Good day everyone!!!

This is very urgent everyone and I will try to be brief.
My marriage is in few weeks time and there have been troubles here and there. Pls, I will like to know what I am supposed to do. This my babe is from Kogi and we have decided to marry eachother, before we got the relationship got deep we were having marriage talks she gave me the impression that we will not be flamboyant which I was happy about, she even told me her father may not want reception and all.

Everything changed at some point, we started planning for registry, engagement and reception.
This is where the problem began, our plan is to have the court on Thursday, engagement and reception on Saturday.

My family and I are going to cater for court expenses, and also 70% expenses on clothings and shoes for my would be wife is from me. Now they are saying the groom's family will cater for everything during reception, we told them to do the estimate of the feeding alone and it is close to 300k, where the problem started was when we asked how much they are going to contribute inside, they do not plan to contribute inside. They said they will cater for engagement. There is no much thing in the engagement because we are going to use the same facilities for the reception for the engagement, the hall, the chairs, tables and so on.

I told them why do they want us alone to cater for reception? There is no much in the engagement to do. Note, we will be coming from Ondo state to Kaduna state, we do not have much people that will travel that much from our side to Kaduna, we only asked how much they are going to contribute inside that is where the problem started.

I told them if you want it that way, if you want us to cater only for the reception, the hall chairs and tables I have paid 50% of should be completed by them since we are going to use the same hall for the two events. The engagement list, I have not even bought 50% of the whole thing.

Pls, am I acting strange? Is it too much to demand? My union is at stake, pls I need pieces of advice on this

.

You won't be the first or the last person to get scammed by a woman's "I don't want a big wedding." Those utterances always change somewhere along the line.

Your demands are not too much though. Ideally, whoever wants to invite an entire community should be prepared for funding. Your greatest mistake was agreeing to change the plan. When you agree on a small wedding, let it stick. That's what real men do.

Its the normal strategy used to decieve groom these days.......they are being inconsiderate because its not their money....

Baba... tell them and ur wife...u are not doing any big wedding.......

but i know u will not listen.....u finacè will manipulate u saying u dont love her or respect her family

Just remeber no one can force u .....its ur money......go to registry and go home..... keep the remaining money....

....no let anybody tension you

LOOOOL

Omo you never see chimchunchim


One chance family thinking they are smart

In this EbolaTinubu regime, no good news again.
Families are fighting themselves...causes....Tulumbu effects
Company are sacking their staffs...causes...Tulumbu effects
Our Girlfriends doing hook-up....causes...Tulumbu effects
Yahoo boys yakpa.......causes...Tulumbu effects
All our young girls punnani don wide and large like UNN main gate because of constant knacking just to eat....causes..Tulumbu effects

Conclusion

EbolaTinubu is a curse to Nigeria

Tomorrow, some imps will be asking you why are you not married?

To marry now no be beans. Everything is damn expensive

Be diplomatic.

If they don't want to assist with expenses, do it anyhow in the capacity you can afford
If you budgeted 300k for food. Reduce it to 200k and carry the 100k to fix another cost

It's not wise to start on the wrong foot with your in-laws. It will directly strain your marriage

In things like this,one party must play the fool cos peace is very critical in arrangements like this and for the sake of future relationships

Samfigo1:
[/quote][quote author=Acidosis post=125291008]You won't be the first or the last person to get scammed by a woman's "I don't want a big wedding." Those utterances always change somewhere along the line.

Your demands are not too much though. Ideally, whoever wants to invite an entire community should be prepared for funding. Your greatest mistake was agreeing to change the plan. When you agree on a small wedding, let it stick. That's what real men do.

I have already paid 50% for the hall. I am in a tight corner as we speak.

Na by force?

Haba

Sanity over all things else, abeg but many won't understand this without experiencing the shitty alternative in an "experience is the best teacher" kinda way so, they will always refuse to take heed.

Pacesetter2021:
Be diplomatic.

If they don't want to assist with expenses, do it anyhow in the capacity you can afford
If you budgeted 300k for food. Reduce it to 200k and carry the 100k to fix another cost

It's not wise to start on the wrong foot with your in-laws. It will directly strain your marriage

In things like this,one party must play the fool cos peace is very critical in arrangements like this and for the sake of future relationships

Thank you for this.
I have been trying to be peaceful but the burden is much on me.
My both parents are even pensioners, the much heavier part of the load is on me.

I will never do any wedding without being stable.. now see at the stress and trauma op is passing through...
I TOO LOVE MY LIFE SHA'' U CAN'T KILL URSELF JUST BECAUSE U WANT TO IMPRESS SOME FEW PEOPLE OR BECAUSE U WANT TO BE A RESPONSIBLE MAN WHILE U ARE DYING INSIDE....

Many husbands cut ties with their in-laws and even stop their wives from visiting home because of what they put him through during wedding ceremonies and preparations.

I wanted to make a comprehensive comment but then I changed my mind. We handle issues in different ways and trust me , you will find a way to handle the issue on your own.

Getting married in Nigeria isn't an easy thing but then I wish you best of luck

Samfigo1:
Good day everyone!!!

This is very urgent everyone and I will try to be brief.
My marriage is in few weeks time and there have been troubles here and there. Pls, I will like to know what I am supposed to do. This my babe is from Kogi and we have decided to marry eachother, before we got the relationship got deep we were having marriage talks she gave me the impression that we will not be flamboyant which I was happy about, she even told me her father may not want reception and all.

Everything changed at some point, we started planning for registry, engagement and reception.
This is where the problem began, our plan is to have the court on Thursday, engagement and reception on Saturday.

My family and I are going to cater for court expenses, and also 70% expenses on clothings and shoes for my would be wife is from me. Now they are saying the groom's family will cater for everything during reception, we told them to do the estimate of the feeding alone and it is close to 300k, where the problem started was when we asked how much they are going to contribute inside, they do not plan to contribute inside. They said they will cater for engagement. There is no much thing in the engagement because we are going to use the same facilities for the reception for the engagement, the hall, the chairs, tables and so on.

I told them why do they want us alone to cater for reception? There is no much in the engagement to do. Note, we will be coming from Ondo state to Kaduna state, we do not have much people that will travel that much from our side to Kaduna, we only asked how much they are going to contribute inside that is where the problem started.

I told them if you want it that way, if you want us to cater only for the reception, the hall chairs and tables I have paid 50% of should be completed by them since we are going to use the same hall for the two events. The engagement list, I have not even bought 50% of the whole thing.

Pls, am I acting strange? Is it too much to demand? My union is at stake, pls I need pieces of advice on this

You are not acting strange. What you are doing is ideal. They can't have a dream on somebody else sweat

I think both of you should take a break at this point. You cannot start a marriage with this kind of pressure. If you have made payments of rentals. Please tell them to hold on.

If both families do not agree on issues amicably, please take a break. If not your love will turn to hatred when you get married. It is NOT a good signal.

Just let her go.

There are many girls on nairaland looking for husband.

Samfigo1:


I have already paid 50% for the hall. I am in a tight corner as we speak.

Event centres have refund policies. You will lose x% of what you paid though.

My brother, pls sit her down and explain to her calmly that you are sticking to your old plan of low key wedding.

If she refuses, ask her if she will be sponsoring the wedding if she says no, then trust me, she is not for you. She will not be able to manage with you or stick to you when the money stops rolling in.

Trust me wedding these days, na you go lose o. Things are hard and most people on the street are always on the look out for a wedding just to get free food and drinks. Pls be wise.

My fellow ladies should pls be considerate. Things are hard. biko !!!

Omo! You just proved that love is not enough in marriage.
Calculus is!

Called it off Nigga if ya don’t want to regret later. Love ain’t enough reason to marry

Samfigo1:
Good day everyone!!!

This is very urgent everyone and I will try to be brief.
My marriage is in few weeks time and there have been troubles here and there. Pls, I will like to know what I am supposed to do. This my babe is from Kogi and we have decided to marry eachother, before we got the relationship got deep we were having marriage talks she gave me the impression that we will not be flamboyant which I was happy about, she even told me her father may not want reception and all.

Everything changed at some point, we started planning for registry, engagement and reception.
This is where the problem began, our plan is to have the court on Thursday, engagement and reception on Saturday.

My family and I are going to cater for court expenses, and also 70% expenses on clothings and shoes for my would be wife is from me. Now they are saying the groom's family will cater for everything during reception, we told them to do the estimate of the feeding alone and it is close to 300k, where the problem started was when we asked how much they are going to contribute inside, they do not plan to contribute inside. They said they will cater for engagement. There is no much thing in the engagement because we are going to use the same facilities for the reception for the engagement, the hall, the chairs, tables and so on.

I told them why do they want us alone to cater for reception? There is no much in the engagement to do. Note, we will be coming from Ondo state to Kaduna state, we do not have much people that will travel that much from our side to Kaduna, we only asked how much they are going to contribute inside that is where the problem started.

I told them if you want it that way, if you want us to cater only for the reception, the hall chairs and tables I have paid 50% of should be completed by them since we are going to use the same hall for the two events. The engagement list, I have not even bought 50% of the whole thing.

Pls, am I acting strange? Is it too much to demand? My union is at stake, pls I need pieces of advice on this

A broken relationship is better than a broken marriage.
How Saturday would be starts from Friday.
How your family would be is what is playing out now.
Is either she talks to her family about the cost implications or you stop everything.

@ samfigo1, don't let them put pressure on you. Tell them you have no money for such, maybe they should postpone and see their reaction including Ur woman.

This is not the erra of elaborate weddings unless the people involved are highly blessed with wealth.

Some ladies doesn't help matter, does she not know ur pocket?
During my time when they requested for list, one of my over Sabi aunty was busy writing gold, I quickly told her to remove it that he doesn't have money for such, they should only write what the culture demands and forget about me.
She abused me and say "why don't you just dash urself to him" me I no send o, on the d day, one of my maternal aunt gave me her gold to use and I returned after everything.

This is not an issue to worry about. Tell them the number of people you can cater for and make them know should they bring more than the number, they will be responsible.

Another option is to tell them you will be serving finger foods like chin-chin and puff-puff and a bottle of cold drinks. If anyone isn't satisfied, when they get back to their homes they should eat. Anyone who is coming because of the food you want to serve should stay in their homes.

Samfigo1:


Thank you for this.
I have been trying to be peaceful but the burden is much on me.
My both parents are even pensioners, the much heavier part of the load is on me.

I was in your shoes then but I stood my ground.

I told my wife what I wanted and I stuck to it.
Nobody remembers the taste of your wedding rice after three market days.

The problem here is that 300k sounds big but it would comfortably cater for very basic no of guests.

5 crates of can malt itself is about 30k for less than 100 people
Rice half bag is like 20k
Semo half bag

Meat nko even if it's 1 lap of cow


Before you buy the orishirishi to join 300k don finish oo. My point is party is too expensive nowadays. It's not like they want to rip you off or overcharging you. It's a very fair price for food.

If you wanna cook anything these days it's money, money and more money.

SO


You guys should go to registry and let them do the engagement/ traditional in her father's parlor, take quality photographs, ensure you bring the list of items required for the engagement and make una rest.

Tell them THERE IS NO MONEY

Na people wey don over chop belleful do party with canopy these days.



Now on a more serious note, you should be able to comfortably cover Court expenses and outfits without complaining about it this much.
Now you have not even bought engagement list, the most important part of the wedding. You guys should do it in the parlor ooo. Now that you have paid half for hall what happens.


Talk with one of your inlaws, the dad or the mum, explain that transport from ondo to kaduna is taking a whole lot from you and you can't afford all those stuffs. Don't form oo. You didn't even need to ask how much they were contributing out of the 300k in the first place. Diplomacy is key. Don't buga for them tell them as it is, they will understand.

Also talk with your wife, I personally think these discussions shouldn't be holding now weeks to the wedding.





Besides which one is engagement and reception again is it not when they are doing the engagement and at some point they start serving food during the same engagement.

If your wife to be,can't support you, you better ask for a refund.
What happens after you've spent all you've got on a wedding?

There's a difference between a wedding and a marriage.

It's like you are ashamed to tell them that you don't have enough finances to foot those bills. Open up and tell them. Tell your woman to pick between a white wedding and a traditional. Go for one.

No do pass yourself!!!

You better be wise because it’s after the ceremony that the real expenses will begin. If your wife to be cannot talk to her family and help you out then you better help yourself.

Na 300k only dey make you cap like this? Bros! You are not yet ready for marriage. You and your fiancee are just on the path to multiply poverty.

If just 300k is an issue for you now, how the hell do you plan on providing for your home?

Dogalmighty17:
Na 300k only dey make you cap like this? Bros! You are not yet ready for marriage. You and your fiancee are just on the path to multiply poverty.

If just 300k is an issue for you now, how the hell do you plan on providing for your home?

So u will not move on with your life because the economy is bad? For how long will u wait? Inflation will keep making things more expensive! Just look at 2020 till now. The intending couple should just make sure they are earning regularly. They should do what they have to do and cut their coat according to their cloth.. Nevertheless be diplomatic with your inlaws and not strain your relationship with them and with your wife... I like what someone above said, just do what you can... but i repeat don't strain those relationships!!