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Should I Allow My Mother-in-law In Our Home? I Need Advice - Family - Nairaland

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Should I Allow My Mother-in-law In Our Home? I Need Advice by ozalogbo: 9:50pm On Mar 28, 2023
I am the first child of my mother, and I have two younger male siblings. I am doing well financially. My wife is the last of four children in her family. My dad died when I was still in the university, and this affected my mum.

However, as she aged, her health waned. She was a retired teacher. My brothers are not in the country. Both of them are in Europe. I wanted to have my mother stay with me in her later years because of her health and loneliness but my wife did not want it.

Whenever she was ill and I brought her home to be with us, my wife was usually hostile, especially if my mum had stayed beyond a week. She did not hid her disapproval, and this caused problems in the marriage. People advised that I should send my mum away and pay someone to live with her and take care of her. They said that marriage was between a man and his wife, not between a man, his wife, and his mother. I did and peace returned. Eventually my mum passed on after a few years.

Along the line, my father in law also died. And down the line, my mother in law's health began to deteriorate. We live in the same town. Among my wife's siblings she is the only one doing quite well. Now there are suggestions that the mother should come and live with us so that my wife can give her proper care. I believe that her living with us and seeing her grandchildren will help her. And indeed i have no problem accepting her, but when i remember the treatment my wife gave to my mum, there is a strong revulsion, in fact, anger in me. I shared with a friend, and he advised i forgive my wife, but the revulsion is so strong that i would feel cheated if i agreed.

What do you guys think. She reminded me then that marriage was between a man and his wife only. Shouldn't this also apply to my wife now?

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Re: Should I Allow My Mother-in-law In Our Home? I Need Advice by ojun50(m): 9:58pm On Mar 28, 2023
Discuss with her and remind her how she treated yr mum, then tell her to give you time to think about it.

In the end still allow her mother to come and stay for peace and unity.

Every married man should understand that the wife is not your blood so expect anything expectable but is children is his blood.

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Re: Should I Allow My Mother-in-law In Our Home? I Need Advice by MrBrownJay1(m): 9:59pm On Mar 28, 2023
ozalogbo:
my wife was usually hostile, especially if my mum had stayed beyond a week. She did not hid her disapproval, and this caused problems in the marriage. People advised that I should send my mum away and pay someone to live with her and take care of her. They said that marriage was between a man and his wife, not between a man, his wife, and his mother. I did and peace returned. Eventually my mum passed on after a few years.

if the above is how your wife felt about your own mother coming to stay with you guys, then she has NO RIGHT to expect her own mother to come stay with you guys... NONE!

1297 Likes 111 Shares

Re: Should I Allow My Mother-in-law In Our Home? I Need Advice by Jamesbiodun(m): 10:02pm On Mar 28, 2023
Give her the treatment she give to you selah angry

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Re: Should I Allow My Mother-in-law In Our Home? I Need Advice by EriMma1: 10:05pm On Mar 28, 2023
I would have told you to do what is in your mind but then, it wasn't the mother who offended you but your wife. Besides you had the choice to let your mother stay with you but you succumbed to your wife and let her will prevail. So don't treat the old woman badly because of her daughters sins.

Forgive and let the old woman come. After all she would be the one to do all the care job, not you.

109 Likes 20 Shares

Re: Should I Allow My Mother-in-law In Our Home? I Need Advice by Darammliveth(m): 10:23pm On Mar 28, 2023
ozalogbo:
I am the first child of my mother, and I have two younger male siblings. I am doing well financially. My wife is the last of four children in her family. My dad died when I was still in the university, and this affected my mum. However, as she aged, her health waned. Se was a retired teacher. My brothers are not in the country. Both of them are in Europe. I wanted to have my mother stay with me in her later years because of her health and loneliness but my wife did not want it. Whenever she was ill and I brought her home to be with us, my wife was usually hostile, especially if my mum had stayed beyond a week. She did not hid her disapproval, and this caused problems in the marriage. People advised that I should send my mum away and pay someone to live with her and take care of her. They said that marriage was between a man and his wife, not between a man, his wife, and his mother. I did and peace returned. Eventually my mum passed on after a few years.

Along the line, my father in law also died. And down the line, my mother in law's health began to deteriorate. We live in the same town. Among my wife's siblings she is the only one doing quite well. Now there are suggestions that the mother should come and live with us so that my wife can give her proper care. I believe that her living with us and seeing her grandchildren will help her. And indeed i have no problem accepting her, but when i remember the treatment my wife gave to my mum, there is a strong revulsion, in fact, anger in me. I shared with a friend, and he advised i forgive my wife, but the revulsion is so strong that i would feel cheated if i agreed. What do you guys think. She reminded me then that marriage was between a man and his wife only. Shouldn't this also apply to my wife now?


Kill that suggestion before it arrive! This case is very simple. Your wife should know better. What goes around comes around. Karma is a bitch! How can you be hostile to your mother in-law.

Let her mama stay with any of her eldest siblings. Thank God she's not the only child. Then you can send her money monthly for her upkeep. Lobatan.

737 Likes 45 Shares

Re: Should I Allow My Mother-in-law In Our Home? I Need Advice by Neweramify(f): 10:28pm On Mar 28, 2023
Op your wife was wrong, but try and understand her fear.

Let her know how you feel knowing she wanna bring her mum in when she rejected your mum. I'm sure she will feel remorse of her action.

Permit her to bring her mum, cause if anything happen to the old woman, she may accuse you of one thing or the other.

16 Likes 22 Shares

Re: Should I Allow My Mother-in-law In Our Home? I Need Advice by Stevenbright(m): 10:35pm On Mar 28, 2023
ozalogbo:
I am the first child of my mother, and I have two younger male siblings. I am doing well financially. My wife is the last of four children in her family. My dad died when I was still in the university, and this affected my mum. However, as she aged, her health waned. Se was a retired teacher. My brothers are not in the country. Both of them are in Europe. I wanted to have my mother stay with me in her later years because of her health and loneliness but my wife did not want it. Whenever she was ill and I brought her home to be with us, my wife was usually hostile, especially if my mum had stayed beyond a week. She did not hid her disapproval, and this caused problems in the marriage. People advised that I should send my mum away and pay someone to live with her and take care of her. They said that marriage was between a man and his wife, not between a man, his wife, and his mother. I did and peace returned. Eventually my mum passed on after a few years.

Along the line, my father in law also died. And down the line, my mother in law's health began to deteriorate. We live in the same town. Among my wife's siblings she is the only one doing quite well. Now there are suggestions that the mother should come and live with us so that my wife can give her proper care. I believe that her living with us and seeing her grandchildren will help her. And indeed i have no problem accepting her, but when i remember the treatment my wife gave to my mum, there is a strong revulsion, in fact, anger in me. I shared with a friend, and he advised i forgive my wife, but the revulsion is so strong that i would feel cheated if i agreed. What do you guys think. She reminded me then that marriage was between a man and his wife only. Shouldn't this also apply to my wife now?

Simply remind her that you accept and believe that 'marriage is between a man and his wife only! And don't allow it but support your in-laws family with financial and material aids for the upkeep of their mum.

This is very important so that she will learn her lesson otherwise she will think she is smart and can always have her way.

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Re: Should I Allow My Mother-in-law In Our Home? I Need Advice by Nobody: 10:48pm On Mar 28, 2023
.

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Re: Should I Allow My Mother-in-law In Our Home? I Need Advice by Nemesis0147(m): 10:48pm On Mar 28, 2023
EriMma1:
I would have told you to do what is in your mind but then, it wasn't the mother who offended you but your wife. Besides you had the choice to let your mother stay with you but you succumbed to her will and let her will prevail. So don't treat the old woman badly because of her daughters sins.

Forgive and let the old woman come. After all she would be the one to do all the care job, not you.

u are sick!!
OP don’t allow her bring her old mother into your house…marriage is between you and your wife and not between you,your wife and her mother!!

Since your wife is doing well financially too.,,let her pay someone to be taking care of her mother too!!
Wetin dy do all these men?
Who peace help?
She didn’t consider peace when she was being hostile to your own mother…MENT!!

@OP,I can only imagine how disappointed your mother must have felt that time!!

610 Likes 57 Shares

Re: Should I Allow My Mother-in-law In Our Home? I Need Advice by Dindondin(m): 10:50pm On Mar 28, 2023
Send her away n let your daughter in-law send you away in future

5 Likes 7 Shares

Re: Should I Allow My Mother-in-law In Our Home? I Need Advice by madridguy(m): 11:00pm On Mar 28, 2023
You permitted your wife to kick away your paradise. I will not say anything rather than advise you to start praying to God for forgiveness. A good son will send away the evil thing you call a wife.

If you know what is good for you, start looking for a secondwife somewhere otherwise you will bite your fingers in your old age. I won't say more than that.

ozalogbo:


I wanted to have my mother stay with me in her later years because of her health and loneliness but my wife did not want it. Whenever she was ill and I brought her home to be with us, my wife was usually hostile, especially if my mum had stayed beyond a week. She did not hid her disapproval, and this caused problems in the marriage. People advised that I should send my mum away and pay someone to live with her and take care of her.

292 Likes 22 Shares

Re: Should I Allow My Mother-in-law In Our Home? I Need Advice by Zupay: 11:05pm On Mar 28, 2023
madridguy:
You permitted your wife to kick away your paradise. I will not say anything rather than advise you to start praying to God for forgiveness. A good son will send away the evil thing you call a wife.

If you know what is good for you, start looking for a secondwife somewhere otherwise you will bite your fingers in your old age. I won't say more than that.


For you, marrying a second wife has always been your solutions to a man's marital issues.🙄🙄

38 Likes 4 Shares

Re: Should I Allow My Mother-in-law In Our Home? I Need Advice by Rokiat(f): 11:17pm On Mar 28, 2023
In this instance, if she did that to your mother no hard thinking even. Just do as she did your own mother.

Find somewhere for her mother to live and someone to help look after her mother.

She don’t have to live in the same house with her mother to look after her mom she can visit everyday.

Fu…k being the bigger person sometimes you have to return the same energy people give out. People
Know exactly what they be doing trust me. Else they will take your kindness for granted and will step out of line and walk all over you.

You have to understand human Nature and knows how to deal with humans be it your own children spouse parents or friends.

190 Likes 21 Shares

Re: Should I Allow My Mother-in-law In Our Home? I Need Advice by madridguy(m): 11:52pm On Mar 28, 2023
You may not agreed with me today but years to come you will remember me.

Zupay:


For you, marrying a second wife has always been your solutions to a man's marital issues.🙄🙄

47 Likes 3 Shares

Re: Should I Allow My Mother-in-law In Our Home? I Need Advice by Zupay: 12:03am On Mar 29, 2023
madridguy:
You may not agreed with me today but years to come you will remember me.


I am very certain I won't remember you just as you won't remember me.

Haba, your go to solution is "marrying a second wife", one would ask how does that solve the issue on ground? If a man is tired of the marriage, let him end it and work out providing for their children, if any and should have a clean head going into another relationship.

10 Likes 2 Shares

Re: Should I Allow My Mother-in-law In Our Home? I Need Advice by frozen70(f): 12:58am On Mar 29, 2023
ozalogbo:
I am the first child of my mother, and I have two younger male siblings. I am doing well financially. My wife is the last of four children in her family. My dad died when I was still in the university, and this affected my mum. However, as she aged, her health waned. Se was a retired teacher. My brothers are not in the country. Both of them are in Europe. I wanted to have my mother stay with me in her later years because of her health and loneliness but my wife did not want it. Whenever she was ill and I brought her home to be with us, my wife was usually hostile, especially if my mum had stayed beyond a week. She did not hid her disapproval, and this caused problems in the marriage. People advised that I should send my mum away and pay someone to live with her and take care of her. They said that marriage was between a man and his wife, not between a man, his wife, and his mother. I did and peace returned. Eventually my mum passed on after a few years.

Along the line, my father in law also died. And down the line, my mother in law's health began to deteriorate. We live in the same town. Among my wife's siblings she is the only one doing quite well. Now there are suggestions that the mother should come and live with us so that my wife can give her proper care. I believe that her living with us and seeing her grandchildren will help her. And indeed i have no problem accepting her, but when i remember the treatment my wife gave to my mum, there is a strong revulsion, in fact, anger in me. I shared with a friend, and he advised i forgive my wife, but the revulsion is so strong that i would feel cheated if i agreed. What do you guys think. She reminded me then that marriage was between a man and his wife only. Shouldn't this also apply to my wife now?

I understand how you feel about her treatment to your mum and eventually she passed on because she didn't get the care you have planned for her due to your wife refusal to cooperate with her

Now it's her mums turn, just allow her to come but then, let her provide her needs while you focus on the family needs as usual

What she denied you off is what she is requesting your approval to get, such is life

Your refusal may react to another thing

5 Likes 7 Shares

Re: Should I Allow My Mother-in-law In Our Home? I Need Advice by anthonyuncle(m): 1:12am On Mar 29, 2023
let the woman come.
invite your wife's siblings, and your extended family members to your house.
sit all of them down in your house and tell them what your wife did to your mum.

the truth is, most things women do in marriage were advised or encouraged by their parents and siblings.

234 Likes 20 Shares

Re: Should I Allow My Mother-in-law In Our Home? I Need Advice by sisisioge: 2:13am On Mar 29, 2023
It is well fa....I'm so surprised that your wife would even bring up the issue knowing her stand when it was your mother's case. It is well fa, honestly, I would tell her to let her mother go live with any of her other siblings while she supports her. She is welcome to visit you guys from time to time.

Dearest Lord, please when my son is ready to choose a spouse, biko help me choose one that would be like a daughter to me. One that will be his friend and my paddy. One that would be fair before you and man. One that will not stress him, me and anyone related to him. I promise to raise a rational, fair and kind man. Please help me God.

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Re: Should I Allow My Mother-in-law In Our Home? I Need Advice by donaldchidi: 2:43am On Mar 29, 2023
Well am not saying this because of how your wife treated your mum and I don't want you to see it as such...

Normally it is not right for any parent or parents to stay with dia sons or daughters that is married, unless it is visiting which is not supposed to be beyond 3days or highest one week if the case is health wise or 3 months for omugwo for Igbos and those that have such tradition...
Anything higher than all this is not good and have tendency of submarging the peace in your home which is very bad in marriage.

Be wise my brother and don't let emotions rule your reasonings...
I was in your shoes

20 Likes 4 Shares

Re: Should I Allow My Mother-in-law In Our Home? I Need Advice by OlawaleBammie: 3:21am On Mar 29, 2023
Life lessons part 0

Some people's are bastærds and they shall remain so in this life.

Some people will never recv blessings from their dead parents spirit in this life if they can not revenge for what the parent pass tru in the hand of their partner.

Tho some people are fools cus they can't take the bold decision in their life..how they make money becomes a mystery.

As a man, if this happens to u and u can't as well pay a care giver to be taken care of the I'll patent in her husband home then u re not only stvpid, but Ur parents will forever be crying inside their grave upon u.

Well, some people are just brainless and I will be happy to hear about their misfortunes..

35 Likes 8 Shares

Re: Should I Allow My Mother-in-law In Our Home? I Need Advice by ProphetChi: 3:53am On Mar 29, 2023
ozalogbo:
I am the first child of my mother, and I have two younger male siblings. I am doing well financially. My wife is the last of four children in her family. My dad died when I was still in the university, and this affected my mum. However, as she aged, her health waned. Se was a retired teacher. My brothers are not in the country. Both of them are in Europe. I wanted to have my mother stay with me in her later years because of her health and loneliness but my wife did not want it. Whenever she was ill and I brought her home to be with us, my wife was usually hostile, especially if my mum had stayed beyond a week. She did not hid her disapproval, and this caused problems in the marriage. People advised that I should send my mum away and pay someone to live with her and take care of her. They said that marriage was between a man and his wife, not between a man, his wife, and his mother. I did and peace returned. Eventually my mum passed on after a few years.

Along the line, my father in law also died. And down the line, my mother in law's health began to deteriorate. We live in the same town. Among my wife's siblings she is the only one doing quite well. Now there are suggestions that the mother should come and live with us so that my wife can give her proper care. I believe that her living with us and seeing her grandchildren will help her. And indeed i have no problem accepting her, but when i remember the treatment my wife gave to my mum, there is a strong revulsion, in fact, anger in me. I shared with a friend, and he advised i forgive my wife, but the revulsion is so strong that i would feel cheated if i agreed. What do you guys think. She reminded me then that marriage was between a man and his wife only. Shouldn't this also apply to my wife now?
The spirit of your mother will strike back. To be forewarned is to be +handicapped.

23 Likes 2 Shares

Re: Should I Allow My Mother-in-law In Our Home? I Need Advice by LandMann: 5:21am On Mar 29, 2023
Op, you'd be the biggest fool alive if you allow your wife's mother come stay with you.... If you like SIMP and disregard majority of what people are staying here... Na u go suffer later

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Re: Should I Allow My Mother-in-law In Our Home? I Need Advice by ITbomb(m): 6:11am On Mar 29, 2023
No third party
As it was in the beginning, so shall it be

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Re: Should I Allow My Mother-in-law In Our Home? I Need Advice by akanke79: 6:33am On Mar 29, 2023
Don't allow your mother-in-law stay with you because you will resent her for what her daughter has done to your mother.Let her stay with her other children and send her allowance.

93 Likes 7 Shares

Re: Should I Allow My Mother-in-law In Our Home? I Need Advice by OKOATA(m): 6:57am On Mar 29, 2023
Bros na wetin dem dey call simping be this, do me I do you God no go vex. Why would her mom come live with you when she did opposite to your mom. I don't know why some men always act like kids when it comes to woman matter, I see a man who can't control his home. Your wife is in charge not you, you are the woman while your wife is the man, just carry woman for head like gala. Abeg comot for here.

106 Likes 14 Shares

Re: Should I Allow My Mother-in-law In Our Home? I Need Advice by momem2(m): 7:01am On Mar 29, 2023
ozalogbo:
I am the first child of my mother, and I have two younger male siblings. I am doing well financially. My wife is the last of four children in her family. My dad died when I was still in the university, and this affected my mum. However, as she aged, her health waned. Se was a retired teacher. My brothers are not in the country. Both of them are in Europe. I wanted to have my mother stay with me in her later years because of her health and loneliness but my wife did not want it. Whenever she was ill and I brought her home to be with us, my wife was usually hostile, especially if my mum had stayed beyond a week. She did not hid her disapproval, and this caused problems in the marriage. People advised that I should send my mum away and pay someone to live with her and take care of her. They said that marriage was between a man and his wife, not between a man, his wife, and his mother. I did and peace returned. Eventually my mum passed on after a few years.

Along the line, my father in law also died. And down the line, my mother in law's health began to deteriorate. We live in the same town. Among my wife's siblings she is the only one doing quite well. Now there are suggestions that the mother should come and live with us so that my wife can give her proper care. I believe that her living with us and seeing her grandchildren will help her. And indeed i have no problem accepting her, but when i remember the treatment my wife gave to my mum, there is a strong revulsion, in fact, anger in me. I shared with a friend, and he advised i forgive my wife, but the revulsion is so strong that i would feel cheated if i agreed. What do you guys think. She reminded me then that marriage was between a man and his wife only. Shouldn't this also apply to my wife now?

How can youet your wife have control in your family? You mom could have been alive til date if she was living with you both you declined to accept her toive with you, you are a wicked son , when you grow old reap what you sow

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Re: Should I Allow My Mother-in-law In Our Home? I Need Advice by Klass99(f): 7:14am On Mar 29, 2023

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Re: Should I Allow My Mother-in-law In Our Home? I Need Advice by Nice2023(m): 7:18am On Mar 29, 2023
I often try to balance issues.

Remind ur wife what she did to ur mum and go ahead to say No to whomever is thinking in that direction.

If u disrespect my mum and dad...I will never have anything to do with u anymore especially in things like this.

68 Likes 10 Shares

Re: Should I Allow My Mother-in-law In Our Home? I Need Advice by Fiscus105(m): 7:38am On Mar 29, 2023
Neweramify:
Op your wife was wrong, but try and understand her fear. Most women feel inconvenient around their mother inlaw. Not because she hates her mother inlaw but for the fear of the unknown.

Let her know how you feel knowing she wanna bring her mum in when she rejected your mum. I'm sure she will feel remorse of her action.

Permit her to bring her mum, cause if anything happen to the old woman, she may accuse you of one thing or the other.


If indeed you are a woman, I pity the man that will end or has ended up with you.


....and for the OP, it's time you proofed that you are in charge of your home.

I will not be surprised if ur siblings are not coming to ur house again just because of wife who has succeeded in fencing you out from ur own siblings but now bring her people to replace ur family.

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Re: Should I Allow My Mother-in-law In Our Home? I Need Advice by wunmi590(m): 7:50am On Mar 29, 2023


No matter the amount of advice you get here, I know that you have your own plan, you know your mother inlaw more than us all..

2 Likes

Re: Should I Allow My Mother-in-law In Our Home? I Need Advice by mrblessed(m): 8:11am On Mar 29, 2023
I wonder why you are even discussing this issue. If not for the entitlement complex of most Nigerian women, common sense would have told her she cannot approbate and disaprobate at the same time. You appear like a simple man, who cherishes dictated peace even when it's downright stupid.

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