Rant Over!

I used juju on you.

Close your legs, shift your pant back and control your desires.mtchew

Then you two should just get married and allow the world some peace, destiny can be delayed but not denied

Klass99:
Amya .

I missed you on your personal blog/diary when you stopped posting frequently because of BBNaija.

Do you still maintain the blog? I really enjoyed your life's story and journey. Let me get back to reading this post.

Put things in quote when you don't want to be quoted. Insert the quote icons, I tried to indicate how but it's not coming out right.

Thanks babe. I've figured it out

Mjshexy:
Then you two should just get married and allow the world some peace, destiny can be delayed but not denied

Have you heard of something like this before? I'm losing my mind!

Klass99:


Okay cool. I'm done reading and now I am laughing. You never ready to let go, when you are, you will cut off all contact and communication with him. Why don't you guys just marry yourselves already?

His neigbour after hearing our story lastweek said the exact thing to him. I overheard him tell his neigbour that I left him to marry someone else. There might be a little resentment there.

Amya:


Have you heard of something like this before? I'm losing my mind!

Sure dear, happened to a friend. They were both married to their different spouses but things ended unexplainably, having been lovers from school days they met up and continued from where they stopped. They are both married with a kid now.
You guys should just have a heart to heart convo and address your relationship and say what you want, you can't keep going on and off like kids, there's no time dearie.

Mjshexy:
Sure dear, happened to a friend. They were both married to their different spouses but things ended unexplainably, having been lovers from school days they met up and continued from where they stopped. They are both married with a kid now.
You guys should just have a heart to heart convo and address your relationship and say what you want, you can't keep going on and off like kids, there's no time dearie.

Thanks dear.

Na wa oh. And he didn't get married in all the 13years.

Amya:


Thanks dear.

My pleasure and all the best 👍

Amya:

Please nobody should quote this, as i may delete after venting. T for Thanks

Me no understand you o, if you are so attached to him and he is to you why are you running away from yourself.

faithfull18:
Na wa oh. And he didn't get married in all the 13years.

He told me he planned to get married this year but she broke up with him in December. I knew the girl. We were all classmates but he only started dating her a few years ago.

Blakjewelry:

Me no understand you o, if you are so attached to him and he is to you why are you running away from yourself.

I like being in control of my feelings. He's the only on that makes me lose that control. I'm afraid i'll never be able to focus on anything else but him.

So why aren't you guys getting married? You clearly have the kind of chemistry most couples dont have. Why not make it permanent?

I've been restless this entire week, having heart palpitations, panic attacks and all manners of emotional and mental upheaval. I thought i have it all together but alas, I don't. 13 years should be a long time to cut someone off, soulmate or not, But see me, mumu being sucked back into what i thought I'd escaped. I'm losing my mind!

This guy that has played a huge role in my life. He has been the subjects of some of my thread the last 13 years
https://www.nairaland.com/659853/isnt-just-cruel
https://www.nairaland.com/817505/isnt-just-cruel-part-2

In this 13 year time period we were lovers, friends, everything and back to lovers, a continious cycle. We became so close that even his extended relatives knew me. I didn't know when i cut off all my university friends subconciously. He became my only friend for years at a time. I'll start other relationships and it'll fail and i'll still go back to him. We spend days and night with eachother even while i was in other relationships, Couple of years ago, I had an oppurunity to get a job in Lagos and my decision was heavily influenced by having an opportunity to detach from this dude once and for all. He cried and begged for me not to take this Job offer but i refused and bade Abuja farewell.
That move helped me regain my sanity and i was now able to make other friends and live a normal life. Even got married in the process. I still used to visit Abuja from time to time and we'll hang out in strictly platonic fashion. Then my marriage ended two years ago. In conversations with this guy after my marriage ended, he kept urging me to move back to Abuja. I refused.

Last year, He got posted to Lagos. We hung out from time to time but still platonic. Recently, his girlfriend broke up with him and the gears shifted to something more between us. I've spent the three weekends in his house and now I've come to the realization that I'm hooked again. Like a person on Heroin. Exactly why i fled from him in the place. What will we call this biko. On a normal day, I'm a hard chic not prone to feelings and emotions but this guy just confuses me on a spiritual level. The sex is mad! Best sex ever!!!! And all my mumu has been fully activated.

I've been telling my self to get sense all week, but my sense is failing me. Is this Jazz? Did they send this guy to ruin my life! When I'm not with him, all i think about is him. I'm just tired. As i write this, I'm shaking and losing my mind!

Lazy youth.

You both continue to waste each other s time and years

Amya:


I like being in control of my feelings. He's the only on that makes me lose that control. I'm afraid i'll never be able to focus on anything else but him.

I have that effect on people so I know a thing or two. So I went back to the old topic you referenced, I think you should put your fears aside and confront the issue once and for all to know your place. From the first thread it seems maybe he wanted serious but you were not forthcoming but I am surprised he moved on without having a discussion with you. I think its time both of you have that discussion both of are avoiding. Also been single makes you vulnerable, go and have that discussion you will be better off, you had be surprised it will be easy for you to let go.

Blakjewelry:

I have that effect on people so I know a thing or two. So I went back to the old topic you referenced, I think you should put your fears aside and confront the issue once and for all to know your place. From the first thread it seems maybe he wanted serious but you were not forthcoming but I am surprised he moved on without having a discussion with you. I think its time both of you have that discussion both of are avoiding. Also been single makes you vulnerable, go and have that discussion you will be better off, you had be surprised it will be easy for you to let go.

You're right. I'll do just that. Thanks for the advice.

Amya:

You're right. I'll do just that. Thanks for the advice.

LOL I am mentioning you in a couple of days to know how it all goes.

Blakjewelry:

LOL I am mentioning you in a couple of days to know how it all goes.

Have you ever heard of the term 'twin flame'?

I think he's mine. We were having a conversation last week and he said after all this shakara we're both doing that las las, we'll still end up together.

But what he says aside, I'm scared. Do you know the song Rehab by Rihanna? That song put into words what I feel about him. It's not love as we know it it but like an addiction. Now that we're in the same location, I don't know if I could stay away no matter what the outcome of our conversation might be.

You know how many times I've come back to him after leaving. Countless time. The move to Lagos was great for me because he wasn't close by. Now he is now in my space I'm a pretty strong willed person but when it comes to him, all those strength disappear into thin air. This is why I'm confused. Why does he have to move to Lagos! Just why!!!!

Omo I'm in serious trouble.

Amya:


Have you ever heard of the term 'twin flame'?

I think he's mine. We were having a conversation last week and he said after all this shakara we're both doing that las las, we'll still end up together.

But what he says aside, I'm scared. Do you know the song Rehab by Rihanna? That song put into words what I feel about him. It's not love as we know it it but like an addiction. Now that we're in the same location, I don't know if I could stay away no matter what the outcome of our conversation might be.

You know how many times I've come back to him after leaving. Countless time. The move to Lagos was great for me because he wasn't close by. Now he is now in my space I'm a pretty strong willed person but when it comes to him, all those strength disappear into thin air. This is why I'm confused. Why does he have to move to Lagos! Just why!!!!

Omo I'm in serious trouble.

Well that is the effect of falling in love with your best friend but surprisingly both of you are avoiding rather I will afraid of confronting the main issue. If I may ask what are your main fear of being with him? Also don't think for a second he doesn't know your age.
Kinda find myself in similar situation one of my ex, she was married before she is fantasising what she will do when she sees me, but I didn't show up because I throw the question and is avoiding the question what does she really wants. What is the end game, relationship, just sex, marriage? She is not ready to face it and I figured she had go through a crisis if we get back together so I avoided the best way possible without hurting.
Perhaps you need truly ask yourself what you really want and find the answer to it, then confront let him give a definite answer.

Blakjewelry:

Well that is the effect of falling in love with your best friend but surprisingly both of you are avoiding rather I will afraid of confronting the main issue. If I may ask what are your main fear of being with him? Also don't think for a second he doesn't know your age.
Kinda find myself in similar situation one of my ex, she was married before she is fantasising what she will do when she sees me, but I didn't show up because I throw the question and is avoiding the question what does she really wants. What is the end game, relationship, just sex, marriage? She is not ready to face it and I figured she had go through a crisis if we get back together so I avoided the best way possible without hurting.
Perhaps you need truly ask yourself what you really want and find the answer to it, then confront let him give a definite answer.

You're wise

We were having a conversation sometime ago and he said I was a free spirit and he didn't really think I can really settle for anyone.

I spent most of my adult life a commitment-phobe and he knows it. The truth is, as much as I feel like he's the one for me, I really can't bring myself to admit it to him. In all these years I never for once made it clear I wanted to be with him. I liked the idea of being with him but could never bring myself to admit it's him or nothing.

Amya:


I spent most of my adult life a commitment-phobe and he knows it. The truth is, as much as I feel like he's the one for me, I really can't bring myself to admit it to him. In all these years I never for once made it clear I wanted to be with him. I liked the idea of being with him but could never bring myself to admit it's him or nothing.

So the problem is you, you are afraid of the one thing that can truly hurt you "love". In other words you are in love without acknowledging that you are. If you can find the reason why you can't let go then know its love, it runs deep buried in your subconscious mind, perhaps you don't want to face the truth all these years.
You sound much like my last two exes, especially the last one not the one I mentioned before. When I met her, she was young and has this idea of independence, jump into one relationship after another though not sexually. So I thought I will stabilze her, know the amount energy it took lol. I know if I am not patient with her and let her go, she is definitely going to make alot of wrong choices, well I finally let her go when finally get over religious sentiment, like she always have a thing for pastors while I have a different idealogy, I am overtly sentimental when it comes to whatever one chose to believe, I approach everything from educational standpoint. well she still get in virtually every day I Mean like 2 years plus, she got into another relationship it last only a couple month so I know were you are coming from.
Oh this just pop into my head lol. Let me guess you have never been heart broken before by a guy so you are on defence mode.

Blakjewelry:

So the problem is you, you are afraid of the one thing that can truly hurt you "love". In other words you are in love without acknowledging that you are. If you can find the reason why you can't let go then know its love, it runs deep buried in your subconscious mind, perhaps you don't want to face the truth all these years.
You sound much like my last two exes, especially the last one not the one I mentioned before. When I met her, she was young and has this idea of independence, jump into one relationship after another though not sexually. So I thought I will stabilze her, know the amount energy it took lol. I know if I am not patient with her and let her go, she is definitely going to make alot of wrong choices, well I finally let her go when finally get over religious sentiment, like she always have a thing for pastors while I have a different idealogy, I am overtly sentimental when it comes to whatever one chose to believe, I approach everything from educational standpoint. well she still get in virtually every day I Mean like 2 years plus, she got into another relationship it last only a couple month so I know were you are coming from.
Oh this just pop into my head lol. Let me guess you have never been heart broken before by a guy so you are on defence mode.

You're right. Anyway I'll try to update you as it goes.

Amya:


You're right. Anyway I'll try to update you as it goes.

OK cool

Amya:
Rant Over!

Happy birthday.

DonTim1:


Happy birthday.

Thanks dear