Good morning mature men and women in the house. Please I need your help on this topic.

My Fiancee told me about how her biological dad abandoned her and her mum after getting her mum pregnant.

Her mum later married another man who adopted her as his child.

Now she's grown and I've proposed to her, I wanted to go for her official introduction and list collection.

Would it not be nice to hear the biological father's opinion? Should I just ignore the fact that the man is still alive and proceed with the marriage arrangement?

Although she said I should not bother about that, but this is Nigeria and as an Akwa Ibomite I don't think it's proper. Although she's against me trying to find out about the man's opinion. Should I care?

What can you say about this?

Note: she only told me that the man abandoned them, but what if it was her mum that actually took her away?

MetaBroadband:
Good morning mature men and women in the house. Please I need your help on this topic.

My Fiancee told me about how her biological dad abandoned her and her mum after getting her mum pregnant.

Her mum later married another man who adopted her as his child.

Now she's grown and I've proposed to her, I wanted to go for her official introduction and list collection.

Would it not be nice to hear the biological father's opinion? Should I just ignore the fact that the man is still alive and proceed with the marriage arrangement?

Although she said I should not bother about that, but this is Nigeria and as an Akwa Ibomite I don't think it's proper. Although she's against me trying to find out about the man's opinion. Should I care?

What can you say about this?

Note: she only told me that the man abandoned them, but what if it was her mum that actually took her away?

This is a very tough one.
The girls mother is very bitter. She has been nursing that bitterness all her life since she got pregnant. She doesn't want the man that got her pregnant and abandoned her to reap from the gains that come through the girl.
That is her revenge. To her, that is justice served.

To go see the biological father might not go down well with your mother in law and she will hate you for this.
Since your fiancee and her mother have disowned the man. They have acknowledged the step father as their father and husband, go and honour the step father with the necessary traditional items.

The biological father cannot come out of the blues and reap from where he didn't invest for over 20+ years of the girls life. It is an unfair trade.

It is your financee who decides the people you should and shouldn't meet in her family,since she said meeting her biological father isn't necessary i think you should let it be,she must have a reason for saying that,afterall the father didn't play a significant role in her in life so i don't see a reason why you should be concerned for a man who didn't care about his family,i think you should go ahead with the father figure in her life,afterall it was a man like him that took them in when he abadon them so her step father has every right over her and he should be appreciated for all his effort,it is not easy to take care of another man's child especially when the useless father is alive.

MetaBroadband:
Good morning mature men and women in the house. Please I need your help on this topic.

My Fiancee told me about how her biological dad abandoned her and her mum after getting her mum pregnant.

Her mum later married another man who adopted her as his child.

Now she's grown and I've proposed to her, I wanted to go for her official introduction and list collection.

Would it not be nice to hear the biological father's opinion? Should I just ignore the fact that the man is still alive and proceed with the marriage arrangement?

Although she said I should not bother about that, but this is Nigeria and as an Akwa Ibomite I don't think it's proper. Although she's against me trying to find out about the man's opinion. Should I care?

What can you say about this?

Note: she only told me that the man abandoned them, but what if it was her mum that actually took her away?

Oga, try locate him, u weren't there when their fight started, don't be caught in d middle, no matter their explanation. Irrespective of his short comings. Tell them your family must acknowledge him. You will understand later. You have to hear from both sides. Your family have full right to meet him and his people.u may be surprised that she deliberately kept her father away from their lives after she met her husband, and us am to pepper the man when shes grown up.na so one wedding we attended in ogwashi uku, delta state, the girl mama no want us to meet her dad people ( dad is dead from stroke, cos of her mum wahala) even the man people were scared when we eventually went to meet them. Her mum made sure she isolated and separated her late husband from his family, after which she frustrated him to b.p, stroke and eventual death. women. Them go still carry grudges face you and sandwich u as a married man, isolating you from ur family, using psychology to win u over, after seeing there is no other place for u to run to then, frustrating u till u go get b.p, stroke and death, or liver cirrhosis cos of drink go end u lass lass.

Trust me, they're all lying against the man. Woman has filled her (daughter) up with bitterness and you should be worried.

MetaBroadband:
Good morning mature men and women in the house. Please I need your help on this topic.

My Fiancee told me about how her biological dad abandoned her and her mum after getting her mum pregnant.

Her mum later married another man who adopted her as his child.

Now she's grown and I've proposed to her, I wanted to go for her official introduction and list collection.

Would it not be nice to hear the biological father's opinion? Should I just ignore the fact that the man is still alive and proceed with the marriage arrangement?

Although she said I should not bother about that, but this is Nigeria and as an Akwa Ibomite I don't think it's proper. Although she's against me trying to find out about the man's opinion. Should I care?

What can you say about this?

Note: she only told me that the man abandoned them, but what if it was her mum that actually took her away?

See don't get into what is not your business.

Although, if truly the mum current husband is the one who took care of her and raised her up till this point, then he is the one who you should relate to because of the responsibilities he has undertaking on her.

But again, on the other hand, you need to also find out the real truth just to know it not because you want to accord her biological father the fatherly role but to make sure her mum was not the problem vis-a-viz taking the child from her biological father illegally to another man so that you will not be at the risk of getting married to someone who can do such wicked acts to you too.

Make sure you see her dad.

Foodqueen:
Make sure you see her dad.

@ foodqueen, nice one.

Thank you all for your excellent contributions. Please note the following:

1. They said the man abandoned them, but what if it's not actually what happened, so let's not be emotional.

2. I'm not paying the bride price to the biological father, but there should be an understanding between both fathers at this point. because if the child was taken away from the man or if he had acted as a child then, both parents can come to an understanding so that my wife won't hurt any part of the tradition in the course of our marriage.

3. I know that my mother inlaw would be angry, but I still feel it's my right to know. What if something bad happens to my wife because she married in a way that violates her tradition (give Caeser things to Caesar)

4. I'm doing this for my fiancee not me, because as far as I've paid my bride price nothing can come to me, but if anything comes to my wife, it automatically affects me. So it's not just her and her mum's business.

Thank you as you put this thoughts into consideration as well.

Please excuse typos

MetaBroadband:
Good morning mature men and women in the house. Please I need your help on this topic.

My Fiancee told me about how her biological dad abandoned her and her mum after getting her mum pregnant.

Her mum later married another man who adopted her as his child.

Now she's grown and I've proposed to her, I wanted to go for her official introduction and list collection.

Would it not be nice to hear the biological father's opinion? Should I just ignore the fact that the man is still alive and proceed with the marriage arrangement?

Although she said I should not bother about that, but this is Nigeria and as an Akwa Ibomite I don't think it's proper. Although she's against me trying to find out about the man's opinion. Should I care?

What can you say about this?

Note: she only told me that the man abandoned them, but what if it was her mum that actually took her away?

If i were you,i would discard the lady and mother together. What bitterness!

They should let you go and see the biological father, just to show face and rub minds. Even the step father should come in and make them see reasons for you to go and see the real father.

Such a fiancee is full of bile, understandably implanted in her by her mother. That bile will still be there for you to wrestle with when your time comes.

She will show you shege.

Una still Dey marry
Where Una Dey see money Na

Micheal56:
Una still Dey marry
Where Una Dey see money Na

Strive to meet him. Yours, as a man, should be to strive to make, implement, and walk the rule of what you know is right at all times without minding who is happy or not and, by extension, discarding anyone around you that doesn't want to cheerfully and voluntarily walk the rule with you.

Please get this clear
Your father is the one that take care of u not the one who gave birth to you

MetaBroadband:
Thank you all for your excellent contributions. Please note the following:

1. They said the man abandoned them, but what if it's not actually what happened, so let's not be emotional.

2. I'm not paying the bride price to the biological father, but there should be an understanding between both fathers at this point. because if the child was taken away from the man or if he had acted as a child then, both parents can come to an understanding so that my wife won't hurt any part of the tradition in the course of our marriage.

3. I know that my mother inlaw would be angry, but I still feel it's my right to know. What if something bad happens to my wife because she married in a way that violates her tradition (give Caeser things to Caesar)

4. I'm doing this for my fiancee not me, because as far as I've paid my bride price nothing can come to me, but if anything comes to my wife, it automatically affects me. So it's not just her and her mum's business.

Thank you as you put this thoughts into consideration as well.

Please excuse typos

It is actually not your fuc.king and unfucking business.

Your business is with the lady and the people who rule her (her family)

The burden is on her father to find how he can enter in if he wants.

But this shit, is not your business.

Micheal56:
Please get this clear
Your father is the one that take care of u not the one who gave birth to you

Say it loud.

All of you will rest las las, keep typing from your imagination just to castigate women, even if we choose to believe your fiction, who do you think you are to want to meddle into what is not your concern?

Do you think the lady and her mother haven't thought of the traditional effect before deciding to go ahead with the wedding? The step dad that took care of her since childhood, is he a dunce to not know her dad abandoned them thereby marrying and taking care of them? The dead beat that remained a deadbeat all these years, why didn't he look for his daughter if he really wanted to be a part of her life? Did her mother's marriage to another man stop him from looking for her? The lady abi na fiancee that told you he abandoned them, do you think she wouldn't have made an effort to hear from him as a grown adult and still see that he's still the same?

It's not by force to marry her, she sees her step dad as her father, being a sperm donor doesn't automatically make one a father, if the step dad is not enough for you, move on to other ladies.

Micheal56:
Please get this clear
Your father is the one that take care of u not the one who gave birth to you

And what if your biological father was deprived of that privilege and responsibility either voluntarily or involuntarily?

Do you think it would be just to keep on denying a man of his own blood?

Don't you think that when she's up against the tradition that it would now become my business?

Jovialjune1:
All of you will rest las las, keep typing from your imagination just to castigate women, even if we choose to believe your fiction, who do you think you are to want to meddle into what is not your concern?

I'm so sorry Ma, this is not the reason for this post. Yesterday we spoke she said the man is aware, that he does not have issues with it.

So why can't I meet this man as well if truly the man is aware that she's getting married?

Secondly, if they are in good terms then it should have been proper for me to meet him too.

I've seen and heard marriages like this that later required some attention in the future because of a step that was skipped in the past. So get this clear, this is not a fiction to castigate women.

MetaBroadband:


And what if your biological father was deprived of that privilege and responsibility either voluntarily or involuntarily?

Do you think it would be just to keep on denying a man of his own blood?

Don't you think that when she's up against the tradition that it would now become my business?

The world is far modernize than what you think
Most of our grandfathers called who raised them father and not their biological father because there was no DNA then

If u see the biological father bro u actually disrespect the man that raised her up
Bro think of it
What about if the foster father would have abandon the gal same as biological father do u think you will have a beautiful wife to marry today
Think of it

MetaBroadband:


I'm so sorry Ma, this is not the reason for this post. Yesterday we spoke she said the man is aware, that he does not have issues with it.

So why can't I meet this man as well if truly the man is aware that she's getting married?

Secondly, if they are in good terms then it should have been proper for me to meet him too.

I've seen and heard marriages like this that later required some attention in the future because of a step that was skipped in the past. So get this clear, this is not a fiction to castigate women.

Bro do u understand been abandon?
He be like say u na very good human
How can you reap what you don't sow
You can buy the biological father car if u choose to that ur business

If am the gal I can hate u for this ur I too know attitude
Bro if u have anything to give Abeg give to the foster father good people need to be appreciated
The father never beleive any event like this will happen in the future
Indirectly she no beleive say the gal go be somebody

What is your concern with the sperm donor that contributed to her biology when she has presented you with her dad who raised her? Orisirisi! Are you sure you're soundly ready for marriage? It is for people who are really grown up o

You should have asked for all her mom's ex boyfriends too fa

sisisioge:


What is your concern with the sperm donor that contributed to her biology when she has presented you with her dad who raised her? Orisirisi! Are you sure you're soundly ready for marriage? It is for people who are really grown up o

You should have asked for all her mom's ex boyfriends too fa

I tire for am
Me Dey vex as I Dey here because of this post
Do u know how many Nigerians are ready to change surname if they see someone to love and cater for them ?

MetaBroadband:
Good morning mature men and women in the house. Please I need your help on this topic.

My Fiancee told me about how her biological dad abandoned her and her mum after getting her mum pregnant.

Her mum later married another man who adopted her as his child.

Now she's grown and I've proposed to her, I wanted to go for her official introduction and list collection.

Would it not be nice to hear the biological father's opinion? Should I just ignore the fact that the man is still alive and proceed with the marriage arrangement?

Although she said I should not bother about that, but this is Nigeria and as an Akwa Ibomite I don't think it's proper. Although she's against me trying to find out about the man's opinion. Should I care?

What can you say about this?

Note: she only told me that the man abandoned them, but what if it was her mum that actually took her away?

this is complex but it differs tradition of every tribe etc

where i came from son in law can ONLY pay bride price to the biological father in law or the women's family. if the child was raised by the mother alone, the biological father will
be present at the bride price day to witness and given a little token, but the large sum is given to the mum and her brothers



In my culture a step father can not represent a living biological father not matter the reason
they separated from the mother and whether deadbeat.

In my culture, if the father was absent when the girl was growing up and when she is getting married the biological father is invited to charge bride and the same time they will
charge him for being an absent father. if he had not paid bride price, they will charge him pride price, meaning instead of getting pride price from him daughter it will go pay the bride price of the girl's mother

For spiritual reason you pay bride price
to the biological father


In such situations your own family (son in laws) must guide you in finding the biological father or or his relatives, otherwise you pay pride price twice

Back to the story, lets say he pays bride price to the step father and in the long run the couple fights or have problems in house, which family will intervene to help ? the step father's family ? but if pride price is paid to the biological father its easy to seek help from relevent people from the biological father's family there are related by blood.

MetaBroadband:
Good morning mature men and women in the house. Please I need your help on this topic.
My Fiancee told me about how her biological dad abandoned her and her mum after getting her mum pregnant. Her mum later married another man who adopted her as his child. Now she's grown and I've proposed to her, I wanted to go for her official introduction and list collection. Would it not be nice to hear the biological father's opinion? Should I just ignore the fact that the man is still alive and proceed with the marriage arrangement? Although she said I should not bother about that, but this is Nigeria and as an Akwa Ibomite I don't think it's proper. Although she's against me trying to find out about the man's opinion. Should I care? What can you say about this? Note: she only told me that the man abandoned them, but what if it was her mum that actually took her away?

It seems you don't respect your fiance at all, and that there is a major issue as far as your relationship. Are you certain you are ready for marriage at all?

She said you shouldn't do it, so why do you think it your place to carry wetin no be your business for head? What gives you the right to disturb those waters? Because you want to marry her?

She might do the same thing to you. Locate her biological father before you proceed

I wish this post would reach front page. It’s a good question and a sincere dilemma.
I’ve experienced dead beat fathers who genuinely didn’t raise their kids and didn’t want to despite having the means. Some to spite the mother and some just because they had no conscience.
It is our culture that accords biological fathers much regard over the ones who raised them morally and financially.
The family of my close friend’s fiancé insisted that they had to meet the biological father since he was alive and it happened that the man disrespected them and showed that he had no love or care for his daughter. He didn’t even attend the wedding. They had fulfilled all righteousness on their part non the less.But in other cases, the dead beat would be glad to be honored and treat the in laws well even though he is just pretending. He would bask in the recognition and later collect the bride price of a daughter that he didn’t invest in. Subsequently, would want to interfere in the marriage and continue to guilt trip the couple to keep the recognition going, knowing fully well that the daughter is grown and gainfully employed and needn’t make any financial commitments to such a daughter henceforth. Probably even receive gifts of sorts from the husband who prefers to be peaceful.
In all this, I still believe a man should meet the biological father to make proper judgement of the whole scenario and events that might have taken place in the life of his wife before meeting her.
How about a case where the mother did not remarry? Who would collect the bride price ?
Tricky indeed.

Stop trying to involve yourself in her family matters and do as she tells you.

It doesn't matter whether the father left or her mother left him, you should be focusing only on her and your plans to marry her, not her family matters because it's none of your business.

The step father already raised her, which makes him more of her father than her biological father... Don't start what you can't finish by being nosy and attempting to cause damage into your girlfriend's family.

The step father will also feel disrespected by you.

MetaBroadband:
Good morning mature men and women in the house. Please I need your help on this topic.

My Fiancee told me about how her biological dad abandoned her and her mum after getting her mum pregnant.

Her mum later married another man who adopted her as his child.

Now she's grown and I've proposed to her, I wanted to go for her official introduction and list collection.

Would it not be nice to hear the biological father's opinion? Should I just ignore the fact that the man is still alive and proceed with the marriage arrangement?

Although she said I should not bother about that, but this is Nigeria and as an Akwa Ibomite I don't think it's proper. Although she's against me trying to find out about the man's opinion. Should I care?

What can you say about this?

Note: she only told me that the man abandoned them, but what if it was her mum that actually took her away?

Na wa ooo. You want to look for her biological father and ask him his side about something he did/that happened years ago? For wetin? She already told you the story, so don't be an unecessary busybody over something wey no concern you. MYOB dude!

Nigeria has many single mothers and I've read stories on NL from guys who impregnate ladies and then say they can't marry them for the reason or another (in fact, the last story was yesterday and right in this section!), meaning her story's not something out of the ordinary that you can't believe.

Lastly, the man who adopted and raised her as his own IS her father, therefore any communication you want to do with her father should be with him, not the absentee biological man. But don't go and be questioning him or the mom about this either, as you sound like a real busybody. That would be really disrespectful and a sure way for them to dislike you.

I follow some families with adopted kids (all adopted when they were babies) on IG and with all the kids their biological fathers weren't in the picture pre-adoption. I can't imagine those little girls growing up and one yeye man will now say he wants to go find her biological father to ascertain her story. Say wetin? Your gf/fiancee should dump you over this, tbh, because this is quite ridiculous.

Teleprompter:
I wish this post would reach front page. It’s a good question and a sincere dilemma.
I’ve experienced dead beat fathers who genuinely didn’t raise their kids and didn’t want to despite having the means. Some to spite the mother and some just because they had no conscience.
It is our culture that accords biological fathers much regard over the ones who raised them morally and financially.
The family of my close friend’s fiancé insisted that they had to meet the biological father since he was alive and it happened that the man disrespected them and showed that he had no love or care for his daughter. He didn’t even attend the wedding. They had fulfilled all righteousness on their part non the less.But in other cases, the dead beat would be glad to be honored and treat the in laws well even though he is just pretending. He would bask in the recognition and later collect the bride price of a daughter that he didn’t invest in. Subsequently, would want to interfere in the marriage and continue to guilt trip the couple to keep the recognition going, knowing fully well that the daughter is grown and gainfully employed and needn’t make any financial commitments to such a daughter henceforth. Probably even receive gifts of sorts from the husband who prefers to be peaceful.
In all this, I still believe a man should meet the biological father to make proper judgement of the whole scenario and events that might have taken place in the life of his wife before meeting her.
How about a case where the mother did not remarry? Who would collect the bride price ?
Tricky indeed.

A sperm donor does not a father make. Science has more than made that abundantly clear to us all at this point in time. You are not a mother simply because you donated an egg or carried a child to birth — women who work as surrogates can attest to this. Again, science has shown us that on numerous occasions. It is now up to us to update our individual cultures to account for this wisdom or continue to wallow in the ignorance of the past pretending we fulfill some sort of righteousness in our foolishness. That is my opinion.