No wahala,just get a man of ur choice to give u belle. Then u can live ur life the way u want it.
At least u will have someone to lean on in ur old age.

Ehn, remain single na. Did they hold you at gunpoint?

EriMma1:
This may sound weird but it's my situation now.

I have been a single and independent lady for a very long time. Though I really looked forward to settling down in my 20s and thirties but because I was the over careful type, I couldn't as I kept being picky due to men's character and behavior.

Fast-forward to my lat 30s, I began to lose interest and started getting more comfortable as a single. The upheavals in today's marriage also got to me. As in the way marriages are packing up, the cheating aspect, abuse and domestic violence in marriages all further affected me and changed my whole perception of the union called marriage. So I unconsciously resolved to remain single as long as I'm happy, comfortable and financially independent.

Some of the reasons I also made up my mind are.
As a single, Im very much at peace, with no one dictating what and when I should do things or get out of bed. I love my bed.
No one is body shaming me when I add on some pounds due to excessive eating and no one is questioning my eating habits as its sometimes the case with some married women. Also running errands when you don't feel up to it just because hubby wants you to do it. Some men can send their wife on errand like crazy and me I hate running errands.

No one is disturbing me when I need time alone which could last for hours. I love my space and privacy. So the thought of having to give up all that scares the hell out of me.

Now, back to the matter.

Recently, some close spiritual leaders in my denomination have been trying to match make me with a single pastor and that one too is shining teeth that he has seen a jimjim sister. When they now openly mentioned it yesterday with the said man around and he too was nodding and agreeing to the proposal, it dawned on me that these people are not joking. When I got home, i sank into my comfy space and began to fret. I mean... The thought of giving up all that freedom is just so scary. I suddenly discovered that marriage no longer excites me and my inner self was fighting it.
Also, the thought of carrying pregnancy for nine months with all the stress of looking after babies, tending toddlers ( poo poo) and that motherhood life made me sick instantly. The thought of joggling my job with family life gave me the chills. I see how my married mates struggle with this. Huh. Men...

I don't know. I don't feel cool about this cos it makes me feel like I'm about to be put in a cage and everything about me is going to change.

Now, before you talk about me not loving the man, I think I fancy him and can love him cos he looks so much like my ex of years ago. So that is out of the question. He is a happening lovable man but....... I no longer feel excited about marriage. at least, from what played out yesterday.

Do I need any form of therapy cos my family won't hear of it but this is my situation now ooo... Hmmm

The woman that supported me, believed in me when I had nothing is no more interested in me. I feel like I am betraying her if I get into another relationship but I really need someone to share a life with. Can I move on? She is obviously in another relationship, she has been posting this guys on her social media though, we do not communicate as we should anymore, she ignore my chats and calls, but guilt of what she has been through cause of me is just holding me back. What is your advice?

EriMma1:
This may sound weird but it's my situation now.

I have been a single and independent lady for a very long time. Though I really looked forward to settling down in my 20s and thirties but because I was the over careful type, I couldn't as I kept being picky due to men's character and behavior.

Fast-forward to my lat 30s, I began to lose interest and started getting more comfortable as a single. The upheavals in today's marriage also got to me. As in the way marriages are packing up, the cheating aspect, abuse and domestic violence in marriages all further affected me and changed my whole perception of the union called marriage. So I unconsciously resolved to remain single as long as I'm happy, comfortable and financially independent.

Some of the reasons I also made up my mind are.
As a single, Im very much at peace, with no one dictating what and when I should do things or get out of bed. I love my bed.
No one is body shaming me when I add on some pounds due to excessive eating and no one is questioning my eating habits as its sometimes the case with some married women. Also running errands when you don't feel up to it just because hubby wants you to do it. Some men can send their wife on errand like crazy and me I hate running errands.

No one is disturbing me when I need time alone which could last for hours. I love my space and privacy. So the thought of having to give up all that scares the hell out of me.

Now, back to the matter.

Recently, some close spiritual leaders in my denomination have been trying to match make me with a single pastor and that one too is shining teeth that he has seen a jimjim sister. When they now openly mentioned it yesterday with the said man around and he too was nodding and agreeing to the proposal, it dawned on me that these people are not joking. When I got home, i sank into my comfy space and began to fret. I mean... The thought of giving up all that freedom is just so scary. I suddenly discovered that marriage no longer excites me and my inner self was fighting it.
Also, the thought of carrying pregnancy for nine months with all the stress of looking after babies, tending toddlers ( poo poo) and that motherhood life made me sick instantly. The thought of joggling my job with family life gave me the chills. I see how my married mates struggle with this. Huh. Men...

I don't know. I don't feel cool about this cos it makes me feel like I'm about to be put in a cage and everything about me is going to change.

Now, before you talk about me not loving the man, I think I fancy him and can love him cos he looks so much like my ex of years ago. So that is out of the question. He is a happening lovable man but....... I no longer feel excited about marriage. at least, from what played out yesterday.

Do I need any form of therapy cos my family won't hear of it but this is my situation now ooo... Hmmm

Why do I feel you are a chronic masturbator.

I may be wrong though

EriMma1:
This may sound weird but it's my situation now.

I have been a single and independent lady for a very long time. Though I really looked forward to settling down in my 20s and thirties but because I was the over careful type, I couldn't as I kept being picky due to men's character and behavior.

Fast-forward to my lat 30s, I began to lose interest and started getting more comfortable as a single. The upheavals in today's marriage also got to me. As in the way marriages are packing up, the cheating aspect, abuse and domestic violence in marriages all further affected me and changed my whole perception of the union called marriage. So I unconsciously resolved to remain single as long as I'm happy, comfortable and financially independent.

Some of the reasons I also made up my mind are.
As a single, Im very much at peace, with no one dictating what and when I should do things or get out of bed. I love my bed.
No one is body shaming me when I add on some pounds due to excessive eating and no one is questioning my eating habits as its sometimes the case with some married women. Also running errands when you don't feel up to it just because hubby wants you to do it. Some men can send their wife on errand like crazy and me I hate running errands.

No one is disturbing me when I need time alone which could last for hours. I love my space and privacy. So the thought of having to give up all that scares the hell out of me.

Now, back to the matter.

Recently, some close spiritual leaders in my denomination have been trying to match make me with a single pastor and that one too is shining teeth that he has seen a jimjim sister. When they now openly mentioned it yesterday with the said man around and he too was nodding and agreeing to the proposal, it dawned on me that these people are not joking. When I got home, i sank into my comfy space and began to fret. I mean... The thought of giving up all that freedom is just so scary. I suddenly discovered that marriage no longer excites me and my inner self was fighting it.
Also, the thought of carrying pregnancy for nine months with all the stress of looking after babies, tending toddlers ( poo poo) and that motherhood life made me sick instantly. The thought of joggling my job with family life gave me the chills. I see how my married mates struggle with this. Huh. Men...

I don't know. I don't feel cool about this cos it makes me feel like I'm about to be put in a cage and everything about me is going to change.

Now, before you talk about me not loving the man, I think I fancy him and can love him cos he looks so much like my ex of years ago. So that is out of the question. He is a happening lovable man but....... I no longer feel excited about marriage. at least, from what played out yesterday.

Do I need any form of therapy cos my family won't hear of it but this is my situation now ooo... Hmmm

I understand you perfectly, because I was exactly like you. I still am actually, even after 11+ years of marriage. I lived in a 3-bedroom flat alone as a single girl, that’s how much I loves space and quiet.

In the beginning my husband and I had separate bedrooms and when we built our house, I asked for two masters. I think the only reason I actually got married was to have kids, and I love kids. Unlike you, I enjoy taking care of kids and having children has never felt like a burden to me. Trust me when you have your own children, you will feel the same way.

I think what helps is the man I married. He’s really understanding and flexible. We’ve had our disagreements and settled into a comfortable routine. He knows I need my space sometimes and he gives it to me. It helped that we lived apart early on in our marriage. But now, I don’t sleep if he’s out of town. 😀

As for going on errands when you don’t want to and having to live at the whims of a man, I can tell you that it’s not usually that way. At least from my own experience. You do things because you want to make him happy, and when you see him playing his role, you are even more happy doing your own part.

There are no fixed rules to this thing called marriage. For instance, my husband knows I’m a deep sleeper, so when we we were potty-training the kids he was responsible for waking up and taking them to the bathroom in the middle of the night. It may sound simple, but trust me, that’s one of the hardest chore you can ever do. Some people might say that’s a woman’s job, but my husband does it in our home.

It will be difficult and rough in the beginning, but don’t give up, it gets easier with time, trust me.

So my advice to you, keep an open mind, be ready to compromise, take a stand on the things you want early on and above all, find love for him. Somehow it makes the sacrifice much easier.

UjuJoan2:


I understand you perfectly, because I was exactly like you. I still am actually, even after 11+ years of marriage. I lived in a 3-bedroom flat alone as a single girl, that’s how much I loves space and quiet.

In the beginning my husband and I had separate bedrooms and when we built our house, I asked for two masters. I think the only reason I actually got married was to have kids, and I love kids. Unlike you, I enjoy taking care of kids and having children has never felt like a burden to me. Trust me when you have your own children, you will feel the same way.

I think what helps is the man I married. He’s really understanding and flexible. We’ve had our disagreements and settled into a comfortable routine. He knows I need my space sometimes and he gives it to me. It helped that we lived apart early on in our marriage. But now, I don’t sleep if he’s out of town. 😀

As for going on errands when you don’t want to and having to live at the whims of a man, I can tell you that it’s not usually that way. At least from my own experience. You do things because you want to make him happy, and when you see him playing his role, you are even more happy doing your own part.

There are no fixed rules to this thing called marriage. For instance, my husband knows I’m a deep sleeper, so when we we were potty-training the kids he was responsible for waking up and taking them to the bathroom in the middle of the night. It may sound simple, but trust me, that’s one of the hardest chore you can ever do. Some people might say that’s a woman’s job, but my husband does it in our home.

It will be difficult and rough in the beginning, but don’t give up, it gets easier with time, trust me.

So my advice to you, keep an open mind, be ready to compromise, take a stand on the things you want early on and above all, find love for him. Somehow it makes the sacrifice much easier.

Ok.
Thanks.

One of the gen Z folks we talking about. You wanna eat ur cake and have it. You can't be in d river and complain of cold. You abide by one.
Go ask kemi olunloyo how shes been faring without husband and over 60

everyone doesn't have to be married, have lots of guys and ladies who said it point blank that they don't want to spoil anybody Ragga with their blues so they rather remain single.

not to mess that young pastors life, is either you state your wants and dislike so he know and if he's still comfortable with spending the rest of his spiritual life with you then why not.

zinaunreal:


Ogbeni your are a pure homophobe and people like you are absolute gays. Keep hiding and hating. Gay azz niggah. Mr perfect thinks he better but na una dey carry load of assorted sin for back. Eh dey sweet you to come claim perfect here and judge people. Rubbish jargon of an existence . Common discharge

Shut up Bobrisky wannabe. I asked the female pretender to open up but you cursed imp for want of what to do and to be seen as a fighter for women left the nipple you were sucking to join the fray! May your stupidity not make you a less privileged by blocking your senses eternally.

My advice is that you pause the marriage arrangement for sometime so you can approach menopause before sayingyes to the pastor....this will help you eliminate other fear factors like giving birth,cleaning poopoo, etc while u sustain the space thing...thank you

Madam since you don’t want to get married don’t get married. Don’t go and make the life of that innocent man miserable. Tell your pastor that you never want to get married. It’s that simple. They’ll surely find another lady who’s willing to get married.

EriMma1:
This may sound weird but it's my situation now.

I have been a single and independent lady for a very long time. Though I really looked forward to settling down in my 20s and thirties but because I was the over careful type, I couldn't as I kept being picky due to men's character and behavior.

Fast-forward to my lat 30s, I began to lose interest and started getting more comfortable as a single. The upheavals in today's marriage also got to me. As in the way marriages are packing up, the cheating aspect, abuse and domestic violence in marriages all further affected me and changed my whole perception of the union called marriage. So I unconsciously resolved to remain single as long as I'm happy, comfortable and financially independent.

Some of the reasons I also made up my mind are.
As a single, Im very much at peace, with no one dictating what and when I should do things or get out of bed. I love my bed.
No one is body shaming me when I add on some pounds due to excessive eating and no one is questioning my eating habits as its sometimes the case with some married women. Also running errands when you don't feel up to it just because hubby wants you to do it. Some men can send their wife on errand like crazy and me I hate running errands.

No one is disturbing me when I need time alone which could last for hours. I love my space and privacy. So the thought of having to give up all that scares the hell out of me.

Now, back to the matter.

Recently, some close spiritual leaders in my denomination have been trying to match make me with a single pastor and that one too is shining teeth that he has seen a jimjim sister. When they now openly mentioned it yesterday with the said man around and he too was nodding and agreeing to the proposal, it dawned on me that these people are not joking. When I got home, i sank into my comfy space and began to fret. I mean... The thought of giving up all that freedom is just so scary. I suddenly discovered that marriage no longer excites me and my inner self was fighting it.
Also, the thought of carrying pregnancy for nine months with all the stress of looking after babies, tending toddlers ( poo poo) and that motherhood life made me sick instantly. The thought of joggling my job with family life gave me the chills. I see how my married mates struggle with this. Huh. Men...

I don't know. I don't feel cool about this cos it makes me feel like I'm about to be put in a cage and everything about me is going to change.

Now, before you talk about me not loving the man, I think I fancy him and can love him cos he looks so much like my ex of years ago. So that is out of the question. He is a happening lovable man but....... I no longer feel excited about marriage. at least, from what played out yesterday.

Do I need any form of therapy cos my family won't hear of it but this is my situation now ooo... Hmmm

You're picky but they're now arranging husband for you?lol

AbdulMagaji:




Mehn
You must be a very lazy person o!, Better remain single abeg.
I don't think a man would even want such attributes in his wife.

And she go fat wella too. This one she dey mention body Shame

EriMma1:
This may sound weird but it's my situation now.

I have been a single and independent lady for a very long time. Though I really looked forward to settling down in my 20s and thirties but because I was the over careful type, I couldn't as I kept being picky due to men's character and behavior.

Fast-forward to my lat 30s, I began to lose interest and started getting more comfortable as a single. The upheavals in today's marriage also got to me. As in the way marriages are packing up, the cheating aspect, abuse and domestic violence in marriages all further affected me and changed my whole perception of the union called marriage. So I unconsciously resolved to remain single as long as I'm happy, comfortable and financially independent.

Some of the reasons I also made up my mind are.
As a single, Im very much at peace, with no one dictating what and when I should do things or get out of bed. I love my bed.
No one is body shaming me when I add on some pounds due to excessive eating and no one is questioning my eating habits as its sometimes the case with some married women. Also running errands when you don't feel up to it just because hubby wants you to do it. Some men can send their wife on errand like crazy and me I hate running errands.

No one is disturbing me when I need time alone which could last for hours. I love my space and privacy. So the thought of having to give up all that scares the hell out of me.

Now, back to the matter.

Recently, some close spiritual leaders in my denomination have been trying to match make me with a single pastor and that one too is shining teeth that he has seen a jimjim sister. When they now openly mentioned it yesterday with the said man around and he too was nodding and agreeing to the proposal, it dawned on me that these people are not joking. When I got home, i sank into my comfy space and began to fret. I mean... The thought of giving up all that freedom is just so scary. I suddenly discovered that marriage no longer excites me and my inner self was fighting it.
Also, the thought of carrying pregnancy for nine months with all the stress of looking after babies, tending toddlers ( poo poo) and that motherhood life made me sick instantly. The thought of joggling my job with family life gave me the chills. I see how my married mates struggle with this. Huh. Men...

I don't know. I don't feel cool about this cos it makes me feel like I'm about to be put in a cage and everything about me is going to change.

Now, before you talk about me not loving the man, I think I fancy him and can love him cos he looks so much like my ex of years ago. So that is out of the question. He is a happening lovable man but....... I no longer feel excited about marriage. at least, from what played out yesterday.

Do I need any form of therapy cos my family won't hear of it but this is my situation now ooo... Hmmm

Wait a little bit more... The next Shiloh is around the corner.

EriMma1:
This may sound weird but it's my situation now.

I have been a single and independent lady for a very long time. Though I really looked forward to settling down in my 20s and thirties but because I was the over careful type, I couldn't as I kept being picky due to men's character and behavior.

Fast-forward to my lat 30s, I began to lose interest and started getting more comfortable as a single. The upheavals in today's marriage also got to me. As in the way marriages are packing up, the cheating aspect, abuse and domestic violence in marriages all further affected me and changed my whole perception of the union called marriage. So I unconsciously resolved to remain single as long as I'm happy, comfortable and financially independent.

Some of the reasons I also made up my mind are.
As a single, Im very much at peace, with no one dictating what and when I should do things or get out of bed. I love my bed.
No one is body shaming me when I add on some pounds due to excessive eating and no one is questioning my eating habits as its sometimes the case with some married women. Also running errands when you don't feel up to it just because hubby wants you to do it. Some men can send their wife on errand like crazy and me I hate running errands.

No one is disturbing me when I need time alone which could last for hours. I love my space and privacy. So the thought of having to give up all that scares the hell out of me.

Now, back to the matter.

Recently, some close spiritual leaders in my denomination have been trying to match make me with a single pastor and that one too is shining teeth that he has seen a jimjim sister. When they now openly mentioned it yesterday with the said man around and he too was nodding and agreeing to the proposal, it dawned on me that these people are not joking. When I got home, i sank into my comfy space and began to fret. I mean... The thought of giving up all that freedom is just so scary. I suddenly discovered that marriage no longer excites me and my inner self was fighting it.
Also, the thought of carrying pregnancy for nine months with all the stress of looking after babies, tending toddlers ( poo poo) and that motherhood life made me sick instantly. The thought of joggling my job with family life gave me the chills. I see how my married mates struggle with this. Huh. Men...

I don't know. I don't feel cool about this cos it makes me feel like I'm about to be put in a cage and everything about me is going to change.

Now, before you talk about me not loving the man, I think I fancy him and can love him cos he looks so much like my ex of years ago. So that is out of the question. He is a happening lovable man but....... I no longer feel excited about marriage. at least, from what played out yesterday.

Do I need any form of therapy cos my family won't hear of it but this is my situation now ooo... Hmmm

/
Late 30s? You are partially a man in mindset because you are already set in your own ways. Everyone must not get married. To marry a pastor will make a dicey situation worse unless you are open to tolerate the high level of hypocrisy you will witness living with him.

Just buy one or two cats for companionship and give the middle finger to marriage.

/

RightToReject:
Year in, year out, you have continued to self-destruct yourself with your sententious and grandiose self-image promoting, deceitful, conceited, and disingenuous attitude, with the worst and most irritating part of it all being your usual delight in being contemptuous towards men.

Anyway, I pray that the divine and psychological help you need, with or without knowing, locates you ASAP.

Chairman I don find you taya. Happy new year

EriMma1:
This may sound weird but it's my situation now.

I have been a single and independent lady for a very long time. Though I really looked forward to settling down in my 20s and thirties but because I was the over careful type, I couldn't as I kept being picky due to men's character and behavior.

Fast-forward to my lat 30s, I began to lose interest and started getting more comfortable as a single. The upheavals in today's marriage also got to me. As in the way marriages are packing up, the cheating aspect, abuse and domestic violence in marriages all further affected me and changed my whole perception of the union called marriage. So I unconsciously resolved to remain single as long as I'm happy, comfortable and financially independent.

Some of the reasons I also made up my mind are.
As a single, Im very much at peace, with no one dictating what and when I should do things or get out of bed. I love my bed.
No one is body shaming me when I add on some pounds due to excessive eating and no one is questioning my eating habits as its sometimes the case with some married women. Also running errands when you don't feel up to it just because hubby wants you to do it. Some men can send their wife on errand like crazy and me I hate running errands.

No one is disturbing me when I need time alone which could last for hours. I love my space and privacy. So the thought of having to give up all that scares the hell out of me.

Now, back to the matter.

Recently, some close spiritual leaders in my denomination have been trying to match make me with a single pastor and that one too is shining teeth that he has seen a jimjim sister. When they now openly mentioned it yesterday with the said man around and he too was nodding and agreeing to the proposal, it dawned on me that these people are not joking. When I got home, i sank into my comfy space and began to fret. I mean... The thought of giving up all that freedom is just so scary. I suddenly discovered that marriage no longer excites me and my inner self was fighting it.
Also, the thought of carrying pregnancy for nine months with all the stress of looking after babies, tending toddlers ( poo poo) and that motherhood life made me sick instantly. The thought of joggling my job with family life gave me the chills. I see how my married mates struggle with this. Huh. Men...

I don't know. I don't feel cool about this cos it makes me feel like I'm about to be put in a cage and everything about me is going to change.

Now, before you talk about me not loving the man, I think I fancy him and can love him cos he looks so much like my ex of years ago. So that is out of the question. He is a happening lovable man but....... I no longer feel excited about marriage. at least, from what played out yesterday.

Do I need any form of therapy cos my family won't hear of it but this is my situation now ooo... Hmmm

I know your problem..

Total Submission to another authority is your challenge.. fight this in place of Prayer.. and Make Pastor Funke Adejumo your Counselor or marriage therapist ...

This is just the effect of wrong parenting playing .., what you have been feed with while growing up..

EriMma1:
This may sound weird but it's my situation now.

I have been a single and independent lady for a very long time. Though I really looked forward to settling down in my 20s and thirties but because I was the over careful type, I couldn't as I kept being picky due to men's character and behavior.

Fast-forward to my lat 30s, I began to lose interest and started getting more comfortable as a single. The upheavals in today's marriage also got to me. As in the way marriages are packing up, the cheating aspect, abuse and domestic violence in marriages all further affected me and changed my whole perception of the union called marriage. So I unconsciously resolved to remain single as long as I'm happy, comfortable and financially independent.

Some of the reasons I also made up my mind are.
As a single, Im very much at peace, with no one dictating what and when I should do things or get out of bed. I love my bed.
No one is body shaming me when I add on some pounds due to excessive eating and no one is questioning my eating habits as its sometimes the case with some married women. Also running errands when you don't feel up to it just because hubby wants you to do it. Some men can send their wife on errand like crazy and me I hate running errands.

No one is disturbing me when I need time alone which could last for hours. I love my space and privacy. So the thought of having to give up all that scares the hell out of me.

Now, back to the matter.

Recently, some close spiritual leaders in my denomination have been trying to match make me with a single pastor and that one too is shining teeth that he has seen a jimjim sister. When they now openly mentioned it yesterday with the said man around and he too was nodding and agreeing to the proposal, it dawned on me that these people are not joking. When I got home, i sank into my comfy space and began to fret. I mean... The thought of giving up all that freedom is just so scary. I suddenly discovered that marriage no longer excites me and my inner self was fighting it.
Also, the thought of carrying pregnancy for nine months with all the stress of looking after babies, tending toddlers ( poo poo) and that motherhood life made me sick instantly. The thought of joggling my job with family life gave me the chills. I see how my married mates struggle with this. Huh. Men...

I don't know. I don't feel cool about this cos it makes me feel like I'm about to be put in a cage and everything about me is going to change.
ile, the
Now, before you talk about me not loving the man, I think I fancy him and can love him cos he looks so much like my ex of years ago. So that is out of the question. He is a happening lovable man but....... I no longer feel excited about marriage. at least, from what played out yesterday.

Do I need any form of therapy cos my family won't hear of it but this is my situation now ooo... Hmmm

Evening newspapers wey dey lie to herself.

1) Anyone in late 30s means they are now old cargo with little or no sex appeal
2) Men are no longer coming close or even asking them out anymore
3) They are now very frustrated and they cry themselves to bed every night
4) They are now deceiving and lying to themselves that they are not interested in marriage meanwhile the actual truth is that men are no longer interested in marrying them and the chances of t settling down is next to nothing.

EriMma1:
This may sound weird but it's my situation now.

I have been a single and independent lady for a very long time. Though I really looked forward to settling down in my 20s and thirties but because I was the over careful type, I couldn't as I kept being picky due to men's character and behavior.

Fast-forward to my lat 30s, I began to lose interest and started getting more comfortable as a single. The upheavals in today's marriage also got to me. As in the way marriages are packing up, the cheating aspect, abuse and domestic violence in marriages all further affected me and changed my whole perception of the union called marriage. So I unconsciously resolved to remain single as long as I'm happy, comfortable and financially independent.

Some of the reasons I also made up my mind are.
As a single, Im very much at peace, with no one dictating what and when I should do things or get out of bed. I love my bed.
No one is body shaming me when I add on some pounds due to excessive eating and no one is questioning my eating habits as its sometimes the case with some married women. Also running errands when you don't feel up to it just because hubby wants you to do it. Some men can send their wife on errand like crazy and me I hate running errands.

No one is disturbing me when I need time alone which could last for hours. I love my space and privacy. So the thought of having to give up all that scares the hell out of me.

Now, back to the matter.

Recently, some close spiritual leaders in my denomination have been trying to match make me with a single pastor and that one too is shining teeth that he has seen a jimjim sister. When they now openly mentioned it yesterday with the said man around and he too was nodding and agreeing to the proposal, it dawned on me that these people are not joking. When I got home, i sank into my comfy space and began to fret. I mean... The thought of giving up all that freedom is just so scary. I suddenly discovered that marriage no longer excites me and my inner self was fighting it.
Also, the thought of carrying pregnancy for nine months with all the stress of looking after babies, tending toddlers ( poo poo) and that motherhood life made me sick instantly. The thought of joggling my job with family life gave me the chills. I see how my married mates struggle with this. Huh. Men...

I don't know. I don't feel cool about this cos it makes me feel like I'm about to be put in a cage and everything about me is going to change.

Now, before you talk about me not loving the man, I think I fancy him and can love him cos he looks so much like my ex of years ago. So that is out of the question. He is a happening lovable man but....... I no longer feel excited about marriage. at least, from what played out yesterday.

Do I need any form of therapy cos my family won't hear of it but this is my situation now ooo... Hmmm

I want to tell you something interesting. I discussed with a black american who told me he would never marry in this life or have kids because of what children are doing to their parents in the USA and their too much dependence on their parents even at an old age. We argued back and forth but he won. I forgot to tell him that am a product of a marriage where right from the age 5-7 I don dey see shege for my mama marriage. By 7, she don dey tell me and little sister everything that is happening about her marriage which was popsy was misbehaving. I spent my entire childhood to adulthood watching almost everyone of my uncles and aunties becoming a second wife or marrying a second wife. Some cases, they even had kids outside of wedlock and some cases they had kids from different men! or yeah and different women, in fact my maternal grandfather had more than 7 wives. I have seen a man who sold his house, later sold his wife's thing and after retirement, he looked for the wife and started staying with her again. There is so much to hate in Marriage... yeah, let me add the final one, I did not have sex since I was 39 (its not that i never had the chance, ah, there was plenty, i feel like beating myself over it)! and it would have been longer but I asked myself, do you one to be a 40 year old virgin? No! Maybe in another life i would let it be 50 or till I die.
But the fact is this.
If you are scared, do one thing to this your would-be husband; sit him down and tell him your mind on this marriage and everything you fear and hear what he would say... it may happen that he may say something that - not would change your mind; but put you at peace. What you need is peace of mind that whatever you are going to do would be right. Yes some people have said therapy, me I would say even add prayers and better prayer before you go meet your would-be husband.
Let me add this (ha which spirit enter me wey i dey talk plenty today); there are many things to hate in marriage and children but my dear, once you experience the love of a partner or a child; you can never remain the same. My prayer for you is to marry and have a child that you would love and love you back. And your husband would take care of you. In Jesus name, Amen. But if God means for you to follow the part of Paul our disciple who was not married; who am I to stop you or his will for you.

garriAndsugar:
Mercy stay single and stop disturbing us..

You mean MercyChen? How do you know it's her?

I am seeing my mother in you. You want your independence, and like @invertedhammer said, you have developed the mindset of a man
You will love to have your own kids and no longer bother about stress of raising babies,if you can bring siblings or close relative with babies to stay with you for some months

InvertedHammer:

/
Late 30s? You are partially a man in mindset because you are already set in your own ways. Everyone must not get married. To marry a pastor will make a dicey situation worse unless you are open to tolerate the high level of hypocrisy you will witness living with him.

Just buy one or two cats for companionship and give the middle finger to marriage.

/

read her post again .... she don leave late 30s. na merychen , cellidora , ellis whatever, same person wey get plenty monikers for NL she don deactivate . she posted on NL 3 years ago on one or two monikers say she was in her 40s . by now she's 43 , 44 yrs old

barnabaspeter:
The woman that supported me, believed in me when I had nothing is no more interested in me. I feel like I am betraying her if I get into another relationship but I really need someone to share a life with. Can I move on? She is obviously in another relationship, she has been posting this guys on her social media though, we do not communicate as we should anymore, she ignore my chats and calls, but guilt of what she has been through cause of me is just holding me back. What is your advice?

You be mumu man. Receive sense and move on with your life. Pity marriage is hell

EriMma1:


Will it change anything? Ive grown so thick in this mindset. Marriage Is now like intrusion or even insurrection in my life or maybe how I now see it.

I pity you. You want to remain lonely for the rest of your life? I know people that were picky and in a state of confusion like you are right now, today, they are desperately looking for any man to show interest in them but no serious man is forthcoming. All they get nowadays are men who just want to get laid and move on to the next...
In life, we all make sacrifices in order to live a fulfilled life. Your mother is probably happy today because she has someone she can call her daughter when she is in the midst of her friends. Now imagine if she made this choice you are contemplating currently, how do you think life will be for her?
Regardless of what you read on the social media, marriage remains the best decision for every single person who has come of age. Just make sure you both love each other and you find each other attractive enough. Every other thing will fall in place with time.
All the best... ✌️.

you see personally, i think everyone has got their choices to make in regards to this marriage of a thing. i work in a dementia home for the old and sometimes care homes.

after witnessing the the things things happening there, I decided I'll get married as well as be a loving father to my kids.

you can choose not to give birth to any kid(s) but what of when you get old? your siblings and friends are all gonna be as old as you or maybe late sef, who'll take care of you then?? you'll suffer and feel lonely like no tomorrow.

With this kind of mind, forget marriage.
Don't even bother about therapy because your mind will not change.
You cannot see anything positive in miarriage.
Just forget it and spare everyone the pending heart breaks and nonsense long stories.
Live your solo single life and never disturb anybody again.

MrDetermined:
you see personally, i think everyone has got their choices to make in regards to this marriage of a thing. i work in a dementia home for the old and sometimes care homes.

after witnessing the the things things happening there, I decided I'll get married as well as be a loving father to my kids.

you can choose not to give birth to any kid(s) but what of when you get old? your siblings and friends are all gonna be as old as you or maybe late sef, who'll take care of you then?? you'll suffer and feel lonely like no tomorrow.

Forget this OP.
She cannot see anything positive about marriage because she has conditioned herself to be self sufficient.
The worst thing for any man is to marry this type of woman.
She will be inactive on the bed, inactive in family meetings. She will just be doing mumu so much that the man will either go mental and basterdise her with some wicked beating or commit suicide out of depression.
She wants to be lonely. Let her be lonely

EriMma1:
This may sound weird but it's my situation now.

I have been a single and independent lady for a very long time. Though I really looked forward to settling down in my 20s and thirties but because I was the over careful type, I couldn't as I kept being picky due to men's character and behavior.

Fast-forward to my lat 30s, I began to lose interest and started getting more comfortable as a single. The upheavals in today's marriage also got to me. As in the way marriages are packing up, the cheating aspect, abuse and domestic violence in marriages all further affected me and changed my whole perception of the union called marriage. So I unconsciously resolved to remain single as long as I'm happy, comfortable and financially independent.

Some of the reasons I also made up my mind are.
As a single, Im very much at peace, with no one dictating what and when I should do things or get out of bed. I love my bed.
No one is body shaming me when I add on some pounds due to excessive eating and no one is questioning my eating habits as its sometimes the case with some married women. Also running errands when you don't feel up to it just because hubby wants you to do it. Some men can send their wife on errand like crazy and me I hate running errands.

No one is disturbing me when I need time alone which could last for hours. I love my space and privacy. So the thought of having to give up all that scares the hell out of me.

Now, back to the matter.

Recently, some close spiritual leaders in my denomination have been trying to match make me with a single pastor and that one too is shining teeth that he has seen a jimjim sister. When they now openly mentioned it yesterday with the said man around and he too was nodding and agreeing to the proposal, it dawned on me that these people are not joking. When I got home, i sank into my comfy space and began to fret. I mean... The thought of giving up all that freedom is just so scary. I suddenly discovered that marriage no longer excites me and my inner self was fighting it.
Also, the thought of carrying pregnancy for nine months with all the stress of looking after babies, tending toddlers ( poo poo) and that motherhood life made me sick instantly. The thought of joggling my job with family life gave me the chills. I see how my married mates struggle with this. Huh. Men...

I don't know. I don't feel cool about this cos it makes me feel like I'm about to be put in a cage and everything about me is going to change.

Now, before you talk about me not loving the man, I think I fancy him and can love him cos he looks so much like my ex of years ago. So that is out of the question. He is a happening lovable man but....... I no longer feel excited about marriage. at least, from what played out yesterday.

Do I need any form of therapy cos my family won't hear of it but this is my situation now ooo... Hmmm

Not getting married is not a sin. If you are comfortable being alone, and you have looked far into the future and gotten convinced that u can live through all your years alone, then please remain single.
With what you have just said, I will be unfair to any guy that u get married too, except u get someone too that doesnt like too much attachment, that can give u your space, then fine

EriMma1:
This may sound weird but it's my situation now.

I have been a single and independent lady for a very long time. Though I really looked forward to settling down in my 20s and thirties but because I was the over careful type, I couldn't as I kept being picky due to men's character and behavior.

Fast-forward to my lat 30s, I began to lose interest and started getting more comfortable as a single. The upheavals in today's marriage also got to me. As in the way marriages are packing up, the cheating aspect, abuse and domestic violence in marriages all further affected me and changed my whole perception of the union called marriage. So I unconsciously resolved to remain single as long as I'm happy, comfortable and financially independent.

Some of the reasons I also made up my mind are.
As a single, Im very much at peace, with no one dictating what and when I should do things or get out of bed. I love my bed.
No one is body shaming me when I add on some pounds due to excessive eating and no one is questioning my eating habits as its sometimes the case with some married women. Also running errands when you don't feel up to it just because hubby wants you to do it. Some men can send their wife on errand like crazy and me I hate running errands.

No one is disturbing me when I need time alone which could last for hours. I love my space and privacy. So the thought of having to give up all that scares the hell out of me.

Now, back to the matter.

Recently, some close spiritual leaders in my denomination have been trying to match make me with a single pastor and that one too is shining teeth that he has seen a jimjim sister. When they now openly mentioned it yesterday with the said man around and he too was nodding and agreeing to the proposal, it dawned on me that these people are not joking. When I got home, i sank into my comfy space and began to fret. I mean... The thought of giving up all that freedom is just so scary. I suddenly discovered that marriage no longer excites me and my inner self was fighting it.
Also, the thought of carrying pregnancy for nine months with all the stress of looking after babies, tending toddlers ( poo poo) and that motherhood life made me sick instantly. The thought of joggling my job with family life gave me the chills. I see how my married mates struggle with this. Huh. Men...

I don't know. I don't feel cool about this cos it makes me feel like I'm about to be put in a cage and everything about me is going to change.

Now, before you talk about me not loving the man, I think I fancy him and can love him cos he looks so much like my ex of years ago. So that is out of the question. He is a happening lovable man but....... I no longer feel excited about marriage. at least, from what played out yesterday.

Do I need any form of therapy cos my family won't hear of it but this is my situation now ooo... Hmmm

Just brace yourself and do it. You'll be glad you did, I promise you

No guarantees on the man or the marriage tho, the only upside you can bank on is children, and that's gonna be worth it.

If you can consider other reasons why people get married and fulfilled, I think it's worth it.
Consider the:
Companionship
Relationship
Love life
The honour you get as a married woman
Dignity
Racing a family
Kids.
Didn't you look up to seeing your kids play with and around you. It's loving.
Look beyond the stress.
Though I'll recommend therapy and deliverance as well.

EriMma1:
This may sound weird but it's my situation now.

I have been a single and independent lady for a very long time. Though I really looked forward to settling down in my 20s and thirties but because I was the over careful type, I couldn't as I kept being picky due to men's character and behavior.

Fast-forward to my lat 30s, I began to lose interest and started getting more comfortable as a single. The upheavals in today's marriage also got to me. As in the way marriages are packing up, the cheating aspect, abuse and domestic violence in marriages all further affected me and changed my whole perception of the union called marriage. So I unconsciously resolved to remain single as long as I'm happy, comfortable and financially independent.

Some of the reasons I also made up my mind are.
As a single, Im very much at peace, with no one dictating what and when I should do things or get out of bed. I love my bed.
No one is body shaming me when I add on some pounds due to excessive eating and no one is questioning my eating habits as its sometimes the case with some married women. Also running errands when you don't feel up to it just because hubby wants you to do it. Some men can send their wife on errand like crazy and me I hate running errands.

No one is disturbing me when I need time alone which could last for hours. I love my space and privacy. So the thought of having to give up all that scares the hell out of me.

Now, back to the matter.

Recently, some close spiritual leaders in my denomination have been trying to match make me with a single pastor and that one too is shining teeth that he has seen a jimjim sister. When they now openly mentioned it yesterday with the said man around and he too was nodding and agreeing to the proposal, it dawned on me that these people are not joking. When I got home, i sank into my comfy space and began to fret. I mean... The thought of giving up all that freedom is just so scary. I suddenly discovered that marriage no longer excites me and my inner self was fighting it.
Also, the thought of carrying pregnancy for nine months with all the stress of looking after babies, tending toddlers ( poo poo) and that motherhood life made me sick instantly. The thought of joggling my job with family life gave me the chills. I see how my married mates struggle with this. Huh. Men...

I don't know. I don't feel cool about this cos it makes me feel like I'm about to be put in a cage and everything about me is going to change.

Now, before you talk about me not loving the man, I think I fancy him and can love him cos he looks so much like my ex of years ago. So that is out of the question. He is a happening lovable man but....... I no longer feel excited about marriage. at least, from what played out yesterday.

Do I need any form of therapy cos my family won't hear of it but this is my situation now ooo... Hmmm

Everyone is scared. If you can take de risk of marrying a matured lady you will have peace buh I might not have kids

talk2hb1:

Our Thoughts Become our Reality, it's what you feed your thoughts about everything that paralyses your action leading to inaction.

You're absolutely right! Our deep thoughts tend to manifest in our lives. That's why the Bible says we should think about good things (positive thoughts) always.