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Avoid A Narcissist At All Cost, My Experience. A Must Read. - Romance (7) - Nairaland

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Re: Avoid A Narcissist At All Cost, My Experience. A Must Read. by Snow2six(m): 1:13am On Dec 08, 2023
Dm chuk spider 4 ur ear?
sirgalahad26:

Wtf did you just typed?
Re: Avoid A Narcissist At All Cost, My Experience. A Must Read. by SenecaTheYonger: 1:49am On Dec 08, 2023
Haydens:
If I found out that I'm dating a narcissist, how I usually crush them is to MIRROR their character.

Very simple.

You know ball. They hate this so much. And when you mirror them they will complain bitterly. Then you tell them it’s exactly what they’re doing, they become silent
Re: Avoid A Narcissist At All Cost, My Experience. A Must Read. by Mimicle101: 7:38am On Dec 08, 2023
wrongnumber:


I was with one for 11 years.

Very manipulative. They hate losing. The moment they feel they are losing you, they scheme their way back into your life NOT BECAUSE THEY LOVE YOU but just to see if you are still spell bound.

Mark my word, she is not done with you... I became free from her after I left the country yet she still tried her best but no way.

Anyone who has no idea of who a narccisist is will never understand.

Narccisists are demons in human flesh.

How can a human being find it extremely hard to say SORRY?



my wife now ex.

we lived together for 4 years
she have said sorry for 1 day.

she could destroy things when angry anand will start crying.

her eyes never blink when angry.

i know i had my wrongs but unforgiveness and anger was the worse attributes of my wife.

sorry we did not date.

it was arranged marriage
Re: Avoid A Narcissist At All Cost, My Experience. A Must Read. by FromZeroToHero(m): 7:48am On Dec 08, 2023
They are evil. They will never rest until they kill their victims. My sister have been suffering in her marriage to a narcissistic for over 12 years now. He's a pastor and very wicked man.
Re: Avoid A Narcissist At All Cost, My Experience. A Must Read. by Haydens: 8:09am On Dec 08, 2023
SenecaTheYonger:


You know ball. They hate this so much. And when you mirror them they will complain bitterly. Then you tell them it’s exactly what they’re doing, they become silent

💯💯

People know what they are doing and it's best to counter them or fatally ghost them for your peace of mind.

1 Like

Re: Avoid A Narcissist At All Cost, My Experience. A Must Read. by BRATISLAVA: 8:09am On Dec 08, 2023
Brandiebird:


The guy wrote near enough a book, yet you clung onto 1 sentence. Is this all you got from it?

The energy she was giving in the beginnings and her reaction to “let’s slow things down” did not correlate.

You guys need to stop making this about boys vs girls, or even romantic relationships in order to understand this thread.

Reread my post and tell me what that has to do with your post. Same applies to his post.
Re: Avoid A Narcissist At All Cost, My Experience. A Must Read. by Haydens: 8:09am On Dec 08, 2023
Yusufisraelj:


Gbamsolutely. They so hate what they dish out .

Eggzactly.

1 Like

Re: Avoid A Narcissist At All Cost, My Experience. A Must Read. by Haydens: 8:13am On Dec 08, 2023
Brandiebird:


The guy wrote near enough a book, yet you clung onto 1 sentence. Is this all you got from it?

The energy she was giving in the beginnings and her reaction to “let’s slow things down” did not correlate.

You guys need to stop making this about boys vs girls, or even romantic relationships in order to understand this thread.

Yeah, I know the book.

The name of the book is "Becoming the narcissist's nightmare" by shahida Arabi
Re: Avoid A Narcissist At All Cost, My Experience. A Must Read. by Haydens: 8:15am On Dec 08, 2023
Pallium:

Well said. Tit for tat.
How I wish I can like this comment over and over again.

Being emotionally intelligent is the key.

You get it. I no dey waste my time on irrelevant people.

grin grin
Re: Avoid A Narcissist At All Cost, My Experience. A Must Read. by Yusufisraelj(m): 8:49am On Dec 08, 2023
Brandiebird:


This! This is what scares me. They literally run our world, they are the best and most sought after candidates for the highest positions in government and corporate office.

What is reassuring though is that it finally eats them up because it’s a sickness. It’s really a sad existence for them. I actually feel sorry for them now.

I just hate that initial realisation that I was doped again but once I realise it’s a broken person I don’t take it personal. If it’s a boss, I will look for new opportunities, if it’s any other person friends or family, I block, delete and dodge them.

Lols, you really know what I'm talking about.

The things is massage thier ego, while stating your opinion in a non threatening way, if your seem to clash with them, ensure you have options to survive or circumvent them, also have evidence on ground because they are good orators and manipulative to an audience, they will make them see you as the villain. So you need solid evidence to put thier bullshit to rest.

Again they are terribly fearful, all that bold face na nothing especially when the anger has subside, if the anger is there don't talk ooo, or just excuse yourself else you go die for nothing, when angry there reasoning is block, rage and vengeance is what they have left.

When you match their violence in the open they will be careful around you and avoid you, but be no fool, they're significantly planning your downfall and can wait twenty years, they're never forgiving if felt betrayed, until you come begging like a fool and massage thier ego plenty or you find a way to make peace. Kai so much to talk about, but your best bet around them is to make sure you have options outside them and don't give them too much about you.

2 Likes

Re: Avoid A Narcissist At All Cost, My Experience. A Must Read. by HrmRainbow: 10:57am On Dec 08, 2023
Thank God for your freedom,
I've experienced this demonic character but with a family member, I had to cut all ties immediately !

1 Like

Re: Avoid A Narcissist At All Cost, My Experience. A Must Read. by Tito24: 11:52am On Dec 08, 2023
Saintinoo:
I never knew that I will one day write about this, because, of all the advice I have been given, I taught it was love in the air.

Some months ago, I created a thread about how I can't get over my girlfriend and another thread where I confirmed that she was a narcissist. But now, I have not only confirmed that I dated a covert narcissist for four solid years, but I have come to learn a lot about narcissism and how to unmask them. Sadly, we have more narcissist both male and female going into serious relationships.
White you are thinking about the problems in your relationship, the fights everyday, the mental abuse etc, you might just be in a relationship with a narcissist and that is the worst thing that can happen to anybody.

HOW DO NARCISSISTS GET THEIR VICTIMS.

Be it male or female narcissist, they hunt for their victims same way. A narcissist targets an empath, they target people who have something they do not have, learn empathy from you just to use it against you.

They portray themselves as the best thing that can happen to you after egusi soup. Yes, my narc ex portrayed those traits, that wife material characteristics, godly and prayerful, dress decent and act same. Do not be deceived, they know that is what you want in a woman so they give it to you for the while.

They will always talk about forever with you, bring so many fairly tails and give you the soul mate feeling, this you will believe you have found a wife or a husband, then you start making marriage's preparation. They have successfully made you commit. Mine always use this word "forever is the goal". All these is to make you commit and when you have committed, they start the abuse stage.

The narcissist common aim, be it male or female is to get you trauma bonded to them. Trauma bond is a situation when you excuse abuse from someone, go back to your abuser because you are afraid to lose them. I cannot count the number of times I went back to apologize for doing nothing, that is trauma bond working for her.

The narcissist will never apologize for their wrong at the later part of the relationship, they will do wrong, and expect you to take it, when you try to speak up, they give you the silent treatment as a punishment. Yea,because they have groomed their victims so much through the various love bombing stages. I was given silent treatment every time, and yes,after going a week of waiting to see if she will apologize for her wrong, I end up saying sorry. I was groomed during the earlier days to not do without her.

The narcissist will love bomb you at the early stage of your relationship, this is not genuine love,it is a tactics to get you used to them and whenever you try to leave and think of the past memories, you will have no choice than to run back to them until they are ready to discard you. In my case,she calls every day to check on me, would spend over an hour with me on phone, gave me pet names and showed the world that she truly loved me. Those were all lies.

WHAT WENT WRONG BETWEEN I AND MY NARC EX.

For me, i thought she was the last bus stop, in fact I had been planning how our wedding even though I had limited funds at that time, I was ready to go against anybody just to wed my soulmate. But then, this problem keep coming. I felt someone was trying to control me, someone was doing wrong and do not apologize. We kept fighting almost every week, and yes, I kept apologising.

Early this year, I called her to discuss marriage plan, she disagreed with everything and went completely mute, I called the next day to resolve and ask for her opinion, she still went mute, the silent treatment increased. I vowed I am done and will not contact her again, went no contact. After two month, I saw her pic somewhere, and since I was trauma bonded to her and didn't heal completely, I went back begging her for over a week. That is was being trauma bond to a narcissist does, it completely makes you their slave.

During the cause of the discard from my narc ex, she knew that I have been trauma bonded to her and the sight of her pic will bring back memories, she used what is called " flying monkeys " to make me see her pics and believe that I will keep rushing back to beg her, because she enjoy all the abuse.

HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT YOU DATING A NARCISSIST; if you do any of those thing I did, you are dating a narcissist.

1. I beg for her attention when she gives silent treatment.
2. I felt like she is just the one.
3. I do not look at any other lady not even a friendly look because all my attention was around her.
4. Her eyes goes dark when she is angry.
5. She shouts and insults to any extent when angry.
6. When she wrongs me and I refuse to call and apologize for reacting, maybe for 5 days or a week, she rages in anger.
7. She belittles me when she is angry, this is a common trait with a narc, male or female.
8. From her story, during our love days, and from my findings her dad is a narc. Pls try and know your lover parent, narc is hereditary.


Did I talk about how I later confirm that my Darling angel was a terrible covert narcissist.

Early this year, I had a neighbor whose 2 years old daughter exhibited the same traits my ex exhibited, the anger, the manipulation, the gaslighing, everything.

Finally, narcissists are demonic, look for these red flags in your relationship and end the relationship the minute you confirm that you date is a narc, there is no changing them, I tried and got hurt. The narc know what he/she is doing.

Narcissism is hereditary and they are born that way, they keep getting worse by the day, so best is to avoid them.

Drops pen.




you described my husband (soon to be ex) so well

They can never change

They hate it when they are figured out
Re: Avoid A Narcissist At All Cost, My Experience. A Must Read. by Saintinoo(m): 12:41pm On Dec 08, 2023
Tito24:
you described my husband (soon to be ex) so well

They can never change

They hate it when they are figured out

Thank God you found out, mehn, marrying those guys is hell, I thank God I didn't marry her because Nov 2024 was the date we fixed.

My relationship ended with her when I asked her to go for therapy, she started the discard phase.

1 Like

Re: Avoid A Narcissist At All Cost, My Experience. A Must Read. by Dagrace01(m): 12:54pm On Dec 08, 2023
Got same experience but not worst as this.
But I was able to control her with my ego and superiority, and intelligence.
Whenever she goes silent, I step out and go drinking with friends, I made her believe my friends' company is better than hers. That alone turned her to cry cry baby.

Whenever she's shouting and nagging, I weaken her with sensitive words that goes deep or just step out again for hours.

Whenever she's acting violent I show her the male side of me,and turn the violence to a crazy sex, I never hit her, if I do it'll be an excuse and will worsen things.
I clipped all her wings..

Whenever everything is good between us, I talk alot of sense into her, usually put it to her face that she's a narcissist, and always encourage her to go online to find help, I do find many things of her to that she can read.

Her father really helped too, anything she does I do tell her father, that one dey talk sense into her, even slapped her once in my presence.

She's married to me with two kids, she's no longer a narcissist, as gentle as a dove, no one is born a narcissist.
It's either their parents failed to curb their bad habits or they picked it up from one of their abusive parents, or the society shaped them into that..

It's good to avoid if you don't know how to tame them, most of them needs help, but if you can't help them, just let go before things go haywire.

1 Like

Re: Avoid A Narcissist At All Cost, My Experience. A Must Read. by Tito24: 1:13pm On Dec 08, 2023
Saintinoo:


Thank God you found out, mehn, marrying those guys is hell, I thank God I didn't marry her because Nov 2024 was the date we fixed.

My relationship ended with her when I asked her to go for therapy, she started the discard phase.
😂 good for you

He made my life a living hell

He still thinks he's doing me a favor

1 Like

Re: Avoid A Narcissist At All Cost, My Experience. A Must Read. by wrongnumber: 1:40pm On Dec 08, 2023
Mimicle101:



my wife now ex.

we lived together for 4 years
she have said sorry for 1 day.

she could destroy things when angry anand will start crying.

her eyes never blink when angry.

i know i had my wrongs but unforgiveness and anger was the worse attributes of my wife.

sorry we did not date.

it was arranged marriage

One sure fire sign of a narccisist is the act of Finding it extremely difficult to apologize if at all they ever do.
Re: Avoid A Narcissist At All Cost, My Experience. A Must Read. by Probz(m): 1:46pm On Dec 08, 2023
Narcissists are everywhere. You can’t avoid them altogether, unfortunately.

1 Like

Re: Avoid A Narcissist At All Cost, My Experience. A Must Read. by SPAMBOX7: 3:14pm On Dec 08, 2023
Narcissist or not a man with a strong frame can conquer any bitch. Who goes back to apologize when they ain't wrong. Plus can't even go 2 weeks without talking to a bitch lol. Op was just a weak mf and fully deserved what he got.

Women should learn to teach men like this more bitter lessons so they will learn.
Re: Avoid A Narcissist At All Cost, My Experience. A Must Read. by SPAMBOX7: 3:25pm On Dec 08, 2023
Aaaaarghmed:
I wound the Narcissist wey I ghost sotey,she gatz call me after months and said....so it is very easy for you to leave and walk away.This her statement sweet me die.I have always told her,I have gentle face but if I cross my mind.Am not going back.she think say na joke.i bullshit her.
Dem dey believe actions pass. If you tell them something even if you mean it they will think it's just bluff until you prove it with actions.

For me it is okay to walk away from a bitch at least once in a relationship. Whatever you two have going is always better when that happens and you two later reconcile.
Re: Avoid A Narcissist At All Cost, My Experience. A Must Read. by ElliotP: 4:28pm On Dec 08, 2023
Narcissist wey I dey use add small drama for my life na dey cause problems for una so?
Re: Avoid A Narcissist At All Cost, My Experience. A Must Read. by Slimplush: 5:05pm On Dec 11, 2023
kzpelumi:


I still haven't healed yet from the pains . it's so hard its worse than heartbreak it's like giving you heaven then taking it away. And there is no chance to retrace. Because you have push away any other lady in your life both friends and colleagues just to please her.. You will be broken because you won't find anyone to console you .. Its also leave a scar on you that any other lady you find it hard to truly love the person.
you nailed it, my saving grace was the fact that she tried to seperate me and my niggs,even family, thank God say my sixth sense is functional all those time.... And they were the one I healed with, with time even helped me one way or another....


I mean my Day one nigga ooo, wey we dey together even before the idiots show face..

One of my niggs dey see vision, he outrightly told me I can't have anything with her, I was shortsighted then,, less than couple years, his vision came to pass and when he was telling me, I nearly fought him, I thank my God and I will jubilate in front of him soon, because she took everything from me, only my life she didn't took!!!
Re: Avoid A Narcissist At All Cost, My Experience. A Must Read. by Wuminity(f): 12:53pm On Dec 16, 2023
sirgalahad26:

Wtf did you just typed?

grin grin grin
Re: Avoid A Narcissist At All Cost, My Experience. A Must Read. by omolasho: 2:52pm On Dec 16, 2023
You forgot to add:
1. Excessive Flattering; they do this mostly through texting. "I am the luckiest girl to have you", "you a manifestation of God's grace in my life", "my King", "Ifemi", "I can't wait to be called Mrs ..." The list is endless

2. Pathological lies; she will fabric lies you would find more convincing than the holy book. You would hardly have any reason to doubt her.

3. Tears as a weapon; she would cry you into making illogical compromises for her. Like commitment, your time, your money, hating her ex's.

4. Playing the victim; they tell you how everyone had treated them bad; their father, mother, brother, exes. This in combination with their tears would almost make you to kill for them.

5. Laziness and entitlement; she thinks she is pretty and her boyfriend should pay all her bills.

6. Sex as a weapon; she refines her art of sex, it one of the potent weapons in her arsenal.
Lemme stop here. See I no read am for books o. I suffered for years in her hand before I japa.

Take a bonus; most of them are possessed with witchcraft and pretty.
Re: Avoid A Narcissist At All Cost, My Experience. A Must Read. by Saintinoo(m): 2:14pm On Dec 18, 2023
omolasho:
You forgot to add:
1. Excessive Flattering; they do this mostly through texting. "I am the luckiest girl to have you", "you a manifestation of God's grace in my life", "my King", "Ifemi", "I can't wait to be called Mrs ..." The list is endless

2. Pathological lies; she will fabric lies you would find more convincing than the holy book. You would hardly have any reason to doubt her.

3. Tears as a weapon; she would cry you into making illogical compromises for her. Like commitment, your time, your money, hating her ex's.

4. Playing the victim; they tell you how everyone had treated them bad; their father, mother, brother, exes. This in combination with their tears would almost make you to kill for them.

5. Laziness and entitlement; she thinks she is pretty and her boyfriend should pay all her bills.

6. Sex as a weapon; she refines her art of sex, it one of the potent weapons in her arsenal.
Lemme stop here. See I no read am for books o. I suffered for years in her hand before I japa.

Take a bonus; most of them are possessed with witchcraft and pretty.

Mine calls my "Temi", though she calls me "Ifemi sometimes but Temi is the nick she gave me, like she doesn't call me my real name anywhere, she calls me Temi, the relationship was like " made in heaven " until I thought of all the abuse.

Yes, I agree with the lazy part, I could remember asking her to do some hustle, which I will fund but she got angry and changed it for me.

The sex aspect, she made me think sex with her will be the most precious thing on earth, all was to vet me committed.

Mehn, I do not regret knowing her because I really learnt a lot, what if I ended up marrying her, that is my only happiness, thank God I have learnt this now.

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