Fineman2:
My name is Dora.

I am 35 years old and everybody keeps reminding me that age is no longer on my side.

My fiance and I have been dating for more than one year and we are getting married soon.

My fiance is 40 years old and he has never been married.

The relationship was really good when we started but now that our wedding is in a few weeks time, he has shown how controlling he can be.

From the choice of the wedding dress, to the bridesmaids selection, to the colour of the day, he wants to be in charge.

He also wants his mum to buy the cloth for our engagement as well as buy our wedding ring.

He does whatever his family says without seeking my opinion and it almost seems as if I am not the one getting married.

I told my parents about how this makes me feel and they just asked me to endure because I am getting older but I really fear for what is going to happen after the wedding.

Are these not red flags I should run from?

I am confused, please advise me.

I don't have enough information to be able to conclude if he's being controlling or you are lacking submissiveness.

Do you think he loves you? Has he done a thing or two (within his ability) that makes you feel he loves you? Can you share?

Also what are both of you dispositions spiritually/religiously ?

ednut1:

No such thing as seeking Gods face. See below - you are to find a wife not God finding for you

Proverbs 18:22 KJV

Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, And obtaineth favour of the LORD.

Have you also read proverbs 3:5-7?

If u rush in u might rush out. Broken relationship is better than broken marriage. I have seen ladies getting married at 40 and above but that's not ur portion...


My dear seek the face of God.... That's all I want to say.

Fineman2:
My name is Dora.

I am 35 years old and everybody keeps reminding me that age is no longer on my side.

My fiance and I have been dating for more than one year and we are getting married soon.

My fiance is 40 years old and he has never been married.

The relationship was really good when we started but now that our wedding is in a few weeks time, he has shown how controlling he can be.

From the choice of the wedding dress, to the bridesmaids selection, to the colour of the day, he wants to be in charge.

He also wants his mum to buy the cloth for our engagement as well as buy our wedding ring.

He does whatever his family says without seeking my opinion and it almost seems as if I am not the one getting married.

I told my parents about how this makes me feel and they just asked me to endure because I am getting older but I really fear for what is going to happen after the wedding.

Are these not red flags I should run from?

I am confused, please advise me.

If you're a virgin or with just one BODYCOUNT, SEE IT HAS A RED FLAG AND DUMP HIM.

IF YOU'RE A WHÓRË (MORE THAN 2 BODYCOUNT), MANAGE AND ENDURE.


THAT'S ALL.

Kajaard:


Who says a woman cannot live without being married? Why is the Nigerian society so toxic towards single women?

Look if you have noticed these signs before marriage, just know that it will continue after marriage as well. If you are really saying the truth about him being very controling and domineering, as well as always listening to his family and you having no say in any decision making, then lady you have a serious decision to make. Cheers.

Or deh
Must you live in a toxic country?
Leave Nigeria and go to where you can do as you please without consequences.

1st of all,doz of u sayng where have u been or why dis long bfore settling down,go f**k urselvx,last i checked shes nt God.aunty if really ur story is true a year plus is enough to know if he's the bossy type (d man)i didnt read any part u say he suggest and he refused ur idea or anything from u.if u think really hhe's going to push u around n u cant take take it den follow up ur instinct,married nor b do or die,abi u nor dey see divorce upanda,live ur life chop life dnt allow anybody pressure u,cut dem off stay away from dem change environment. Who married eh

adetunrayo:
Did you seek the face of God before getting this far? It is never to late to ask God before you tie the knot.

Let God direct your choice not your age. Marriage without seeking God's direction before proceeding is baba ijebu.

God is the foundation of marriage. Seek His face before it's too late.

leave face of God out of this.

This is Nigeria problem. Religion. Nonzance

Your case is peculiar meanwhile, he who pays the pipper dictate the tune.

Evaluate yourself, what makes you stay this long before getting him.

Could you stay a little longer for Mr perfect?

Dear sister, love covers multitude of...
Admit him and love him for his unique quality.

The truth is that there is no perfect husband and marriage.

NAC1666:

Bear in mind that all men are cheat. Don't enter the marriage and start complaining that he cheated. Pretend you didn't see anything. That's how our mothers managed our fathers. Your marriage will last long and fruitful

Not all men are cheats.

Kajaard:


Who says a woman cannot live without being married? Why is the Nigerian society so toxic towards single women?

Look if you have noticed these signs before marriage, just know that it will continue after marriage as well. If you are really saying the truth about him being very controling and domineering, as well as always listening to his family and you having no say in any decision making, then lady you have a serious decision to make. Cheers.

It will continue and even get worse!

You should have been more proactive when you were younger. It's better to be single than married and miserable. Your choice.

Fineman2:
My name is Dora.

I am 35 years old and everybody keeps reminding me that age is no longer on my side.

My fiance and I have been dating for more than one year and we are getting married soon.

My fiance is 40 years old and he has never been married.

The relationship was really good when we started but now that our wedding is in a few weeks time, he has shown how controlling he can be.

From the choice of the wedding dress, to the bridesmaids selection, to the colour of the day, he wants to be in charge.

He also wants his mum to buy the cloth for our engagement as well as buy our wedding ring.

He does whatever his family says without seeking my opinion and it almost seems as if I am not the one getting married.

I told my parents about how this makes me feel and they just asked me to endure because I am getting older but I really fear for what is going to happen after the wedding.

Are these not red flags I should run from?

I am confused, please advise me.

Aunty... Run. I see plenty of beating and regrets waiting for you. Unless ofcourse, this is a wrong assessment of the true situation.

Lincton:
■ Your case is peculiar meanwhile, he who pays the pipper dictate the tune.
Evaluate yourself, what makes you stay this long before getting him.Could you stay a little longer for Mr perfect? Dear sister, love covers multitude of...
Admit him and love him for his unique quality.
The truth is that there is no perfect husband and marriage.

Interesting that you tried there to introduce God to this here. God is love but Love will not hesitate to send a sinner in His Kingdom to Hell. You are using canny cunny to advice her to stake what maybe the rest of her life to covering up multitudes of what appears as control and you attempt to dare mention God too. Una no fear God at all.

Fineman2:
My name is Dora.

I am 35 years old and everybody keeps reminding me that age is no longer on my side.

My fiance and I have been dating for more than one year and we are getting married soon.

My fiance is 40 years old and he has never been married.

The relationship was really good when we started but now that our wedding is in a few weeks time, he has shown how controlling he can be.

From the choice of the wedding dress, to the bridesmaids selection, to the colour of the day, he wants to be in charge.

He also wants his mum to buy the cloth for our engagement as well as buy our wedding ring.

He does whatever his family says without seeking my opinion and it almost seems as if I am not the one getting married.

I told my parents about how this makes me feel and they just asked me to endure because I am getting older but I really fear for what is going to happen after the wedding.

Are these not red flags I should run from?

I am confused, please advise me.

You never ready to marry..

Ate you the Lord over him..

Would you rather prefer to marry a weakling....?

If you are not ready abeg no waste the man Money ooo...

Just marry him, endure till u give birth den change am for am, after all its wat u women normally do. Especially after given birth, una real character go surface. Den finally divorce him. Just enjoy cuz life is too short.


I chose my happiness over everything. Make ur happiness count

You are lucky he has the money to buy you a wedding dress, if not you would be looking for money to loan , better still let him take charge hes providing

Fineman2:
I will advice her to be submissive

So a wife should act on the whims and caprices of her domineering and/or self-absorbing husband to be counted as a submissive wife. Stop equating and propagating servility for submissiveness. Unless she does take delight in being servile, some women, and even some men, do, she should abort mission.

If you listen to this ...you will be thankful

1. You need to pray for wisdom and the spirit of submissiveness

2. You need to apply emotional intelligence and learn how you can speak to / with your man with humility / respect and get him to do exactly what you desire.. seek advice from woman that have been happily married for at least 20 years

3. You have to internalise that you are the neck of the marriage and your man is the head of your family..the neck is the most important.. the neck support the head and control / guide the movement of the head ..but people only see the head.. you are the one to make or mar your marriage

4. You have to always be a big picture person, always starting with the end in mind for all actions and inactions .. remember woman are 1000 times stronger than men - inner strength / mental strength and so often emotionally more mature

5. You need to start practicing gentility ..discuss issues without raising voice nor allowing your emotions getting the better of you

6. Be big on your spirituality.. you will need so badly


Note: you are 35 and he is 40.. you are emotionally more mature being a female.. exhibit absolutely maturity in your dealing with your man ..he will respect you forever and know you are his pillar

Klass99:


Where have you been?

Because in their small minds they erroneously assume that a single woman can never be happy or fufilled without marriage and children.

They can't fathom that with some of us, dem no use marriage swear for us or that travel, home ownership, eating well, living right and a succesful relationship with God, matters to us more than those things.

Sit back and watch those kind of small minded people attack me for my view. They never fail to display their ignorance and shallowness.

the stats show unmarried women are more unhappy

But continue deceiving the gullible
You will learn the hard way like Americans are doing now

PECON1:
this is why it's dangerous to seek advice from a faceless forum, education is actually not a scam,u need one

what?

Fineman2:
My name is Dora.

I am 35 years old and everybody keeps reminding me that age is no longer on my side.

My fiance and I have been dating for more than one year and we are getting married soon.

My fiance is 40 years old and he has never been married.

The relationship was really good when we started but now that our wedding is in a few weeks time, he has shown how controlling he can be.

From the choice of the wedding dress, to the bridesmaids selection, to the colour of the day, he wants to be in charge.

He also wants his mum to buy the cloth for our engagement as well as buy our wedding ring.

He does whatever his family says without seeking my opinion and it almost seems as if I am not the one getting married.

I told my parents about how this makes me feel and they just asked me to endure because I am getting older but I really fear for what is going to happen after the wedding.

Are these not red flags I should run from?

I am confused, please advise me.

If you do not feel comfortable
If your opinion is not being considered
Then I will suggest you do whatever makes you feel better, na you go dey with the man, not those people advising you to endure cos of age.
40yrs old man taking instructions from his family like that is a no no, he's not ready.

For your peace & sanity please make your decisions based on what feels right with you.

IgbosNIGHTMARE:


Or deh
Must you live in a toxic country?
Leave Nigeria and go to where you can do as you please without consequences.

Another fool

yemmie:
If you listen to this ...you will be thankful
■ You need to pray for wisdom and the spirit of submissiveness
■ You need to apply emotional intelligence and learn how you can speak to / with your man with humility / respect and get him to do exactly what you desire.. seek advice from woman that have been happily married for at least 20 years
■ You have to internalise that you are the neck of the marriage and your man is the head of your family..the neck is the most important.. the neck support the head and control / guide the movement of the head ..but people only see the head.. you are the one to make or mar your marriage

LOL... Nigerians ehn!

In the beginning, God created marriage as a union where man and woman were both equal — as one. Then man fell and so God cursed marriage by making woman submissive to man in marriage. Now, fast forward to 2023, and this Nigerian here is advising a woman to pray to the same God to ask Him to give her a "spirit of submissiveness"(His curse on marriage) so that she can then marry a man she is already afraid is of his controlling aspects over her in the relationship. No be juju dem dey call that?

The woman's emotional intelligence is already shooting red flags all over the place for her and this Nigerian here is, against all of that, advising her to learn subdue her emotional intelligence system such that she is then able to speak to the one she perceives as a possible threat with humility/respect in order to get him to do as she pleases instead. No be juju dem dey call that abeg?

This same Nigerian then goes on to demand this woman "internalize" her place, not as an equal in the relationship but rather a neck, a subordinate to the man already controlling her, in an attempt to convince her that by being a neck and not a head — the brain of the relationship — she is more important Basically, she shouldn't yearn to be a part of the control center of her own relationship and life. Rather she should opt to and conceive of the notion that even as she sits as a support system for the one in charge, she is somehow of greater value. No be juju be this?

You have to weigh the options: what you have seen now will most likely become a norm. So ask yourself, can I cope with this for the rest of my life? If your answer is yes, happy married life, but if no, then know this; a
3broken r/shp is better than a broken marriage. The choice is yours.

Cromagnon:
■ the stats show unmarried women are more unhappy But continue deceiving the gullible
You will learn the hard way like Americans are doing now

Where is his stats you speak of from abeg?

First of all, to be single in the 21st century is completely and utterly ordinary. In fact, in the U.S. there are nearly as many adults who are not married as are married. And of those who are unmarried, close to two thirds have never been married. Furthermore, a Pew Research Centre study estimated that by the time today’s young people reach their 50s, about one quarter of them will have been single all of their lives.

Fewer women than ever before are financially dependent on a spouse. Not only is being single no longer as stigmatised as it once was, but it may actually bring value to your life. More than a dozen studies have shown that when people marry, they become no happier than they were when they were single – aside from a short honeymoon period (Luhmann et al., 2012).

Not only are married people no happier than single people, those who remain single may actually derive other benefits from their singlehood. A study of over 10,000 Australian women in their 70’s discovered that lifelong single women who had no kids were more optimistic and less stressed than married women (with or without kids). They were also the most highly educated and volunteered more, had the healthiest body mass index, and were the least likely to be smokers or to be diagnosed with a major illness.
https://theawarenesscentre.com/being-single/

Kajaard:


Who says a woman cannot live without being married? Why is the Nigerian society so toxic towards single women?

Look if you have noticed these signs before marriage, just know that it will continue after marriage as well. If you are really saying the truth about him being very controling and domineering, as well as always listening to his family and you having no say in any decision making, then lady you have a serious decision to make. Cheers.

Thanks oooo

Even to rent house sef is kasala, they will say they don't want the woman to turn the house into a brothel, but I wonder whether single men don't bring women into the house to sleep with during weekends and some days?

Nigerians need to do better to women.

tommy589:
Manage what you have considering your age
If you don't mind me asking,why did it take you this long

Nonsense people everywhere

So make the woman nor get choice because of her age simply because she is a woman?

How about the man that is 40 years old he is not married and he will be doing anyhow allowing his family to take decisions over his wife?
,Don't you think he is mumu at 40?

Na red flag the man be

Fineman2:
My name is Dora.

I am 35 years old and everybody keeps reminding me that age is no longer on my side.

My fiance and I have been dating for more than one year and we are getting married soon.

My fiance is 40 years old and he has never been married.

The relationship was really good when we started but now that our wedding is in a few weeks time, he has shown how controlling he can be.

From the choice of the wedding dress, to the bridesmaids selection, to the colour of the day, he wants to be in charge.

He also wants his mum to buy the cloth for our engagement as well as buy our wedding ring.

He does whatever his family says without seeking my opinion and it almost seems as if I am not the one getting married.

I told my parents about how this makes me feel and they just asked me to endure because I am getting older but I really fear for what is going to happen after the wedding.

Are these not red flags I should run from?

I am confused, please advise me.

Mrs Dora or whatever

That man na red flag you already know it, so it's left for you to continue with the marriage.

If you choose to continue with the marriage whatever happens later in life na your choice.

But let it not be because you are 35 years old that's why you want hurry into marriage with the wrong person, marriage was suppose to be a thing of happiness for both of you.

As much as he has the right to take certain decisions you should also have your right to decline certain decisions. Don't allow anyone to impose their opinions on you simply because you are 35 and you want to get married, not even from your husband

Let me tell you the brilliant truth, you claim your relationship was over a year and going perfectly well. Which means for over a year, there was nothing of dominance from him right? See ehn, majority own peeps here are kids who has no first hand experience about marriage and who are relying on the media to run their lives. Marriage come with a whole lot of pressures, which started from wedding preparations, such that is happening to you now. Wedding preparations alone can make you run mad. You must feel the heat, especially if you ain't buoyant financially. I think this is where your hubby to be falls right?
If this is the issue, babe just calm down. Have a talk with him. Dont forget that mothers and bride to be are the most important figure for wedding. The way you are dragging him, so will the mother be dragging him. Especially if he's the type who loves his parent pretty much above some decisions.
Note: No be all mother in law no dey wan intrude in their son's affairs. Some do it for fun, others do it to claim ownership. Until you sef reach that level, you never know which one you sef go turn out.
So my candidate advice is to have a talk with him on what you feel is best for yourself. Do it calmly. No be everything be gragra and I believe you no be small pickin again. So do the right thing and do whats best for yourself.

ryfoz:

Is it like this?

There you go. Yes!

You have to be patient