tbaba1234:

You can tell if a brother is serious.

Instead of getting hurt all the time, let it be focused from the start.

Islamically, bf-gf relationships are haram anyway.

i know...

ladunsky: i know...

May Allah grant you the best

Tbaba n onegig! Why wld u say we are searching the wrong places• Only pointing out d chalenges faced by singles• If u are both married, good for u! Not everyone is as lucky•

Imag: Tbaba n onegig! Why wld u say we are searching the wrong places• Only pointing out d chalenges faced by singles• If u are both married, good for u! Not everyone is as lucky•

I am sorry if thats what you think. I never said it is easy i just said maybe people are setting unrealistic standards.

It is never easy just that most people just look for ways to compound this problem in their own big ways.

5 Reasons why you should not judge people based on first impression

Read more at RADAR: http://www.radar.ng/art-life/5-reasons-why-you-should-not-judge-people-based-on-first-impression/

I think the lady has many valid points.

I am learning that a lot of people might have a very wrong impression about me for varying reasons in all spheres of life. Your thoughts about the idea of misunderstanding/misjudging others and how that might prevent us from building useful contacts and networks at the very least?

Imag: Really getting an ideal mate is not easy though• While some people are lucky to just crush on one with ease, others spend years searching for the right only to end up with a wrong one• This is a big scary problem! I fear! others fear!
Out of school is a challenge for d singles especially those without a crush at school.

An ideal partner! I fear o! Where are they really?

You don't necessary have to do gf-bf things before u get your soulmate..if you really have good intention and you are among the righteous, Y not,Allah will give u your heart desire with prayer..I as a cased study,I didn't have time for ladies throughout my academic pursuit despite many 'crushes', but now,I think I'm in a better position to select the best among them for me as a wife now despite no string attachingattaching # .. apart from the fact that school relationship is not allowed,it ruins the academic performance and focus of the doers

I'm very sure if u purified ur intention,do the needful(istikhara),be among the righteous and prayerful, He'll do it in a short while....

People used to say they did not marry Muslims because they didn't come across one that they could marry,you need to ask such people who they got used to before they got marry...

Not every one is "lucky" to get the "one" without searching for long, some don't even get to marry the "ideal" and settle. Irrespective of the things we seek in "the one", you can still have basic standards and find it hard to meet someone who qualifies, our standards are different.

It's not as simple as searching the right places, I can easily ask where are the right places. Neither is it easy to get commitment immediately. While am not saying by any means to do bf/gf.

Is it not after you meet someone you would do istikhara.

Some of us crush easily and it gets reciprocated, some crush on us and we don't reciprocate either.

If you've found your ideal partner say Alhamdulillah, it is not always easy, many people end up settling for the available.

Sissie: Not every one is "lucky" to get the "one" without searching for long, some don't even get to marry the "ideal" and settle. Irrespective of the things we seek in "the one", you can still have basic standards and find it hard to meet someone who qualifies, our standards are different.

It's not as simple as searching the right places, I can easily ask where are the right places. Neither is it easy to get commitment immediately. While am not saying by any means to do bf/gf.

Is it not after you meet someone you would do istikhara.

Some of us crush easily and it gets reciprocated, some crush on us and we don't reciprocate either.

If you've found your ideal partner say Alhamdulillah, it is not always easy, many people end up settling for the available.

true

^I am tempted to think many posters here have really high standards in response to you and Sissie.

many people end up settling for the available.

whats wrong with the available?

A great question asked by tpia?

maclatunji: A great question asked by tpia?

Sometimes the available is better than the desirable..

tpia1:




whats wrong with the available?

Sometimes marrying someone with the feeling you could have done better and you settled for him/her is a recipe for disaster, it can turn into larger problems. And have seen this happen. Many at times end up not really happy.

During the bad times I.e quarrels, reconciliation isn't always easy and takes longer time.

^true! Especially if it is a major thing you are compromising on.

If it were things like wealth, education, iman etc, which can be improved on and acquired later in life then fine and okay but issues bordering on behavioral attitude, general perception and outlook of life, personal belief systems and desires should never be compromised on.

The latter is something you both would need to be on the same page to surmount future challenges. I can't even imagine how it would work out without both agreeing largely on such issues. This is where "opposite" never works

maclatunji:

I am learning that a lot of people might have a very wrong impression about me for varying reasons in all spheres of life. Your thoughts about the idea of misunderstanding/misjudging others and how that might prevent us from building useful contacts and networks at the very least?

I won't blame them for misjudging you. You always come out too strong when you don't agree with people on issues even if it is the first time you are meeting them. Nothing really bad about having a strong opinion but normally when you push too hard, people naturally withdraw and as from then on term you as a "bigot" who never listens to differing opinions and that is what sticks when in reality you may never be that kind of person.

Read the article very thoughtful.

onegig: I won't blame them for misjudging you. You always come out to strong when you don't agree with people even if it is the first time you are meeting them. Not really bad having a strong opinion but normally when you push too hard, people naturally withdraw and as from then on term you as a "bigot" who never listens to differing opinions and that sticks.

Read the article very thoughtful.

Nice attempt at identifying the cause but even when I am not speaking, people are still misunderstanding me. It is not a Nairaland thing only.

maclatunji:

Nice attempt at identifying the cause but even when I am not speaking, people are still misunderstanding me. It is not a Nairaland thing only.

If this is a common. Then it's not a case of them misunderstanding you, but what you've portrayed online and offline.

maclatunji:

Nice attempt at identifying the cause but even when I am not speaking, people are still misunderstanding me. It is not a Nairaland thing only.

Speaking goes beyond word of mouth or sound alone. I guess it constitutes maybe like 30% of communication(my own stats). How you carry yourself, facial expression, voice pitch and many other things count.

onegig: I won't blame them for misjudging you. You always come out to strong when you don't agree with people even if it is the first time you are meeting them. Not really bad having a strong opinion but normally when you push too hard, people naturally withdraw and as from then on term you as a "bigot" who never listens to differing opinions and that sticks.

Read the article very thoughtful.

It's not a case of coming too strong only per se but also "attacking" that leaves people on the defensive.

What's this place about? Apologies, ki la nso nibi? I hardly visit here anyway.

yeyenatu: What's this place about? Apologies, ki la nso nibi? I hardly visit here anyway.

Lol...Apologies? Where did you see that. And do you care to translate that to English? Not all of us understand "yoruba".

Sissie:
It's not a case of coming too strong only per se but also "attacking" that leaves people on the defensive.

Lol....no mind am. He should just stop complaining. This is where the proverbial "you reap what you sow" works efficiently..


Mac....Enjoy it ..

onegig:

Lol...Apologies? Where did you see that. And do you care to translate that to English? Not all of us understand "yoruba".

I was apologizing for my 'ignorance' is all. I asked what the discussion was about, I only saw the title of the thread and cos one of the people I follow posted here.

Who's attacking? Who's defending? What's the arsenal? What's the issh? What's what? Who's who? Which is which? And that's that.

yeyenatu: I was apologizing for my 'ignorance' is all. I asked what the discussion was about, I only saw the title of the thread and cos one of the people I follow posted here.

Who's attacking? Who's defending? What's the arsenal? What's the issh? What's what? Who's who? Which is which? And that's that.

You can always get it by clicking this link HERE

People should not judge people based on first impression as that impression may not portray who the person is.

At the same time people's common first impression about you to a large extent tells about who you are as a person.

First impressions are usually false. I get underrated sometimes because I am usually quiet until I start to speak.

You could catch a person in a wrong frame of mind or in a usual character trait and draw up false conclusions very easily.

Depends. Not all actions should be processed when meeting someone for the first time. If you are good at seeing through people you can know a bit about them through first impressions.


Even someone having a rather unusual day would at least for a split second show who they are. It is left for you to be able to know what to read and what to filter out. There's also nothing wrong in giving people second chances so you can confirm your first impressions or discard them.

True, some people are good at picking up signs.

tbaba1234: First impressions are usually false. I get underrated sometimes because I am usually quiet until I start to speak.

You could catch a person in a wrong frame of mind or in a usual character trait and draw up false conclusions very easily.

@bolded that's a first impression based on general misconception that's usually false.
I.e people assume you don't know much because your quiet. someone sees a short man and assume he can be rude to him or take him out in a fight. Or see a very pretty girl and assume she's not smart.

However first impressions based on what transpired during the first meeting, and it's a common impression people have about you to a large extent tells
I.e Mr A says Salam, Mr B didn't reply and Mr A has the impression Mr B is not friendly or a snob. And generally people have that impression about Mr B to a large extent tells Mr B if Mr B is a snob.

onegig:


Lol....no mind am. He should just stop complaining. This is where the proverbial "you reap what you sow" works efficiently..


Mac....Enjoy it ..

You are a classic example of people misunderstanding me. I have described a state of affairs, where did you see me complaining about it? You are telling someone who would rather enjoy privacy that most people do not want to get close and you think it is a problem to him? Do not get it twisted.

I am only saying in general terms people misunderstand others and it might prevent great friendships from emerging not: "Help maclatunji get people to like him".

I wrote it before: I like to analyse things, do not assume that the things I write are exactly about me unless I say so. For example, I wrote that people misunderstand me off Nairaland and even when I do not speak; that was a hint that you were getting the wrong notions about my posts.

You have no idea how much I enjoy solitude and will only leave it for specific types of company.

Hmmm

onegig:

You can always get it by clicking this link HERE

I tried to read through but found myself skipping and scrolling. I'm a peculiar kind of person and what I read so far is that even in our faith, one's personality also shines through or get dulled by the acceptance of how the faith is supposed to be practiced.

In our adult life, when mixing with sisters and brothers, most of us forget that the practice and belief in every one isn't the same thing. How we are brought up most times affect how we practice so we shouldn't expect it to be the same. Regardless of what we think, one's tradition will have something to do with one's faith. Like seriously, shun all sentiments.

Anyway, Islam is a religion where individuality ain't given much chance. So a lot of people tend to bend what they're comfortable with to fit into what's acceptable in the teachings of Islam. Which to me is kosher and super fun!

Singleship in Islam and individuality tend to leave a lot of Islam brothers a little stuck-up, while the sisters get shelled/middled.

Anyway, I salute you all. But know that when choosing, it's best to choose with at least 60% of what you can accept as an individual or you may end up being married to yourself under a husband or you live like you are wife-less. Islam marriage is only enjoyed best when individuals are very compatible or things may turn real sour, real fast.

Peace upon y'all!!



YeaYeaNot

Sissie:

If this is a common. Then it's not a case of them misunderstanding you, but what you've portrayed online and offline.

Nah, let me give an example: Someone has been running a lot of ideas by me and I just tell them honestly that they are not so hot based on my experiences of those ideas which is the truth. The person then begins to think I believe we cannot do business together. They had to go to a third party to complain about my lack of "enthusiasm". When the third party told me, I just laughed.

Sometimes when I joke people think I am mocking them. Being me has a lot of advantages and I am not about to change greatly. I just laugh when people go like: "I did not know he is like this" or " I did not know he could do that" after their past misconceptions.

I am just complex in short.

Hmmmmm,where should I start from ooo...

According to my understanding,istikhara can be done whenever you want to embark on something u are not sure of its outcome...

I believe my spouse will not be 100% person even I,i am not either so if I can c about 80% from her side,I'll compromise the remaining but she must be someone that believe in what I believe in and must be ready to converse with me on many level ,though people may judge my outlook on being gentle,but I hate a boring lifestyle and I would go for my match on this...


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