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Help, I'm Not Emotionally Attached To My Mother, Siblings And Extended Family - Family - Nairaland

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Help, I'm Not Emotionally Attached To My Mother, Siblings And Extended Family by MisterBanny(m): 1:20pm On Sep 18
Good day everyone. This topic shouldn't be on this Section, but I really need it to gain traffic urgently reason I am doing this here. My apologies.

I am from a family of four. The eldest. I hail from Plateau state. I lost my Dad when I was 10yrs. After my dad's burial, I went to live with a paternal anty who maltreated me so badly that I almost committed Suicide. I was like a slave. You can think of all the dehumanizing treatments in life. I started High sch. No sponsor.

Same anty never paid my fees for once, yet I was like a slave to her and her children. Throughout my secondary school, there was NO session that I ever wrote complete exams for 1, 2 and 3rd Terms. I would write maybe 6papers and not write the remaining papers, I will miss the next term's exams totally and write a few papers the final term of the session due to not paying sch fees. I was so ridiculed & mocked by my classmates cos of the constant embarrassment. As a result of this, I became an introvert. I couldn't even ask questions in class or socialize with my mates. No friends. My fee was #800 at the time. A private sch. I was so determined to get education & prayed God to pls help me bear whatever I faced at that time.

During this period, my mum who is unlettered stayed back in the village with my siblings and had to remarry. I got really pissed and cried myself out when I heard about the marriage cos I had no prior knowledge about it. My mum up till now has NEVER given me anything like Money in my Life. Highest she ever gave me was 1k at once...

At a point some person's even asked me if I still had a Mum particularly whenever I tried to seek help from them.
I was undeterred, wrote my WAEC, had 4-Distinctions and 4-credits and a Pass in Geography, then wrote JAMB, scored 220 and got admission to the University. I had to Hussle to pay my fees throughout. I spent 8yrs in the University due to money constraints. My mum never showed much concern. At a point I said I would drop out and to my shock, she said I should do so if I wanted to. Thank God I done with my Degree.
During and after NYSC she would always call me almost everyday talking about money. Making demands on me. I was always sending to her cos no matter what, she's my mum.

At a point, I wasn't responding to her calls for months and never sent money again. She started telling people that I wasn't calling her or picking her calls or helping her. She also instigated my younger siblings against me and they started disrespecting me. Anyone of us who has money and gives to her at that particular period is who she will become friends with then starts reporting negative things about others to the person that is currently giving her money. Some things would be done and I will never be aware except an outsider tells me. I felt so bad about all these and I decided to stay aloof and estranged from my family. I don't call except once in a while. My mum has been calling for almost a month now but I haven't picked cos money will be involved in the conversation and I don't have now.
Pls advise me.

The last straw was when I got Mobilized for NYSC and had nothing to even use for transport to the camp. I consulted a cooperative that she belongs in to loan me some money, but did u know that after they accepted to give me the loan the next day, I went back and they started giving me excuses. I later heard from an impeccable memeber of the cooperative that it was my mum that asked them not to grant me the loan. Her reason was that I may not pay back and she didn't want the responsibility of repaying to fall back on her. Same woman that has never given me any dime. Mind you, she has money to buy the latest Wrappers but can't help me.

She attends almost all the burials in the village even when the deceased isn't related to her and likes to drink alcohol. I have talked to her about this but she wouldn't listen.

23 Likes 3 Shares

Re: Help, I'm Not Emotionally Attached To My Mother, Siblings And Extended Family by Dpen11(f): 1:22pm On Sep 18
Wow

She is your mum is that she is your mum

On a normal day if you really do have to give ,give her because many are praying to have a mother that will disturb them or make them spend.

Whatsoever you passed through,let bygone be bygone,she is your family.

Be safe

15 Likes 2 Shares

Re: Help, I'm Not Emotionally Attached To My Mother, Siblings And Extended Family by MisterBanny(m): 1:34pm On Sep 18
Dpen11:
Wow

She is your mum is that she is your mum

On a normal day if you really do have to give ,give her because many are praying to have a mother that will disturb them or make them spend.

Whatsoever you passed through,let bygone be bygone,she is your family.

Be safe

Thanks for this piece. God bless you

1 Like

Re: Help, I'm Not Emotionally Attached To My Mother, Siblings And Extended Family by Zonefree(m): 1:35pm On Sep 18
For the first time the moniker below me made a valid and reasonable post.

14 Likes

Re: Help, I'm Not Emotionally Attached To My Mother, Siblings And Extended Family by IconicR: 1:36pm On Sep 18
When will parents who failed their kids understand that they are not entitled to anything from such kids and whatever they get should be considered as charity ?

All these is as a result of how most of these religious leaders interpret the holy book

You should not feel bad over anything kos you owe them nothing but you may choose to still be kind to them each time you have but not under any duress

If she couldn't stand for you in your trying times please don't give her that chance of breaking you.

Satisfy your conscience and ignore the rest.

115 Likes 4 Shares

Re: Help, I'm Not Emotionally Attached To My Mother, Siblings And Extended Family by Dpen11(f): 1:36pm On Sep 18
MisterBanny:


Thanks for this piece. God bless you

You are welcome
Re: Help, I'm Not Emotionally Attached To My Mother, Siblings And Extended Family by IconicR: 1:40pm On Sep 18
Zonefree:
For the first time the moniker below me made a valid and reasonable post.
Give me my accolades same way you'll scold me whenever I make silly comments

Don't be biased in your dealings

17 Likes

Re: Help, I'm Not Emotionally Attached To My Mother, Siblings And Extended Family by Zonefree(m): 1:43pm On Sep 18
IconicR:
Give me my accolades same way you'll scold me whenever I make silly comments

Don't be biased in your dealings
I'm sorry, pardon my ignorance.

Kudos Iyaebe, for making a reasonable post. There's joy in Heaven today.

33 Likes

Re: Help, I'm Not Emotionally Attached To My Mother, Siblings And Extended Family by IconicR: 1:43pm On Sep 18
Dpen11:


You are welcome
Don't listen to that advise
Put your mental health in check before any other person in this life.

Help her only when you are comfortable to do so

Do not let anyone who weren't there for you in trying times tamper with your peace of mind.

52 Likes 2 Shares

Re: Help, I'm Not Emotionally Attached To My Mother, Siblings And Extended Family by IconicR: 1:44pm On Sep 18
Zonefree:

I'm sorry, pardon my ignorance.

Kudos Iyaebe, for making a reasonable post. There's joy Heaven today.
😂

1 Like

Re: Help, I'm Not Emotionally Attached To My Mother, Siblings And Extended Family by MisterBanny(m): 1:55pm On Sep 18
IconicR:
When will parents who failed their kids understand that they are not entitled to anything from such kids and whatever they get should be considered as charity ?

All these is as a result of how most of these religious leaders interpret the holy book

You should not feel bad over anything kos you owe them nothing but you may choose to still be kind to them each time you have but not under any duress

If she couldn't stand for you in your trying times please don't give her that chance of breaking you.

Satisfy your conscience and ignore the rest.

Thanks so much dear. The ways Africans hype parents and make children feel guilty is something else. The Bible in Ephesians says children should obey their parents and parents shouldn't provoke their children to Anger. It's equal.

28 Likes 2 Shares

Re: Help, I'm Not Emotionally Attached To My Mother, Siblings And Extended Family by Caaz: 1:55pm On Sep 18
One thing that has gotten me far and given me peace of mind is,I don't allow people to coax me.

I give when I have and when I don't have,kindly bear with me, if you put pressure on me,I'll block you straight away, irrespective of whom you're to me.
Sorry if this comes as weird to you.

It may seemed harsh ,but I value my peace of mind a great deal.

29 Likes 3 Shares

Re: Help, I'm Not Emotionally Attached To My Mother, Siblings And Extended Family by MisterBanny(m): 1:56pm On Sep 18
IconicR:
Don't listen to that advise
Put your mental health in check before any other person in this life.

Help her only when you are comfortable to do so

Do not let anyone who weren't there for you in trying times tamper with your peace of mind.


Honestly bro. Thanks so much. I really appreciate This.

5 Likes

Re: Help, I'm Not Emotionally Attached To My Mother, Siblings And Extended Family by MisterBanny(m): 1:57pm On Sep 18
Caaz:
One thing that has gotten far and given peace of mind is,I don't allow people to coax me.

I give when I have and when I don't have,kindly bear with me, if you put pressure on me,I'll block you straight away.

It may seemed harsh ,but I value my peace of mind a great deal.

Sadly, it is those people who were never there for you that would be the the ones mounting pressure on u to help when u make it

6 Likes

Re: Help, I'm Not Emotionally Attached To My Mother, Siblings And Extended Family by EXOUSIAng: 1:59pm On Sep 18
Same shit different toilets

4 Likes

Re: Help, I'm Not Emotionally Attached To My Mother, Siblings And Extended Family by IconicR: 1:59pm On Sep 18
MisterBanny:


Thanks so much dear. The ways Africans hype parents and make children feel guilty is something else. The Bible in Ephesians says children should obey their parents and parents shouldn't provoke their children to Anger. It's equal.
Unfortunately they usually hide that parents not provoking their children to anger part

Just do you and guard your peace of mind with all jealousy
Be kind to them only at your own convenience, that's all.

10 Likes 1 Share

Re: Help, I'm Not Emotionally Attached To My Mother, Siblings And Extended Family by MisterBanny(m): 2:13pm On Sep 18
IconicR:
Unfortunately they usually hide that parents not provoking their children to anger part

Just do you and guard your peace of mind with all jealousy
Be kind to them only at your own convenience, that's all.


True Sir. God bless you for your wise counsel
Re: Help, I'm Not Emotionally Attached To My Mother, Siblings And Extended Family by michlins(m): 2:17pm On Sep 18
Dpen11:
Wow

She is your mum is that she is your mum

On a normal day if you really do have to give ,give her because many are praying to have a mother that will disturb them or make them spend.

Whatsoever you passed through,let bygone be bygone,she is your family.

Be safe
This is nonsense sha. Being a mother goes beyond birthing a child. If you can not be there for your child, you don't deserve the right to be called a mother.

OP, find a way and go live your life. Cut off your family and when you raise your own family, learn from the experiences and be better.

22 Likes

Re: Help, I'm Not Emotionally Attached To My Mother, Siblings And Extended Family by MisterBanny(m): 2:44pm On Sep 18
michlins:
This is nonsense sha. Being a mother goes beyond birthing a child. If you can not be there for your child, you don't deserve the right to be called a mother.

OP, find a way and go live your life. Cut off your family and when you raise your own family, learn from the experiences and be better.

I have learnt a lot in life due my tragic experiences. Each time I see my mother's calls, my blood pressure would jump up instantly cos it's either she wants to tell me about the death of a relative in the village or complain about money. She always complains yet has the latest Wrappers. She can never give u her money. The day I got the biggest shock of my life was during my clearance in sch before NYSC. I needed transport fare to travel to sch like 3k. I was stranded. I don't ask her for any sort of monetary help cos I know she wouldn't give. But that day I asked her for help, and in her usual characteristic, she claimed not to have, she didn't even know that I had checked her phone and saw a balance of 13k. I was so sad and wondered why a mother would do this to her son. I thought people say a mother can do anything for her child, then why is my own case different? Up till today, I never told her that I knew she had money in her account.

7 Likes

Re: Help, I'm Not Emotionally Attached To My Mother, Siblings And Extended Family by BigIyanga: 2:59pm On Sep 18
Take care of yourself first!

9 Likes 1 Share

Re: Help, I'm Not Emotionally Attached To My Mother, Siblings And Extended Family by Femmyfamous4u(m): 3:08pm On Sep 18
Do you do drugs?
Re: Help, I'm Not Emotionally Attached To My Mother, Siblings And Extended Family by MisterBanny(m): 3:22pm On Sep 18
BigIyanga:
Take care of yourself first!

Exactly. Thanks

1 Like

Re: Help, I'm Not Emotionally Attached To My Mother, Siblings And Extended Family by MisterBanny(m): 3:23pm On Sep 18
Femmyfamous4u:
Do you do drugs?

I don't understand pls

1 Like

Re: Help, I'm Not Emotionally Attached To My Mother, Siblings And Extended Family by Kobojunkie: 3:48pm On Sep 18
MisterBanny:
I was undeterred, wrote my WAEC, had 4-Distinctions and 4-credits and a Pass in Geography, then wrote JAMB, scored 220 and got admission to the University. I had to Hussle to pay my fees throughout. I spent 8yrs in the University due to money constraints. My mum never showed much concern. At a point I said I would drop out and to my shock, she said I should do so if I wanted to. Thank God I done with my Degree.
During and after NYSC she would always call me almost everyday talking about money. Making demands on me. I was always sending to her cos no matter what, she's my mum.
At a point, I wasn't responding to her calls for months and never sent money again. She started telling people that I wasn't calling her or picking her calls or helping her. She also instigated my younger siblings against me and they started disrespecting me. Anyone of us who has money and gives to her at that particular period is who she will become friends with then starts reporting negative things about others to the person that is currently giving her money. Some things would be done and I will never be aware except an outsider tells me. I felt so bad about all these and I decided to stay aloof and estranged from my family. I don't call except once in a while. My mum has been calling for almost a month now but I haven't picked cos money will be involved in the conversation and I don't have now. Pls advise me.
The last straw was when I got Mobilized for NYSC and had nothing to even use for transport to the camp. I consulted a cooperative that she belongs in to loan me some money, but did u know that after they accepted to give me the loan the next day, I went back and they started giving me excuses. I later heard from an impeccable memeber of the cooperative that it was my mum that asked them not to grant me the loan. Her reason was that I may not pay back and she didn't want the responsibility of repaying to fall back on her. Same woman that has never given me any dime. Mind you, she has money to buy the latest Wrappers but can't help me. She attends almost all the burials in the village even when the deceased isn't related to her and likes to drink alcohol. I have talked to her about this but she wouldn't listen.
OP, you seem to be carrying lots of scars and at the same time trying to force a relationship in your scarred and torn state with the one who imposed them on you and continues to. Why not take time out from this relationship to heal from your past hurts as well as work on accepting her for the person she has been and still is? undecided

I somehow get this vibe of you trying to force yourself on someone who only seems to value you as a source of funds and not much else, similar to the relationship between some men and their billers. That isn't a healthy relationship at all to have. My advise to you at this point is that you please seek professional mental health therapy/counseling to help you heal from your past and also help you better understand the difference between healthy and unhealthy relationships. Afterward, or during, your therapist can help you work on how to approach having a more beneficial relationship with your siblings and maybe your mother. It is perfectly OK to love a person from afar abeg! undecided

6 Likes

Re: Help, I'm Not Emotionally Attached To My Mother, Siblings And Extended Family by Kobojunkie: 3:51pm On Sep 18
Dpen11:
■ Wow...She is your mum is that she is your mum. On a normal day if you really do have to give ,give her because many are praying to have a mother that will disturb them or make them spend. Whatsoever you passed through,let bygone be bygone,she is your family. Be safe
Rubbish and nonsense blackmail! She is his mum and so that gives her the right to emotionally torture him and use him as an ATM? undecided

I don talk am say most Nigerians were not raised emotionally right at all. lipsrsealed

10 Likes

Re: Help, I'm Not Emotionally Attached To My Mother, Siblings And Extended Family by Kobojunkie: 3:52pm On Sep 18
IconicR:
When will parents who failed their kids understand that they are not entitled to anything from such kids and whatever they get should be considered as charity ? All these is as a result of how most of these religious leaders interpret the holy book. You should not feel bad over anything kos you owe them nothing but you may choose to still be kind to them each time you have but not under any duress. If she couldn't stand for you in your trying times please don't give her that chance of breaking you. Satisfy your conscience and ignore the rest.
Imagine the audacity of some? undecided

1 Like

Re: Help, I'm Not Emotionally Attached To My Mother, Siblings And Extended Family by IconicR: 4:04pm On Sep 18
Kobojunkie:
Imagine the audacity of some? undecided
Imagine ooo

I'm pained for the guy

1 Like

Re: Help, I'm Not Emotionally Attached To My Mother, Siblings And Extended Family by iammo(m): 4:11pm On Sep 18
sad


Typical narcissist Nigerian woman, abeg simply avoid her if you want to live longer than your father

Read books about manipulative narcissist people and do your best in life to avoid them

Many narcissist are like cancer and they wont stop until they eat you up, cut them out completely



.

5 Likes

Re: Help, I'm Not Emotionally Attached To My Mother, Siblings And Extended Family by STEWpid(f): 4:11pm On Sep 18
Chai..

This is a very Chai situashun. You lived like an orphan, according to your story.

You had a terrible, unforgivable, and regrettable childhood.

I can't advice you against your Mum.

Hope you're man enough to handle the situashun.

You know your family better.

May the Grace of God continue to be with you.

7 Likes

Re: Help, I'm Not Emotionally Attached To My Mother, Siblings And Extended Family by bewla(m): 4:12pm On Sep 18
G
Re: Help, I'm Not Emotionally Attached To My Mother, Siblings And Extended Family by amalgram69: 4:12pm On Sep 18
You must be my twin cheesy

4 Likes

Re: Help, I'm Not Emotionally Attached To My Mother, Siblings And Extended Family by rajiedreez: 4:12pm On Sep 18
Ok, you meet yourself in a very bad situation. But the Nigeria society is such that will overlook whatever you've gone through negatively from your parent all for the fact that they birthed you. On this premise, you'll not disown your mother nor your siblings. If you find it really difficult to relate with them as a family, just try to see them as a responsibility and do the best you can for them.

Was your father a responsible father when he was alive?

1 Like 1 Share

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