all4zionlover:
What would you advice in a situation where a husband loses his job due to gambling and decided not to make any effort in search of another job or business or any legal means of making even little money.

He just wakes up in the morning, have his bath, put on the AC and go back to sleep. Only expecting any little thing the wife can cook to eat? He wouldn't pay any bills, provide anything but very humble helping out with house cleaning and washing.

Knowing that the situation is not funny on the wife and two children.

The wife must struggle to make food available no matter how little for the children, because she can't watch the children go hungry.
In a situation like this, when men goes out looking for means of making food available for their children and family, he is comfortable not having anything to offer all the time.
Is this the character of a father and husband that loves?

Is this not enough reason to divorce him?

Wicked Woman! All these many many years that you all have been eating and feeding fat on this man's hard work while keeping what you earn to yourself alone, did you come to nairaland to ask for divorce? Diabolical Deviress!
Now that the hapless man is down for no fault of his and is doing all to retain his sanity and keep calm and collected for a sure next move, you want to bring the heavens down! Demon!!! How many years now have you been feeding the family alone, how many years, you devil incarnate?! I hate you with passion, just as I hate all devils

all4zionlover:
What would you advice in a situation where a husband loses his job due to gambling and decided not to make any effort in search of another job or business or any legal means of making even little money.

He just wakes up in the morning, have his bath, put on the AC and go back to sleep. Only expecting any little thing the wife can cook to eat? He wouldn't pay any bills, provide anything but very humble helping out with house cleaning and washing.

Knowing that the situation is not funny on the wife and two children.

The wife must struggle to make food available no matter how little for the children, because she can't watch the children go hungry.
In a situation like this, when men goes out looking for means of making food available for their children and family, he is comfortable not having anything to offer all the time.
Is this the character of a father and husband that loves?

Is this not enough reason to divorce him?

Listen carefully my sister your husband is battling serious depression...I'm telling you this as a former gambler... There are things you need to look out for first... You have to check if he's still gambling or the gambling spirit is still in him... What you will have to do first is to trust him with a little cash of say 50-100k tell him you are giving it to him to buy new clothes and new shoes.... If he buys the new clothes and shoes, check the actually value if it's up to 80% or more of the money you gave to him, if it is then you're safe all he needs is just encouragement that it is never too late to start over again.. but if he doesn't buy the clothes and shoes you asked him to buy, then you really need to find a way to contact me I can help him pull through the gambling problem... Its never an easy task.. I know what I've lost to gambling but finally recovering all thanks to God




Note: the money you will give to him mustn't be for clothes and shoes but just look for what he really needs and give him the money to get them... You have to act fast before he starts selling the property he has at home and elsewhere

Make it a threat
He will sit up

Kingdollar28:



How do you know he doesn't have a plan?

He had money before bah?

But lost to gambling?

Sis, your husband is battling frustration/depression

Help him find his ways back

If you divorce him, na u loose

Mama I no fit lie you

I'm married and experienced

all4zionlover
My sister this is the truth. He is confused and depressed about the situation. He he has no energy or desire to face the world. He is yet to accept reality. Depression and addiction/problem gambling are two serious issues.
He also feels emasculated not providing as he used to. He is definitely not happy about it.

Keep supporting him so that he doesn't go into something he might regret just to make quick money.

Also to ensure that his situation doesn't rift you guys apart.

As it stands, he might need counselling.

victorazy:



MAN CAN FEED WOMAN FOR 20YRS AND NO ONE WILL HEAR ABOUT IT BUT WOMAN WILL FEED YOU FOR 20DAYS AND THE WORLD WILL KNOW ABOUT IT.

That has been the standard from time immemorial.

Men should provide for their families.

Even the Bible says that a man that cannot provide for his own, he's worse than an infidel.

ednut1:
Divorce his silly ass

Why? Because he doesn’t contribute financially? Most women don’t contribute financially. There’s nothing wrong with a man not providing. OP already told us that he helps around the house. Maybe that’s his forte and what he wants to do. Some men these days want to be SAHDs.

JeffreyJunior:
It's tricky but I'm sure this is not the best time to divorce such a man because he is currently in a phase that needs some time to accept reality.

I suggest you have a heart to heart talk with him and give him some more time to figure things out. Tell him not to be afraid to share his fears with you, I believe that's why he has relapsed into depression.

If you leave now, you too will suffer so why not put your two heads together and find a way forward.

Gambling is something men should be seeing as leisure, not as career.

gambling as a leisure??
I doubt this
Is gambling not illegal??
It’s even against biblical law in Christianity
There’s nothing cool bout gambling
Once addicted the person can gamble his soul too someday

If I may ask.
Who provided all those luxuries?
How much of it did you contribute?
How long has be been like that or done this?
Gambling is bad, but
He is in a bad place, u think he is happy with you condition?
He is probably depressed and trying to control what does next, he is limiting his decisions to he figure things out.
Just give him time, cheer him up and try to talk to him to see if he can open up..
You've been enjoying all these while, now because of how many days you provide food you now think he's worth a divorce

all4zionlover:
What would you advice in a situation where a husband loses his job due to gambling and decided not to make any effort in search of another job or business or any legal means of making even little money.

He just wakes up in the morning, have his bath, put on the AC and go back to sleep. Only expecting any little thing the wife can cook to eat? He wouldn't pay any bills, provide anything but very humble helping out with house cleaning and washing.

Knowing that the situation is not funny on the wife and two children.

The wife must struggle to make food available no matter how little for the children, because she can't watch the children go hungry.
In a situation like this, when men goes out looking for means of making food available for their children and family, he is comfortable not having anything to offer all the time.
Is this the character of a father and husband that loves?

Is this not enough reason to divorce him?

all4zionlover:
If I should remembered his treatment when he had a job earning salaries, all through my pregnancy, paying bills and all that then, I deserve to kill him. He has never been a caring husband and father to his children.

He has no past good record that can make me think backward and support a jobless husband.

Does he has money without giving u.A gambler can be seen working but still be always broke.Gambling kills strong men,it makes people see them as useless being. If u think u can not help him to fight his problem, please divorce him.You don't fight someone that had problems already. Addiction is not corrected with fight,but care,love and councelling.
You can tell him to swear with bible that he will never gamble again,and let him see reason on how gambling has affected his life.

Lol this looks funny but not enough reason to divorce him, it's not easy for a man that losses his job, seems you have no idea what's going on in his head, you might try to find out what he is not telling you though.

Luckysbab:


And it's wrong for the woman to book him a session and encourage him to go?

It is not in her place to book him a session, he has book it himself.

Cleanworld:




WHY DID YOU THINK DIVORCÉ WILL BE THE SOLUTION IN YOUR LIFE? BUT I COMMENTED YOU FOR SEEKING ADVICE .

YOUR HUSBAND IS DEPRESSED AT THIS STAGE AND HE NEEDS YOU MORE THAN EVER.
LISTEN, HE'S NOT LAZY. ALL HE NEEDS HIS MOTIVATION AND SOMEONE TO BE IN CHARGE.
THINK OF YOUR CHILDREN FIRST WHEN MAKING LIFE DECISIONS . USE THAT STRENGTH THAT YOU WANT TO TAKE TO THE COURT AND LOOK FOR JOB FOR HIM THEN MAKE SURE THAT YOU ARE THE ONE RECEIVING HIS SALARY. DON'T FORGET TO WRITE UNDERTAKING WHEN DOING THIS.
AS LONG AS THERE'S NO DOMESTIC VIOLENCE OR FORNICATION DIVORCE SHOULDN'T BE AN OPTION.
TIE YOUR WRAPPER AND LEAD.MAY GOD SEE YOU.AMEN

Lol. She belongs to the streets. Broda Alieu money don finish. Aduke Oshodi eye don clear. Let her divorce him make the guy see road

Isabi4lov:
That has been the standard from time immemorial.

Men should provide for their families.

Even the Bible says that a man that cannot provide for his own, he's worse than an infidel.

Times have changed. Arguing with the Bible doesn’t make sense in this case. The OPs marriage wasn’t most likely based on the Bible. Even the Bible encourages men to drag non virgin women to their fathers house and stone them to death.

A woman can provide while the man takes care of the home.

all4zionlover:
What would you advice in a situation where a husband loses his job due to gambling and decided not to make any effort in search of another job or business or any legal means of making even little money.

He just wakes up in the morning, have his bath, put on the AC and go back to sleep. Only expecting any little thing the wife can cook to eat? He wouldn't pay any bills, provide anything but very humble helping out with house cleaning and washing.

Knowing that the situation is not funny on the wife and two children.

The wife must struggle to make food available no matter how little for the children, because she can't watch the children go hungry.
In a situation like this, when men goes out looking for means of making food available for their children and family, he is comfortable not having anything to offer all the time.
Is this the character of a father and husband that loves?

Is this not enough reason to divorce him?

It's a horrible situation ma'am but divorcing him for this isn't d beat option...though it's an option

I will rather advice u speak to him midly on his next move and make him understand u are doing this for d kid's sake .as in their future.

Don't deny him food or whatever u can afford ..time will tell if he will change or not which am sure he will if he's a reasonable kind with love for d family. God help u to help him ..God bless ur family

ridwintin89:

Does he has money without giving u.A gambler can be seen working but still be always broke.Gambling kills strong men,it makes people see them as useless being. If u think u can not help him to fight his problem, please divorce him.You don't fight someone that had problems already. Addiction is not corrected with fight,but care,love and cancelling.
You can tell him to swear with bible that he will never gamble again,and let him see reason on how gambling has affected his life.

Swear bible?

You clearly have no idea what gambling addiction is!

Richy4:

Which kind vow Una swear?

That day when them ask you...Do U promise to take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, forsaken all other,..
U opened your well brushed.. Colgate minty mouth.. Lipstick infested lips and 15 megawatts of smile and say I do.. u think say Na play u go play for there?🤭🙊

Make U stayOoo, U supposed to honour the "poorer" aspects of the vow😝

Na that AC part of the story got me laughing...Abi he no dey on AC before when he get job? How come u find it disgusting now?. make you just remove the AC and sell first before he first you remember am😂

Guy no kill me nah
The husband fit use the AC bet

Klass99:


Richy, how many times have women been told not to check their men's phone or snoop around on them to find out things? It's possible she wasn't aware of the gambling if he diligently hid it from her.

What are you even saying sef? Men hide whole families no one knows of, until the day they die and the other wife shows up at his funeral with his kids - this happened for real to Mike, an acquaintance of mine. His father had another wife and kids they never knew about until his funeral.

Is it gambling that someone cannot conveniently hide? Anyway, I really like the bolded parts of your post, that is how it should be. Let couples decide for themselves what falls within the category of, for better for worse.

why calling someone name.. what if he's on this forum

ahnie:
He's not entirely useless now,I can cope with this type of non productive husband,at least he's useful in the home front by assisting with house chores.
Me and this type of person can live happily at home,na to carry my kids go eat for outside,or hide cook and stuff the kids stomach to the brim,eat or trash the remnant and let him do the dishes.

The first part made sense, the second, not so much.

Why can’t he be a stay at home dad while OP becomes the provider? She’s already providing.

frozen70:


Tell me one good reason why she will loose if she divorce him

many reasons if you care to know, you mean she should divorce him and marry another man that is more worse than the husband they’ve been sharing things together, yoi people don’t know anything, better make she dey manage her man than go remarry person wey go kill her, which good man dey outside now

Just make him a House Husband.

Let him do ALL duties of a housewife. And you become the breadwinner

Do a gender swap.

highchief1:
how what?

What did the man do to her?

all4zionlover:
What would you advice in a situation where a husband loses his job due to gambling and decided not to make any effort in search of another job or business or any legal means of making even little money.

He just wakes up in the morning, have his bath, put on the AC and go back to sleep. Only expecting any little thing the wife can cook to eat? He wouldn't pay any bills, provide anything but very humble helping out with house cleaning and washing.

Knowing that the situation is not funny on the wife and two children.

The wife must struggle to make food available no matter how little for the children, because she can't watch the children go hungry.
In a situation like this, when men goes out looking for means of making food available for their children and family, he is comfortable not having anything to offer all the time.
Is this the character of a father and husband that loves?

Is this not enough reason to divorce him?

No it's not enough untill u know why he can't get himself together and provide for his family.

U said he lost his job due to gambling? that's a very serious situation that u need to address squarely to begin moving forward.

Tough times is not the time to think of divorce. it's the time to understand the situation and see how to help each other "without nagging"

Nagging or complaining to a man like he doesn't know he's in the bad situation is not a solution or a helpful thing.

Reminding a manif his problems or inability is not a solution or helpful behaviour. I'm sure he knows he has a problem and is looking for help or a solution not ur nagging about it.

Then the only solution u can come up with is divorce?

Zihno:



The first part made sense, the second, not so much.

Why can’t he be a stay at home dad while OP becomes the provider? She’s already providing.

My daughter's namesake.

Cowbell521:
That doesn't change the fact that it's the truth. Men, stop giving women your lives. They are problems. They are toilet papers. Don't marry them. Dispose them. Avoid them. They will ruin ur lives and move to the next victims

What truth? Nigerian men typically choose hypogamy in order that they can sit as gods over their women in marriage. Women rarely ever desire to occupy such positions in marriage. So when the man fails to provide as previously agreed upon, it makes no sense to then expect the woman to take over.

ahnie:

She should leave him right?just because he's jobless n an addict?
Nawa for you o.

I have seen unserious men like that.
They stayed unserious throughout.

Divorce him and start hookup business so that men below his capacity will be banging with no mercy. This gender is too good in manipulating things, how did you know he lost his job because of gambling? How did you know he doesn't have a plan? Do you know how he made his money before marrying you? Get out you gold digger

TheFacelessMan:
Just make him a House Husband.

Let him do ALL duties of a housewife. And you become the breadwinner

Do a gender swap.

My point exactly.
Her own even better say he dey do house chores sef.

Cowbell521:
Were you there when they made the agreement. Mumu. Let her divorce the man. Make the man see road make another money enjoy his AC alone. Leaches stay far away. Parasitic gender. Spit

I see you are not ready to reason properly sef!

ahnie:
He's not entirely useless now,I can cope with this type of non productive husband,at least he's useful in the home front by assisting with house chores.
Me and this type of person can live happily at home,na to carry my kids go eat for outside,or hide cook and stuff the kids stomach to the brim,eat or trash the remnant and let him do the dishes.

The evil you wish another woman's son is coming to you...

If a man goes to work, cater for everything, and all the woman does is to watch over the children, take care of the house chores....she's a good wife.

Now the reverse is the case, and you wanna divorce him?

This life sha no get equality.
What a man can do in peace, a woman can not do without feeling frustrated.

Man na man, woman na woman.

Don't divorce him yet.

Help him get opportunities.
Encourage him to take up underclass jobs...help him secure loan....support him to get on his feet...he is frustrated with himself.

My uncle who is a graduate lost his job with Starlinks dat year.
Got so bad that he worked as a security.

Now he's back on his feet...a pastor now, enjoying God's goodness and plenty offering money.

Kobojunkie:
1. If the man chose to shoulder it all in marriage, that was his choice in the agreement that is his marriage. OP is complaining, and rightly so because she didn't choose to shoulder the burden all by herself and so this is an unfair burden placed on her by her husband.

2. She didn't force her husband to submit himself to hypogamy in the first place. He made that choice for himself. That choice is not to meant to be shifted from one person to another in marriage unless the two parties in fact agree to it.

a wife is a help mate meaning she helps when help is needed.

Complaining and nagging about a problem isn't help. it is stress.