Fellas please take this topic seriously, the truth you contribute here might redeem that your close friend, relatives etc who is finding it difficult to get married even in her 30s.

This last Sunday we had 3 different pastors that gave 15min sermon, each on the issue of late marriages. What i gathered from each sermon was a sharp concentration on women's vices though they all gave men their own portion to clear as well but most of the sermon was directed on the ladies. As a matter of fact one of the pastor being a woman used a term the [b]" 21st century ladies, " [/b]and went to on to describe how the current face of civilisation has destroyed the true heritage of women whom are supposed to be ACCEPTABLE to God.

In nut shell, i managed to gather that many among the vices of these so called 21st century ladies are ,

1. Bad attitude towards their spouce, no respect whatsoever,
2. Lack of good upbringing, already loosed at the age of 10.
3. bad media influence
4. Taking advantage of the law
5. intimidating the man with good job, money etc
6. Love for money
7. sexual lust for other men
8. Spiritual, spirit husband, generational curse etc.

Please do not pass insult, contribute sensibly with your experience, thoughts and solution.

i fink it has to 2 do with the kind of guys Nigeria breeds they r nt gents and also dont believe in long term relationships. They only want to have children wtout wives. As long as am concerned its from both sides and nobody is to blame and also the kind of enviroment we grew in and mostly our MINDSET as nigerians.

our ladies love for money is out of control!

I think most of the vices listed are attributed to ladies of this age we are but then again men have their problems as well, many are too paranoid to get married due to lack of job, money etc.

OP, 1 - 8 of what you listed are in this days Nigerian women so who wants to marry a calamity?

Boyloaf:

our ladies love for money is out of control!

i agree with you on this one, happened to my cousin ho haa, this girl told my cousin i can not marry someone who is not earning over N250,000 (with some rubbish yoruba accent)


Honestly i thought it was a joke in fact i thought i was hearing the sound of Nigerian movie, it was catastrophic.

Men lack gud upbringing too, and dey av no respect 4 us as well. Dey just wnt wats unda our skirts and notn else and can u brief me abt the law stuff cos i av no idea hw we use d law 2 our advantage . i thnk i need it seriously

bekay911:

Men lack gud upbringing too, and dey av no respect 4 us as well. Dey just wnt wats unda our skirts and notn else[b] and can u brief me abt the law stuff cos i av no idea hw we use d law 2 our advantage . i thnk i need it seriously [/b]

bekay bia, you did not tell me you've now changed to those obodo oyinbo women o, ogini! Please change ya ways before it's too late

Goodness me, it's amazing how some of our numerous pastors/preachers are full of theories as to why there are late marriages. That spiritual husband part is the most hilarious one of all (am not mocking anyone just saying). We tend to forget that paths and destinies are different for everyone.

I could have been married by now (If I wanted to) with probably 2 or more kids. I've had men who were desirous of marrying me while I was in university, infact one wanted us to get married right after uni, before law school and NYSC. But I had hopes and dreams for myself, I wanted more out of life than just marriage and children.

I grew up in one of the north central states, where I did all of my schooling from primary to tertiary institution. I needed to get out of that state broaden my horizons, get some exposure, work, earn a living and gain some financial independence of my own. Marrying any of my suitors then would have meant settling down in that same town/city where I grew up, settling for a job with the state civil service (you all know what the civil service is like) and settling for a life of mediocrity and simply becoming a Mrs. with children (nothing wrong with that) it just wasn't my cup of tea at the time.

I don't regret my decision to turn down suitors and zap from my home town as quickly as possible. I have indeed broaden-ed my horizons and continue to do so, gained exposure and financial independence. Things I would not have been able to successfully do if I stayed back home and got married at that time because men from my place have a certain mentality and are set in their traditional ways that doesn't allow a woman certain things.

Right now am not married because I am still not 100% certain it is something I truly want, some days I feel like it, other days am like hell no because of the many negative stories I've heard from friends and acquaintances about their marriages. But as a believer I talk to God about my ever shifting feelings on this issue of marriage and I pray your will and not mine be done.

God has a plan for my life and if part of that plan is marriage and children then so be it, if it is not so be it I won't kill myself oooo. Whatever happens my utmost desire is to make heaven and see the saints gone before me and Jesus' face, now marriage and children will not guarantee my going to heaven. I won't lose sight of what matters most.

@ skyone

The theories above in your post from the pastors i.e reasons for late marriages, does not apply to me and I guess to some women too.
Not all of us are enamoured with the idea of marriage and kids no matter how often it has been preached to us from birth. And women with a mind of their own defy the traditional/societal pressure to succumb to that school of thought.

Another factor contributing to late marriages could be the lack of 'like minded partners', for instance I would like to date (I am not talking marriage here ooooo) a man who wants a sexually pure realtionship i.e  a relationship with no pre-marital s .e . x involved. Do you know how difficult it has been finding such a man?

Even some xtian brothers want to get in between your legs while you are dating there is no thought of honouring God, it's either you compromise and give in or you walk. Some single sisters in church today have simply refused to compromise which is part of the reason why they are still  single. The preachers didn't even mention that angle na wao for them ooooo.

What is it with some guys in nairaland, always bringing up threads to bash Nigerian women. NOT EVERYBODY IS SUPPOSED TO GET MARRIED AT A YOUNG AGE. WHICH OTHER SOCIETY HAVE YOU SEEN ALL THE WOMEN GETTING MARRIED BEFORE 30. GETTING MARRIED EARLY DOES NOT GAURANTEE A SUCCESFUL MARRIAGE.

skyone:


5. intimidating the man with good job, money etc

Is it now a crime or sin to want to be a successful woman? Why should a wife choose to not be successful and fulfill her dreams just to satisfy her husband's ego? Wouldn't it be a blessing if both spouses were successful? Why should it matter who makes more money than the other? 

iv4real:

What is it with some guys in nairaland, always bringing up threads to bash Nigerian women. NOT EVERYBODY IS SUPPOSED TO GET MARRIED AT A YOUNG AGE. WHICH OTHER SOCIETY HAVE YOU SEEN ALL THE WOMEN GETTING MARRIED BEFORE 30. GETTING MARRIED EARLY DOES NOT GAURANTEE A SUCCESFUL MARRIAGE.

I agree!

What do you mean by "late" brother?

Swift SMS:

Goodness me, it's amazing how some of our numerous pastors/preachers are full of theories as to why there are late marriages. That spiritual husband part is the most hilarious one of all (am not mocking anyone just saying). t.

Well i can categorically tell you the issue of spiritual husband is on the board and can not be erased. Many likes of yours knows this problem is the epitome of late marriages in women desiring one.

Swift SMS:



I grew up in one of the north central states, where I did all of my schooling from primary to tertiary institution. I needed to get out of that state broaden my horizons, get some exposure, work, earn a living and gain some financial independence of my own. Marrying any of my suitors then would have meant settling down in that same town/city where I grew up, settling for a job with the state civil service (you all know what the civil service is like) and settling for a life of mediocrity and simply becoming a Mrs. with children (nothing wrong with that) it just wasn't my cup of tea at the time. [/b]

I don't regret my decision to turn down suitors and zap from my home town as quickly as possible. I have indeed broaden-ed my horizons and continue to do so, gained exposure and financial independence. Things I would not have been able to successfully do if I stayed back home and got married at that time because men from my place have a certain mentality and are set in their traditional ways that doesn't allow a woman certain things.

Right now am not married because I am still not 100% certain it is something I truly want, some days I feel like it, other days am like hell no because of the many negative stories I've heard from friends and acquaintances about their marriages. But as a believer I talk to God about my ever shifting feelings on this issue of marriage and I pray your will and not mine be done.

God has a plan for my life and if part of that plan is marriage and children then so be it, if it is not so be it I won't kill myself oooo. Whatever happens my utmost desire is to make heaven and see the saints gone before me and Jesus' face, now marriage and children will not guarantee my going to heaven. I won't lose sight of what matters most.

Obviously number 1 applies to your belief above. And where you failed woefully is your foul belief of career over family life. Yes you can strife for better future but hey your silly move is not the way to go about it . Ask many women  that has left wearing your shoes how regrettable their life is today.

iv4real:

What is it with some guys in nairaland, always bringing up threads to bash Nigerian women. NOT EVERYBODY IS SUPPOSED TO GET MARRIED AT A YOUNG AGE. WHICH OTHER SOCIETY HAVE YOU SEEN ALL THE WOMEN GETTING MARRIED BEFORE 30. GETTING MARRIED EARLY DOES NOT GAURANTEE A SUCCESFUL MARRIAGE.

Here in UK statistics shows that 80% of couples who were married got married before age 30 including Prince William. And those co-habiting mostly starts between age 21 - 26.

@ skyone you said 80% of women and not all the women in UK get married before 30. So in every society there will still be ladies that will get married above thirty.

I really think people should consider many facts and do not think as we were in the 60's or whatever, Ithink we should respect decisions of people, whatever your choice, I'll respect it cause we don't know people past or plans, too easy blaming or targeting someone because he doesn't do like the others

For me marriage is about consolidation, love and building not age! of course some of you might tell me " a women who's above 30 is difficult for her getting married" and so on, while I've seen many married woman at or above this age who's enjoying motherwood and marriage and some who get married earlier have divorced!

Marriage is too important for me to leave it only in the hands of the others, I'll get married when all conditions will be fullfied

iv4real:

@ skyone you said 80% of women and not all the women in UK get married before 30. So in every society there will still be ladies that will get married above thirty.

Yes agreed but have you taken your time if many of those getting married at age 30 and above are really happy about it.

Nayah:

I really think people should consider many facts and do not think as we were in the 60's or whatever, Ithink we should respect decisions of people, whatever your choice, I'll respect it cause we don't know people past or plans, too easy blaming or targeting someone because he doesn't do like the others

For me marriage is about consolidation, love and building not age! of course some of you might tell me " a women who's above 30 is difficult for her getting married" and so on, while I've seen many married woman at or above this age who's enjoying motherwood and marriage and some who get married earlier have divorced!

Marriage is too important for me to leave it only in the hands of the others, I'll get married when all conditions will be fullfied

Good point but what benefit is it after getting married at age 37 and still end up in divorce due to pride of life plus many factors listed by those pastors.

The point here is women or ladies should employ morality in their life styles.

And what's the benefit being divorced at 25?? my brother 37 is NOT OLD as some people can think and especially in Africa, people should remove this on their head, what about our mothers who delivered until 38 or 39? for some people it would be strange too, or having children at 20 in our days could be very difficult judging from economic context worldwide

These pastors need to focus on winning souls. 21st centruy ladies indeed. Should they be 16th century ladies.

@ skyone and who told u dat ladies dat got married above thirty are not happy about it. The problem with Nigerians is dat they think a womans life ends and begins in marriage. I will say it again not everybody is supposed to get married in their twenties. Getting married to d the right person at any age is the most important thing.

alafin:

bekay bia, you did not tell me you've now changed to those obodo oyinbo women o, ogini! Please change ya ways before it's too late

Bia alafin no make me vex afterall no b una dey go afta obodo oyinbo women nw av decided 2 b n act lyk one moreova wetin u dey fear no b woman i b

This last Sunday we had 3 different pastors that gave 15min sermon, each on the issue of late marriages

Marriage shudnt be a crteria to judge anybody, research claims dat most early marriages arent likely to survive y? cos of lack of experince.Alright look @george clooney and Oprah winfrey are dey married bt dey r happy fellas. Marriage wont bring u happiness, fulfilment, actualisation [size=8pt][/size][b][/b][color=#990000][/color]and peace of mind. If u venture into marriage cos of these reasons then u are heading 4 a train wreck. So women shudnt be d ones to blame afterall marriage no be only 4 us

bekay911:

Marriage shudnt be a crteria to judge anybody, [size=13pt]research claims dat most early marriages arent likely to survive y?[/size] cos of lack of experince.Alright look @george clooney and Oprah winfrey are dey married bt dey r happy fellas. Marriage wont bring u happiness, fulfilment, actualisation and peace of mind. If u venture into marriage cos of these reasons then u are heading 4 a train wreck. So women shudnt be d ones to blame afterall marriage no be only 4 us

Which research, and by who?!

People need to stop thinking their lives will be more fulfilled when they get married,If you are not happy on your own,then even when you tie the knot you will not be happy.
We all know at least one or two people who had no business getting married,but they did it for the wrong reasons.I like to say Marriage is an eternity affair so choose well because you will be spending the next 50 plus years together,so you want to make sure you do it right the first time.

Freesia:

People need to stop thinking their lives will be more fulfilled when they get married,If you are not happy on your own,then even when you tie the knot you will not be happy.
We all know at least one or two people who had no business getting married,but they did it for the wrong reasons.I like to say Marriage is an eternity affair so choose well because you will be spending the next 50 plus years together,so you want to make sure you do it right the first time.

you talk well my sister, but the fact be say those 1 -8 factors are attributed to many ladies of this age no doubt about it. The worst of it all is when you see hundreds of them pouring out for prayers to overcome late marriages.

IN MY HONEST OPINION, I DON'T SEE NOT GETTING MARRIED AS A BIG DEAL.
I AM NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO THE DAY I WOULD GET MARRIED OFFICIALLY,