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What Is My Duty As A Married Woman? Help! - Family - Nairaland

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What Is My Duty As A Married Woman? Help! by Lalakas: 12:34am On Aug 16, 2022
Am not happy with my husband's utterances towards me. He unapologetically told me my duties are just 2: to give him se. X and to cook. This guy has really hurt me in this marriage, he seems not to know how to talk.

I work and equally contribute to everything. I dont hide my income and i give him for the building we are both building. I am not useless and i am not a liability to him.

How it all started :
Moimoi or beans is for every other Friday or Saturday ( moimoi could be ones in 6 weeks except my kids specially ask for it) but for a while now whenever I prepare any of the 2 he would complain, regect it. He told me he doesn't like them during the week and I will never prepare them Sunday to Thursday. Friday because he won't be going to work the following day. My kids like eating moimoi very well, infact, it is one their best meals. Atimes, they ask for it. My husband sees moimoi and beans as crap. Guys, he buys it and eat it outside!, my moimoi doesn't purge anyone of us. Even him but he'd keep saying he purges with moimoi, it's just an excuse.

It is difficult to cook 2 foods, i will not stop making moimoi or beans because of him, my kids like the meal so much. For the fact that he buys it out there and this food is what we usually enjoy together before now, i cant stop cooking it.

He has in many ways abused me, he is not someone I should even go the extra mile for, he doesnt sacrifice for me, he doesn't respect me, he doesn't stay close to me except when he wants se. X, always going out. He is very scarce at home. I can't cook 2 foods on days i cook moimoi or beans.

And for telling me my duties are just 2 in his life, I feel abused for allowing him have se. X with me all these while, i feel like a kitchen tool for cooking for him. His intentions and motives about a women are so demeaning.

I am feeling so ashamed of myself. He place no value on me.

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Re: What Is My Duty As A Married Woman? Help! by OriOko88(m): 12:46am On Aug 16, 2022
You too should stop cooking him moi moi if he says he doesn't like it. A Yoruba adage says, A soup which d husband doesnt like,the wife doesn't cook. You can prepare d moi moi for the kids and you,then prepares his own favorite too. That's d why i don't buy the idea of making time table for food. Why must I be eating a particular food for a specified day. Take for example,why must I eat rice on Saturdays because it's what on the time table..like wtf. A man must eat varieties of food when he so desires.

I think he's frustrated by the boring foods you giving him..spice up ur food and see him change. Ask him what he would like the family to eat before cooking..ditch the food time table for nw. How many men dey eat moi moi these days??
Change ur food time table and see u having ur man back cool

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Re: What Is My Duty As A Married Woman? Help! by EponOjuku: 12:48am On Aug 16, 2022
You don't know how lucky you are that it is food causing problem in your house and not hunger causing problem.

If you don't like what he says to you, tell him instead of brooding over it and allowing it eat you up.

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Re: What Is My Duty As A Married Woman? Help! by Helpout12345: 12:57am On Aug 16, 2022
The moi-moi issue is simple. Stop giving him the house moi-moi.

The major issue is the part where he said you are only good for sex and food. On this, look for elderly men in your families with stable homes to talk senses into him. That's after you have hard an heart to heart discussions with him on the matter.

Marriage is between 2 partners working together respectively to build a home and in extension the society.

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Re: What Is My Duty As A Married Woman? Help! by wis3(m): 1:05am On Aug 16, 2022
OriOko88:
You too should stop cooking him moi moi if he says he doesn't like it. A Yoruba adage says, A soup which d husband doesnt like,the wife doesn't cook. You can prepare d moi moi for the kids and you,then prepares his own favorite too. That's d why i don't buy the idea of making time table for food. Why must I be eating a particular food for a specified day. Take for example,why must I eat rice on Saturdays because it's what on the time table..like wtf. A man must eat varieties of food when he so desires.

I think he's frustrated by the boring foods you giving him..spice up ur food and see him change. Ask him what he would like the family to eat before cooking..ditch the food time table for nw. How many men dey eat moi moi these days??
Change ur food time table and see u having ur man back cool
It's not like he doesn't eat moi-moi, he buys it outside but dislikes it when it is prepared in the house. It's just one of those times when people just get fed up with each other for no just reason but he will come around. What she needs is to be less available for his every needs and work on her esteem and and will be well.

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Re: What Is My Duty As A Married Woman? Help! by OriOko88(m): 1:07am On Aug 16, 2022
wis3:
It's not like he doesn't eat moi-moi, he buys it outside but dislikes it when it's prepared at in the house. It's just one of those times when people just get fed up with each other for no just reason but he will come around. What she needs is to be less available for his every needs and work on her esteem and and will be well.
Its the method she uses in cooking the moimoi. She should spice it up by adding delicious ingredients.

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Re: What Is My Duty As A Married Woman? Help! by wis3(m): 1:10am On Aug 16, 2022
OriOko88:

Its the method she uses in cooking the moimoi. She should spice it up by adding delicious ingredients.

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Re: What Is My Duty As A Married Woman? Help! by libertyfather(m): 1:25am On Aug 16, 2022
wis3:
It's not like he doesn't eat moi-moi, he buys it outside but dislikes it when it is prepared in the house. It's just one of those times when people just get fed up with each other for no just reason but he will come around. What she needs is to be less available for his every needs and work on her esteem and and will be well.

The bolded is what ur problem is , but i can tell you not same issue with that man, all i can tell you is stop cooking moi moi for him...shikena

23 Likes

Re: What Is My Duty As A Married Woman? Help! by wis3(m): 1:35am On Aug 16, 2022
libertyfather:


The bolded is what ur problem is , but i can tell you not same issue with that man, all i can tell you is stop cooking moi moi for him...shikena
For man to tell woman say she's only for cooking and se.x shows he has lost whatever regards he has for her.

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Re: What Is My Duty As A Married Woman? Help! by nifemi25(m): 1:45am On Aug 16, 2022
Why not spice up the moi moi to see his reaction....since you guys enjoyed it together before the sudden change and you sure he still buys it outside. I will advise you add boiled egg, cray fish, Titus fish and some other ingredients In other to see his reaction.... try watch for his reaction after the meal to know if to continue cooking the moi moi or not

6 Likes 1 Share

Re: What Is My Duty As A Married Woman? Help! by Prechgold1180(m): 1:50am On Aug 16, 2022
Everytime help this help that

Nairaland sha

4 Likes 2 Shares

Re: What Is My Duty As A Married Woman? Help! by Cyphar(m): 2:09am On Aug 16, 2022
Try do what he wants and see if he will change......

9 Likes

Re: What Is My Duty As A Married Woman? Help! by Kobojunkie: 3:11am On Aug 16, 2022
Lalakas:
I work and equally contribute to everything. I dont hide my income and i give him for the building we are both building. I am not useless and i am not a liability to him.
How it all started :
....He told me he doesn't like them during the week and I will never prepare them Sunday to Thursday. Friday because he won't be going to work the following day. My kids like eating moimoi very well, infact, it is one their best meals. .... Guys, he buys it and eat it outside!, ..., it's just an excuse.

It is difficult to cook 2 foods,...He has in many ways abused me, he is not someone I should even go the extra mile for, he doesnt sacrifice for me, he doesn't respect me, he doesn't stay close to me except when he wants se. X, always going out. He is very scarce at home. I can't cook 2 foods on days i cook moimoi or beans.

And for telling me my duties are just 2 in his life, I feel abused for allowing him have se. X with me all these while, i feel like a kitchen tool for cooking for him. His intentions and motives about a women are so demeaning. I am feeling so ashamed of myself. He place no value on me.
Marriage is an agreement between a man and a woman, and this fact comes in pretty handy especially when you are married to a bully. You already stated that you contribute your fair share in the marriage, along with doing the cooking, so I don't see why you should be treated like a liability in what is your marriage. Since you are already feeling ashamed as a partner in the marriage, it may be time to engage the help of a professional marriage counsellor so you do not end up depressed as well. What you describe is a big flag that it is time for marriage counselling. No one who regards his partner would resort to such comments unless there is a deeper rift somewhere . undecided

Aside from that, this beans/Moi-Moi case should have been a simple issue to resolve. Since he eats beans/Moi-Moi outside, and you only cook it on the weekends - Friday or Saturday - you both could have easily resolved it by having him cook something for himself on the days you make beans or Moi-Moi. No need for the abuse at all. undecided

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Re: What Is My Duty As A Married Woman? Help! by Kobojunkie: 3:12am On Aug 16, 2022
wis3:
For man to tell woman say she's only for cooking and se.x shows he has lost whatever regards he has for her.
For once today, we are in agreement. undecided

3 Likes

Re: What Is My Duty As A Married Woman? Help! by Kobojunkie: 3:16am On Aug 16, 2022
libertyfather:
The bolded is what ur problem is , but i can tell you not same issue with that man, all i can tell you is stop cooking moi moi for him...shikena
Stop that nonsense! The man eats moi-moi outside but bullies his wife over the same.On top of that, he speaks down to her telling her she is only for sex and cooking. Don't need to be a rocket scientist to realize this is more than just about beans and moi-moi. undecided

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Re: What Is My Duty As A Married Woman? Help! by Kobojunkie: 3:18am On Aug 16, 2022
OriOko88:
Its the method she uses in cooking the moimoi. She should spice it up by adding delicious ingredients.
How many "methods" do you know of where it concerns making moi-moi abeg? which of those methods will cause your significant other to call you out that you are only there for sex and cooking? undecided

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Re: What Is My Duty As A Married Woman? Help! by Nobody: 3:38am On Aug 16, 2022
Sorry to say but you're being stubborn to the man.

Your husband can not just wake up and say those things to you. You must have done something that annoyed him to make him say such, prolly to get back at you.

Now, reason I said you're being stubborn is, you know he doesn't like your moimoi, yet you keep making it. As in... Let him do his worse. Abi na?

If you truly care and respect him, you would stop but here you are telling us you can never stop making it because your children like it. By that you're already saying he should go to hell for all you care and he too gets the message reason he chose to be careless with words too.

You claim he buys it outside. What does that tell you? Yours is prolly not as fanimorous ( sorry to say). Now, what have you done to improve your moimoi because there is moimoi and there is mai-mai **chuckles** .
My dad too hated moimoi to the extent that one day after he dropped money for food and asked what we want to prepare, we all chorused moimoi (because we children loved moimoi) and he said "moimoi gbuo gi" that is, "moimoi Kee you". There and then we knew we have tormented this man with this food. So we prepared his favorite, rice and stew.

You need to calm down for your man. You chose to marry him in the first place, so do anything that will make him happy. Coming here after how many children to say you feel ashamed of yourself for letting him sleep with you makes no sense because you too have been sleeping with him. so both of you have used each other. No biggies. Forget and move on.

Look for how to spice up your moimoi. Prepare it for only your children, (give him what he wants) let him perceive your new moimoi, he'll be the one requesting for it.

You don't have to prepare it the same day you're making other meals. You can just make the moimoi on your free days and pack in the fridge for your children so you don't get to overwork yourself.

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Re: What Is My Duty As A Married Woman? Help! by tonicyril: 3:55am On Aug 16, 2022
Lalakas:
Am not happy with my husband's utterances towards me. He unapologetically told me my duties are just 2: to give him se. X and to cook. This guy has really hurt me in this marriage, he seems not to know how to talk.

I work and equally contribute to everything. I dont hide my income and i give him for the building we are both building. I am not useless and i am not a liability to him.

How it all started :
Moimoi or beans is for every other Friday or Saturday ( moimoi could be ones in 6 weeks except my kids specially ask for it) but for a while now whenever I prepare any of the 2 he would complain, regect it. He told me he doesn't like them during the week and I will never prepare them Sunday to Thursday. Friday because he won't be going to work the following day. My kids like eating moimoi very well, infact, it is one their best meals. Atimes, they ask for it. My husband sees moimoi and beans as crap. Guys, he buys it and eat it outside!, my moimoi doesn't purge anyone of us. Even him but he'd keep saying he purges with moimoi, it's just an excuse.

It is difficult to cook 2 foods, i will not stop making moimoi or beans because of him, my kids like the meal so much. For the fact that he buys it out there and this food is what we usually enjoy together before now, i cant stop cooking it.

He has in many ways abused me, he is not someone I should even go the extra mile for, he doesnt sacrifice for me, he doesn't respect me, he doesn't stay close to me except when he wants se. X, always going out. He is very scarce at home. I can't cook 2 foods on days i cook moimoi or beans.

And for telling me my duties are just 2 in his life, I feel abused for allowing him have se. X with me all these while, i feel like a kitchen tool for cooking for him. His intentions and motives about a women are so demeaning.

I am feeling so ashamed of myself. He place no value on me.
madam its not hard, if hin say hin gods no they eat beans and moimoi for weekend again u sef stop it na..its not hard. Forget about the abuse pls.


U have known him before u know ur kids pls.

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Re: What Is My Duty As A Married Woman? Help! by Nobody: 4:15am On Aug 16, 2022
nifemi25:
Why not spice up the moi moi to see his reaction....since you guys enjoyed it together before the sudden change and you sure he still buys it outside. I will advise you add boiled egg, cray fish, Titus fish and some other ingredients In other to see his reaction.... try watch for his reaction after the meal to know if to continue cooking the moi moi or not



What makes you think this things you listed will spice up the moimoi?

What makes moimoi delicious is the following

Fresh tatashe
Tin tomatoes
Those long dry pepper

If you fry these Peppers with the tomato paste in enough vegetable oil very well and add to your moimoi, any body who eats it will be hooked on it.

Im a caterer and I cook for events. Ive worked with the local olopos. That's how we cook party moimoi.

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Re: What Is My Duty As A Married Woman? Help! by Nobody: 4:16am On Aug 16, 2022
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Re: What Is My Duty As A Married Woman? Help! by Phelixblaq(m): 4:19am On Aug 16, 2022
You seems like a proud and arrogant woman. Remember your husband comes first before you meet those children.

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Re: What Is My Duty As A Married Woman? Help! by Nobody: 4:22am On Aug 16, 2022
You can never please a man, know this and know peace. Men don’t appreciate, value good and submissive women they are weird that way but non of them will ever agree to this. Find happiness in your kids and stop stressing yourself, you no submissive reach the wife of nollywood actor Yul edochie but what did she get in return? 99.89 percent of good and submissive women are living a miserable life. Been submissive and good to your man is excellent but in reality submission to most men makes them become narcissistic. Just be good and accommodate his excesses since marriage is already involved, it’s part of the sacrifices for marriage, stop getting worked up over his attitude, he might even be deriving joy in seeing you get worked up.

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Re: What Is My Duty As A Married Woman? Help! by Nobody: 4:29am On Aug 16, 2022
@Op, if moimoi and beans are the major problem here, then, you don't have an issue.
It's simple, prepare his food different any day you're going to make moimoi or beans for the children.

10 Likes

Re: What Is My Duty As A Married Woman? Help! by Nobody: 4:33am On Aug 16, 2022
Phelixblaq:
You seems like a proud and arrogant woman. Remember your husband comes first before you meet those children.
This is not what you should tell an already stressed woman. So many of you here are so inconsiderate in your judgement.

20 Likes 1 Share

Re: What Is My Duty As A Married Woman? Help! by Nobody: 4:40am On Aug 16, 2022
Ladymaceral:
@Op, if moimoi and beans are the major problem here, then, you don't have an issue.
It's simple, prepare his food different any day you're going to make moimoi or beans for the children.


You are right but I think Moimoi and beans isn’t truly his problem, maybe the stress of meeting up with duties in this country is taking it’s toll on him and finds relieve by diffusing it on his wife. She said he eats the same moimoi and beans outside. She should just try and manage the situation by not letting it get to her, he’ll definitely come around.

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Re: What Is My Duty As A Married Woman? Help! by Stevenbright(m): 5:25am On Aug 16, 2022
wis3:
For man to tell woman say she's only for cooking and se.x shows he has lost whatever regards he has for her.

And this might be because there are some other underlying issues they need to resolve. She should find these out and make sure they resolve them and stuffs like their present misunderstandings will be easily handled by them if there are no unresolved issues.

2 Likes

Re: What Is My Duty As A Married Woman? Help! by Richy4(m): 6:14am On Aug 16, 2022
In my own opinion, the marriage was between you and your husband... The children came and beautified the marriage..

It seems that you have chosen what beautified the marriage over whom you made your vows with... These statements came up like twice in that little write up of yours;
<< "My children liked it
<< I cannot cook 2 meals in a day
<<I will not stop cooking Moi-moi because of him.."

Anyone who have married for more than 5 years... Who tells you on this forum that they have never had an argument where bad or hurting words were exchanged is most likely lying to you... What he said was bad...really really bad...( That statement reminds me of a friend here.. crack.haus of the old.. not this new and refined one that I'm seeing now cheesy)

But assuming you got a picky 8yr old eater as a child, u prepared a meal and he/she says she won't eat and head straight to bed, would you allow that kid to go to bed with an empty stomach or will you make provisions for an alternative?

I am not a marriage counselor but I believe this statement below is simply the root cause of the problem in your home and not the food... food is just an immediate cause....

".***He is not the person I should go to an extra mile for.. he doesn't sacrifice for me...***"

Both of you should look into it and act on going to an extra mile for each other as a team... Wishing you the best..

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Re: What Is My Duty As A Married Woman? Help! by jeromestarks: 6:33am On Aug 16, 2022
Make your pvssy smell nice. This is your soul duty my dear sister.
I hate dirty women with passion.
Do you know that housefly now follow girls around? Take your time and observe.

1 Like 3 Shares

Re: What Is My Duty As A Married Woman? Help! by talk2hb1(m): 6:38am On Aug 16, 2022
undecided
Cooking and Sex?
Re: What Is My Duty As A Married Woman? Help! by crackhaus: 6:55am On Aug 16, 2022
Richy4:

Anyone who have married for more than 5 years... Who tells you on this forum that they have never had an argument where bad or hurting words were exchanged is most likely lying to you... What he said was bad...really really bad...( That statement reminds me of a friend here.. crackhaus of the old.. not this new and refined one that I'm seeing now cheesy)
I am the same yesterday, today, and forever... I nova change o grin

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Re: What Is My Duty As A Married Woman? Help! by wis3(m): 6:57am On Aug 16, 2022
Stevenbright:


And this might be because there are some other underlying issues they need to resolve. She should find these out and make sure they resolve them and stuffs like their present misunderstandings will be easily handled by them if there are no unresolved issues.
So many things might be causing this but it's wrong. Couples should learn to tolerate, understand, make sacrifices for each other. Man might be having problems at work and the only way he can blowof steam is by taking it out on her like this to blow off steam. Which is wrong, couples should always respect each other.

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