H0711:


only God knows what else he is hiding from me even his salary I don't believe a security guard can earn 15k in this abuja but I have accepted him in that condition. I can't add another burden of taking care of the child all my life . I am leaving on tbe 4th of August

Madam you really are not ripe for marriage. Your husband made a goof by marrying you. So you can't even stand by your man in trying times? That means you never loved him from the beginning.

Stereotype like you is the reason most single men dread marriage. You want to excuse your ill-motivated resolve by blaming the man for keeping this child's existence a secret as if you don't have any secret you have kept from your husband uptil now.

You can leave him to suffer alone and mock his financial situation in public but believe me you someday God will bless that man and you will want him back but then it might be too late.

Most women supporting you here are not married or they were once married but could not keep their marriage because of bad behavior, so yes they are jealous of married women like you.

H0711:


Yes I have made up my mind because it has not been easy for me because i take care of her everyday from morning until hubby get home at 7-8pm . It's been a week only and my head want to explode and my body want to give up. I am tired and the level of stress is too much for me in this my condition I need rest not all of this burden . I can't do it anymore. I am not leaving him because of his poor condition it is because I can't take care of his special need child , his financial state hasn't been a problem to me because no condition is permanent I know one day everything will be fine but i can't take care of his special need child in this my condition.

I understand seriously I do. I have lived with a neighbor who is grandmother to a such a child. As a matter of fact, they abandoned the child for her. This child can cry for Africa.

Even feeding the child is a messy affair and a fight.

But if the child is the only problem, granted he didn't tell you but if you can forgive him and you people go and check the child into a government Motherless home.

No woman will take this. If the mother can't then why someone else.

Give your husband time to figure it out. After the ultimatum then follow your advice.

Olayetan:


It still boils down to marriage, its the marriage that ties her to the special child responsibility, if the marriage wasn't involved, she won't be facing this problem...

That wasn't part of the bargain, the marriage was built on lies. That is even enough ground to seek divorce, not to talk about dumping the challenged kid on her lap

iammarvellux:


Okay..how about if someone or any organisation that takes care of children with special needs decides to take care of the said child... would you still opt to leave the marriage?

If yes, then what are your reasons?

I have already answered that question earlier yes I will stay

maasoap:

You have lack of comprehending ability. Go back and read her post again, slowly.



The kid's mother abandoned her, why blackmailing this one? Why attacking her about the kid she knew nothing about?
Her husband becoming disable has nothing in comparison to this case. Easier to judge others until you found yourself in their spot. Lol

The woman did it deliberately....she wants to scatter the marriage or make it difficult for the new lady....jealousy of women too much...

maasoap:

You have lack of comprehending ability. Go back and read her post again, slowly.



The kid's mother abandoned her, why blackmailing this one? Why attacking her about the kid she knew nothing about?
Her husband becoming disable has nothing in comparison to this case. Easier to judge others until you found yourself in their spot. Lol

......na u know.... All i know be say marriage these days no be for better for worst... Na for better only and this woman is a proof of that... I'm sure if the man was as wealthy as otedola... Who has a kid with almost same ailment, she won't leave him for anything.... But because the man no get money... All of a sudden... She can't mother a kid with a disorder..... Na all of una know... Make she dey go.... The man no go die... Neither will the kid..... The man will meet a better woman who will accept him and his kid... U wen get comprehending ability... Go use am boil beans

H0711:
I got married two months ago. I am 7 months pregnant my husband didn't tell me he had a child from his previous relationship and the child has a disability celebral palsy. Her mother came to dropped her off in my house saying she has done enough and she's tired it is now hubby turn to take care of her.

The child can't do anything for herself she can't sit, talk, walk and she does toilet in her clothes. I can't do it anymore I love children because I have taken care of my own nieces and nephews before I would have taken care of her if she was normal but taking care of a child in this question is hard and if her own mother has had enough she abandoned her and why would I kill myself taking care of her in my condition.

I want to divorce and go back to my village I have told him i am leaving next month. He is pleading with me not to leave him that he will take the child somewhere else but the place is not free he has to be paying like 200k monthly for them to take care of the child and he doesn't even have that amount of money because he is not financial stable.

I will stick to my decision but I want to know what will other people do in my situation.

how about hiring a maid just to take care of the child only, that is very much cheaper compared to putting her away
asides worrying about paying a maid monthly you retain your home, the child stays with his father and the man is happy, trust me that you leaving is only going to make that man resent his child altho he should have inform you pre marriage buh i think its a forgivable sin


The choice is still yours

Jovialjune1:


I say fvck off, sweetheart.

c'mon, a lady like you shouldn't use such harsh word.


Okay, I'm sorry for the previous mention. I'm just trying to make you see some sense in what the guy wrote. Let's just forget it. Have a blissful Sunday darling

H0711:
I got married two months ago. I am 7 months pregnant my husband didn't tell me he had a child from his previous relationship and the child has a disability celebral palsy. Her mother came to dropped her off in my house saying she has done enough and she's tired it is now hubby turn to take care of her.

The child can't do anything for herself she can't sit, talk, walk and she does toilet in her clothes. I can't do it anymore I love children because I have taken care of my own nieces and nephews before I would have taken care of her if she was normal but taking care of a child in this question is hard and if her own mother has had enough she abandoned her and why would I kill myself taking care of her in my condition.

I want to divorce and go back to my village I have told him i am leaving next month. He is pleading with me not to leave him that he will take the child somewhere else but the place is not free he has to be paying like 200k monthly for them to take care of the child and he doesn't even have that amount of money because he is not financial stable.

I will stick to my decision but I want to know what will other people do in my situation.

Hello, I've been going through the comments, I just want to tell you that I support your decision, your marriage is a lie, your husband deceived you into getting married by hiding his special need child from you, your husband is not a trust worthy person, you shouldn't have even gotten married to such a man in the first place. Being a single mother is not a death sentence AS A PRECAUTIVE MEASURE, I'll advise you go to your doctor and explain the condition of your husband's special child to your doctor and ask your doctor to prescribe fruits or other medication that could prevent your child from being like your husband's child, JUST IN CASE.

folks4luv:

Just shut up. Intially you sounded judgemental, like you are perfect, but now you are sounding stupid. A person was lied to but it was her fault for not asking if the man has a child. Like, that is just plain dumb and cruel.
You were not with her in the relationship, you don't even know her but you are playing the omnisincent who knows all things.
Just shup up and be humane for 1 min.

You will tire out my sister! Leave those folks alone. They are emotionally manipulating the story.

A husband who was so wicked that he left the mother of the disabled child to care alone for a baby with a special need for 7 F*ckin years. He never provided a kobo for the mother, he never cared a second for the child. He literally abandoned his own blood for the poor woman with no means of livelihood yet the mother kept pushing strong till she got exhausted and brought back his child.

Suddenly the man is the angel, the man is perfect, he’s the victim and the one who everyone should show sympathy on. Someone said he wants to contribute 10k for the husband sef.

It is the innocent wife that is heartless, wife that is heavily pregnant and have no ideal how to cope with the disabled child 24/7. Some even using Christianity to blackmail. Na wa o.

Yet you wonder why people commit suicide ! Nobody cares about your mental health in this country.

BloomingDale:


Lol. Guilt trip me from now till tomorrow. I swear even if you offer me a million dollars, I’m not taking care of any man’s offspring not from me, especially when he hid it.

seconded..

zedegit:



I understand seriously I do. I have lived with a neighbor who is grandmother to a such a child. As a matter of fact, they abandoned the child for her. This child can cry for Africa.

Even feeding the child is a messy affair and a fight.

But if the child is the only problem, granted he didn't tell you but if you can forgive him and you people go and check the child into a government Motherless home.

Yes everything you said just like my stepdaughter some nights we don't sleep because she will want to be awake all night crying. last night she cried all night it so frustrated not knowing what was wrong with her because she cannot communicate. I am overmelted and I am on my way to my brother house to go and get some rest.

H0711:


First of all our relationship was based on lies because he didn't tell me anything about her or her condition if he had told me from the onset I would have decided whether to quit or stay but he didn't tell me anything until the mother dropped her off and why would I have suffer for someone else responsibility. My only mistake was marrying him with his lies but his child in that condition is not my responsibility at all. If her mother that carried her for 9 long months cannot do it anymore me too I won't do it because I have done it for a week and I am already tired. Please if you think it is that easy if you are a woman you care enough for her come and marry him and take care of the child or if you are a man ask one of your sisters to come and replace me so she can take care of her.

It's sad enough that he didn't tell you and no member of his family told you. When you eventually find love next time, do your own research on the person. Wish you all the best.

H0711:
I got married two months ago. I am 7 months pregnant my husband didn't tell me he had a child from his previous relationship and the child has a disability celebral palsy. Her mother came to dropped her off in my house saying she has done enough and she's tired it is now hubby turn to take care of her.

The child can't do anything for herself she can't sit, talk, walk and she does toilet in her clothes. I can't do it anymore I love children because I have taken care of my own nieces and nephews before I would have taken care of her if she was normal but taking care of a child in this question is hard and if her own mother has had enough she abandoned her and why would I kill myself taking care of her in my condition.

I want to divorce and go back to my village I have told him i am leaving next month. He is pleading with me not to leave him that he will take the child somewhere else but the place is not free he has to be paying like 200k monthly for them to take care of the child and he doesn't even have that amount of money because he is not financial stable.

I will stick to my decision but I want to know what will other people do in my situation.

You have a child on the way,don't reject that child, the law of universe has a way of getting to us.

H0711:


I have already answered that question earlier yes I will stay

Oh great.. meaning you still have love for that man and the family. You sure have a good heart �.

Have you tried bringing this issue on air? I mean on a radio station. Here in Lagos we hear a lot of this family issues on air and people who have been into it and can give great suggestions like nairaland can also help out even showing you special homes (NGOs, foundations) where they take care of such

H0711:




Thank you . Right now he can't afford that 200k monthly , his younger sister has refused to come and help taking care of the child. Me too I can't kill myself in my condition and I will leave next month.

Marriage started with lies and then filled with stress. Leave the man to sort out his situation with his babymama and kid. it shouldn't be ur burden.

If u love and can trust him u can stay in the marriage bt he has to sort out hos kids situation 1st.

An advise to him is to take the kid back to the mother and agree to pay her her for taking care of the child since he can't afford the 200k per month place which is damn expensive.

or he gets a caregiver for her.

H0711:


Lol happy birthday in addy. The reason why I am leaving on the 4th is because my younger brother is in abuja at my elder brother place. He will also go to the village the same day and I want to go with him so he will help me with my loads

Just joking though.

It's alright. Wishing you all the best in your decision going forward.

Follow your heart. I won't judge you if you leave... No say e no sexy
anywhere o! Just know your unborn child needs a father figure. A lot of simps everywhere. Please , if you do leave the marriage, don't poison your childs mind to hate the father.

Juanmike:
You have a child on the way,don't reject that child, the law of universe has a way of getting to us.

That's her parents portion not mine. I didn't birth her I have choose to go to the village with my pregnancy no matter what I will face there with him I will always take care of him and I will never come to abuja to abandon him with his father

lawrenzooo:

It's sad enough that he didn't tell you and no member of his family told you. When you eventually find love next time, do your own research on the person. Wish you all the best.

Thank you

HRHQueenPhil:


I can't imagine what u are going through
This is very wicked of the man
I wld advise u don't leave ur marriage
Every marriage has test and this is one of it
Two solutions
-get a good maid that can assist with looking after the child
- u can start a business that helps u support ur man and leave d house so u won't constantly be in pain
Remember to lift the child up in prayers and fasting so it shall be well with u as well

Fasting for a pregnant woman I hail o..

The man is not even financially stable yet she loved him enough to marry him, With 15k salary and baby on the way.

They won’t see that one. The ideal picture of a perfect marriage is dying mentally. You will have to suffer and endure, mentally drained to stupor before people will congratulate you.

I cared for my aunt’s baby when she gave birth 4yrs ago and I was so surprised the amount of energy it takes to care for a healthy baby. Go to the hospital and see how premature kids are being cared for… every second is monitored.

They want this poor woman to exhaust her energy for a wicked husband. I like the mother of the child , the child belongs to them so let the husband feel the heat too. Very wicked man!

HRHQueenPhil:


I can't imagine what u are going through
This is very wicked of the man
I wld advise u don't leave ur marriage
Every marriage has test and this is one of it
Two solutions
-get a good maid that can assist with looking after the child
- u can start a business that helps u support ur man and leave d house so u won't constantly be in pain
Remember to lift the child up in prayers and fasting so it shall be well with u as well

Women like you can never be seen around. May God bless u

advanceDNA:


It's not abroad ooo...there is no free NGO in Nigeria that will collect kids from you for free without agreement of monthly upkeep..
If you dont come back they will just use the child for ritual for the highest bidder

The lady has said the man doesnt have the money...meaning he will still come and tell the poor wife to be packing shít and carrying the child to bathroom to bathe for the rest of her marriage......

. the mother of the child should come and carry her baby....she did the dumping out of jealousy to chase the woman out because the man didn't marry her....some women dey crazeeee

The man is insincere and selfish if he expects her to take care of another woman's special needs kid- even if she's not pregnant. However, leaving the marriage still leaves the kid stranded. What I think she could do to help the kid and her marriage (if it's worth salvaging):
1. Get her husband to return the kid to the birth mum same way she brought her to him
2. Take the kid to a home - I carried out s study on PWD and I know there are some homes where they take them in. Though like you said, it may not be totally free but I believe it's nothing near 200k. They even have some abandoned kids there
3. Even if she'll leave him, she can help that child get some stability before leaving. I'm just about the child

Since he did not deem it fit to let you into his past before the marriage was consumated, you are also not bound to continue in the marriage because it was all built on lies and non-disclosures. I believe that's a ground for divorce and separation.

H0711:


Being a Christian doesn't mean I have to be an hyprocrite and carry a burden which I didn't agree with which might make me to develop some health issues like blood pressure and depression later on. If you care enough come and carry the cross on our behalf . Are you not a Christian too?

oya leave the marriage.

Richy4:

Where is the real mother of the baby OP.. do you have an idea?

If u do, maybe u can pay her a visit to guilt-trip her for abandoning her kid.. I didn't say it's the right thing to do,But it's like your last hail Mary pass..

The husband should have told you from the beginning though... not just surprise you with a big responsibility...

Finally do U know if Nigerian government takes care of people/ individuals with such problems?

You don't like OP. U want her to meet a woman who is likely not happy the man abandoned her after getting her into a motherhood.

Connect to the healing streams by pastor Chris.
Today is the last day.

His disciples asked him, "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?" "Neither this man nor his parents sinned," said Jesus, "but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life. As long as it is day, we must do the work of him who sent me.

John 9:2

I guess you are a Christian. The bible says if the foundations are destroyed, what can the righteous do? Ps 11:3. You built your marriage on a faulty foundation. You married two months ago, but with 7 months pregnancy. It's abomination to the christiandom. Go back to Jesus, he will show you a way out.

hmmmm...this your pregnancy so..how are you sure it will not be a deformed child too? Another case of cerebral palsy? Do you know if it runs in his genes? thats what you should be more concerned about. before you divorce, give birth and get stuck with a child with medical conditions you cant take care of alone, because you left and he wont have you back

H0711:




Thank you . Right now he can't afford that 200k monthly , his younger sister has refused to come and help taking care of the child. Me too I can't kill myself in my condition and I will leave next month.

People cook up stories just for the fun of it this day. What kind of sickness is that? Then ex will just bring the child, dump her and walk away. Then your husband will keep quiet and be watching you strongly. Then, you are singing you want to leave next month. What is special about next month?

To me oh, I find it hard to believe you Maan or Sir