Kobojunkie:
I am sorry but your reasoning is yours, not hers since she is the woman who has lived 16 years with this man, where you never have.

So, accept what I have said as my portion and move on..

That's not my reasoning. That's literally what the OP posted. Did you not read the post?

You have a weird agenda.

ReneJay:
Good day nairalanders. I want to seek your advice on behalf of my uncle.

Pardon me for any typographical errors. My uncle has been married to this lady for almost 16 years. They have two kids. According to his narration, the first five years of marriage was wonderful.

But things took a sudden twist later on. The wife has changed in both attitude and manners. The man is a civil servant and earns 70k monthly and his wife is a teacher. She earns 35k monthly.

The twist is, the wife has stopped supporting the man financially. In fact, anything she buys for the family or for the children, she asks for the money, even as little as spice cubes. My uncle had to report the matter to my father, his brother, after several years of enduring her strange attitude. My father called her to table the matter. She admitted the accusations. In her defence, she said it is the responsibility of the man (husband) to provide for the family. what broke my uncle's heart was the day the rent of their house was due, he hadnt pieced together the rent and was going about to seek loans from friends and family. He asked her if she knew who to loan from and she said she didn't know who to loan from. To his dismay, he got wind from a friend that his wife was looking for a piece of land to buy with God knows how and where she got the money from. She even told him she doesn't have a dime to add to whatever he's able to raise. He does everything in the house from A to Z.

He needs advice on what to do. Should he file for divorce and hope things would get Rosy enough to start afresh with someone else? Or should he call for a meeting with her family and our family to try to mediate and make her see reasons why she should be supportive?

Matured advice please.

Tell your uncle to send her back to her family
She should go use part of her salary of 35k to rent a place
Marriage is a union of two not one " she said it is the responsibility of the man (husband) to provide for the family."
I

PlaYaJones:



is she lightskin ?

Is this one for real? What has light skin got to do with it?

He should ask her to resign that work she doing and make full house wife.

Favfables1:
My dear beloved OP....

I'm surprised that you're surprised at the behavior of your uncle's wife ... Honestly i'm shocked at your shock towards her behavior ....

Because as far as I can tell, this is the ideology that wayyyy over 99.9% of women have. You'll hear women saying "my money is my money and his money is also my money", so it's nothing new ...

If I were in your uncle's shoes, I would separate from her the moment she changed, I wouldn't even condone this rubbish for a second longer ....

I would totally neglect her and focus on my kids, and this would continue until she comes to her senses and realize that the burdens of the family is not meant to be shouldered by the man alone ....

Brainz,4 ur mind!

Foreigna2:
He should secretly divorce her. File divorce in a far place and she won't get wind of it. Or he can even divorce her without going there. Non appearance.
After divorcing her, he can keep living with her till he finds another lady and starts raising another family on the side. You can then port and let this stingy fool go and hustle for herself.

She is planning for life without him, he should also plan for life without her.

lol person nor fit pay house rent ,you say make he go marry join the responsibility wey dey e neck. Una funny for this forum sha

blindjustice13:
lol person nor fit pay house rent ,you say make he go marry join the responsibility wey dey e neck. Una funny for this forum sha

70k is enough for a man with a SUPPORTIVE woman, not a parasite.
What is paining that man is not that she didn't give him, it is the obvious betrayal.
He suppose pay am back in the same coin.

If after exhausting dialogue, she doesn't change...He shud define what he can afford and do it directly while making it obvious to the kids
If she asks for refund of things she bought, he shud not obliged her

Foreigna2:


70k is enough for a man with a SUPPORTIVE woman, not a parasite.
What is paining that man is not that she didn't give him, it is the obvious betrayal.
He suppose pay am back in the same coin.

You think such a woman will care though? The man will only be incurring more responsibilities while the person he wants to spite become less financially burdened.

Worse she go cry then face her house wey she dey build while Mr man starts buying pampers all over again from new wife in addition to the responsibility of this two older children. Let's not forget his retirement is closer than 16 years ago when he married the other lady. You think having kids is joke in this era for a man who is likely above 40 already.


That's like cutting your nose to spite your face.,wrong advice bro.

If your 3 months salary doesn't pay your house rent, na oversabi u dey do oo..

If your uncle wasn't married, won't he pay his house rent himself ?,if it is A room self con he can afford, that is what he should have rented in this First place with that 70k salary.

The wife Is earning a paltry Sum of 35k.How much will she remove for clothes, make her hair and transport fare to work out of that money, your uncle still wants her to remove house rent out of it.

What if she has to pay back that loan she wants to use to buy land from her salary.

Your Uncle should leave according to what he has,if it is only house rent and food for the children he can afford ,he should do it and let the wife cater for her feeding and wellbeing

Emma2Seconds:
Nah The Same Species, I thought that the Op Is a Guy Reporting The Did Without Knowing That they are the same daughters Of EVE. Sorry Sister Your Own Time Is Coming For You To Start Your Own Stupidity Because It's Always In Una (women) Blood. No verse For The Write up, I come in peace ok

Bro lolz, abeg take am easy. i can't stop laughing, even me self think say na guy before but as i see say na girl, i just reserve my advice..all of dem be dsame.

faithfull18:
If she changed five years into the marriage, then you should find out why. An action from your uncle could have triggered the reaction.

This is how a sane person should reason. If a man was getting a right attitude from his wife, she was enjoying his attitude then. When she changed, it was because the husband took her loyalty for granted and started misbehaving.

He's probably drinking off whatever is left of his salary or he's a womanizer. A woman can manage whatever she makes. If a woman wants buy land, let her buy. It's better than being a tenant all their lives after 15 years of marriage! If she can get his support, they will be landlords in no time

Your uncle should manage. He is the HEAD of the house. The CAPTAIN of the ship. HE IS THE ALPHA MALE. THE ONE WHO MUST BE SUBMITTED TO. The LION of the tribe of Judah. The one with the PHALLUS.

She is a mere woman and should focus on the Kitchen. Next thing now, she will say her husband should HELP her go to the market and cook ofe nsala for them to eat before she comes back from work. Tufiakwa!!!! THAT WILL BE A SACRILEGE THAT THE GODS OF THE LAND FORBIDS. THAT WILL BE AN ABOMINATION. We alpha males will never take that. We are traditional men. Who needs her money to care for the family.

Nigerian women are all useless and do not have money. We are the only ones who make money. We are the greeat red okpillas! We are the ODOGWUS. We will provide cos we are not useless. We only call Nigerian woman useless. She should face the kitchen along with all her numerous house duties. That we expect all this from this women and also expect them to drop thier salaries doesn't mean she and that land she bought for your uncle's kids to inherit aren't all useless.

USELESS!

amazingspiderma:
Woman want to buy land, this OP is here complaining.
When you marry you will understand how valuable the woman is to the man.

I don't judge people by rumors, I watch their actions.

Thank God she wasn't going to buy IPhone 13.

OP you and your uncle are myopic. She is thinking long term. I believe if she were to let him know, he would misappropriate the money.

If I were the woman, the land will stay in my name.

These extended family members that are not married are the problem of that marriage.


Thank me later in 5 years time.

OP get a life, your family is the problem.
Why should buying land become a problem.

I am a married man, and I stand for any woman who can think ahead for the welfare of their family. Some men don't have the ability to discern a good woman.
You and your uncle have foundation problem. You want to dominate the woman from making progress.

A woman who is planning to stop your uncle from been a tenant to making him a landlord.

I wish I can see you face to face, I suppose knock you.

Get out of that house, parasite.

She will eventually bring her smaller bf to screw in the house whilst a SIMP of a hubby like u sleeps in the trenches. It is people like you that support the vile nature of these women of nowadays. Buying that property in that situation is high grade stupidity. If the source of income is pure and untainted, what stops her from contributing at least 'part' of the amount for rent (after all, she must be able to afford 50% with the cash-at-hand in her possession.)
So, you feel she will put you back in that house after building or continue listening to the vile woes of feminism to abandon her so-called 'lazy' husband for a better one. Mk evrybdy jus getat abeg!

ReneJay:
Good day nairalanders. I want to seek your advice on behalf of my uncle.

Pardon me for any typographical errors. My uncle has been married to this lady for almost 16 years. They have two kids. According to his narration, the first five years of marriage was wonderful.

But things took a sudden twist later on. The wife has changed in both attitude and manners. The man is a civil servant and earns 70k monthly and his wife is a teacher. She earns 35k monthly.

The twist is, the wife has stopped supporting the man financially. In fact, anything she buys for the family or for the children, she asks for the money, even as little as spice cubes. My uncle had to report the matter to my father, his brother, after several years of enduring her strange attitude. My father called her to table the matter. She admitted the accusations. In her defence, she said it is the responsibility of the man (husband) to provide for the family. what broke my uncle's heart was the day the rent of their house was due, he hadnt pieced together the rent and was going about to seek loans from friends and family. He asked her if she knew who to loan from and she said she didn't know who to loan from. To his dismay, he got wind from a friend that his wife was looking for a piece of land to buy with God knows how and where she got the money from. She even told him she doesn't have a dime to add to whatever he's able to raise. He does everything in the house from A to Z.

He needs advice on what to do. Should he file for divorce and hope things would get Rosy enough to start afresh with someone else? Or should he call for a meeting with her family and our family to try to mediate and make her see reasons why she should be supportive?

Matured advice please.

Why would a sensible man stay married to a woman who doesn't love him??

Let her do anything she wants. Heaven is the goal.

She can gain the whole world, but it counts for nothing if she does it by deception.

No wealth goes with a man to the grave.

All is well with your Uncle.

Best wishes

PonziHater

faithfull18:
If she changed five years into the marriage, then you should find out why. An action from your uncle could have triggered the reaction.

assuming it was the man that changed,i am so sure you will still blame the man that that's how men are.
An average Nigerian woman will always find a way to support their gender.

Surprisingly,when it comes to election or other more important things they forget such support

DKM123:
Your uncle should manage. He is the HEAD of the house. The CAPTAIN of the ship. HE IS THE ALPHA MALE. THE ONE WHO MUST BE SUBMITTED TO. The LION of the tribe of Judah. The one with the PHALLUS.

She is a mere woman and should focus on the Kitchen. Next thing now, she will say her husband should help her go to the market and cook ofe nsala for them to eat before she comes back from work. Tufiakwa!!!!
THAT WILL BE A SACRILEGE THAT THE GODS OF THE LAND FORBIDS. THAT WILL BE AN ABOMINATION. We alpha males will never take that. Who needs her money to care for the family. Nigerian women are all useless and do not have money! Who needs her money!

Lol.

I see what you did there. All the alpha males should be happy with this development. An alpha male is being left to do his alpha work

where and how can 35k salary buy a piece of land.
before you try to discredit a person, ensure your story adds up.

Foreigna2:
He should secretly divorce her. File divorce in a far place and she won't get wind of it. Or he can even divorce her without going there. Non appearance.
After divorcing her, he can keep living with her till he finds another lady and starts raising another family on the side. You can then port and let this stingy fool go and hustle for herself.

She is planning for life without him, he should also plan for life without her.

You people's advice is funny sha.
You want him to raise another family when he's barely taking care of the one he has.

faithfull18:
If she changed five years into the marriage, then you should find out why. An action from your uncle could have triggered the reaction.

It's always the woman's point of view. The woman can never come up to tell a man that she feels upset. But she can always make the man go through torture for 9 years, because 9years is not enough punishment for whatever must be hurting her.

The man is a generator repairer looking for his fault even when he cannot find it.

All the best to men who pack trouble along for themselves like Christmas tree. Their salvation with come in Christ name. Similar prayer goes for all the good women who's men have made their life's a living hell. May true Judge provide justice speedily

Best wishes

PonziHater

JovialJune:



Is this one for real? What has light skin got to do with it?

Of couse she need to lightskin or halfcast...lightskin & halfcasst womens are more important, I like? no ooofencse)

JovialJune:



Is this one for real? What has light skin got to do with it?

by the way, r u lightskin?

How people manage to have an opinion on a one sided story especially when the story is told by one party's family member makes me wonder.

Anyway, there won't be peace until both parties seek for help and also learn basic communication skills.

The woman with her 35k salary maybe disciplined enough to have saving sense to plan for the future for her family. After all 1+1 in marriage is 1.

So dear OP, steer clear from these couples marital issue and mind your biz. They will sort themselves out when they decide to let go of pride and work together.

harmony75:
Why are you so quick to suggest divorce? You think that's how easy it is abi if he remarries the problem will just fly away? abeg leave them to settle their differences na you wan marry the man abi na your sugar daddy he has come to complain to you? If not so where's the divorce coming from do you know what this woman have been facing? She's a woman like you please get out in between them to settle.

Lmao
Na 70k he go use hire lawyer nau

rosalieene:
where and how can 35k salary buy a piece of land.
before you try to discredit a person, ensure your story adds up.

Teachers have cooperative. She may have received her share from the Ajo and decides to use it cor the future

PlaYaJones:



Of couse she need to lightskin or halfcast...lightskin & halfcasst womens are more important, I like? no ooofencse)

Mrcork, I didn't know it is you, if not I wouldn't have quoted you in the first place

Pls don't quote me again, abeg.

faithfull18:
If she changed five years into the marriage, then you should find out why. An action from your uncle could have triggered the reaction.

Thanks dear, a very good response,the problem between husband and wife,it’s only God that can judge. I got married some years back,my husband didn’t tell me he was married with three children until later,we married traditionally,religiously and legally. He introduced my co-wife to me after I had a baby for him as a Muslim I accepted my faith because I had a child from my previous relationship. I was a working class woman with a good job when we met,he relocated from the North to West because of North problem and my friend help him to secured a job,his family were happy because he is staying very close to the village though we were in different cities that time. The first wife is in his village. I always tell him to be visiting his family all the time. All those times I was the one paying the house rent,paying school fees and buying foods stuff and footing many things in the house,he will come and drop a little or complained of lack of money. I didn’t complain because I was okay and believed him. His company had problems in paying salaries that year,I paid house rent in his village so that the landlord will not send the wife and children away from the house,he will collect money from me and send it to his family. I tried to make friend with the wife and children by buying things for them without his knowledge, buying clothes together,phone when she complained she didn’t have he later lost his job and move to where I am staying. I started taking responsibilities on his behalf for some months before he got another job,my neighbor advised us to buy land,I told him he said no problem,he didn’t drop any money to support me but people told to build, i taught he will drop money later because our names are on the receipt. Since he didn’t drop anything I was the one doing everything because my Imam told me that if A man refused to do his responsibilities God will raise the woman up.We move in to the house without completing it because of Landlord’s problem. I later completed the house up to 90% after some years. I later did the documents in my children’ s name with his support. I lost my job and this man showed me pepper,they started sending my children out of school,hunger,frustration and depression set in. I later learnt from a reliable source that my husband is building house in his village without my knowledge and he is leaving in my house that I built with my sweat. I asked him he denied, it was his family member that told me. anytime I travel to his village for occasions,his wife will be abusing me,calling my child from previous relationships a bastard though I always ignore her,his brothers and wife will be disrespecting me.Though others are good to me including his mum and dad. I have a good mind with them but they are paying me with evil. So now I asked for divorce from him but he refused,I told him to leave my house and moved to his wife and children ,the family said I want to remove him where he is working, rent a house for me like my co-wife is a big problem for him he told his wife that my house belongs to him. But I started shouting to his family and people around me ,they said I’m disgracing and victimizing him. I really thank my God for not letting me down and my family and friends. Though he is still with because he brought out the monster in me. I told him I will not pay school fees again. Thank God I got another work this year. Sorry for the long post and my grammar,I went to an evening school.

ReneJay:
Good day nairalanders. I want to seek your advice on behalf of my uncle.

Pardon me for any typographical errors. My uncle has been married to this lady for almost 16 years. They have two kids. According to his narration, the first five years of marriage was wonderful.

But things took a sudden twist later on. The wife has changed in both attitude and manners. The man is a civil servant and earns 70k monthly and his wife is a teacher. She earns 35k monthly.

The twist is, the wife has stopped supporting the man financially. In fact, anything she buys for the family or for the children, she asks for the money, even as little as spice cubes. My uncle had to report the matter to my father, his brother, after several years of enduring her strange attitude. My father called her to table the matter. She admitted the accusations. In her defence, she said it is the responsibility of the man (husband) to provide for the family. what broke my uncle's heart was the day the rent of their house was due, he hadnt pieced together the rent and was going about to seek loans from friends and family. He asked her if she knew who to loan from and she said she didn't know who to loan from. To his dismay, he got wind from a friend that his wife was looking for a piece of land to buy with God knows how and where she got the money from. She even told him she doesn't have a dime to add to whatever he's able to raise. He does everything in the house from A to Z.

He needs advice on what to do. Should he file for divorce and hope things would get Rosy enough to start afresh with someone else? Or should he call for a meeting with her family and our family to try to mediate and make her see reasons why she should be supportive?

Matured advice please.

Women with the fish brain can easily be influenced, probably one of her divorced or single friend have talked her into believing she isn't supposed to contribute a dime to the family.

The less gossips of friends your wife have the less your problem

secondwife:

Thanks dear, a very good response,the problem between husband and wife,it’s only God that can judge. I got married some years back,my husband didn’t tell me he was married with three children until later,we married traditionally,religiously and legally. He introduced my co-wife to me after I had a baby for him as a Muslim I accepted my faith because I had a child from my previous relationship. I was a working class woman with a good job when we met,he relocated from the North to West because of North problem and my friend help him to secured a job,his family were happy because he is staying very close to the village though we were in different cities that time. The first wife is in his village. I always tell him to be visiting his family all the time. All those times I was the one paying the house rent,paying school fees and buying foods stuff and footing many things in the house,he will come and drop a little or complained of lack of money. I didn’t complain because I was okay and believed him. His company had problems in paying salaries that year,I paid house rent in his village so that the landlord will not send the wife and children away from the house,he will collect money from me and send it to his family. I tried to make friend with the wife and children by buying things for them without his knowledge, buying clothes together,phone when she complained she didn’t have he later lost his job and move to where I am staying. I started taking responsibilities on his behalf for some months before he got another job,my neighbor advised us to buy land,I told him he said no problem,he didn’t drop any money to support me but people told to build, i taught he will drop money later because our names are on the receipt. Since he didn’t drop anything I was the one doing everything because my Imam told me that if A man refused to do his responsibilities God will raise the woman up.We move in to the house without completing it because of Landlord’s problem. I later completed the house up to 90% after some years. I later did the documents in my children’ s name with his support. I lost my job and this man showed me pepper,they started sending my children out of school,hunger,frustration and depression set in. I later learnt from a reliable source that my husband is building house in his village without my knowledge and he is leaving in my house that I built with my sweat. I asked him he denied, it was his family member that told me. anytime I travel to his village for occasions,his wife will be abusing me,calling my child from previous relationships a bastard though I always ignore her,his brothers and wife will be disrespecting me.Though others are good to me including his mum and dad. I have a good mind with them but they are paying me with evil. So now I asked for divorce from him but he refused,I told him to leave my house and moved to his wife and children ,the family said I want to remove him where he is working, rent a house for me like my co-wife is a big problem for him he told his wife that my house belongs to him. But I started shouting to his family and people around me ,they said I’m disgracing and victimizing him. I really thank my God for not letting me down and my family and friends. Though he is still with because he brought out the monster in me. I told him I will not pay school fees again. Thank God I got another work this year. Sorry for the long post and my grammar,I went to an evening school.

I always tell my sisters, if you want to buy a house ,never ever put your husband's name, nor mumu or love reach there.


Worse come to worse ,put your child's name .

Get a lawyer to work out modalities on how you can get full ownership and control of your property.

Kobojunkie:
From the story told by OP, family joy left that family more than a decade ago. The family entered into survival mode of sorts where the husband seemed to be the one with focus on present whereas the wife began paying more attention to the future it seems.

Again, we don't know enough of the background details to details the OP'S uncle a Saint or his wife a demon in this..

I guess that is what you are practicing with your husband at home, and the only definition you could give it to suit urself is that you are paying more attention to the future.

Greedy fellow

Divorce. People should divorce people bent on sending them to early grave.