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I Want To Divorce My Husband As Soon As Possible - Family - Nairaland

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I Want To Divorce My Husband As Soon As Possible by H0711(f): 11:14am On Jul 30, 2022
I got married two months ago. I am 7 months pregnant my husband didn't tell me he had a child from his previous relationship and the child has a disability celebral palsy. Her mother came to dropped her off in my house saying she has done enough and she's tired it is now hubby turn to take care of her.

The child can't do anything for herself she can't sit, talk, walk and she does toilet in her clothes. I can't do it anymore I love children because I have taken care of my own nieces and nephews before I would have taken care of her if she was normal but taking care of a child in this question is hard and if her own mother has had enough she abandoned her and why would I kill myself taking care of her in my condition.

I want to divorce and go back to my village I have told him i am leaving next month. He is pleading with me not to leave him that he will take the child somewhere else but the place is not free he has to be paying like 200k monthly for them to take care of the child and he doesn't even have that amount of money because he is not financial stable.

I will stick to my decision but I want to know what will other people do in my situation.

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Re: I Want To Divorce My Husband As Soon As Possible by dawnomike(m): 11:20am On Jul 30, 2022
H0711:
I got married two months ago , I am 7 months pregnant my husband didn't tell me he had a child from his previous relationship and the child has a disability celebral palsy. Her mother came to dropped her off in my house saying she has done enough and she's tired it is now hubby turn to take care of her. The child can't do anything for herself she can't sit, talk, walk and she does toilet in her clothes. I can't do it anymore I love children because I have taken care of my own nieces and nephews before I would have taken care of her if she was normal but taking care of a child in this question is hard and if her own mother has had enough she abandoned her and why would I kill myself taking care of her in my condition. I want to divorce and go back to my village I have told him i am leaving next month ,he is pleading with me not to leave him that he will take the child somewhere else but the place is not free he has to be paying like 200k monthly for them to take care of the child and he doesn't even have that amount of money because he is not financial stable. I will stick to my decision but I want to know what will other people do in my situation
My churchy mind wants to tell you to stay in your marriage as it is for 'better for worse', but i surely can't judge you if you do otherwise as he was not truthful to you from the set go.

The burden is much as you presently heavily pregnant... If he can put his daughter in a place where she will be taken care of without affecting you, please, stay in your marriage.

Just in case he can't, give him space

333 Likes 23 Shares

Re: I Want To Divorce My Husband As Soon As Possible by HRHQueenPhil(f): 11:20am On Jul 30, 2022
H0711:
I got married two months ago , I am 7 months pregnant my husband didn't tell me he had a child from his previous relationship and the child has a disability celebral palsy. Her mother came to dropped her off in my house saying she has done enough and she's tired it is now hubby turn to take care of her. The child can't do anything for herself she can't sit, talk, walk and she does toilet in her clothes. I can't do it anymore I love children because I have taken care of my own nieces and nephews before I would have taken care of her if she was normal but taking care of a child in this question is hard and if her own mother has had enough she abandoned her and why would I kill myself taking care of her in my condition. I want to divorce and go back to my village I have told him i am leaving next month ,he is pleading with me not to leave him that he will take the child somewhere else but the place is not free he has to be paying like 200k monthly for them to take care of the child and he doesn't even have that amount of money because he is not financial stable. I will stick to my decision but I want to know what will other people do in my situation

I can't imagine what u are going through
This is very wicked of the man
I wld advise u don't leave ur marriage
Every marriage has test and this is one of it
Two solutions
-get a good maid that can assist with looking after the child
- u can start a business that helps u support ur man and leave d house so u won't constantly be in pain
Remember to lift the child up in prayers and fasting so it shall be well with u as well

440 Likes 36 Shares

Re: I Want To Divorce My Husband As Soon As Possible by SmellyNyash: 11:27am On Jul 30, 2022
cry

9 Likes 3 Shares

Re: I Want To Divorce My Husband As Soon As Possible by crackhaus: 11:27am On Jul 30, 2022
You can leave.

44 Likes 6 Shares

Re: I Want To Divorce My Husband As Soon As Possible by H0711(f): 11:27am On Jul 30, 2022
dawnomike:
My churchy mind wants to tell you to stay in your marriage as it is for 'better for worse', but i surely can't judge you if you do otherwise as he was not truthful to you from the set go.

The burden is much as you presently heavily pregnant... If he can put his daughter in a place where she will be taken care of without affecting you, please, stay in your marriage.

Just in case he can't, give him space



Thank you . Right now he can't afford that 200k monthly , his younger sister has refused to come and help taking care of the child. Me too I can't kill myself in my condition and I will leave next month.

57 Likes 6 Shares

Re: I Want To Divorce My Husband As Soon As Possible by portplus: 11:28am On Jul 30, 2022
work with him to get help for the child.
You need your space...besides he did not tell you before now.

20 Likes 4 Shares

Re: I Want To Divorce My Husband As Soon As Possible by H0711(f): 11:29am On Jul 30, 2022
HRHQueenPhil:


I can't imagine what u are going through
This is very wicked of the man
I wld advise u don't leave ur marriage
Every marriage has test and this is one of it
Two solutions
-get a good maid that can assist with looking after the child
- u can start a business that helps u support ur man and leave d house so u won't constantly be in pain
Remember to lift the child up in prayers and fasting so it shall be well with u as well

Thank you. He can't afford a maid and his younger sister has refused to come and help. I am also leaving next month.

13 Likes 1 Share

Re: I Want To Divorce My Husband As Soon As Possible by HRHQueenPhil(f): 11:32am On Jul 30, 2022
H0711:


Thank you. He can't afford a maid and his younger sister has refused to come and help. I am also leaving next month.
He can't afford 25k for a small girl to help?
Ok, what will make u not to leave?

38 Likes

Re: I Want To Divorce My Husband As Soon As Possible by H0711(f): 11:34am On Jul 30, 2022
crackhaus:
You can leave.

Thank you

3 Likes

Re: I Want To Divorce My Husband As Soon As Possible by JONNYSPUTE(m): 11:36am On Jul 30, 2022
crackhaus:
You can leave.
..,.. Lol. What if after given birth she finds out that her own child has the same issue? Wetin she go do?

Maybe drop her child with the husband and jepa her own

225 Likes 18 Shares

Re: I Want To Divorce My Husband As Soon As Possible by H0711(f): 11:39am On Jul 30, 2022
HRHQueenPhil:

He can't afford 25k for a small girl to help?
Ok, what will make u not to leave?

Yes to be honest with you he can't afford it.

13 Likes

Re: I Want To Divorce My Husband As Soon As Possible by H0711(f): 11:42am On Jul 30, 2022
JONNYSPUTE:
..,.. Lol. What if after given birth she finds out that her own child has the same issue? Wetin she go do?

Maybe drop her child with the husband and jepa her own

God forbid bad things but for my own child I will never get tired of him I will love him no matter what but for someone else child in that condition I won't. The worse is he didn't tell me from the onset maybe if he had told me I would have accepted her and be prepared but I wasn't prepared and I can't do it.

302 Likes 17 Shares

Re: I Want To Divorce My Husband As Soon As Possible by JONNYSPUTE(m): 11:46am On Jul 30, 2022
H0711:


God forbid bad things but for my own child I will never get tired of him I will love him no matter what but for someone else child in that condition I won't. The worse is he didn't tell me from the onset maybe if he had told me I would have accepted her and be prepared but I wasn't prepared and I can't do it.
..... I love your reply. Well the truth is that it's not going to be easy for you and if you feel you can't,then leave. Nobody will blame you for doing such. Let him carry his cross.

199 Likes 6 Shares

Re: I Want To Divorce My Husband As Soon As Possible by Richy4(m): 11:55am On Jul 30, 2022

Where is the real mother of the baby OP.. do you have an idea?

If u do, maybe u can pay her a visit to guilt-trip her for abandoning her kid.. I didn't say it's the right thing to do,But it's like your last hail Mary pass..

The husband should have told you from the beginning though... not just surprise you with a big responsibility...

Finally do U know if Nigerian government takes care of people/ individuals with such problems?

25 Likes 6 Shares

Re: I Want To Divorce My Husband As Soon As Possible by Nobody: 12:06pm On Jul 30, 2022
H0711:




Thank you . Right now he can't afford that 200k monthly , his younger sister has refused to come and help taking care of the child. Me too I can't kill myself in my condition and I will leave next month.


Pls leave.

Since he can keep something as huge as a child, who knows what else he's keeping from you

You are justified to leave abeg.

112 Likes 11 Shares

Re: I Want To Divorce My Husband As Soon As Possible by H0711(f): 12:08pm On Jul 30, 2022
JONNYSPUTE:
..... I love your reply. Well the truth is that it's not going to be easy for you and if you feel you can't,then leave. Nobody will blame you for doing such. Let him carry his cross.

Thank you . I am leaving next month

5 Likes

Re: I Want To Divorce My Husband As Soon As Possible by Nobody: 12:12pm On Jul 30, 2022
JONNYSPUTE:
..,.. Lol. What if after given birth she finds out that her own child has the same issue? Wetin she go do?

Maybe drop her child with the husband and jepa her own


All these negativity instigators sef, they must sha have a nonsense excuse to type trash one way or the other.

She won't have a child with same issue IJN, proclaim positivity on others, it will also reflect on you.

234 Likes 16 Shares

Re: I Want To Divorce My Husband As Soon As Possible by H0711(f): 12:14pm On Jul 30, 2022
Richy4:

Where is the real mother of the baby OP.. do you have an idea?

If u do, maybe u can pay her a visit to guilt-trip her for abandoning her kid.. I didn't say it's the right thing to do,But it's like your last hail Mary pass..

The husband should have told you from the beginning though... not just surprise you with a big responsibility...

Finally do U know if Nigerian government takes care of people/ individuals with such problems?

I don't know where she is , the first time I set my eyes on her was the day she dropped the child and I don't think I have any business with her. I am a woman like her she has her reason for dropping her off because taking care of such a child requires a lot of money too. My hubby is not financially stable he couldn't provide for her needs while she couldn't too so her only option was to drop her off with us and I can't also do it. The only option I have is to leave too she is his child he will find a way to take care of her. I don't think nigerian government provides care for such people. The only place he went they said they are happy to keep her in and they will provide all her care but he must pay 200k every month which he can't afford.

23 Likes 5 Shares

Re: I Want To Divorce My Husband As Soon As Possible by H0711(f): 12:15pm On Jul 30, 2022
Jovialjune1:



All these negativity instigators sef, they must sha have a nonsense excuse to type trash one way or the other.

She won't have a child with same issue IJN, proclaim positivity on others, it will also reflect on you.

A big Amen

41 Likes

Re: I Want To Divorce My Husband As Soon As Possible by H0711(f): 12:16pm On Jul 30, 2022
Jovialjune1:



Pls leave.

Since he can keep something as huge as a child, who knows what else he's keeping from you

You are justified to leave abeg.

Thank you. I am leaving next month the 4th of August

13 Likes

Re: I Want To Divorce My Husband As Soon As Possible by frozen70(f): 12:20pm On Jul 30, 2022
H0711:
I got married two months ago , I am 7 months pregnant my husband didn't tell me he had a child from his previous relationship and the child has a disability celebral palsy. Her mother came to dropped her off in my house saying she has done enough and she's tired it is now hubby turn to take care of her. The child can't do anything for herself she can't sit, talk, walk and she does toilet in her clothes. I can't do it anymore I love children because I have taken care of my own nieces and nephews before I would have taken care of her if she was normal but taking care of a child in this question is hard and if her own mother has had enough she abandoned her and why would I kill myself taking care of her in my condition. I want to divorce and go back to my village I have told him i am leaving next month ,he is pleading with me not to leave him that he will take the child somewhere else but the place is not free he has to be paying like 200k monthly for them to take care of the child and he doesn't even have that amount of money because he is not financial stable. I will stick to my decision but I want to know what will other people do in my situation

I understand what you are going through as a woman but taking such decisions is not the best for you at the moment

The child mother has tried and probably the man left the upkeep for her and married you, so since she lost the marriage, she has to return the child to disabilitize your marriage

Divorce is not even the best option

The best option is to take the child to a welfare center where the have the services the child needs or better still get an in-house Nanny to look after the child while he provides for the child care and pay the Nanny for her services

With the above, the child is not your business any more, nor your responsibilities and you still stay happily in your home

Worst case, he can take the child to his parents and they all will sort it out there in there family house

If you divorce him another woman will come in and oversea the suggestions I made mentioned above

Then you will be a single mum to be and you can still rock your life though

58 Likes 7 Shares

Re: I Want To Divorce My Husband As Soon As Possible by H0711(f): 12:27pm On Jul 30, 2022
frozen70:


I understand what you are going through as a woman but taking such decisions is not the best for you at the moment

The child mother has tried and probably the man left the upkeep for her and married you, so since she lost the marriage, she has to return the child to disabilitize your marriage

Divorce is not even the best option

The best option is to take the child to a welfare center where the have the services the child needs or better still get an in-house Nanny to look after the child while he provides for the child care and pay the Nanny for her services

With the above, the child in not your business nor your responsibilities and you still stay happily in your home

Worst case, he can take the child to his parents and they all will sort it out there

If you divorce him another woman will come in and oversea the suggestions I mentioned above

Then you will be a single mum to be and you can still rock your life though


Unfortunately he can't afford to take the child anywhere. his younger sister has refused to come and help and I can't do it too. Being a single mother is not a death sentence I rather leave than carrying a burden which I didn't agreed for.first of all he didn't tell me anything about the child and her condition and why would I have to stay and suffer taking care of her including my own baby who will be born in 2 months time. If another woman would be happy to come and take care of the child is not my problem I wish her all the best.

151 Likes 8 Shares

Re: I Want To Divorce My Husband As Soon As Possible by Richy4(m): 12:30pm On Jul 30, 2022
H0711:


I don't know where she is , the first time I set my eyes on her was the day she dropped the child and I don't think I have any business with her. I am a woman like her she has her reason for dropping her off because taking care of such a child requires a lot of money too. My hubby is not financially stable he couldn't provide for her needs while she couldn't too so her only option was to drop her off with us and I can't also do it. The only option I have is to leave too she is his child he will find a way to take care of her. I don't think nigerian government provides care for such people. The only place he went they said they are happy to keep her in and they will provide all her care but he must pay 200k every month which he can't afford.
Ok.. it seems your mind is made up already... U are the one wearing the shoes and u alone knows where it hurts...

But let me ask you again..
<<Is leaving him and the marriage really what you want?...
<<You don't think it's a hasty decision that you are making at the moment?...
<<Are you 100% certain that you are leaving without a backward glance/ no coming back when things becomes Rosey and better for your husband?..

If all the answers are yea then I really wish U the best dear..and take care of your unborn baby..

37 Likes 6 Shares

Re: I Want To Divorce My Husband As Soon As Possible by H0711(f): 12:39pm On Jul 30, 2022
Richy4:

Ok.. it seems your mind is made up already... U are the one wearing the shoes and u alone knows where it hurts...

But let me ask you again..
<<Is leaving him and the marriage really what you want?...
<<You don't think it's a hasty decision that you are making at the moment?...
<<You are 100% certain that you are leaving without a backward glance/ no coming back when things becomes Rosey and better for your husband?..

If all the answers are No, then I really wish U the best dear..and take care of your unborn baby..

Yes I have made up my mind because it has not been easy for me because i take care of her everyday from morning until hubby get home at 7-8pm . It's been a week only and my head want to explode and my body want to give up. I am tired and the level of stress is too much for me in this my condition I need rest not all of this burden . I can't do it anymore. I am not leaving him because of his poor condition it is because I can't take care of his special need child , his financial state hasn't been a problem to me because no condition is permanent I know one day everything will be fine but i can't take care of his special need child in this my condition.

126 Likes 10 Shares

Re: I Want To Divorce My Husband As Soon As Possible by ibechris(m): 12:42pm On Jul 30, 2022
Being pregnant in Nigeria where emergency services doesn't work is a problem let alone taking care of a child in that condition.

Do whatever u want to do after all,life no get duplicate.

If anything happens to u,that man will rush to marry another woman without waiting to morn u. Do whatever u wish would help u in this condition.

95 Likes 8 Shares

Re: I Want To Divorce My Husband As Soon As Possible by Richy4(m): 12:43pm On Jul 30, 2022
H0711:


Yes I have made up my mind because it has not been easy for me because i take care of her everyday from morning until hubby get home at 7-8pm . It's been a week only and my head want to explode and my body want to give up. I am tired and the level of stress is too much for me in this my condition I need rest not all of this burden . I can't do it anymore. I am not leaving him because of his poor condition it is because I can't take care of his special need child , his financial state hasn't been a problem to me because no condition is permanent I know one day everything will be fine but i can't take care of his special need child in this my condition.
I understand.. trust me, I do.. all the best..

21 Likes 4 Shares

Re: I Want To Divorce My Husband As Soon As Possible by crackhaus: 1:00pm On Jul 30, 2022
.

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Re: I Want To Divorce My Husband As Soon As Possible by AjiBussu(m): 1:14pm On Jul 30, 2022
Please leave. He ought to have told you.

23 Likes 1 Share

Re: I Want To Divorce My Husband As Soon As Possible by oazeez1991(m): 1:18pm On Jul 30, 2022
It's obvious you've made up your mind already, and no amount of words could have you change your mind unless you choose to. Moreover, you are right to feel the way you are feeling right now. In fact, you are justify to feel that way. We are all human, blood runs in our vein. What your husband did by not getting you inform from the get go is a totally wrong. He wasn't been fair with his dealing with you from start. But trust me, he did what he did i.e. hiding such sensitive matter from you cos he was afraid to lose you. He felt for the one who birth the child in question to not want to take up responsibility of raising him/her, how would someone who wasn't a part of it accept to? I understand and could resonate with his (your husband) fear, but he was being insensitive about how he deals with it. He forget that no matter how far lie goes, truth would one day caught up with it. Maybe he doesn't want to get you involve with the child all along, hence, his reason for keeping it away from you, not knowing there is no escape route to such reality.

The child in question is just the victim here. He/she didn't ask to be birth, atleast not into a family that would abandon him/her, but life do happen.

How you get to be in such marriage before finding out about such revelation is a destiny you just have to accept.

From one of your response, you claim should it's your child (I forbid it for you) that is the way the one in question is, you will treat him/her accordingly. It won't be easy and it's already evidence it has not been, but you can always treat that child as your own.

The main issue I see here is financial incapability. Had it been your husband is well to do, the situation would have been rosily handle, but the case is different.

Do what you wanna do, but give it a second thought. Divorce isn't the way forward.

23 Likes 1 Share

Re: I Want To Divorce My Husband As Soon As Possible by Foodqueen(f): 1:31pm On Jul 30, 2022
kiss

Park ur bag and go.

The marriage can be annulled cos there was deceit.

Many woman won't even take in a healthy child talk more of the one with a special need.

Pack up and go jare. Let him deal with his mess.

But mennn.....

49 Likes 5 Shares

Re: I Want To Divorce My Husband As Soon As Possible by Karleb(m): 1:46pm On Jul 30, 2022
You are too young to be suffering for another person's sin

57 Likes 4 Shares

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