock, u can have the last word..

1 Like

Re: Is It Okay For Wife To Initiate Sex Always by StPete: 7:47pm On May 27, 2022
LusciousLouis:
[s]All i can say is that Sex is not food undecided[/s]

Sex is by far sweeter than food. I'd have sex everyday and twice on Sunday if I have to
Re: Is It Okay For Wife To Initiate Sex Always by sweetman2022: 6:18am On May 28, 2022
When we advocate that women should equip themselves to be independent to their man, this is where we are driving to.
You can't try this in a man's home, he would have chase you away, but here you are despite knowing the consequences his actions can bring on you, you still want to satisfy him.
Someone you should have stopped having sex with or move out, you are here asking when he will start initiating sex. I can't stop laughing.
Abeg continue your marriage as you dim fit.
Me I be single man ooo..what do I know about marriage.
Until you ladies stop being a parasite to your husband and learn to be of value to him. You guys will continue to suffer like this, because every man respect and fear to lose a valuable woman and will not dare do rubbish to her because he will know that if I lose this woman, I will regret it for the rest of my life.

3 Likes

Re: Is It Okay For Wife To Initiate Sex Always by Cousin9999: 8:59am On May 28, 2022
This guy doesn't know how good he has it.

1 Like

Re: Is It Okay For Wife To Initiate Sex Always by ogawisdom(m): 10:51am On May 28, 2022
For a man sex is a physical activity that means nothing. They don't get attached bc of it.

But if after 3 months he has not initiated sex with you then sth is wrong.

A man is naturally adventurous, even if he is a pastor he desires to fu.k another lady only his faith stops him
Re: Is It Okay For Wife To Initiate Sex Always by Blue86(m): 5:54pm On May 28, 2022
Your husband needs to be warned.

You are not wrong in initiating sex.

He is wrong in denying you, and not initiating sex too.

If you know who he respects deeply and you can trust, report him to that one.
Preferably, a woman.

And the best person to report to is God, In Jesus name.
Re: Is It Okay For Wife To Initiate Sex Always by Kobojunkie: 6:24pm On May 28, 2022
Blue86:
And the best person to report to is God, In Jesus name.
The same God who said your marriages are of this world and not of the Kingdom of God - Luke 20 vs 34 - 36 - ? undecided

Look, the OP sees what husband is doing wrong but turns a sort of blind eye to it. Doesn't that inform you enough to know that God is the last thing on her mind at this time, this since her god of choice is instead her husband from the looks of things. undecided

Make una no dey drag God's name into these things abeg! undecided

1 Like

Re: Is It Okay For Wife To Initiate Sex Always by cococandy(f): 7:16pm On May 28, 2022
You will keep groveling and never get the same level of consideration and respect you afford him simply because you’re okay with catering to his excesses.

TforT19:
experience is the best teacher, this has happened to my uncle, it led to divorce and he ended up marrying the side chick who now has a child for him, I don't want mine to end up the same way. infact things was already going bad because I bring this up in the house if not for the intervention of God and the people. He start being defensive in the house and pick up fault in the house. I am no longer pushing It and things is falling back in shape even better than before. But I just feel like I should address this part I want to know what I should do differently so I don't end up chasing him out. Have watch several you tube videos because of my case but I still feel I should talk to people to get direct feed back.

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Re: Is It Okay For Wife To Initiate Sex Always by cococandy(f): 7:18pm On May 28, 2022
.

1 Like

Re: Is It Okay For Wife To Initiate Sex Always by bukatyne(f): 7:49pm On May 28, 2022
TforT19:
My husband and I are married for 4years now and God as really helped us but I am the one who initiate sex most of the time and it often makes me feel unwanted because he sometimes turn me down and it hurts �.
I am always on sexy bumshort, trousers e.t.c yet my guy go lock up.
Recently I found out that he's been cheating on me and it's really getting at me because I have never for once denied him of sex.
But however I am managing the whole situation so it doesn't scatter my home.
But I really want to seek advice
1. should I stop making advancement or initiating sex maybe that will make him wants me.
2. I also want to ask if initiating sex all the time as a woman is okay or I should stop for now.
3. Lastly if a man gets steady love, care, sex, good food and attention home. why then does he cheat?

Guys please kindly advise me on what to do.

1. In my experience (personal, others, movies, stories, teachings etc), the sex drive of men is 'dominant' than women. That means they initiate/want sex more often than their women. When they love her and/or find her attractive, they are more interested expressing that through sex. When your man is not forthcoming sexually, it is one of some things:
a. You repulse him or he hates you;
b. He is sexually unattracted to you;
c. He has low libido;
d. He is broke/bothered about something;
e. He has a disease he doesn't want to pass to you;
f. He is gay; etc.

2. Stop initiating sex if you don't feel like having it. Initiating sex all the time without him showing desire in you or initiating sometimes could take a hit on your self worth and you begin to wonder what's wrong with you. Instead of initiating, you can passively seduce him by dressing up in a suggestive manner.

3. Because he wants to/he can. Also note that your definition of his needs might not be his; your definition of good food/sex/care bla bla bla might also defer from his.

A better approach than your questions (just answered them) is to hold him accountable for:
1. His disinterest in you sexually
2. the adultery especially if you want to continue the marriage.

Ask him why he cheated and create your boundaries. Would you walk out a second time? Is adultery a deal breaker for you? Is your grouse the adultery or the fact you found out? Or that he is not interested in you while sleeping with someone else? Do you unconsciously believe all men are adulterous and just want compensation?

You need to be truthful to yourself and know what you want.

Also consider STD(I)s and explore stopping sex or getting him to use protection.

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Re: Is It Okay For Wife To Initiate Sex Always by bukatyne(f): 7:52pm On May 28, 2022
TforT19:
I do it because I want to keep him. Thanks a lot for your advice. I really appreciate.

You mean you initiate sex with your disinterested husband because you want to keep him (stop him from committing adultery)?

Did he ever cheat on you during courtship?

Where is the urge to 'keep him' coming from?

Do you have kids?

Do you work/earn money?
Re: Is It Okay For Wife To Initiate Sex Always by UjuJoan2: 9:02pm On May 28, 2022
TforT19:
experience is the best teacher, this has happened to my uncle, it led to divorce and he ended up marrying the side chick who now has a child for him, I don't want mine to end up the same way. infact things was already going bad because I bring this up in the house if not for the intervention of God and the people. He start being defensive in the house and pick up fault in the house. I am no longer pushing It and things is falling back in shape even better than before. But I just feel like I should address this part I want to know what I should do differently so I don't end up chasing him out. Have watch several you tube videos because of my case but I still feel I should talk to people to get direct feed back.

Do you really want to keep him because you love him? Or because you want to maintain the wife status?

Seriously? How did we get to start thinking so little of ourselves. A man clearly cheats on you and all you are concerned about is not pushing him away.

You should be the one being begged not to leave. What you are doing is sad. I’m sorry if I sound harsh but this is disgusting!

8 Likes 3 Shares

Re: Is It Okay For Wife To Initiate Sex Always by Blue86(m): 7:32am On May 29, 2022
Please read that verse you quoted well again. Then read what begat that discussion and read down again.
Kobojunkie:
The same God who said your marriages are of this world and not of the Kingdom of God - Luke 20 vs 34 - 36 - ? undecided

Look, the OP sees what husband is doing wrong but turns a sort of blind eye to it. Doesn't that inform you enough to know that God is the last thing on her mind at this time, this since her god of choice is instead her husband from the looks of things. undecided

Make una no dey drag God's name into these things abeg! undecided
Re: Is It Okay For Wife To Initiate Sex Always by Stargurl20(f): 10:17am On May 29, 2022
LusciousLouis:
All i can say is that Sex is not food undecided
Can you imagine you reply
Re: Is It Okay For Wife To Initiate Sex Always by Kobojunkie: 1:07pm On May 29, 2022
Blue86:
Please read that verse you quoted well again. Then read what begat that discussion and read down again.
The verse and comment made are perfectly in order from where I sit. undecided

The same God who said your marriages are of this world and not of the Kingdom of God - Luke 20 vs 34 - 36 - ? undecided

Look, the OP sees what husband is doing wrong but turns a sort of blind eye to it. Doesn't that inform you enough to know that God is the last thing on her mind at this time, this since her god of choice is instead her husband from the looks of things. undecided

Make una no dey drag God's name into these things abeg! undecided
Re: Is It Okay For Wife To Initiate Sex Always by TforT19: 10:32pm On May 29, 2022
Am glad everyone is pouring out their mind. He even comes home late and yet expect the best treatment. I don't know his monicker I would have release it here so you guys can help me talk to him. Either ways let him read all these comments maybe God can use it to touch his heart. I have kids and am also doing business although he earns more than me. He's a civil servant. The whole thing self don tire me. Am also a graduate but I haven't gotten a good job for now. I was working in a bank but after our marriage I relocated with him so I lost the job because of that. Hmmm it is well. I pray God help me through this, I know God will help I didn't just want to deal with things foolishly that's why I came here for advice. I have gotten some and I will keep picking more. Thanks to you all

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