I'm a single mother of two teenage sons, lost my husband 10 years ago and have been struggling to cater for them singlehandedly. My first son is 19 and the last 17 years but I'm getting fed up with the disrespect and regret not taking them to the village so I could remarry.

They both left secondary school and working to save up for school and I don't ask them for a dime. My last son suddenly started behaving like a tout, pierced both ears and turning his hair to dread, takes my stuff without my permission and even to extent of holding my hands when I get furious to beat him.

My first son is dating a girl and spends all his money on her to the extend of asking me for transport fare sometimes. Sometimes they come home by 10 or 11pm and are ready to fight me if I get furious to discipline them.

What broke the camel's back was that my last son went to a friend's bday party overnight without telling me, my first son said he called to tell him he won't return and NONE OF THEM TOLD ME under my roof.

I've tried talking calmly, denying certain privilege and discipline but it keeps getting worse, my last option is to take them back to their father's village before I die of hbp.

I'm depressed nairalanders�, please I seek matured advice, thanks.

Please help me push to front page

its way too late to try to educate these misbehaving kids young adults. as you did your best, let them know that if they cant abide by your rules and respect what you say, they should GET THE FUKC OUT YOUR HOUSE. dont let these boys run your house as they please. anyone who believe they are too big to follow your rules, should go and get their own house and do as they please!

dont you have a brother/uncle who can tell these boys what time it is?!?!

.

UpInTheSky:


Or better yet, call the Police on them and maybe even have them spend 2-3 days in jail..

Say goodbye to your sons forever if you try this as a single mom. You have not finished dealing with the influences they are reacting to then it is to go and join them with professional criminals and also brew more hate and disgust for you. OYO

...

Anobody:

I've tried talking calmly, denying certain privilege and discipline but it keeps getting worse, my last option is to take them back to their father's village before I die of hbp. I'm depressed nairalanders�, please I seek matured advice, thanks.

Please help me push to front page �

You left them to grow wild and free, now you want to bend them when they have grown thorns all over? Ear rings and dreads. What next? Cult codes and drugs? Crime & pregnancy? Regular Gambling? You failed to read the signs early enough. The help you seek now is what you should have done 10 years ago. There is no way both of them could have turned out this way without all your little little silent approvals of their little harmless sins.

Is there no male figure from your side of the family you can talk to? Because for you to bring this matter to NL means you have burnt your bridge with their father's people.
Where is your pastor? Or someone they can respect because from your narration, they have learnt to cover for each other and are now forming their own counrty, soon to overthrow you.

Take them back to the village at this age? After they have blended with the streets this far? Good luck with that.

I feel your pain madam.

This is going to be a very very tough one to handle.

These dudes will oppose and pose a threat to any relationship you hope to begin if care isn't taken.

Hm... A similar case to the one in my former compound. The woman ended up having stroke and was taken to the village. A young woman in her late 40s for that matter.
Now the tout son walks around the whole local market with his friend taking weed and living a dirty life.

You better leave the house unannounced because taking them to their fathers village won't work. Who's gonna take them from you? Or you think they too will be gullible to let you bundle them down there?

Just secretly get a place for yourself and leave now that you're still alive and in one piece.

Raising male children in this era of rottenness among teenagers and youth is not an easy task even with a father involved.

Sorry to say this but I think Iike the woman I cited, you raised them up badly because I still know of some small boys that this woman's son grew up with ( in the same compound) and how they turned out well because their mother trained them very well and never allowed them to go past the compound gate except they're going to school or on errands.

These ones Graduated from the uni and rented their own apartments before our very eyes while the other woman was always supporting her boys in looking for trouble and fighting people in the compound would abuse and lash anyone that tries to correct her boys.

At a point she was even bragging that no brother in the compound can challenge her son. This is a son that refused to go to school or learn any skills. No matter how hard the mother tried, he'll drop out or run away from where he's learning a skill. This he did until the mother came down with stroke.

Poor parenting could also be the cause of your predicament.

Awon "Don't beat my child gang." This is how it always ends.

Get your male relatives and that of your late husband's to get involved in talking to them though I doubt anything much coming from it because those adolescents are already set in their ways as you ignored so many red flags.

It is high time, you live apart from them so that they can fend for themselves.

The very reason why a child needs a father to put him/her in the right direction at teenage years.


Single moms just need put ego aside and get their kids a father figure.

Since they have started forming men for you. It means they can cater for themselves at this stage. If you die now (God forbid) they will move on. So take them to their father's people and take care of yourself. Life no get duplicate.

My advice is simple. If u have a long distance brother or uncle. Take one there and another to another of your brothers house. They are too comfortable with you and the environment and must be separated

I feel your pain, madam.
Sadly, you allowed it get to this level.
However, it is not a hopeless situation.
Can you pray? Because discipline at this time is nearly impossible.
Please pray for them every day and night.
Don't say anything to them again.
Just pray for them.
I believe they will be mellow and listen to you, before they would become cultists and make you a grandmother soon.

They don't have any financial responsibility that's why they are behaving anyhow, they should get their own place since they want to come and go as they please and also remember that they are no longer the little kids you knew besides your late husband people failed in their duty to protect their own.

The good book says TRAIN up your child in the way he should GO and when he is OLD,he will NOT depart from it(Prov22:6)The Bible isn’t a story book. Even if your husband is alive,if u dnt discipline them,they’ll give u headache as they are doing now. It is too late to drag them back to village..Dnt take them to where they’ll give the poor old ones HBP with their waywardness.Go on your knees and PRAY

There’s even one that snapped his mum unclad pic and save it.The 2 boys beat their mum if she dare talk.If there’s no money to steal,they’ll sell her pots etc to play Bet9jA. May God nor give us misfortune children

I don't know what to tell you right now but I hope and pray they eventually get back to their senses.


Check the environment you live and see if relocation will be good for them

If you had done your homework very well from day1 they wouldn't have turned to beasts.

"Abeg leave am na small pikin, e never get sense" is the root cause of many problems we are facing in the society today. When you discipline someone's child you could land in problem.

Even me as an adult can't talk to my elder sister anyhow not to talk of my mum, you learn how to respect elders from childhood. "Dem nor dey learn how to use left hand for old age"

The damage has been done already, if you can't cope send them outa your house before they kill you. Or tolerate their rubbish till they decide to leave on their own.

MONSTERS YOU MADE.

Take your things go rent an apartment very far away from them.

They are of age, don’t try to contact them when you leave.
Leave some foodstuff that can last them for two weeks, let them fend for themselves until they come back to their senses.

You refused to remarry because of them and see where you are now.

Widows, if you see opportunity to remarry please do.

Cutehector:
The very reason why a child needs a father to put him/her in the right direction at teenage years.


Single moms just need put ego aside and get their kids a father figure.

Can't you see she lost her husband, she didn't remarry because of those kids, what's the ego in this case now. Or is that also her fault.

If she had married earlier back then your type would have had something to say.

This post is unnecessary.

At OP it will take divine intervention for those kids to come back on track at this stage, the character of a child is mostly formed by age 7.

Those years between 3 and 7 is very very important, that is when they can be bent, disciplined,molded into the shape you want, all the character you see children trying to exhibit at that age, those years are the years they are weeded out, either gently or by force. Once they enter 10 it's difficult to instill some things oo.

If you can change location it might help, also pray for them too.

But then there might still be some hope, if there is someone that can handle them with tough discipline they might still change.

It's very painful seeing the children you sacrificed for being this way.

May God help you sis.

Adolescent period

You lost them to the streets
Make sure they get university education
The experience might change them
If not
Na God oo
You lost them to the streets
No jokes

ikennaoma:
My advice is simple. If u have a long distance brother or uncle. Take one there and another to another of your brothers house. They are too comfortable with you and the environment and must be separated

oga who go collect child at that age for your hand?

It seems u had them young, the age difference between u and ur two sons


Bkus I wonder why the fear won't be in them if not for that

I picked my belt to beat my children yesterday,and lo and behold my wife said,I should take it easy before they will hate me when they become adult. I then asked,is it that women aren't good in training up children or what?...although we laughed it off

U see,my father beat the hell out of us when we were little children and today, I cherished the discipline,the shouting and all sorts as an adult and I have come to love my dad more as my mum never like us to be caned.

Today,many women are complaining just like the above,but how does that solve the problem when the problem couldn't be nipped in the bud at a tender age.

This is no time to complain,have u sat down with them instead of whining and complaining. I remembered those days when my father used to stand us up for close to 2hours talking sense to us.,in fact,my immediate younger brother would be standing and sleeping but in all,it all turned out good today.

Solution:

Ground them, but reasonably. Grounding children is an age-old disciplining technique. ...
Take away privileges. ...
Your house, your rules. ...
Let them face the consequences. ...
Do not issue commands. ...
Let them mend things. ...
Give them more responsibilities. ...
Befriend them.

At this point, it is rather late for some lessons. For example, they both don’t know how to save, peer pressure is getting to them and they’re so curious about it, they should have learnt about it way earlier. My advice is, call both of them together, sit down and pour your heart out to them without being emotional, make them know you have tried your best and make them see the bad line they’re both towing to (make them see the scenario in a real life situation) And then let them go.

ibechris:
I picked my belt to beat my children yesterday,and lo and behold my wife said,I should take it easy before they will hate me when they become adult. I then asked,is it that women aren't good in training up children or what?...although we laughed it off

U see,my father beat the hell out of us when we little children and today, I cherished the discipline,the shouting and all sorts as an adult and I have come to love my dad more as my mum never like us to be caned.

Today,many women are complaining just like the above,but how does that solve the problem when the problem couldn't be nipped in the bud at a tender age.

This is no time to complain,have u sat down with them instead of whining and complaining. I remembered those days when my father used to stand us up for close to 2hours talking sense to us.,in fact,my immediate younger brother would be standing and sleeping but in all,it all turned out good today.

Solution:

Ground them, but reasonably. Grounding children is an age-old disciplining technique. ...
Take away privileges. ...
Your house, your rules. ...
Let them face the consequences. ...
Do not issue commands. ...
Let them mend things. ...
Give them more responsibilities. ...
Befriend them.

Come up with more effective ways of disciplining your children without having to use belt on them.

Being a single mother these days is one of the most difficult things, thousands of bad influences surround us.

It's might be too harsh for you but the truth is that either you re-marry or send them to their father's family (if there's any responsible one among them)

This is the best time for you to act, if not the worst is yet to come.

Finally, I will like you to understand that having a child(ren) is tantamount to running a business, believe me not all the business-wo(men) record gain, some run at loss.

By the grace of God, you wouldn't run at loss at the end of the day.